It's Friday Night...And I Jussst (Just Just) Got Paid.......

Friday was a CRUNK night, ya heard me?

At work a few of the co-workers and I decided to hit the club and get it twisted. At first I didn’t want to go because I was tired and feeling fat but then again I was like “F*ck it” and decided to go out because it had been a minute since I hit the night scene. My boyfriend and I hit the Smithsonian for a little while after work. We went to the Holocaust Museum, which is a nice museum. Very informative but I was kind of upset on how there is a museum for the Holocaust and not a real museum for African Americans in DC. I mean they’re in the process of building one and there is the African Art museum in Anacostia (which I wouldn’t even drift over to in the DAY. The last time I went and I saw the signs that said the museum wasn’t responsible for “vandalized and stolen vehicles” um yeah I hurried up and got out that part of town). I mean of course the Holocaust was a horrible event and Hitler was crazier than an m*thafucker (also doped up on “that sh*t” and had Parkinson’s disease—Thanks History Channel for that info!) but nothing will compare to slavery (IMO) and what African Americans have been subjected to in America.

It was nice and warm. I was feeling the DC scene and my boyfriend and I had a nice time strolling in the downtown DC area. Of course a few “bears” were out and about but I realized that everyone’s mirror is not working and on their side. Some mirrors are just straight revolting. Just on strike and sh*t. Wanting better pay and benefits. For the sake of my eyes, Bears, please give in to the demands. Give the mirror what it wants. Find a way. Work their demands into the budget. Fire the refrigerator. Have cut backs on the Oreos Department. But please get back on the mirror's good side.

So I get all sexy and pretty, rocking my new Baby Phat jeans that make my ass look like a Buffie the Body booty and a cute little top and my stilettos. I actually threw on some make-up, pinned my braids up and I was OUT! Kissed the boyfriend goodnight and proceeded to paint the town CHOCOLATE! First we hit up PEARL and were about to box some hoes over a fucking parking spot! Bitches seen us bust that U-Turn and wanted to do the same sh*t to get the spot. We held traffic up for 20 minutes because neither one of us budging. I mean we hollering out the window (and they were some big bitches), horns honking, and the bums that try to guide you into spots like they’re valet and sh*t were just looking at us like we were crazy. Luckily another spot opened in front because we were about to thump! Damn shame in DC there’s no parking. People ‘bout to shoot folks over parking spots. What?! Yall thought we were gonna pay those high ass prices to park?! Yeah aiight!

PEARL was straight but I guess it was “White Folks” night at PEARL because they were playing that Techno/Rave/House music sh*t. Now I will dance to anything in the mood but even I have my limitations. Plus White Girls like to swing their damn hair all around when they’re dancing and I would have to beat a b*tch ass if their hair get in my damn $8 drink. Sh*t is just annoying. 95% of White People can’t dance and the sooner that 95% realize that, the better off the 5% that can will be. Trying to do the Beyonce bounce when you have no ass and no rhythm. Better yet: trying to do the Beyonce bounce off beat and to a Chingy song at that. Umm yeah Ima need some folks to stop watching so much BET. Imitation is not a sincere form of flattery.

So we get bored and decided to hit LOVE. LOVE was off the hook! We had to wait in line but oh we had a good time in line. We were flirting with any and everyone. By this time, we were a little twisted because some dude had bought us some drinks at PEARL. They only had two levels open this time but it was wall to wall niggaz up in there. We hit the dance floor and basically did not drag our asses off the floor until the club closed at 4 something.

Now I said before, I love to dance. I get in my groove and I will dance with any and every body. Which I did. I think I danced with everyone at the club that night. Can you say my feet were smoking like ham? I was doing my little grind, gave some dude a dance for his b-day and basically just let my Jamaican persona pop out. Plus my booty was looking too big?! *lol* I think my friends and I got it popping because you know when you go to the club and you got those girls who try to dance all cute and then that really “skanky dancing” girl get on the dance floor and let it loose which forces the other girl to step up her dancing skills and you proceed to have a mini-You Got Served dance off?

We were those “skanky dancing” girls.

We shook our Laffy Taffy all over the dance floor. I felt quite a few pokes in the booty area. Of course that meant I had to go on to the next man. I don’t get down like that. *lol* I had 7 club stalkers in the club. Just scouting me out. Sniffing my ass out like a bloodhound. Left one on the first floor, I turn around and he’s behind me. I had to enforce a lot of “One Dance Minimums” that night because they were cockblocking—hard! It was mainly the Africans I danced with. I'm like, "Damn I know where you from yall like to dominate but this is America boo. You aint gonna have me bare foot, in the kitchen, pregnant with no clitoris"! African guys just wouldn't leave me along. Trying to own me Bloggers. Telling other dudes to back off like he is my man. Accent and all, hot breff just all on my neck, straightening the kitchens. Breff drying the sweat on my neck like the hand dryers. The more I tried to get away, the more they kept coming. I'm like "Damn hunters and sh*t. Used to hunting zebras and sh*t so scouting out a girl in the club aint nuthin' huh?" *lol* I know I'm wrong for that comment. Hell all the comments. My bad to my African readers. I still love yall...Just not at the club! Trying to marry me so he can stay in the country. I had to bring up the rarely enforced "Don't dance with foreigners" rule. Just crazy. I mean I was like, “Damn, are you my man?” Just wouldn’t leave me alone. Now I don’t mind dancing but please don’t stalk. Please don’t try to boguard a dance. Don’t try to hold me captive. This one dude kind of put me in a full Nelson just so I wouldn’t walk away. I mean he was gripping the sh*t out of me! Another dude got smacked because he licked my damn ear. Now you know that was a big no-no. Please don’t lick on me or grind your hard little penis into my ass. That is not sexy. Don’t be trying to dry hump me on the dance floor. I mean I know it may have been a while for you, but it hasn’t been a while for me, ok? And licking on me? That’s a Chi-Town slap for that ass. I popped the sh*t out his ass and walked off (quick because I saw the bouncer coming in my direction- they be on it at LOVE). I was just flirting my ass off. I am a direct person. If I think you’re attractive, I will come to you and say it. I bought this guy a drink just because. Didn’t want his number or anything, he was just sexy. He gave me the little nod and “thanks” and I kept it moving. I was on the prowl yall.

