I had to get the hell out of dodge this weekend. So serious. Didn’t care where I went but getting out of town was my main objective last week.
And no I didn’t murder anyone and needed a quick getaway *lol*
Thanks to my hook-up at the airport I was able to get a raw flight deal on Thursday and Friday couldn’t come soon enough.
Why is it whenever I leave early at work folks act as if their whole world is over? I mean damn is it that hard to look up something by yourself? Why do you need me to read something off the screen?
At noon I gave the “two fingers” and was out the door. I mean so what my flight left at seven, oh you really thought I was staying until 5? I don’t care if the airport was across the street, I’m leaving.
Besides my lazy ass had to pack.
It’s always an adventure when I go to the airport. Or maybe it’s because I make everything an adventure. *shrugs* You know I find comedy in everything.
Lines at United were long as shit as usual. I wish people wouldn’t use the computer check in when they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing! That is my top pet peeve. Is it really that damn hard to slide a credit card in and follow the prompts? I mean really, you don’t know your destination city? Have to debate if you’re going to check that big ass bag? Then tie up the attendant at the same time.
Folks were so lucky it was Friday the 13th. My superstitious ass was on my best behavior. Shit you know how I feel about flying. First sign of trouble and I’m clawing the emergency exit door off.
Then why did I get selected for random search? For the last time: I am NO threat to any airlines. Shit I’m more afraid of the plane going down more than anyone.
And they have this machine that spray bursts of air all over your body. It’s supposed to do something, forgot what the hell she said, but you KNOW I was more concerned about my hair more than anything. Shit let a drop of water have hit the perm…it would’ve been a wrap.
But at least I didn’t have to strip or take my shoes off or anything.
Get to my gate only to find out there’s a gate change and had to walk damn near a mile *or so it seemed* to my new gate.
Am I the only one who wants to trip people who are running through the airport?
But then again I have to stop myself from running as well. Shit you know you can’t run around black folks. *lol*
And why was my seat way in the damn front. You know I don’t do wings or emergency exits seats. I am not a hero. And no one wanted to switch with me so I’m ‘noid because damn that, the front of the plane is always the first to go.
And my seat mate was this little old white man. Dude got up at the beginning of the flight and never came back. At first I was a little worried because shit you never know with some white people. Might be a disgruntled United worker and might decide to go on a rampage. And then again he was old as hell, shit I didn’t want him dying in the bathroom and delaying the flight *lol*
So I flagged down the flight attendant and asked about him and she told me he moved to another seat.
Ain’t that a bitch? Shit I ain’t a nappy head hoe. I get a relaxer motherfucker. *lol*
Oh yeah and I ain’t a hoe. *lol*
But I laid my ass out across his seat and had a nice ass nap *lol*
Before you know it I’m staring in my friends’ goofy ass faces. Apparently telling folks that there are more than one terminal slipped their mind. I’m waiting patiently in one terminal while their flights were in a completely different terminal. I was about to leave and shit *lol*
Yeah good old TWIN and FOOL were there in all their late as shit glory.
I guess our so-called professional lives have been getting to us because we did NOTHING the entire weekend. We relaxed and slept damn near the entire weekend.
Got some eats and took our asses to bed. Gone are the days when we get all pretty and hit the streets. Shit we got some “White Castles” and hit the sheets. Watched some TV and goofed around.
Saturday I got some new ink done. Two of them bitches in one day. It was impulsive but it kinda wasn’t because I had talked about getting some tattoos for a minute. I have a bull on the back of my neck and another “secret” tattoo on my hip.
The neck tattoo didn’t really hurt. It was more of an annoying drill than anything but she leaned on my neck like a muthafucker. You know my retarded ass couldn’t keep my neck straight.
Now the one on my hip hurt a bit. Leg was shaking and shit. She hit some type of nerve and I swear I was going to fart in her face *lmao* No lie. I had to clench the butt cheeks tight because I was going to let go. I was glad when she finished that one because I swear she was digging super deep into my skin.
Ain’t that a bitch though? I damn near fall out for death from a paper cut but I let someone poke me in the skin with a needle without a whimper?
My friends were really surprised that I went ahead and got one because it took a long ass time because I got served. I was about to chicken out but I ain’t no punk bitch *lol*
Punk asses punked out and shit. Left me all alone to get some ink.
Then again I’ve had piercing through almost every part of my body so they weren’t that surprised. After all I did get my nipples pierced on a dare.
