Miss Me With That Bullshit...

Just some stress factors in my world but I’ve gotten them all handled now. Since my best friend is gone, I broke down and called Mama Dukes and laid it all on the table. I’m close to my mother, don’t get me wrong, but there’s some things that I just can’t tell her, but this time I did. I laid it all down. From the beginning to the end.

My mother is pretty up to date on the sordid details of my life but she was pretty surprised to hear what I had to tell her. She listened with her ear and gave me the words I needed, craved, to hear.

That’s my moms for ya. Always come through when I need her.

I was fine until Wednesday night. I got home from shopping and there was a voicemail on my phone from my best friend. We missed each other calls and she was calling to say goodbye and she’ll write to me when she can. I was at the mall when she called and my phone doesn’t have a good signal in the mall, so needless to say I was a little upset.

Ok. A lot upset. I cried. I don’t know why her leaving is upsetting me so much, it’s not like she hasn’t had tours before and we haven’t gone for months without talking. She’s even been over to Afghanistan and Iraq for short stints in 2001-2002.

She’s the closest person to me besides my mother, grandmothers, and fiancé because I could tell her anything with a judgmental ear. I mean she knows some deep shit about my ass, shit that if she ever wanted to be spiteful could fuck my world up. Well not really but she could do some damage. I’ll run something by her before I even run it by my fiancé. She’s like my devilish other half. Can you believe we’ve never had a fight or argument? How hard is that to accomplish in the female friend world? Never. I don’t think we’ve even raised our voices, well seriously raised our voices, to each other.

But I refuse to think the worst. I’ll see her at Christmas.

Later that night I called my other best friends, conference call time, TWIN and FOOL, its ranting time. Now when I sit and think about it why the HELL did I call FOOL?

We’re not talking right now.

TWIN is not surprised but FOOL get heated. I forgot this nigga is a Pro-Lifer. There’s a little background to that story but this nigga is like one of the crazy ones. So we get into it.

Yeah I thought I was pregnant. I was over a week and a half late. To be honest I never even noticed until JBN brought up the subject and after doing the math and triple checking the calendar I was like FUCK! So I was so fucking pissed, not at him because he couldn’t help that the condom broke *a first in our 4+ years relationship* but more at myself because my lazy ass was supposed to go in for birth control a long time ago but I was always too lazy to keep the appointments.
And for the record no FOOL and I have never messed around, never fucked, never even kissed.

I’m pretty regular so once this was brought to my attention I was so damn mad. Ain’t this about a bitch? How the fuck do you forget something like that? I mean the shit never crossed my mind. I was about to argue with him until I really sat and thought about it but why not, he knows my schedule better than I do! The kid was almost brought down by a fucking busted ass Magnum condom. Fucking Gold wrapper has deceived me.

Funny enough the day I broke down and brought a test, my shit came. I have an appointment next week, I’m still getting a test done. I still took the pregnancy test and it was negative by the way.

So I’m talking more to TWIN, forgetting this Negro is on the line and she asks what will I do, and I reply “You know what the hell I’m going to do…” and of course he cuts in and flip out.

It was like When Animals Attack on the line because we both were yelling and screaming at one another. We called each other quite a few nasty names, yeah when we get into it we get real greasy with our talk. Out of my best friends FOOL and I argue the most, partly because we’re so much alike that we butt heads when it comes to certain issues.

At some point TWIN hung up and it was just us too. He basically called me “a cold hearted selfish bitch who is only thinking of herself and it’s not like JBN **fiancé alias** is some trifling nigga out in the streets we’re about to get married for god’s sake and I’m just dead ass wrong because I’m killing a human being and I’m talking like I’m going for a walk in the park and I’ll pressure him into my decision because I’m a pushy bitch who’s stubborn beyond belief”. Oh and did I mention I’m “vain and selfish”? And he said some other shit that doesn’t need to be mentioned but if I was a lesser chick I might have cried. Nigga got a little greasy with his lips and said some shit he shouldn’t have.
Well we both said some shit that we didn’t need to say to one another but oh well it’s out there now. I guess now we both know how we really feel about certain things.

Even though there’s a little personal background for him on why he feels so strongly about this issue, I was fucking heated. And insulted. I haven’t been mad like that for a nice minute. How dare he? Well you know that conversation ended with the dial tone.

Solving nothing.

I was drained more than angry. That argument took a lot out of me. I’m sure my neighbors were a second from calling the police.

As a best friend he knows how to push my buttons and just irk the shit out me. And he broke them bad boys.

Eh, we’ll be talking soon. It’ll be a month or two I guess. Somebody will break down first and call. Shit it ain’t gonna be me I can tell you that.

I’m still heated by his words and I’m the type that I can’t sleep when I’m angry, so guess who woke up on the wrong side of the bed Friday?

Not only did I have a dentist appointment but I’m so mad that my face has begun to break out. When I’m stress or real angry, I break out. So I’m pissed that my normally smooth chocolate face is looking very pepperoni-ish.

My mouth was sore due to getting my top wisdom tooth pulled, which I did not expect but apparently that’s what my appointment was for. Had I known I would have told him to holler back because that shit hurts. I was fine, doped up on my Novocain for a couple of hours but once it wore off….ooh shit. Felt like a horse kicked me in my jaw.

And great the other two are being pulled right before Christmas. Happy happy joy joy.

So I’m grumpy and in pain. Those damn Tylenols did not kick in soon enough. But when they did I was nice and loose, very relaxed.

I called myself being nice and calm but then my anger came back later on that evening.