^^^Once again, the bills were paid and there was $$$ in the Checking. Don’t think I just be buying everyone a drink but hey a few guys had bought me one so I decided to return the favor. You can never call me cheap!!

*lol*

I copped a few numbers I won’t lie to you Bloggers. I can’t help it. It’s not like I’m going to f*ck any of them or anything like that. <--- Look at me trying to justify it *lol* But hey I like to go out and have a good time. Plus one was just a little too sexy for me to let out my sight right quick. Nice green eyes, beautiful Chocolate skin and nice, even White teeth. And did I mention he was stacked? Brutha had muscles for days. He was just on some chill I guess but I walked past him, did a double take and had to do a “U”.

I did get some bugaboos. One guy has called me 7 times already even though I told him I had to work tonight. Another called me 6. Damn, I gave a real number. I was truthful to most of them. I mentioned I have a boyfriend who I live with. I even told them he was the main dish and they can only be an appetizer. Better yet a light snack. A bag of Flamin' Hots and some cheese. But still *shrugs* It must be the smile. I’m just so fun when I’m out. Plus I was with 3 of my wild co-workers. We were all too hot to def.

I even flirted with a few of the bouncers. Some of them are cute. A little mean (must be the job) and swole but cute. One had some dreads and he was looking too tasty. I think he put me off thinking I was a little drunk female and just talking, but I was serious. Ok ok I was a little drunk, but I’m a direct person anyway. I guess some men are not attracted to that. Are men attracted to direct female? Do men like aggressive or more submissive types? I know I put some people off because I’m blunt to the point of being a little rude but for the most part I don’t mean to. I’m just honest and I grew up in a very direct family. It was either open your mouth to say something or starve. We don’t have too many “mice” in the family; we have “lions”. So I was raised to speak up. *shrugs* Maybe it’s in my genes. Don’t get me wrong- I let a man be a man but at the same time if I think you’re taking too long to make a move, I will say something.

So we’re leaving the club and this car rolls up. It’s some guys who have been “peeping” us the whole night at the club and they want to take us to breakfast. At first, we were a little put off because it was spoken more like a demand than a request. Plus they looked like they be on that “dirty”. Dirty meaning “selling dope” dirty. I ain’t trying to kick it with them and f*ck around and end up in jail. My mama and them are not bailing a sista out I can say that much. I’ll be in there with Big Bertha and them messing around with my people. The girls wanted to go and being the pig that I am because I was famished, we followed them to a diner in Georgetown and had a good time. They had us rolling. They were just crazy. One dude had some drama because his baby mother had followed him to the club and had a fit when she saw him talking to us so she had to make a quick scene at the restaurant. Sista was looking a little unstable. She had on PJs and sh*t and I thought she was about to shut it downnnn. You know my girls and I were sliding to the door in case she whipped out a knife or something. I’ve been here long enough to know how DC gets down. They wanted to kick it some more after breakfast but by this time it was 6 am and one of my girls had to be in at 6:30. Yeah…You know she called off, faking sick and sh*t. Had the fake cough and everything down to a “T”, ya heard me? You know only black folks rehearse being sick. Like it’s a movie audition or something.

We were tired, we were looking “after clubish” meaning sweaty and disheveled, and my feet were killing me because I just had to show up everyone in dancing. So we decided to call it a night and headed home. I slid in at about 7 am, slept like a baby until 8 am when Green Eyes called me. Sadly, I had to tell him I was sleeping and I would call him back when I woke up. Went back to sleep and woke up in enough time to throw some clothes on and put in some weekend hours.

Don’t worry…Green Eyes and I am going out later. Then my girls and I are hitting the clubs again! Damn, it feels good to still be young!

Will Tenacious Have To Choke A Hoe.....

I am a pet owner yall! I have a long hair cat named Phoenix. Phoenix is still a little nervous around us but he's warming up. You know he's gonna be shiftless and fat pretty soon.

I got a raise at work. Great...I will never stay out the mall now. You know it's spring...Sista gotta get that spring wardrobe off and popping.

Collections caught up with me today. Now I really got to pay this medical bill so they won't send it off. You know I'm trying to get my credit together. I'm trying to break the "Black Person With Bad Credit" stereotype although I notice the muthaf*ckers with the worst credit steady keep getting credit cards but my credit, which is average, keep getting rejected! *shakes fist at Visa and Mastercard* Damn get one credit card in college, max it out in two weeks and damn...Won't give me a break. *shakes fist at Experian*

This girl at work pissed me off today yall. I mean, here I am, tranquil for the past few days (notice the sunset picture yall). I mean I have been in a good mood yall. I have even cooked three days in a row! Three! That's damn near a record for my lazy ass!

Men, don't think I'm really lazy and just have my man starving. He actually likes to cook and well I like to let him. I'm just not a good cook. Damn...Pitiful black woman. I don't like to cook, can't braid hair, and can't sing. But can clean the hell outta a house! It's just an effort for me to cook. Hey I have a short attention span. I get on the internet or get into a TV show and forget I have food cooking. I have stepped up my skills though. Add "homemade meat lasagna" to my now accomplished (with burning and/or food poisoning) list of dishes.