We hit the mall, of course hit up some eats and back to the room for…you guessed it….sleep. Ok well I went to sleep; they went back out and did whatever. I woke up when they came back.
I swear I felt like I spent the entire weekend sleeping because before you know it, it was Sunday and my flight was leaving early as hell.
I had to bag my damn carmex. Like what am I going to do with some carmex? Smear an attendant’s eye or something? But hell that was a new tube and I was not parting with it.
Tried to sleep on the flight but with the tattoos it made it a little uncomfortable.
Got back to DC, it was pouring out.
Went home, cleaned up the mess that JBN left as a present and went to sleep. Managed to have a nice comfortable sleep, sleeping in this awkward ass position that kinda works.
Had a nice relaxing weekend…only to come back to chaos Monday at work.
*sigh* Doesn’t it feel good to be missed at work?
Monday, April 16, 2007
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Diamonds In My Damn Chain...
How come in maxi pad commercials, the girl always feels the need to feel the pad to show you how dry it is? Granted it’s blue water in the commercial but still…I am NOT trying to touch a bloody pad and gasp in amazement on how dry it is.
Are music videos losing all forms of imagination? Same girls, same concept, same ol’ rappers and what not. I think the only thing that changes are the clothes. And that’s saying a lot as most of the rappers probably don’t bathe.
Please stop talking to me on the phone while on MySpace and get super excited when someone famous is supposedly on line. Come on now, we all know Trina can barely read, let alone set up a MySpace account. Don’t be funny now.
It’s funny, I noticed in all the burglar alarm commercials how come the perp is always White? And dumb? Damn at least a black burglar would wait until the family is asleep before they break in.
Although I crack up at the one when the guy kicks in the kitchen door while the mother and her children are in the kitchen and runs away. You know I would’ve chased his ass down and beat the shit out of him for kicking in my damn door like that.
The charger dock in my phone shorted out on me and I had to get a new phone. The same phone but without scratches all on the surface *lol* I was mad that all my pictures erased although I went ahead and bought the memory chip but since I didn’t format it, all my pictures erased that was on the chip. I was too heated.
JBN almost slayed me in the store when he told me the tech guy looked like G. Garvin, the black cook on TV One.
I took the charger with me to the store because I was convinced it was just the charger, got my new phone, got all the way home and realized the charger was still at the store. Had to go back to the store and get the damn charger. I was too mad. Damn tech guy talking about “he forgot”.
Yeah got that name, I am so writing a letter to Corporate *lol* Shit burned up my gas. That has to last all week.
I went to the movies to see Grindhouse and I was pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed the movie. It was more funny than scary and although the second movie dragged on for like, forever, I was rolling by the end. I won’t spoil it for anyone but the shit was down right hilarious.
Although Rosario’s hair line was looking a little suspect in the movie. Looking like she had a shape-up and shit.
Why is it every time I pick up my purse at work someone asks me am I going home? Why? So you can steal my stapler off my desk? Damn mind your business.
Let’s not get on when I’m on the phone obviously having a “personal” call, I mean damn all up in my mouth. So I just take to scooting over in my chair and closing the door with my toes. I mean damn I do not need you poking your head in my door asking “What’s so funny”?
I’ll be in Reno with my mom this year for my birthday. Damn won’t be drunk as I do every year on my birthday. Oh who the hell am I lying to? I already have the name tag made out, just prop me up in the lobby. Eventually I’ll make it to my room.
And please family stop reminding me of my age and how such and such remember when I was “this” tall. Shit I’m still the same height. I’ve been the same height since, what, 14? Growth spurt my ass. I’m still getting carded at the movie theater.
You know I wouldn’t laugh when people fell if they didn’t fall so damn funny. And it’s even funnier when children fall. I know, I have my bus ticket and everything for that bus ride to Hell.
I’ve just noticed it has been about 4 years since I’ve gone to church on Easter. I remember when Easter preparation was made months in advance. Mother was shopping for Easter outfits in January. You’d think we were in a wedding or something the way Easter was planned. My mother made a big mistake when church no longer because mandatory because that’s when I stopped going. Damn shame.
Nothing against church but I just didn’t like it *lol* Now church can have it’s comedic moments, at least for me, but I figured what’s the point in me going when I know I’ll be sleep as soon as the pastor hits the podium.
DC teased me. Monday and Tuesday were wonderful. In the high 70s, warm and breezy. Got my sunbathing on and stuff only to snatch it away a few days later. I was too mad.