I know I have a lot of pet peeves but those are just minor irritants. They don’t send me into a rant because it’s not that serious. For example, I hate when people talk with their mouth full of food. Is it irritating and disgusting? Yes. But will I flip a table over in a rage because someone does it? No.

I usually roll my eyes and keep it moving.

I don’t like to wear “war paint” *makeup as my father calls it* because I don’t think I need it and besides the shit is expensive. And do you know how hard it is to find my skin color in foundation? But I wore some Friday to minimize scaring small children with my face. So I’m already self-conscious because it’s not like they were in places that I could hide with my hair. Those bad boys were front and center waving.

All I heard was, in a loud ass voice which of course drew attention to me and my face, “Ew why are you wearing makeup?” And of course the people waiting for the elevator turned and were gawking at my ass.

That just set me off. Why? I don’t know but that just bugged the shit out of me. It’s not like I was doing it for the person but rather to minimize my acne. And trust I hated having the shit on. And I didn’t like being put on blast like that. A bitch is already self conscious about it, this person just made it worst and got mad because I had on make-up. Got a funky ass little attitude.

This, of course, gave me attitude. Don’t dish the shit out if you can’t take it. I hate when folks get mad at you but don’t want to tell you the problem so you just sit in silence, both all yall fuming over nothing. And then when you try to lighten up the mood you’re met with more attitude.

So I said “Two tears in a bucket, fuck it”. I’m not in the business of kissing ass. If you want to pout because I wore makeup, fine. Do you. Especially when I’m making an attempt to keep the mood light even though I was irritated after damn near screaming that I have on make up because my face has acne.

But you know what, I’m like that’s not going to ruin my night because I left home to get away from the irritants. I came to chill and relax for a few hours. Not to mention I was still in a funk from an earlier IM conversation, not to mention I’m still mad about my situation, and still mad at FOOL.

Shit got better later on but for that first hour or two I was mad as shit.

Saturday brought some other type of attitude for what ever reason but by that time I was too tired to argue. I just had a “Yeah whatever” attitude and kept it moving. Once again I should not have opened my big ass mouth. It’s amusing to me how folks say, “Oh you can talk to me about anything, we’re friends” and as soon as you do, um yeah muthafuckers just disappear on your ass. Shit if you really didn’t care, you shouldn’t have fucking asked. I really didn’t want to say shit but for some reason the constant questions were irking the living shit out of me so I blurted it out without really thinking, partly like “Damn I told you now leave me the fuck alone!” Once again should have just kept them lips closed. And folks wonder why I have trust issues and I refuse to share shit with people outside of my close circle of friends. But whatever. My lips are zipped from now on. Enjoyed my Saturday evening, slept well, ate well, and watch a few dumb ass movies on Starz. I think they were having “Horror Night” because a lot of *bad* horror movies were on.
Sunday, I’m chill. I really am. I’m having a gay old time. Until I received a phone call from the “Intervention Brigade” thanks to FOOL who decided to go jap his thin ass lips to other motherfuckers. Had me on three way and shit with another friend on the extension of one of the phones so I had three friends playing fake psychologists on me.

Once again I’m in the wrong and I’m being stubborn about it. It’s not like it’s the end of the world, blah blah blah. Yeah ok whatever. My mind is set. I’ll do what I want, it’s my damn body. And JBN and I had a serious discussion about it. We talked for several hours, pros and cons, the whole deal. At the end of the day, it’s my body and my decision. And I chose the alternative route.

Hey if that’s fucked up, oh well.

Damn dial tone again. I was tired of hanging up on people. This resulted in another phone call to FOOL to curse out his voice mail. Yeah bastard wouldn’t pick up his phone. Don’t put my fucking business out in the fucking streets. If I wanted everyone and their mama to know I would have placed a national TV advertisement about it. I don’t need muthafuckers whom I’m not all that cool with trying to call me and guilt trip me to death. Now those bitches are on my list for a nice minute.

And then *sigh feels like all I’m doing is complaining at this point, bear with me people I’ll be done in a sec* while I’m already pissed, kicking shit. On IM once again having a nice little chat. Apparently I said something that someone did not agree with. Conversation over. Signed off of IM and everything.

Whoa. Was all that really necessary?

This really set me off because not only was it rude and childish but it’s something my father does all the time, which of course irritates me to the nth degree. I absolutely hate anything that reminds me of my father and his ways. Which shows how messed up our relationship is when it takes one little thing that reminds me of him to set me off. And that when someone gets a muthafucking attitude when something is said that he/she does not like and completely brush your words off like they are nothing. That “My Way or the Highway” mentality bugs me. It bugs me a lot.

And I consider myself a pretty stubborn person who is set in her ways but I will say one thing: I may not like it but I respect everyone’s opinion. Even if it something that I disagree with I’m not going to get all huffy about it and cut you off because your opinion differs from mine.

To throw an almost temper tantrum about it is childish and dumb, what does it solve? Nothing and I still have the same opinion. If anything it confirms my opinion about a person. But once again, it’s cool. I said my piece and went on about my business.

Enjoyed the rest of my Sunday. Watched my L&O:SVU, napped, and talked on the phone. I didn’t mean to ignore anyone who IMed I was napping, sorry. Watched TV and talked on the phone with TWIN who played the middleman but neither of us were budging and still have not budged.

Worked Monday. Eh work was work.

Woke up Tuesday and called Mama Dukes who put me in perspective. So the kid is back *again*

Thanks for reading all of this crap. I’ve gotten it off my chest so I feel so much better.

Thank you for all the kind words, chats via IM and genuine concern for my well-being. I sincerely appreciate it. It gives me a warm feeling that there are other people out there that give a fuck about me and my well being.

Have a great day yall.

Short Break...