Good sex. Face clear as hell. I don't know the hell my BF taking but he's been really on point the last few days. Maybe it's the cooking. Have me in that good sleep mode. You know the one? Get sexed so good you go straight to sleep. Like it's NyQuil or something. Wake up in the morning still tingling and sh*t? Go to work super cheesy? Those muscle ailments you've had earlier in the week? *snaps finger* Gone. I'm not walking around looking like a washerwoman and sh*t. Like I've been lifting weights or something. I just have been feeling good. Yeah...That Good Type of Sex.

I work in a high stress job so you know I'm feeling good if I haven't had to curse not one person out. And I do snap on someone at least twice a day. Usually the same person. Within 20 minutes. Yet everyone at work thinks I'm so "sweet". *shrugs* Maybe they never got the "Angry Black Woman" memo. That's the funny thing about the folks I work with. Unless you're actually yelling at them they don't consider that "snapping". You can call someone a "f*cking B*tch" and if you're not yelling, never mind you got all the facial expression, neck swirls and the vein in your neck is protruding like a mug...They don't consider you angry.

Until today. That is.

The wrong person "teed" me off. Now me and this person don't like each other anyway but since we work in different departments, I rarely have contact with her. She works at the concierge desk but the b*tch have the bad habit of disappearing all the time. No notice. And she leaves for like 20-30 minutes at a time. I think she's doing blow in the washroom if you ask me. She's a little jittery and be sniffing all the damn time. So I always give her that "Are You On That Sh*t" look when I see her. Nose looking a little, um, red to me. We were really busy this morning and hella people wanted to print their boarding passes. Lo and behold, b*tch just get up and walks off, leaving a line full of people.

Now I got some of that goosy last night so all day I have been in a good mood. Nothing fazed me today. I'm just the smiling and cheesing. Greeting folks I normally don't. Waved to the prick manager I don't like. Hell I even was laughing at the lame jokes (and you know they lame if I, the self-professed laugh whore, doesn't even laugh) White People tend to crack that have other White People cracking up yet the Black folks usually are scratching their heads, silent, because we either don't get the joke or it just wasn't that damn funny in the first place. Even when a guest called herself "reading me", I didn't blink an eye and let her know what I really think of her "Elite Status". Now you know everyone was feeling my forehead, asking me if I was alright, because I had yet to choke a b*tch. (Of course most of the Black folks knew what was up...)

So when this heff disappeared, she blew my high. The people in line were getting impatient because heavens forbid if they have to do the express check-in at the airport. Oh lawd, that is a travesty in itself, if they have to take five minutes from their airport experience to check in when they arrive at the airport. I mean never mind technically they still have to stop to check their luggage but how dare we subject them to a line?!

^^^Extreme Sarcasm^^^

Now I'm trying to ease the line and since I wasn't busy, I decided to actually help someone but b*tch locked the damn computers and no one knows the passwords but her. She is still nowhere to be found. This was minute 45 by the way. So I had to reroute the line and of course other folks jumped in line for something other than boarding passes, even though I specifically announced that was what my line was for and do not get in my line if it is not related to boarding passes which mean I had to tell a few ig'nant ass folks to step into another line because didn't I just say this was boarding passes only and were you not listening although I saw you standing right there when I said yet you still hopped in line, waited, and now I have to treat you like the idiot you are and you still gotta move to another line? So I managed to print out everyone's boarding pass and here come this broad, sliding around the corner like one of the creatures in Thriller. So I ask her point blank *in my best Bernie Mac voice* "Where The Hell You Been?" because everyone is tired of her dipping and not telling everyone and then guests get mad at us because we can't book them f*caking Trolley tickets and sh*t.

This broad have the nerve to arch her eyebrow and tell me, me who saved her ass because the GM was hanging around and she could have gotten into trouble. Me who although it wasn't my job decided to be a team player and help a growing problem. Me who was in a good mood. Me who sacrificed her lunch hour to work. She had the nerve to tell me, "None of my damn business".

*Falls On Floor Dead*

Let's just say the folks at work know now that you can curse someone out without raising your voice. B*tch was literally quivering. Maybe the "Crackhead Hoe" line got her.

Nothing can make me snap quicker than when you try to help someone out and they get mad at you for helping them out.

She was a smig *puts thumb and index fingers close together* from Tenacious Having To Choke A Hoe.

She Blew my high and I found out she was the one who ate my damn Reese Cups a few weeks ago. Of course after the cursing out, all of a sudden folks who didn't like her want to "trick" on her and sh*t I guess so I can curse her out again. <---You know how folks always do that after a tongue lashing or a fight? Try to slide up to you and be like "I never liked such and such anyway...I wanted to tell you before but I thought yall was cool...Such and such said this and that about you...

"Found it on the counter" my ass.

It's not too late....Maybe I can regain my high back....

I've Been Tagged......

Professor GQ got me yall...*shakes fist*

*LOL*

Enjoy!!

If you were to be the opposite sex for one day, what would you do?

I'd probably stare at my genitals, eat hella food, and complain about The Man *lol*


If you had to name the most difficult thing about being a teenager today, what would you say?

Pressure to do drugs, smoke, and sex, and the need to be “perfect”

If you had to name the most embarrassing moment of your life, when was it?

Oh God, I have sooo many *blush* It was in high school when I tripped and fell over the tennis net (trying to do my Serena thang) and my gym shorts fell down exposing my bogus grannies to the guy that I stalked probably all of high school and his friends, who were playing football not too far away. They were the over the belly button, ripped and ratty looking pair (it was laundry day yall)…..Ummm yeah I still have to live this down…..

If you had to name the most overrated actor in Hollywood, who would it be

Halle Berry

If you had to name the one personality trait that you have tried the hardest to change in yourself, what would you say?

Ummm...just one?

If you could go back for one minute to the Garden of Eden and give Adam advice, what would you say?

*points to apple* Damn don't that apple look good? You first...

If you were to name the best “I told you so” you ever got to deliver, what was it?