Why did I almost have a stoke in the parking garage when a pigeon flew too close to me? And why the hell are pigeons lurking in the parking garage. I hate those damn flying rats. Especially when it’s a flock of them and some idiot kid decide they want to scare them and they start flying everywhere. Guaranteed you will see me running and screaming down the street.
I hate flying creatures.
I hate unrecognizable numbers. I don’t care how many times you call I am not picking up.
And isn’t there a time limit to when someone should call you? Once again if you have to remind me who you are, what you look like or how we met…um yeah I’m going to need you to end the call before I end it for you.
And I know it’s getting warm because those “Are you still engaged/with your boyfriend” calls have increased. Stop burning up my day time minutes, you never had a chance.
And as much as I heart food, I don’t eat everyone’s cooking. Please stop trying to push those half cooked brownies on me.
I heart Lloyd’s new cd. He still looks like he eats paint chips though.
Are odes to strippers and “making it rain” on them the new thing? Since when did strippers get so hot they get dedications? Are they working it like that in the strip clubs? Shit made me wish I didn’t fall off the pole during my audition. Shit I want a dedication!
I was watching a couple of T.I’s videos on TV and I’m wondering: Have he always had that little twitch? Sometimes he looks mad crazy in his videos. He’s still a cutie though.
Ne-Yo looks like a catfish to me but damn if his cd isn’t nice. I’m still picturing him lip synching “Irreplaceable” though.
And Rich Boy? *shudder* I want to call him Frankenstein but shit even that’s not doing justice to him. He looks malnourished…and deformed.
Spring Bling…why? Just…why?
And please upgrade on the swim suit tip. If you KNOW your old one is worn out, grungy, or too small, just please go out and buy a new one. If you can slap down $200 for a fresh weave, you can slap down $30 for a swimsuit at Target.
And why are Black folks fronting playing in the ocean…like we can swim?
Shit with a fresh relaxer and wrap…do you really think I am getting near any form of water? Quit playing.
And VIBE should be slapped for that R. Kelly cover. So wrong on so many levels. We all know he did it. Trying to front like he’s innocent.
I’m getting the hands powdered up. I’m going to have to lay the smack down on a few individuals.
Are music videos losing all forms of imagination? Same girls, same concept, same ol’ rappers and what not. I think the only thing that changes are the clothes. And that’s saying a lot as most of the rappers probably don’t bathe.
Please stop talking to me on the phone while on MySpace and get super excited when someone famous is supposedly on line. Come on now, we all know Trina can barely read, let alone set up a MySpace account. Don’t be funny now.
It’s funny, I noticed in all the burglar alarm commercials how come the perp is always White? And dumb? Damn at least a black burglar would wait until the family is asleep before they break in.
Although I crack up at the one when the guy kicks in the kitchen door while the mother and her children are in the kitchen and runs away. You know I would’ve chased his ass down and beat the shit out of him for kicking in my damn door like that.
The charger dock in my phone shorted out on me and I had to get a new phone. The same phone but without scratches all on the surface *lol* I was mad that all my pictures erased although I went ahead and bought the memory chip but since I didn’t format it, all my pictures erased that was on the chip. I was too heated.
JBN almost slayed me in the store when he told me the tech guy looked like G. Garvin, the black cook on TV One.
I took the charger with me to the store because I was convinced it was just the charger, got my new phone, got all the way home and realized the charger was still at the store. Had to go back to the store and get the damn charger. I was too mad. Damn tech guy talking about “he forgot”.
Yeah got that name, I am so writing a letter to Corporate *lol* Shit burned up my gas. That has to last all week.
I went to the movies to see Grindhouse and I was pleasantly surprised. I enjoyed the movie. It was more funny than scary and although the second movie dragged on for like, forever, I was rolling by the end. I won’t spoil it for anyone but the shit was down right hilarious.
Although Rosario’s hair line was looking a little suspect in the movie. Looking like she had a shape-up and shit.
Why is it every time I pick up my purse at work someone asks me am I going home? Why? So you can steal my stapler off my desk? Damn mind your business.
Let’s not get on when I’m on the phone obviously having a “personal” call, I mean damn all up in my mouth. So I just take to scooting over in my chair and closing the door with my toes. I mean damn I do not need you poking your head in my door asking “What’s so funny”?
I’ll be in Reno with my mom this year for my birthday. Damn won’t be drunk as I do every year on my birthday. Oh who the hell am I lying to? I already have the name tag made out, just prop me up in the lobby. Eventually I’ll make it to my room.