Normally I don't do this but...uh

Due to stress factors and a whole slew of other shit, I'm taking a very short break from blogging.

I'll be back sometime this week.

Friday Afternoon Tag...

Took this from T. Cas because well, I have nothing else to type about, and it's pretty simple. And besides I'm about to go dope myself up on some painkillers since I've just had a wisdom tooth pulled and that shit is no fucking joke. If I had known that's what the appointment was for, I would have passed.

Now I have the chipmunk cheeks. *sigh*

My plans for Friday are done.


1.Do you try to look hot when you go to the grocery store just in case someone recognizes you from your blog? LOL No, what you see is what you get which is me in sweats, flip flops and nine times out of ten my doo-rag. I might be a little creeped out if I’m in the produce section and someone hollers, “Aye are you Tenacious?”, you know folks thinks my name is a disease. But if you run into me at the club, I am looking probably hot.

2. Are the photos you post Photoshopped or otherwise altered? If I can’t afford to get the good shit that celebs get, then no. All of my pictures are of me and I look exactly like I do in the pictures.

3. Do you like it when creeps or dorks email you? I’m appreciative of all feedback.

4. Do you lie in your blog? I leave out details sometimes *gotta have some type of real personal life you know* but only because I am not comfortable talking about them yet or I am forbidden to go into detail. I don’t lie in person so I don’t do it on my blog. So all the little crazy ass stories and antics are REAL people. I have crazy friends and a dysfuctional family.

5. Are you passive-aggressive in your blog? I don’t think I am, I’m writing straight from the dome.

6. Do you ever threaten to quit writing so people will tell you not to stop? No. I’ll still write even if no one reads, I have to get some of these thoughts out of my head you know.

7. Are you in therapy? If not, should you be? If so, is it helping? My blog is my therapy but I think I should be on someone’s couch telling my life story to someone. Might clear up some things…

8. Do you delete mean comments? Do you fake nice ones? LOL I don’t have the time and energy to “fake anoy” nice shit. And I don’t delete any comments. I say bring them on.

9. Have you ever rubbed one out while reading a blog? “Rubbed one out”? I mean I’ve rubbed out a contact, wiping my eyes from laughing so hard at some peoples’ blog but masturbate to some words? Um no.

10. If your readers knew you in person, would they like you more or like you less? Some would like me some wouldn’t but everyone has been warned. I would think more because you can actually see the craziness in my world more but *shrug* can’t win them all.

11. Do you have a job? Yes. I complain about it every once and awhile.

12. If someone offered you a decent salary to blog full-time without restrictions, would you do it? Was this question really necessary?! Hell yeah!

13. Which bloggers have you met in real life? Funny enough, I’ve only met E so far. Don’t worry Mr. Mack, we will definitely meet up. Honey, I’m down for a HU Homecoming Meeting. And T. Cas…*lol* well some folks seem to think we’ve met up already but sadly nope. Next time I’m in the ATL for more than a few hours ok?

14. Which bloggers have you made out with? Made out with? *snicker*

15. Do you usually act like you have more money or less money than you really have? I don’ talk about money but I have less money because duh I’m always shopping or whinign about paying a bill!

16. Does your family read your blog? No my mother and grandmothers are basically computer illiterate and my father would never ever have an invite to read my blog. But he’ll probably pass out or write a LONG ASS comment in rebuttal to all the things that I have said about him.

17. How old is your blog? Been blogging since February of 2006. Got 130+ *or 200-300 b/c of how long my posts are*

18. Do you get more than 1000 page views per day? Do you care? *lol* Hell no. And Nope.

19. Do you have another secret blog in which you write about being depressed, slutty, or a liar? *lol* I wish. I don’t have the time nor energy to crank out another blog.

20. Have you ever given another blogger money for his/her writing? Like Ghostwriting? *Side Note: Ghost Writer was one of my favorite shows as a kid* But No, bad grammer, english and all…it’s all me.

21. Do you report the money you earn from your blog on your taxes? Damn T where did you get this from: The IRS blog or something?

22. Is blogging narcissistic? For some yes.

23. Do you feel guilty when you don't post for a long time? Actually I do. I feel bad if I don’t write something every day.

24. Do you like John Mayer? What’s his song again? I think there’s one I like.

25. Do you have blog enemies? *LOL* Oh yes I do. I know who they are and trust I can care less. Get in line and take a fucking number. It ain’t that serious.

26. Are you lonely? Sometimes.

27. Why bother? It’s an outlet for me. I like peeking into other folks’ lives.

28. If they were to make a movie of your life, who would play the mailman? *LOL* Um, in my neighborhood it would probably be Keenan Ivory Waynes as the male one and Paula Jai Parker *hoochie mama getup from Friday as the female*.

Random Train of Thought...

On Tuesday I almost fell down the Rossyln Metro Station escalators laughing because a girl was walking up the escalators like the fake woman alien in Mars Attack. I mean exactly like the fake alien. I guess I was the only one who saw comedy in that. I laughed again when I passed her on the street and she was still walking like that.

I am convinced Starbucks has crack in it. I will be the first to proclaim it, I mean aren’t the beans imported from Columbia? Isn’t Columbia one of the main drug ports in the world? Case closed. Don’t believe me, go check out a Starbucks minutes before opening. They are in line eye twitching, scratching their arms and shit, pacing because the doors are one minute late opening. And once someone has their coffee, this eerily calm expression comes over their face.

I joke with the Muslims at work that while I know Ramadan is a part of their religion, with holidays like Ramadan which translate to “starvation” in my book, I will not be trading in my pork chops any time soon for the Muslim religion. If I fast trust it will not be by choice. It’ll be because I don’t have any food in the fridge and no money to shop or eat out. Well that and the fact that I probably would collapse from hunger.