My best friend’s girlfriend was cheating on him and he refused to believe it because he was so “in love with her” and she was a “God fearing Christian woman” (his words) and you would swear honey didn’t melt in this girl’s mouth the way he ranted and raved his love for her nevermind the fact that I told him she was foul. Peep this: She was in fact engaged to a guy my cousin knew (imagine the look on her face when she walked into my cousin’s backyard with her fiance and lo and behold who was there...ME) so of course she tried to cut me down and say I was “jealous of their relationship” and “I was mad b/c I just got out a bad relationship” blah blah blah and he believed her. In fact, she almost ruined our friendship. She was pretty slick too because I could never really catch her in the act and she managed to have an “excuse” for everything because she had both guys wrapped around her finger. So I had to do it the tactless and “ghetto” way: I took my best friend to her wedding. Let’s just say the wedding was a little bit interesting...

If you were Madonna, what would you do for your next publicity stunt

How about stop wearing those tacky ass leotards...

If you could have a lifetime 50 percent discount in any single store at your local mall, which store would it be in?

Guess (since the local Walmart doesn’t count……)

If you could have one more pet, what kind would you get, and what would you name it?

A jack terrier named “Maximillian”

If you could have God perform one miracle today, what would you want it to be?

Cure everyone with AIDS/HIV

If you could spend next New Year’s Eve doing anything, what would you do, and with whom?

I would throw a lavish party in Jamaica with all my buddies and bloggers :-)

If you were to set your country’s immigration policy, what would it be?

Umm yeah you gonna have to come up out ya pocket with some taxes...Otherwise Ima have to send ya ass to jail for tax evasion...

If you were given the power to settle the issue of gays in the military, what policy would you set?

I think the military got better thing *like this dumb war* to worry about gays in the military...But hell don’t they know a gay man can fight…

If you could have one person you have lost touch with call you up tonight and invite you to dinner, who would you want it to be?

my best friends Kenyetta and Alexis from elementary school we lost touch when we went to different high schools

If you could change on thing about your love life, what would it be?

I can turn my fallopian tubes on and off like a switch that way no worries...

If you could have prevented one book from ever having been written, which book would it be?

I can’t even think of one to be honest...

If you have to name the best music album ever recorded, which would you select?

Public Enemy

If you could have one thing made out of pure gold, what would you choose?
Ummm that’s a little x-rated ;-)

If God were to whisper one thing in your ear, what would you like Him to say?

"I saw that….But it’s all good My Child”

Woke Up One Monday Morning.....

So it's official...It's Monday morning and already I'm angry. My day off and I'm pissed. Then I'm watching The Tyra Show and this broad I went to school with who was about to catch a quick ass whooping is on the show sobbing about her f*cking braces. Talking about how she had the sh*t on 6 years and she can't afford to take them off and people "be teasing her". What Black person (esp. from Chicago) do she know whom teases someone about some f*cking braces? Maybe a tacky wardrobe or weave but some braces?! Considering the f*cked up state of most people's teeth, Black people are not quick to jump on someone's teeth considering 9 times out of 10 some needs braces and wish they could afford to slap some on their own fucked up grill. Hell I know people who got braces in the third grade and them bitches didn't come off until the ninth.

I'm pissed because for the last two weeks our refrigerator has been acting haywire. Not getting cold at all. I mean I've had two packs of ice cream sandwiches and a two boxes of Chocolate/Strawberry Eclaires melt in the damn freezer. You know that old ass sausage roll you got in the freezer that is harder than brick? Had it for about two years with no intentions of eating it but bought it because it was on sale? Shit soft like putty. All my meats just defrosting and sh*t. Had to throw away my lunch meat, cheese, and eggs because I opened the fridge and the shit was warm as hell. Like it's just been cooked. Eggs already scrambled and sh*t. Fridge was not letting off one blast of cool air. And my milk...Looked like Cottage Cheese. And I bought it three days ago. Pissed because I went to get a bowl of cereal and the milk slid out like slime.

I call maintenance because I am beyond pissed. I refuse to let my groceries (which I just replenished) go to waste because I know the fridge is broken. So I call and call with no success. I'm thinking I need to get some coolers with some ice to keep my sh*t cool. I mean we've already stored some frozen food at friends' places (I know I'm not getting some of that stuff back. Black folk just tore through the chicken. I know that much). He showed up at at the crack of dawn to "fix" the fridge. Had to get in an argument with one of the guys because he's going to try to tell me that I broke the fridge. Told me I "set it up" too high.

I saw red.

I snapped. If I set it too high, then all my food would be frozen and not medium well done! I only turned it up because I thought it would help. Obviously it didn't. I don't even touch the settings in the fridge. So he spend an hour playing with the fridge. He finally open the back and surprise surprise- The Fridge Is Broken. We need a new fridge. So then I gotta sit up and wait for him to bring a new one. He took so long coming back I began to mop where the fridge was because it was nasty looking. He comes back and get mad because I told him he gotta wait 10 minutes until the floor dries. He ain't trackin' his muddy boots on my clean floor! Of course, I did it to make him mad because he made me mad. First, you wake me up from a good ass sleep on my day off to fix a refrigerator that I called about two weeks ago. Second, I discovered my eggs were bad (again) and had to toss them. Third, you tried to blame me for my fridge breaking? Old ass fridge anyway. It was time to retire that bitch to the pasture anyway. It's your f*cking job to fix sh*t. Don't get mad at me because your lazy ass gotta get a fridge and deliver it to my apartment. Sorry if I like to keep food in mine. Excuse me for wanting to keep my meats and dairy products fresh. Fourth, you just wasn't walking all over my floors. That's just trifling not to mop under the stove and refrigerator. Fifth, my arch nemesis was on tv...And besides the lame story, the troll was looking cute. I figured the hoe would be on "Cops" before a talk show.