And please family stop reminding me of my age and how such and such remember when I was “this” tall. Shit I’m still the same height. I’ve been the same height since, what, 14? Growth spurt my ass. I’m still getting carded at the movie theater.
You know I wouldn’t laugh when people fell if they didn’t fall so damn funny. And it’s even funnier when children fall. I know, I have my bus ticket and everything for that bus ride to Hell.
I’ve just noticed it has been about 4 years since I’ve gone to church on Easter. I remember when Easter preparation was made months in advance. Mother was shopping for Easter outfits in January. You’d think we were in a wedding or something the way Easter was planned. My mother made a big mistake when church no longer because mandatory because that’s when I stopped going. Damn shame.
Nothing against church but I just didn’t like it *lol* Now church can have it’s comedic moments, at least for me, but I figured what’s the point in me going when I know I’ll be sleep as soon as the pastor hits the podium.
DC teased me. Monday and Tuesday were wonderful. In the high 70s, warm and breezy. Got my sunbathing on and stuff only to snatch it away a few days later. I was too mad.
Why did I almost have a stoke in the parking garage when a pigeon flew too close to me? And why the hell are pigeons lurking in the parking garage. I hate those damn flying rats. Especially when it’s a flock of them and some idiot kid decide they want to scare them and they start flying everywhere. Guaranteed you will see me running and screaming down the street.
I hate flying creatures.
I hate unrecognizable numbers. I don’t care how many times you call I am not picking up.
And isn’t there a time limit to when someone should call you? Once again if you have to remind me who you are, what you look like or how we met…um yeah I’m going to need you to end the call before I end it for you.
And I know it’s getting warm because those “Are you still engaged/with your boyfriend” calls have increased. Stop burning up my day time minutes, you never had a chance.
And as much as I heart food, I don’t eat everyone’s cooking. Please stop trying to push those half cooked brownies on me.
I heart Lloyd’s new cd. He still looks like he eats paint chips though.
Are odes to strippers and “making it rain” on them the new thing? Since when did strippers get so hot they get dedications? Are they working it like that in the strip clubs? Shit made me wish I didn’t fall off the pole during my audition. Shit I want a dedication!
I was watching a couple of T.I’s videos on TV and I’m wondering: Have he always had that little twitch? Sometimes he looks mad crazy in his videos. He’s still a cutie though.
Ne-Yo looks like a catfish to me but damn if his cd isn’t nice. I’m still picturing him lip synching “Irreplaceable” though.
And Rich Boy? *shudder* I want to call him Frankenstein but shit even that’s not doing justice to him. He looks malnourished…and deformed.
Spring Bling…why? Just…why?
And please upgrade on the swim suit tip. If you KNOW your old one is worn out, grungy, or too small, just please go out and buy a new one. If you can slap down $200 for a fresh weave, you can slap down $30 for a swimsuit at Target.
And why are Black folks fronting playing in the ocean…like we can swim?
Shit with a fresh relaxer and wrap…do you really think I am getting near any form of water? Quit playing.
And VIBE should be slapped for that R. Kelly cover. So wrong on so many levels. We all know he did it. Trying to front like he’s innocent.
I’m getting the hands powdered up. I’m going to have to lay the smack down on a few individuals.
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Walk It Out....
This week has been an extremly busy week for me *as usual* I'm patiently counting down the days when all children are out for the summer thus lessening my workload as I will have no student groups to really worry about.
So...For once in my short life, I have nothing to talk about.
As a cop-out and because I love yall....Ask me anything and I'll answer it. I know right...Me give up information? Better take advantage now as the opportunity will probably be lost. Leave questions in my comment box and check back, I'll just post it on my blog.
And please...Let's put a mininum on the Rated XXX questions. I'm arching an eyebrow at you SLUMP. I know your mind stays in the gutter but try not to ask me anything that will make me blush or vomit.
**EDIT**
And The Questions Roll In...
Honey asked:
Hmmm I would have to say that I've always wondered if how you type your blogs is how you talk in real life..like in a convo do you really bust out in to the left to the left LOL...cause I would crack up laughing.
Me: I’ve been told I talk/act the exact same way. Eh my diction is a tad bit better in public though. No false images here. What you see is what you get. And yes I ramble, blurt out random song lyrics, dance and do all of that. “To The Left, To the Left” complete with hand signals. I blame my schizo tendancies. Yes Honey *hangs head* I’m just this damn goofy in real life *lol*
Nexgrl asked:
Since you like Justin Timberlake and Robin Thick, do you also like Jon B?