I am not on that “T. Cas Eat One Small Meal A Day” diet. But from what I am told it’s the first few days that may be hard but it gets easier after that. I felt kind of bad eating all in front of them but then again why are you in the cafeteria during Ramadan?

I need to cut my bangs. They’re starting to get into my eyes and with my vision as bad as it is the last thing I need is something blocking my vision. I’m thinking of cutting my hair again anyway. Now that my hair grows pretty quickly I’m not as freaked out about cutting my hair as before when let an inch more be lopped off, I would be sliding all over the ground wailing like my Aunt at the last family funeral.

I spend too much money in Victoria’s Secret. I am their dream because it doesn’t take much to persuade me to buy something. I went in for body wash, came out with two new bras, some panties, and a T-Shirt. Funny I don’t really wear thongs anymore; it’s all about BOY SHORTS. I only wear a thong when necessary.

The fiancé *I’m really going to think of an alias for him, I’m tired of typing “the fiancé”, “the boyfriend”, “main dick piece” all the time* bought me some sexy lingerie. I think he has an obsession with the “Stripper Store” aka “Frederick’s of Hollywood”. I mean do he not remember the last time I tried to be sexy and do a strip tease for him, um yeah broken lamp and bruised pride. But I was touched by the gesture. It’s a sexy nurse get-up. Not my type off thin but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Even though I’m like, “Umm what’s with the role playing? Can’t we just take our clothes off and just do it? And shit am I insured? This smells like a Sexual Harassment suit in the making you being the patient and I'm the naughty nurse...what type of clinic is this anyway and what the hell are you in the clinic for in the first place?”

*sigh* Ok so I overanalyze the role playing role to death. Shit I still had fun though ;-)

Whiny Co-Worker has been moping around looking like someone who has lost their puppy. That shit kills me because I didn’t say anything out of spite; shit you asked, I tried to warn you, you asked again, so I told you. End of story as far as I’m concerned. White girls really need to get a grip on reality, I mean this ain’t slavery days and I damn sure ain’t Mamie and you ain’t Scarlett O’Hare! Crying does nothing for me if anything it angers me more. Stop thinking that crying gets you want you want because in my household it just got you another ass whooping and we better be quiet or else we’ll “really get something to cry about”.

Umm like the ass whooping wasn’t worth crying about?

I need to lose five pounds. While I am happy that weight is finally starting to stick to my frame, I don’t want it to turn into unsightly weight mainly belly weight. I guess I’ll just have to work out more and push away from the table.

*sigh* Maybe I should look into this Ramadan thing.

Was I wrong for almost snapping on this white guy who almost stepped on my “still as white as from when they first came out of the box” Jordans? You know how Black folks are when it comes to our shoes. I’ve been a clubs many of nights when the club was shut the fuck down because someone stepped on someone’s brand new pair of Air Ones or Timbs. I mean I know most white people wear their gym shoes until them bitches just fall apart but damn do he know how much them bitches cost the fiancé?

Anger Management classes are in my immediate future.

My mother called and thinks my cousin and I need a sit down. Yeah it’ll be a sit down all right. A “Bitch I Will Knock You The Fuck Down”. I feel bad for rumbling at my grandmother’s house like two bitches on a side street but I am not sorry for beating that ass. I mean the principle was that the bitch knocked my fucking engagement ring down the drain and wasn’t going to say shit because she did the shit on purpose to be nothing other than spiteful. Those are real fucking diamonds! Is this bitch mad?

You know that conversation went into one ear and out the other.

Why the FUCK did the ball on the top of my navel ring fall off this morning in the shower. My fucking 14 caret gold Teddy Bear naval ring that was a birthday gift two years ago from the fiancé. I am so fucking PISSED! That naval ring cost a lot of damn money and now I have to trek out to Springfield Mall to see if I can find another one because that is the only store that has the jewelry store that may have my naval ring.

Damn slithery tongue. Probably loosened up my ring. My weakness is good head.

I’ve met Eclectik in real life. He’s the biggest jerk I have ever met.

Ok well not seriously but he does have jerk moments. Can you believe he lives in my neighborhood, a neighborhood where I am surprised when I see other black folks that do not work in the area? I find that to be really amusing. Then I wonder who else live in my neighborhood that may read my blog. And I shudder. It could be some pervert like the one who live in my building.

But other than being a complete jerk, he’s a great guy. Ladies he’s single and he can cook.

**Edit: Someone was insulted by my description but hey I call it like I see it honey ;-) It's all good I don't write anything that I can't say to your face *lol* You're still cool E *smooch**

But I will talk shit about you E, don’t get it twisted *lol*

Due to some switching around in the schedule, I’m off this weekend. But I’m working Monday through Friday. Oh well. At least it won’t be as bad as the last two weeks.

I went up to my old job yesterday. I was happy to see everyone. I made amends with my old manager. We’re back cool now. We’re joking like we did in the beginning. Ebony & Ivory are back together again *lol*

I need something to do Friday. I have no plans.

Saturday I have a room downtown at the JW where I plan on kicking my feet up and relaxing. I also plan to go out which means I wont have far to stumble.

Was I wrong for flirting outrageously to get a discount? That and my Secret Embrace bra makes me look at least a 32C. And I had on a shirt that emphasized my “cleavage”. I was looking pretty cute yesterday just to hang around the mall.
I found my beloved heart earrings I broke a few months ago.

Do I flirt too much?

I am addicted to Cold Stone’s Berry Lemony smoothie. That is my heroin to my McDonald’s Sweet Tea crack.

I am a jerk sometimes.