Then I thought about it. Our shower head has been leaking water all over the bathroom floor. Guess it's gonna take another two weeks and this time maintenance is going to come at 3 am. I understand this is a big ass building and things are done in order of priority. My fridge is my top priority. Don't mess with my food. I'm already two seconds from being banned from the Costco's on 15th Street. Let's not make this an issue.

At least I got a brand new fridge and there's still a chance I can get on Oprah.

Sunday Night TV

I don't really watch Punk'd and I don't know if this was a recent episode or not, but I was rolling when Shaq got punk'd. I think the show is lame as hell. I mean come on...Do celebrities really fall for this sh*t? I hope not. I mean, it just is fake. The situations, the gags, and the reactions for the most part seem rehearsed. They have been a few that seem a little bit more realistic but for the most part, I'd have to be like, "Are you serious? I know I'm on TV right?"

A person would have to be retarded to let the air out of Shaq's tires of his truck over a parking space?! Do you know how much it would cost to fill the air back up on a SUVs tires? Not just one tire but they let out two?! That means towing!!! I was rolling because Shaq was seriously about to beat dude's ass! I was mad, though, at how he was lumbering along like Frankenstein and shit trying to chase the guy. You play basketball!! You get paid to run up and down a basketball court?! F*ck you mean you can't catch that skinny ass man?! Shaq is f*cking hilarious. I mean sure his rap career, Kazaam, Blue Chips, and Steel placed him high in my favorite comedies (and tragic acting) and I can't wait for Scary Movie 4 (You know I'm there) but dude is hilarious. I peeped Shawnie "Baby calm down, let's just walk away" and his "Naw f*ck that" rebuttal and I just cried laughing. The "lawsuit and Kobe" threats white dude tried to throw in Shaq's face? Classic.

*dead*

The only thing I like about Punk'd is when they get the wrong Black person to f*ck with and they gotta cut the joke short before someone gets hurt. Doesn't Ashton know Black People are an Angry People? Hell, I threw a plate at the wall of IHOP (and toward the waitress...Yeah I'm not getting that pitcher's position for the White Sox anytime soon) because I felt my Tooty Rooty Fruity wasn't "Fruity" enough! Those episodes are the classics! I think someone one should do a show on that called Pissing Off Black People. Just do some sh*t guaranteed to piss off Black people and run with it. Sure a lot of law suits will result from the show due to the ass whooping sure to occur on the show...But think of the possibilities:

Cutting In Line At The Grocery Store/DMV/Amusement Park/Currency Exchange/Bank

Fucking Up A Hairstyle At The Barber/Beauty Shop

"Losing" Paycheck (Bring A Lot Of Security During This Taping)

Step on Fresh Sneakers At The Club (Bulletproof Vest for the Brave Soul who does this)

Smack random Black women on ass...Smack Black guy on ass just for kicks...

Say something negative about someone's mother (Think O-Dog and Korean in Menace II Society)

F*ck Up An Order at a restaurant

Hell have 10 people behind the counter and only one worker

Sadly Pissing Off Black People will be yanked from the air after one episode but it will live on through DVD...


Flavor of Love *smuh* Wasn't worth the hype. There were comedic moments but for the most part it was a snooze. *dead* at New York. What was up with the outfit and weave? Can you say "popped". LaLa had some sly jokes on her but is it me or does she look weird looking? Isn't she on MTV anyway? What the hell is she doing on Vh1? I think it's those big ass eyes and her irritating ass voice that makes her look strange sometimes. She look like she has gotten a little thicker too. She's cute though. Most of the women looked like hookers. Titty hanging out must have been a requirement to come back on the show. I mean Smiley, come on, was Victoria's Secret the only store open when you went shopping? White girl with the guitar- WTF was up with that shirt? It just smelled cheap. I don't remember Cherries at all but she did have on a cute outfit. I laughed at how Smiley tried to be all "New Jur-swey" on the show. Lips still looking all bloated and crooked. Botox gone wrong. Sit down hoe please!

I love Goldie.

It seems like it was "Putting Cherries On Blast" Night or something. Red Oyster looks slow. She looks like she's a few kit kats sticks short of a bar. That's sad because I did not know Asians bred slow children. You learn something new every day folks! Rain needs to get that big ass gap in her teeth fixed. Looking like a beaver. I did laugh at her snapping on damn near everyone. She is an angry Black woman. Calm down Rain! Flav is not cute! I'm glad Georgia got that nappy ass shit she called hair fixed. Damn near didn't recognize her with the Dark and Lovely. There's nothing wrong with a natural but her shit was too natural.

Pumkin...*next*

I laughed when she ran like a punk when New York was about to get up in that ass. Tried to talk sh*t while security was holding New York back. Someone had clearly eaten their Gangsta Os that morning. Hottie is still nuts. What's up with her and her eyelashes? B*tch is not a Kewpie Doll. Hell she ain't even the Doll at the dollar store. You know the one. The one that got one clump of hair, nappy ass hair at that, and easily detachable body parts. Feet all deformed and sh*t. Scrawny as hell. Can't even wear the real Barbies outfits, gotta create clothes out of old socks (Don't act like I'm the only one who had "House of Dereon" sock fashions)? Don't look like she lost weight to me. At least she had on a shirt that fit. 27 inch waist my ass. I'm not even a 27 inch and I am like three times smaller than her! LaLa just don't know how to measure. I guess that's how fat girls manage to rock small ass outfits. Miscalculations in the dressing room thanks to saleswomen like LaLa. *shakes fists* Please, Stores All Over The World, train your salespeople in measurements. It would save a lot of burning eyes all over the world.