Me: I adore Jon B. Although I refuse to acknowledge he’s a white guy *lol* He is strictly Latino to me *lol*. I ordered his video on “The Box” quite a few times *right along with Immature*. I wonder…do he have anything new out? Now Jon B. is a man that could get it 5 times in the bathroom right quick. One sexy, sexy man. Lemme stop…drool is forming on the keyboard
telly serone asked:
why is it that, to black people who were born and raised in dc or md, virginia is so f*ckin far away?
Me: When I first moved into the area-period- from Chicago, I asked the same damn question. First I lived in Maryland and worked in VA and folks stared at me like I said I commute to NY daily or something. Then when I moved to VA and went back into MD/DC folks were fancinated that I lived in VA, Arlington, to be exact. Someone told me VA Black folks are stuck up or some crap like that and VA has stricter laws so Black folks avoid coming across the bridge. Which of course made me wonder what laws were Black folks possibily breaking if they didn’t want to get caught in Virginia. Virginia sucks though anyway. I guess it’s too many bridges to cross for MD, DC folks. But to be fair…I rarely cross the bridge into MD anymore and I’m only in DC to hit the clubs or visit some of my friends…and I clutch my pearls all the same *LMAO*
thee modern isis asked
**I see you came out of hiding chica LOL**
1. If you were to have kids.. what would be the first thing you warn them about the opposite sex?
2. From being on Blogger so long.. what have you learned? Would you have done something differently?
3. If you were dean of S.U. (Stripper University).. what would the commencement cerremony music be?
Me: LMAO…You are a damn fool!!!!
1. Daughters: Don’t fall for any lines on why he can’t wear a condom. And if you think you might have ran up on some crack dick….take 3 steps back and assess the situation. Sons: Treat all women with respect. You never know when if you’ll wake up one night and she’s standing over you.
2. I’ve learned there’s all types of characters on Blogger. Some good people, some not so good. Some folks whom I would love to be real life friends with and some…not so much. I think blogging often gives the false impression that based on reading parts of people's personal life you really know the person when often that’s not the case, you find that the online persona doesn’t necessarily match up with the offline persona. Or you just really don't know the person at all. There are a lot of false people out there. I don’t think I would have done anything differently, I’m exactly the same on-line as off-line. I can only be me and at the end of the day I always blog for myself and not others. I’d probably stop cursing so much…oh who the hell am I kidding? My filthy mouth isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
3. Damn it’s a toss up between “Do The Brown” by Luke or “Seems Like You’re Ready” by the “Ararah”. Either way you gotta come up out the gown and slide down the pole to get your degree
Xavier aka Ali's Zay asked:
Oh I like these! You love to party and the old me could definitely hang with you, yet you distinguish yourself from so many yong sistahs who f#ck their whole lives up. What, in your opinion, is wrong with these young girls, and more importantly, what is your secret for staying focused on your goals?
Me: Dang X why you gotta get all deep on a sista *lol* I think lack of guidance is a HUGE problem with young girls today. For example, my mother is my best friend. No one knows me better than Mama Dukes. HOWEVER she did not treat me like her friend, she treats me like her daughter. She's always kept it real no matter how graphic the talk became, she has never lied to me about anything and gave me the full unadulterated truth. Not to mention a fear of disappointing her and/or her foot up my ass kept me in line. So many young girls out here are looking for love/acceptance in all of the wrong places and I think that comes from lack of a stable home. Granted not all young women fall victim but a nice number. "At the end of the day, when you die, you die broke and alone" is one thing she has always told me, so interest in material things never appealed to me because well I can't take it with me when I die. She also told me "Love yourself before you love anything else. Never let any man or woman make you doubt the love you have for yourself because you can't love anyone else until you love yourself". Powerful words from a very wise woman. For the most part I surround myself around positive people, negative folks brings you down. Also young ladies don't educate themselves. Don't take your friends' word for it: seek the truth by yourself. I can go on and on about this issue but umm...yeah short answer: Positive people in my life has kept me on the straight path.
I don't think I have any secrets other than being stubborn and true to myself. At the end of the day, it's all about me and the choices that I make. I try to live a good life, I have a few bumps along the way, but I never lose focus of my goals. I think it's my drive to succeed that keep me on the right path. I see so much wasted potential out there and I do not want to go down that path. Live your life for you, not for others. Can't please everyone so focus on yourself.