But then again I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t such a jerk.

DRAMA is mad at me once again because I would not take sides in yet another argument. Oh well she’ll get over it.

Why was I wailing like a baby because FH right at this moment is flying over to Iraq. I know this is her second tour and all but what am I doing to do without my best friend until at least December? She tried to crack jokes to make me feel better but I was walking down Crystal Drive sobbing like a damn baby. Folks were staring at me like I was crazy.

I am not a crier but when I do cry I lay on the waterworks.

*sigh* My bitch has left the building. Shit the fucking country.

*sigh* So I’m a little depressed right about now.

I told her I need all of her pieces for my wedding so be careful. And negotiate. And shit find Osama while you’re over there so folks can shut the fuck up about his ass. Although I know he’s chilling in Miami selling 79 cent RC cola in the local “hood” grocery store.

You know they all look alike in the turbans *just like Asians and some white people*. And NO I'm not wrong for saying that because you were probably thinking the same thing. And NO ALL Black people do not look alike! Shit I almost crapped on myself the other when a couple of them got on the elevator with me. I’m like, “Osama…Nigga is that you?!”

Naw let me stop. Bitch would’ve sliced and diced her way off that damn elevator.

I was at work and why did I check in a guy with alien eyes? I am not lying. You know how when the aliens take over folks’ bodies their eyes are really huge and dark and the pupil is bigger than normal? I swear his eyes looked like that. Creeped me the fuck out. I think he could hear my thought because he kind of laughed to himself.

Okk I’ve been watching a little too much X Files

But he really did look creepy. He probably was an alien.

Ok I need to get some business.

Drama At The Workplace....

What can I say about the past week other than I was beat like a dead horse.

As of today *Monday* I have been working eight days straight. I have been working from last Monday and will be working until Tuesday with no break. If one more person had asked me “Did I go home” or “Am I still working” I would have killed someone.

And blame it on lack of sleep.

I have never been this tired in my life. Not even in college when I would stay up all night typing that eight page paper that’s due at 9 and its 4 am and I only have a paragraph. And not to mention I actually have to read the book that I’m writing about, well, at least Spark Note it or something.

Come to think of it I received higher grades on the papers that I BSed than the ones that I actually wrote well before the due date.

Every night I have been going home and slipping into a deep sleep that's borderline coma only to be woken by the alarm clock either early in the morning or late in the afternoon. I have literally been sleeping until noon on the days that I do not have to be at work until 2 and rushing out the door with only minutes to spare.

If it wasn’t for my drug aka McDonald’s Sweet Tea and my sunflower seeds I would have killed someone at work.

Folks at the job have been tripping ever since we had a meeting Thursday that allowed people to “air out” grievances to the GM about other associates. And of course some people took this as an opportunity to be spiteful and mean spirited about other associates. I didn’t say much because the few people that I do have a problem with knows I have a problem with them so it was no need to put it on blast.

One is stinky girl who just needs to take a fucking bath and slap on some deodorant before she walks out the house. Damn that cultural shit! I don’t know one culture where it’s cool to be stinky. Shit “cleanliness is next to godliness” the last time I checked. So bitch wash your ass. Too damn grown to be smelling like outside every day of the week.

The other is another manager whom has done a complete 360 from the sweet, quiet little White Girl that she was when she first started working there. She has seriously been thinking that she is Queen Sheba or something. And we are her loyal subjects who should do her biddings no questions asked. And throws a “White Girl Hissy Fit” *meaning a lot of stomping around and crying at her desk or in the washroom* until someone feels sorry for her and do as she asked.

Well the other WGs fall for that. You know the Black folks just look at her like she’s crazy and roll their eyes. Tears don’t sway me honey. Leave that fake crying on the stage where it belongs.

Take the other day for example. Everyone in the Front Office decided to order pizza to avoid the slop that was being served in the cafeteria. We decided to go in for a couple of pizza with everyone splitting the costs of the pizzas. When approached she said ok but she wanted a Meat Lovers pizza. No one else wanted it so one of the girls told her that we would order the pizza but since no one wanted any of her pizza she was responsible for her own pizza price. This made sense since all of the pizza we ordered was of the standard cheese, pepperoni, and sausage kind meaning that at least four people would be eating from each pizza and no one but her from the one she wanted. And no one wanted all types of meat on their pizza.

So she called herself copping an attitude and demanded, not asked, that everyone chip in to pay for her pizza. Her justification was that since we were all getting pizza, if we split it technically we would all be paying just a dollar more than what we were already paying. But we said “No” mainly because we didn’t like the way she said it and was she not listening? No one would be eating from that pizza but her and I’ll be damn if I put in on something that I’m not eating.

So naturally she threw a fit and stomped outside to cry. Ask us did we lose any sleep AND we enjoyed our pizza.

Now I’m not one to claim that I do my job better than anyone else because then that would be a damn lie. I’m good at what I do but there are those days that I could give a damn about my job and I watch the clock until it is time for me to get off. But I rarely make mistakes on my job because I know what the hell I am doing.

Can I say the same for her?

Bitch always make mistakes and then try to blame everyone else for the mistake. Get caught up in her lies all the time because it took a while for her to know that anytime you mess with a guest’s account your employee number is written all over that bad boy. And even then she tried to lie talking about “some body must have been using her number.”

Oh you mean that number that has your own personal user name and password? Some body must have been hacking into the accounts huh? Just admit when you’re wrong and move on.

Not to mention she has a nasty attitude. She’s one of those people who you can tell what they’re thinking and feeling just by looking at her face. I know everyone has their bad days but don’t bring your relationship problems to work. I mean it’s bad enough when she spends half the shift caking with her boyfriend but when they get into a spat she is really on the warpath.