For the most part I was disappointed. They coulda went into more details or sumthin'. Just kinda dry and boring with a lot of cursing. I loved New York's "And What B*tch" move she did after putting Cherries' business on blast. Cherries (whose whole purpose for being on the show was still puzzling considering I don't really remember her and she always had something to say) ran off stage crying. *dead* The part that had me rolling was when she threw the podium and charged after Pumkin. She was like, "Damn the 30 seconds. I'm after this Bitch NOW!" LaLa was too crazy. She was like, "Umm yeah we ain't gone let you beat Punkin ass on t.v but umm yeah we know where her makeup room is located..." Ok she didn't say that but you know LaLa wanted to take it to the streets like in the hood. Hoopz was a little disappointing. Flav looked kinda hurt when he told everyone that him and Hoopz didn't make it. I know he knew it wasn't meant to be. She was looking pretty though. She had to silence New York right quick though. Damn the way these women were arguing and fighting you woulda sworn Allen Iverson or Morris Chestnut *sigh* I can only wish were on stage. Overall I gave the show a C+.


Family Guy was a rerun but I still watched it. Lois discovered she had a brother, who was locked away in a mental asylum, and killed fat people. Hilarious.

Boondock was a rerun but it was a funny one. The one about Christmas. *classic*


Sunday is like my TV time. I sit and watch a lot of TV on Sunday. It was like a gold mine today. Bebe Kids on BET (I just realized...Janice Combs was the inspiration for Vivian *dead*), Nutty Professor on USA, Unfaithful on TNT...I was just in TV heaven. A lot of good (old) movies have been coming on lately. I forgot just how funny these movies were until I sat down to watch them again. Makes me want to go on Ebay and find them *lol*

It was laundry day. I hate washing clothes. It seems to take all damn day. Our dryer in the building is bootleg. It takes like $3 to dry one load of clothes ($1.50 to wash and dry). Umm yeah I'm bout to head to the Laundromat and sh*t. I can dry for a quarter and they get dry. It takes like 4 hours to wash and dry clothes when it used to take me an hour and a half. You know I'm not on that. I did a thorough weekly cleaning of the crib. I am a neat freak. I clean three times a week but I catch the little lazy sh*t my BF do that I gotta curse him out about. Half cleaning the bathroom (He knows the bathroom is the only room that is cleaned daily like I ain't gonna see that dirt under the sink). Half vacuuming (The dining room does not count as the entire apartment). Half doing the kitchen (counters and stove just greasy as hell) and bedroom. I gotta keep telling him...This ain't a Frat House! Clean up n*gga! Living like he's still in the Kappa House or some sh*t. And they crib was nasty. Like "gotta wear shoes in the house because they haven't swept or mopped since they moved in, don't wanna sit on the furniture, on the verge of getting roaches, old ass cups and dishes in the sink" nasty. I tried to clean up their house-once-and I left that sh*t alone. House was too big and too nasty. Eight grown ass men just nasty as all outdoors. I refused to spend the night, use the washroom or shower, anytime I came over. I only stayed there twice and I felt like I was itching the whole night. You ever get that feeling? Something just so nasty you get the scratching and sh*t? Think you got bugs crawling on you? *shudder*

I don't mind cleaning but I can't be around filth. It just irks me. It like I would unconsciously start straightening up your place if it looks out of order. My best friends hate to see me coming because I'm making beds, putting away dishes, fixing hangers...The works.

But my side of the closet look like a bomb hit it. It's just trifling. My flaw: Too many clothes, not enough places to put them. I got 7 pairs of jeans on one hanger. Poor hanger just drooping, on the verge of snapping. Cheap ass hangers. Shirts just everywhere. Belts everywhere. The only thing in order are my shoes and purses. I will get it together. My boyfriend's given up on my side. His side: perfect however.

Bastard

I need to find a better way to spend my Sundays.

Ball In A Cup....

I'm an AUNT again yall!! My baby niece was born at 12:47 pm (Central Time) today weighing in at 7 lbs 5 oz and 19 inches. My brother was going to name her some little ghetto sh*t but you know my moms wasn't going for that! My mother said she looks just like my brother...I'm still out on whether that's a good thing or a bad thing. We're a good looking family, don't get me wrong, but is that good for a girl to look like her father? I'm just asking. Her pictures (you know Ima be all up in there with a camera...They gave her my middle name. Ain't that 'bout a heart breaker?! I got a little namesake running around here. She'll be cursing people out by two) will be adorned on yet another wall dedicated to kids who ain't mine! I swear I got hella kids pictures in the crib. Folks be coming over thinkin' they mine and sh*t. Like I got 7 kids all under the age of five just hiding under the couch or something.

I ain't gone trip on how my brother who ain't even 20 yet has had his second child. His first is my adorable nephew from a previous post. Second baby, second baby's mama. His son's mother has two children and my niece's mother has a two year old daughter. Everyone is under the age of 20. Ain't that some sh*t...But that's another post on how I feel about babies having babies. A damn shame is what I call it. While I love my nephew (and new niece) fiercely and we claim their brothers and sisters as part of the family as well (No bald head step children here), I tell my mother all the time about her hypocrisy all the time.

How come it's ok for men to go out, have all types of random sex, and they just get the half-asses "Don't Get A Girl Pregnant" speech. I'm sure all men know what I'm talking about. The speech your father (or mother...or aunt...or grandma...Hell Cousin Roscoe) gave when you were a teen about sex. Kinda boring. Kinda dry. Basically ending with you getting a fistful of condoms and the warning "Don't Be Branging' No Babies Up In Here". If you did, didn't your parents forget that speech and went right into "Grandparent" mode?! Cooing and sh*t at the baby, babbling on and on about how the baby look like your Uncle/Aunt on your mama's side of the family? You know the one. The one you've never actually seen but everyone swear you've seen before? In fact such and such changed your diapers and baby sat you as a child?