Another reason why I could never do the long distance thing. He lives in Richmond and apparently he drives up every weekend to be with her. Shit let that had been a Black man…”shit baby do you know how much gas is? How many miles I’m putting on my car? I’ll holla…”

*lol* Ok maybe not every Black man…

Everyone jokes that he must not be laying the smack down in the bedroom every weekend because Mondays she’s grouchy as hell. I mean if I was faithful in a long distance relationship and I wasn’t getting my back blown out every time I see my man then we would not be together. And the killing part is he’s a cute little white boy.

I mean he’s not a Justin but he could pass for an American Eagle model on a good day.

I feel sorry for him though sometimes he comes to pick her up and he just be looking like a sad ass golden retriever.

Knowing her she’s one of those white girls who are in a four year relationship and she hasn’t done the “do” with her boyfriend yet put her mouth on every part of his body but refuses to give up the cooch. Those types of white girls are a riot because it’s no way in hell I’m going to be with a man for three or four years and I haven’t sampled the merchandise.

Yeah I would have been one of those broads that were stoned to death in biblical times. Shit I can’t go more than a week or two without sex let alone a couple of years. Coochie would have Charlotte’s Web all through that bad boy. Spelling out “Help Me”. While I give props to folks who have manage to go through long periods of no sex due to a personal choice, once again, could not be me. I would be mad grouchy.

Saturday I was already grouchy because I had to be in at work so I wasn’t really in the mood for her crap that day. We had already had our meeting and since word flies around like crazy I knew she found out what folks said about her especially one guy who can’t stands her and went on an anger induced rant for close to 10 minutes about her. I didn’t know why she was copping it with me because I didn’t say anything bad about her but yet she was giving everyone the cold shoulder and I’m not one to kiss folks asses so I just ignored her most of the night.

Finally at the end of the night she *fake thinking aloud* asks, “I wonder why no one likes me” and went into this “Oh woe is me, cry me a river" monologue.

So you know me, I was just staring at her like she was crazy. I mean shit you know why folks don’t like you so don’t try to play buddy buddy with me so you can get dirt on other people.

So she’s doing the “sigh” thing and I’m just going on typing, trying to complete my share of the paperwork before my shift is over. I guess I’m not giving her the reaction she wants so she did the worst thing possible: Asked me did I like her and if I didn’t why not and please be honest.

*sigh*

Why is it when people tell me that they never want my honest opinion? And I can’t help but be honest because for the most part I am an honest person. I don’t like liars so I try to lie as little as possible.

So I’m avoiding the question and I even told her flat out you don’t really want my honest opinion and don’t ask me to unleash Pandora’s Box on your ass. That’s the thing about being callous; I just don’t give a fuck. I can dish it out and take it.

So I told her. Speaking from my own personal opinion because I’m not going to speak for every one else I let her know my own personal problems with her namely her laziness, her stank ass attitude, this retarded ass look that she gets on her face when she thinks no one is looking, her random crying fits that sways no one, and the fact that she tries to exert a “do as I say and not as I do” motto over people when she really should practice what the fuck she preaches. I mean don’t get pissed now because folks are taking long lunch breaks you should have nipped that shit in the bud a long time ago but don’t try to do it now that you’ve gotten yelled at yourself for your own obnoxiously long lunch breaks.

I also told her how I don’t like how she stands real close to me and stands behind me. I hate for anyone to stand behind me, I keep telling people I am paranoid and reflex is to throat chop a muthafucker because I don’t like for people to be behind me. And why the fuck are you standing behind me all the time anyway? I mean sometimes she be so close on me I feel her breathe on my neck…and that’s too close man. Shit be looking straight creepy and lesbian like. I mean what is she sniffing my hair or something? Looking for places to stick the knife…what? I just don’t know. And stay the fuck off my computer! Stop reading over my shoulder, it’s irritating and rude. Do I be all up in your emails? No so stay the hell out of mine! I’ll walk away and just catch her staring at my work documents looking all guilty because I know she pulled the screen up. All up in my IMs and shit. Just nosy as fuck. I had to tell her a few times curiosity killed the cat. Of course she’s looking all clueless and I had to break it down. I mean damn get a life! She’ll see me typing and hot tail it over to my computer to lurk around.

There is only one Diva at this job and it is I.

With a stiff little smile she thanked me for being honest and promptly went in the bathroom to cry.

And I did not care one bit. Suck that shit up and stop crying like a fucking baby all the time. Can dish the shit out but can’t take it when it’s dished back to her.

So she has been avoiding me like the plague since Saturday which is fine by me.

Looking pitiful and shit. Oh cry me a river.

But I still have one more day until I have a break from work. Let’s see if I can survive until Wednesday. I think I’m going to hit up Starbucks tomorrow. I’m having a sudden craving for it.

How was everyone’s weekend? Anything new and exciting happen?

The Shit Has Hit The Fan....Pt 2

My aunt all but threatened bodily harm if I did not show up at my grandmother’s house for the family fish fry as if I wasn’t going to attend. My granmother’s catfish, candied yams, and cabbage *I hate greens* was enough to have my greedy ass over there ready to max. I love my grandmother’s cabbage. I could eat it all day everyday and everyone knows that I hate greens with a passion *thus calling my Blackness into question* so someone always make a little bit of cabbage for me.

I know I’m spoiled right? Have my own personal little dishes and shit.

There was no mac and cheese *I was a little salty about that* but there was plenty of my grandmother’s chocolate bun cake.

Of course I’m impatiently waiting for the food. Why the hell do folks tell you to come over and they’re just putting the shit on to cook? Don’t they know I get angry when I don’t eat?

My uncle is currently living with my grandmother due to the fact that he is divorcing “she whom is not named” due to irreconcilable differences. Meaning the bitch was crazy. Damn and not even a year. Their anniversary was Saturday and originally the party was for that but um yeah my peoples are not passing up an opportunity to eat and talk shit about each other.

Talking about we’re celebrating Labor Day.

*cricket*

Wasn’t that two weeks ago though? That was lost on the family though, even though most of them were off of work that Monday.

*sigh*

Only my family.

Oh yeah and I got chewed out for wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Oh but they could remember that shit though huh. And they were damn flat sandals! I call them my Moses sandals because they’re the lace up Gladiator style.

But then again I’m always getting chewed out because I don’t always wear stockings with my dresses *in the summer that’s a Hell No*, I don’t wear slips, I refuse to wear my hair up with a long dress *long dress-up, short dress-down* and I wear my do-rag everywhere.

Now my cousin showed up when the food was ready *of course* and we didn’t say much to each other. We were playing with the babies and I was trying in vain to take down my little cousin’s hair but she was bawling her head off. I couldn’t help if her mother put in these little Coolio braids that I needed a magnifying glass to unravel.

Earlier in the day my aunt popped over to give us a ride to my grandmother’s and since she was rushing me I decided to just grab some clothes and shower and change at my grandmother’s since she was acting as if the food was ready or something.

My brother didn’t want to come until later so I took my niece with me. Packed up the diaper bag and we were on the go.

Everything was fine. Everyone’s eating and laughing, for once a brawl hasn’t erupted over a piece of chicken.

One of my cousins asked to see my engagement ring since I acted like I couldn’t tell anyone I was engaged. Um you were there when I announced it the last time I went home. I mean excuse me if I’m not the girl who flashes her ring in everyone’s face and talk about it every five seconds. It’s just not that big of a deal to me and my wedding is still over a year and a half away.

I’m assuming my wedding is the topic of the family considering at this point I’m not knocked up already with his child and someone wants to marry my little evil ass *my mother’s words*

Naturally the ring was off my finger.

It was only off because I don’t sleep or shower in jewelry. I took it off to shower otherwise the ring is prominently on my finger. Ok I’ve left out the house with it a few times and the cat scooted it under the bed once or twice but hey I do wear it!

Once again chastisement because apparently I’m never supposed to take my ring off.

The last place I remember having it on was in the bathroom right before I hopped into the shower.

It’s neither on the counter nor the floor.

I check my grandmother’s room where I changed my clothes. Not on the dressers, bed, or floor.

Now if one of my crack head relatives were in attendance I would be worried because that means my shit is gone and was half smoked up by then. I thought someone moved it or put it in my grandmother’s jewelry case so I went back in her room and looked through her jewelry boxes.

Still no ring.

Now I’m starting to get pissed because I hate when folks touch shit that doesn’t belong to them and of course folks are playing dumb. So I asked again.
This time my cousin spoke up…”Oh yeah it might have went down the drain. I mean I heard some clink but I didn’t know what it was so I kept it moving…”
And I saw the bitch smirk.

So I snapped.

Forgetting where I was *hard to believe I never curse around my family* I just fucking snapped. I called this bitch every thing but a fucking child of God because I just know this bitch did not drop my fucking ring down the drain. And knowing her the bitch did the shit on purpose.

Bitch get gully and hops the fuck off. So we square off. I’m yanking off the earrings and kicking off the flip flops. Of course one of the cousins run to the next room *like he really needed to folks were breaking their neck to run into the living room* telling the adults we’re about to box.

Seeing she has a real audience she tries to pull the whiny “Oh how was I suppose to know it was her engagement ring, it was an accident and I’m just flipping on her for no reason” type of speech to the family but fuck that. It’s time to show my black ass.

My uncle grabs some tools and takes apart the shit. Stupid bitch didn’t turn on the water so it’s sitting in the bottom of the pipe. To the family the beef is resolved because the ring has been recovered. But damn that she has had an ass whooping coming for the longest.

When she makes a flip remark, something like I shouldn’t leave shit around if I don’t expect it to get lost, I pop her ass. And it’s on. Straight cat fight. Just because the broad has a good 100+ pounds on me don’t mean shit. We’re in there boxing like men. And this coming from me who hasn’t had a fist fight since high school. And I know she can’t fight. You figure a big girl has some type of advance but no. She did pop me in my face two times though. I came away with a few of her micros in my hand. And she was bleeding due to the cuts my ring put on her face.

But don't ever get it twisted I know how to fight. Shit you damn near had to to survive in my neighborhood. And besides I was fueled by anger.

We get broken apart * a lot of struggle and chaos* of course she’s crying because “I attacked her” but bitch don’t play with me. I felt semi-bad for brawling all up in my grandmother's house but don't play with me and my shit. I will slice a bitch for fucking with my shit. And that was a warning for any other mother fucker in my family, just because I don't fight as much as they do doesn't mean that you're just going to beat my ass. Don't get it twisted now. My fiance and I wrestle all the time at home so don't think a bigger person is just going to get me down.

I’m still heated and I refuse to stay in the same house with her because I will go to the kitchen get a knife and slice her ass so I call my fiancé. No answer from his cell. Call my best friend, she’s at work. I call LIGHT BRIGHT . He comes in 15 minutes.

I rant to him for close to an hour. I’m still fuming while watching the fight on HBO. I’m pissed all the way back home. I’m pissed when my mother comes home and fuss at me for close to 2 hours. I’m mad when I go to sleep.