This is how a girl's (well at least mine) "talk" about sex went: Don't do it. If you get pregnant, I'm beating ya ass. Don't be spreading ya legs for everyone because lawd know you can't turn a hoe into a housewife. And this was my father's speech. King of "Get With The Good Foot" and Booty Hound of the 80s. Ain't that 'bout a bitch? While my mother's was a bit more sensible (and probably the reason I didn't turn out to be that big of a hoe *lol*), it all went back to the "Don't Get Pregnant" rule. Granted if I did in high school, my mother would not have thrown me out the house but it would be none of that "Ima hang out in the streets with Neesha and 'dem while my mama watches the baby" sh*t that I see going on a lot. If I went out...So did the baby. I'd be at the club with a diaper bag and a Snuggie. Oh yes, me and baby daddy would have to get along. No choice. Best believe his ass woulda been right in the house with me listening to my mama fuss as she cook dinner mumbling under her breathe, "This girl has lost the rest of her natural born mind bringin' a baby up in this house. Hell she ain't nuthing but a baby herself...Done just messed herself all up...And that nigga....Hmmpt she coulda at least f*cked somebody with some sense...Walkin' round lookin like Blacula and sh*t...Not one "good" hair on that baby's head...AND COME GET THE BABY! I KNOW YOU HEAR THE BABY CRYIN....Lawd give me the strength..."

^^^I'm used to my mother's lectures and santifying. It would probably be more cursing but you get the jest.

My brother?! Sh*t as soon as my nephew slid out his mama's young ass, my mama was all over the baby. Dead that "speech" sh*t. She was officially a "grandma". Call me bitter but hey I expected an ass whooping or something. She's actually excited and she wants more. Now she's waiting for me. I told my mama she's scaring me...She's suffering from that "White Woman" delusion. She's asking me when I'm going to get married, when I'm going to have kids, blah blah. That White Woman. Sorry but I only know of white woman who asks those damn questions after a woman reaches a certain age. In my family, after a certain age, you get the "You ain't gay, are you"? Not "When are you going to get married? When are you going to give me some grandbabies"? There's enough crazy marriages and children runnin' all up in the family. It's more like, "When are you not pregnant? When are you not getting divorced"?

My mother. She's scaring me yall.

She know ain't no babies *knocks on wood* popping out this any time soon. I told her she got two more years before I seriously considering adding my child to the Wall of Babes. Until then I'm content with my various god-children and nieces and nephews. I told you we claim all the babies. Heaven help us if something tragic happens to their parents. They are going up for adoption. Yes. Most of them are just that bad. How a two year old almost burn down the house? Yes...Adoption is in their immediate future messing around with me.

Is 16 like the new 25? I mean I see teen doing things that only adults should be doing. Hell they talk worse than most of the adults out here. Granted, I think most teens are smarter but I'm like "Damn. I'm 22 and sometimes I feel like I'm old." I graduated from High School in 2001. Graduated from college in 2005. A lot has changed in 5 years. A lot. Sometimes I feel like I'd graduated in 1981 not 2001. I feel so old.

I'm on the metro and these teens were talking about oral sex. Yes...Oral sex on the metro. Go figure. Girls had to be all of 14, if that. Talking about who's sucking who and how one loves to do it because "it's so cool". I had to tell them to shut the f*ck up. Better yet go do some homework or something. I was disgusted. Sure my friends and I had dirty mouths in high school but a lot of our sh*t was just that- sh*t. Our asses were lying out the ying yang. Trying to fit in to be cool. We talked about sex, yes, but it was more in a movie script way. I didn't get a real dirty mind until college. I was 18 not 12. Hell I couldn't even see Rated R movies (unless they were on cable and my mother was out the house) until I was 16 1/2. Of course, oral sex was not a "cool" factor when I was in high school. You were like, the dirty girl, if people thought you were choking on the sausage. But it was like these girls were trying to outdo each other's story...On who sucked the best.

And they looked slutty. Now I got some "street walker" clothes in my closet that is in daily rotation. I got the little shorts, barely there halters and tanks, tight jeans, little skirts galore. One difference: I am grown. My mother was definitely not on that with me in high school. Now, she wasn't strict on my wardrobe. I wasn't wearing ankle length skirts, loose sweaters, and had my hair in pigtails. She bought a lot of my little tight jeans. She bought my first thong and halter top. But that was only after she got tired of me shrinking everything in the wash to shrink my own jeans and she realized that a thong did erase panty lines. I did get to wear a few halters. I had a few short skirts (finger tips though). But that was it. She had to approve of all of my clothing purchase. If she didn't like it, it went back. Didn't have a receipt because I tried to be slick and toss them? Store Credit baby! If my mama deemed something as "A Whore On A Side Street", that outfit did not darken the front door. Sure, I snuck an outfit or two to school (You know, put it in your book bag, change in the bathroom at school, and change back at the end of the day) but after getting caught a few times, I deaded that shit. Nothing is more embarrassing than getting embarrassed at school. Make-up? Yeah right. Can you say Carmex and that little cheap lip gloss you get at the Beauty Supply store? And don't let it look too shiny on my lips, otherwise it went to her confiscated drawer. That was my make-up in high school. These girls make-up were set on "Whore". I didn't learn how to put on make-up until my freshman year in college. My room mate taught me how to put on foundation, mascara, and eye shadow. I'm still working on the blush people. I don't even like to wear it. Good Black Don't Crack as my grandma says. I'm pretty without it. I'm not one of those women who have to put on their "face" before they walk out the door. News flash: Most look terrible without it after so long. Looking like the Crip Keeper and sh*t. Leave out the club looking like Halle Berry. Wake up looking like Flava Flav. Plus I like to get my juke on in the club...I sweat out make-up. I don't want to leave with an ashy face and raccoon eyes.