I make it to O’Hare with enough time to spare for a change. I don’t sleep well when I’m angry so I was knocked out as soon as I sat down. My fiancé was flying out on a later flight from Midway so I make it home before him. Apartment is spotless, I was surprised. Crawl in the bed and sleep for a hot minute.

Then back to the trenches of my job Monday. Work kicked my ass this week and will kick my ass next week considering I am working nights until Tuesday. This means nine days of straight working with no breaks.

I’ve been neglecting the blog because I have been on autopilot all week. I’m sorry guys it took this damn long to finish my trip. I’m only a week late.

I promise to be back to my regularly scheduled craziness this week. I have to tell you about yet another co-worker who I had to school for a quick second.

The Shit Has Hit The Fan....Pt 1

Thursday is when everything went haywire.

My Thursday started off nice enough. I work up early so I could get to the shop early to get my hair done because I was not trying to spend the entire day in the hair shop. And besides my hair was looking like Sophia’s from The Color Purple. I was expecting Squeak to pop around the corner asking, “Harpo…Who dis woman?”

Ok I’m exaggerating. It wasn’t looking that bad but wearing ponytails makes me look younger than I really am. And besides I am trying to break out of wearing ponytails every time I’m too lazy to go to the shop.

Ummm yeah…I got in at 11. Did not leave the shop until close to 4 pm.

Of course it was the variety shop where a little bit of everything goes. Just a bunch of women *and of course the token gay male stylist* gossiping, eating, doing hair and basically giving her *and his* opinion on basically everything such as:

Halle Berry is probably not good in bed and she’s probably one of those dinky broads who deserve to get hit.

She also looks like she has stalker tendencies.

Mary J Blige’s husband is cheating on her. But Mary isn’t happy unless she’s miserable anyway.

All Rappers wives are dumb as hell, they know their husbands have slept with Super Head so stop fronting.

Videos are so over rated ever since BET Uncut went off the air.

Everyone wants to be Jamaican all of a sudden.

And just a whole bunch of other randomness even though the argument/almost fist fight over who was the prettiest girl in the house on Flavor of Love almost killed me. According to consensus, “Beautiful” was the prettiest until she was booted, now it’s “Krazy” followed by “Bootz” who reminded one girl of a chick she went to high school with and come to think of it maybe they’re the same person and wouldn’t that be funny?

*Um no*

What finally did me in was the transvestite hair dresser who took his/her wig off and proceeded to braid some little effeminate dude hair with more lisp than a little bit and a sashay that would make Naomi whack him with a cell phone. I’m dozing under the dryer and I spot him/her putting crimps *yes don’t say it I was like Who the hell rocks 1992 crimps today?” and I will admit he/she was doing the damn thing.
Until he/she took his/her falsies out and set them next to the curlers talking about the tape was making his breasts itch.
And no one batted an eye but me.

I took a picture and everything but oh course my phone decided to crash and went back to the factory setting.

He sure was raw though I will give him that. If the face wasn’t so hard looking he could have passed for a pretty decent female. But of course when you keep your gear and hair tight that automatically boosts up your “cute” factor just a smig. Face could look you got bust in the face with a bag of nickels but if you keep yourself up you could either be moved up to “aiight” or “he/she is ugly but…[insert nice feature]”

After finally dragging my ass out of the salon, hair nice and bouncy, I head home only to come home to chaos. My intentions were to grab my bag and head out the door to the hotel because my fiancé flight was due in at 7:30 at Midway and already it was after five. But my mother wanted to run a few errands with her and like she tends to do she tends to give out an obnoxious amount of directions and instruction. I wanted to scream BITCH I know how to pick out a relaxer and get some stamps from the Currency Exchange!

And then I was on the phone arguing with a customer service representative who tried to tell me my Smart Card did not have any money on it which was a damn lie because anytime the amount on the card goes under $10 it automatically charges my credit card $10. And I knew this by looking up my Smart Card account on line.
That took close to a half hour to sort out.

Then I had to snap on LIGHT BRIGHT right quick because his face was tight because I was going to the hotel to be with my fiancé. We’re cool and all but last time I checked we were not fucking. So why are you getting mad? It’s not like we had plans or anything and if we did, my man comes first. Upset because we had plans for Friday. Um yeah today’s Thursday and like I said I’ll do what I want.

He’s starting to get really possessive and I don’t like that shit. I don’t like it at all. I don’t like for people to ask me 90 million questions about what I’m doing and who I’m with. I felt like it was a Law & Order: CI episode and shit.
He had thoroughly pissed me off so he met the dial tone and I refused to answer his calls or texts the entire night. You ain’t my man and I ain’t your chick.
We had a blast Thursday. I met him at the airport looking glossy and fine. Checked into the hotel and went out to eat at a restaurant near the hotel. I see the little punk every day but I missed him. I was surprised by how much I missed him.
Damn we’re some cakes now! We’re hugging and kissing in the airport like some lames.

*disgusted sigh*

Let’s just say I had a good time in that hotel room.

*wink wink*

We got to the hotel room and I realized I left my charger at home so guess whose battery died and I was left without my cell phone?
I was too pissed. What the hell am I supposed to do without my cell phone? That damn phone is an extension of me! Who the hell was I going to text to?
And besides I don’t like being without my phone.
Friday I went out with my godson’s mother and we went to Bar Louie’s where we got toasted. I haven’t been to Bar Louie’s for a minute so I was excited to go. The scene was a little too professional for my taste but I still had a great time.

Stumbled home and was in a deep sleep when the fiancé called me and asked did I want to come over to his place…like old times. I mean it was booty call hours *lol*
And I did have liquor in my system….*lol*

Saturday is when some bullshit popped off.