Babies having babies. Damn shame. I can't always blame the parents though. Ok some I can. My mother did lecture about the importance of protection and responsibility. It just went in one ear and out the other. I think people forget that teens are not adults. Stop trying to treat a child as an adult. My mama made my damn decisions until I was 18. My first decision: My prom dress. My second: The college I attended. I should have listened to my mother on both. In my family, you're in a child's place until they say so. Damn a 18th or 21st B-day. If you act like a child, have a child's mentality, and make childish decisions...You get treated as just that...A child. I earned my adulthood at 20. My mother classified me as grown at 20. I have not disappointed her since. I've graduated in 4 years from a 4 year university. I have my own place (ok well I live with my boyfriend but you get the point), have a well paying job, about to go back to school to pursue my Masters, pay my own bills and have not needed a hand out since college (Hey Hey book are expensive as hell. I sure wasn't paying $400 for books by myself only to get $30 back at the end of the semester).

Although I love babies, I do not believe babies should have them. Especially since most can't take care of themselves let alone a defenseless baby. I don't place all the blame squarely on the parents because it's not all their faults. I don't even blame the teens (Ok well I do). I will place this blame on society. Like I said: Stop Treating These Damn Kids Like They're Adults! Stop Waving Off The Sh*t They Do. Stop Justifying Everything. Stop Giving Teens Credit Cards, Cars, And The Authority To Leave School At 16. Stop Catering To The Youth! Beat They ASSES And Allow The Parents To Do So To Some Of These "Grown" Muthaf*ckers Without Prosecution. Damn That Emancipation Sh*t! Why Are Thongs Sold in Abercrombie? Why Does The Limited Too Have Slutty Ass Outfits Not Fit To Be Worn By The Most Seasoned Of Prostitutes Yet Fit To Be Worn By 8 Year Olds? Stop "Oversexing" Our Children! Maybe The Teen Pregnancy Rate Will Go Down If Low Rise Jeans Were Not Sold To 6 Year Olds!!

**Note: The title doesn't have sh*t to do with the post but I just got finished watching Family Guy**

Movie Review: ATL

I'm on a roll yall...TWO movies before they hit DVD?!

My review: 4 out of 5 Stars

This was actually a good movie. I was really surprised that I left the theater pleasantly surprised. I would recommend anyone to see it...Only don't see in on a weekend. It was hella high schoolers in the theater...I was like "Damn don't yall got curfews...This a 10:30 show?!" Of course every girl (including me) in the theater sighed when T.I little skinny self hit the screen. While he won't be getting the Best Actor Oscar anytime soon, he did a pretty good job unlike some rappers/actors **cough Busta, Fiddy, Puff cough** I honestly felt that, in a sense, he was just being himself. He wasn't trying to be all hard, he was just mellow and cool. He really didn't say a lot in the movie. It was almost like when he did speak, it was for a purpose and pretty much stood on it's own. That's just me but I actually liked T.I.

He was, however, too damn old looking to play a high schooler. Damn the "21 year old sophomore" look some guys had in high school. You know the one, the one who had a full mustache and beard by 14? Looking like a damn predator and sh*t by the time they're a junior. T.I just looked too damn old! Cute but too old to be in high school.

Ant (Diana Ross son/Chris Brown Twin) was a little cutie. I won't tell you what happened to him but I felt for the little guy. Sometimes though I felt like they forgot about him and just stuck him back in the story. But he was good as well. Funny and like a typical awkward teen trying to fit in the best way he know how. Reminded me so much of my little brother.

I even liked Big Boi. He looks like a drug dealer don't he? He looks like he be selling that yay on the low. One classic scene was when T.I and Big Boi get into it. *pause* Now you know Big Boi's big ass would sling T.I's little bite size ass somewhere. He killed me with his "Little Big Brother" line. *dead*

Bubba (Dude from Forrest Gump, I always forget his name...That n*gga is Bubba to me) was funny as hell as Rashad's (T.I) and Ant's uncle. His one bowl rule *classic*

Was it me or did it seem like there was a cameo from everybody from Atlanta? I was waiting for Jermaine Dupree, 112, and T-Boz and Chili to pop out the wood works. There was Monica as a waitress, Jazzy Pha as the DJ of Cascade, and Bone Crusher as a drug dealer?, not to mention Goodie Mob...And Jason Weaver.

Where the hell were they doing auditions? Where the f*ck did Jason Weaver come from? While he was funny as hell in the movie, dude is old as f*ck. Playing a 21 year old high school senior (At least they got someone's age frame right...Although he was lookin 31 and not 21) with gold fronts. He was amusing to see on the screen though. I still remember him as Michael in The Jackson Movie though.

Was it me or did Esquire look a lot like Ralph Tresvant's son? Is that his kid in real life?

I could go on and on about the characters but I don't wanna give the movie away. It was cute. T.I and New New (and T.I chasing away some chicken head broad who was a real get down with the crew) was cute and I really loved the little southern accents going on in the movie. There's a little "surprise" in the middle with T.I and New New that I didn't see coming but I understood the underlining issue with that. The movie was just refreshing. I laughed during scenes that should have been laughed at instead of vice versa. Although...T.I coulda got like that scar (or bumps?) on his lips cleared up or better covered with makeup or something. And a wife beater should have been stricken from his wardrobe. Baby needs a good meal.

I don't know if that's how the ATL really is, I've only been there on vacation and that was some years ago, but it gave a feel that it was a pretty accurate depiction of Atlanta. There wasn't all that gang banging and cursing sh*t, no real emphasis on street life, no random sex scenes. It was just about kids struggling to make it through life.

I loved the visual effects as well and the skating scenes were by far my favorite. It was if there were no cameras watching and everyone was being natural. Cascades seemed like it was the spot to go on Sundays. No shooting, no fights outside, just Black people getting together to have a good time.

People can write it off as another "hood" movie but I think it was a little more than that. It was worth my $8.25 (student discount baby!). It didn't suck and the acting was not bad.

I was kinda pissed that in the credits, Monica who appeared in the movie all of two minutes was listed before T.I, who was in damn near every scene of the movie and the credit were not listed in alphabetical order or according to appearance!

So go see the movie!!