Thic Flair asked:
This is the most important question ever.....
COKE or PEPSI?
ME: That answer is clear I am a PEPSI drinker!!! Except in alcohol and then I am a strong COKE drinker *lol*
MKPrice asked
And my questions is: Seeing as how your personality is so similar to mine in many aspects, do you have the same problems I do maintaining "friendships" with other women your age? Do you tend to see your friends being all male or older women?
ME: Feel free to steal it, where do you think I got the idea from? *lol*
I’ve had problems maintaining female friendship since I could talk. *lol* For some reason, other girls just don’t like me. It used to bug me and I went above and beyond to retain that female bond but ultimately I said “fuck it”. Can’t please everyone. I mean we start off cool but eventually ties are severed. Usually on my part. I have less patience with a female friend than a guy friend. I do however have several close female friends my age but we are all pretty much goofy so it all work out I guess. We have more personality traits that are identical than clashing. In fact I don’t think we’ve ever had a serious argument. I think it’s my mindset when it comes to a lot of issues as far as the reason I don’t hang with a lot of women. That and typical cattiness, pettiness and back stabbing that inevitably happens…esp. when a damn MAN is in the equation. Not all my friendships have ended over a man but most have.
I do find that I have way more male friends than female friends but I think that’s because I have an “one of the guys” personality, except when it comes to sports and bugs and then I’m all girlie *lol*. I’ve always hung around more guys than girls and I think it’s clear by my filthy mouth and crude sexual gestures. Older female friends? Eh maybe about two-three years older but I don’t have any female friends over the age of 26. That’s when the maturity factor that I am currently lacking kicks in and I’m seen as a “young girl’ with “foolish expectations.”
Slump asked:
Here is my totally CLEAN question, do you think your eventual marriage will end in eternal bliss or a horrible divorce?
ME: Hopefully bliss. I look at it as we’ve already been together 5 years so I don’t think marriage would change us in the least. Maybe more serious arguments than “who ate the last reese cup” and making a big deal out of it for 30 minutes. Although I think the “desperate housewife” thing, you know sleeping with the UPS guy or the mailman may be pretty interesting. I’m not thinking of divorce, although he can keep the kids *lol*
Sister Toldja asked:
Great post! If I had seen it in time, I would have asked you why the hell you claimed WY in high school! LMAO! I went there, and baby, you didn't miss much! And how did you manage not to get caught up?
ME: It actually started as a joke with my friends. The further you got from the far Southside, the less people knew about my school but EVERYONE knew about Whitney Young. And it’s not like Corliss was winning any honors, ya dig? I mean getting fake abortion money is a science within itself but something I really don’t need to learn how to do. So we began telling folks we went to WY because you know a classic line on the bus was asking someone did they go to a certain school because they “looked familiar” or they were “spotted” at the school’s homecoming dance. I always got schools like CVS, Simeon, Carver or Washington H.S. So I began telling dudes like “Naw I go to WY” and it stuck as a line.
And if I had gotten my lazy ass up to take the test, I probably would have been at WY.
It wasn’t that hard. I knew the school colors and mascot and just winged it from there. I also told people I was the “shy” type so I didn’t know a lot of people. You’d be surprised on what folks would believe. Throw in a lil “I used my grandma’s address to apply for the school” and bam! Instant credibility.
And it was always a great way to prevent dudes that tried to holler at you on the bus from trying to come up to your school. 2 buses AND a train to get to WY?! Yeah aiight!
A few people I was cool with in college went to WY and I had a few really going like I went to their high school.
So...For once in my short life, I have nothing to talk about.
As a cop-out and because I love yall....Ask me anything and I'll answer it. I know right...Me give up information? Better take advantage now as the opportunity will probably be lost. Leave questions in my comment box and check back, I'll just post it on my blog.
And please...Let's put a mininum on the Rated XXX questions. I'm arching an eyebrow at you SLUMP. I know your mind stays in the gutter but try not to ask me anything that will make me blush or vomit.
**EDIT**
And The Questions Roll In...
Honey asked:
Hmmm I would have to say that I've always wondered if how you type your blogs is how you talk in real life..like in a convo do you really bust out in to the left to the left LOL...cause I would crack up laughing.
Me: I’ve been told I talk/act the exact same way. Eh my diction is a tad bit better in public though. No false images here. What you see is what you get. And yes I ramble, blurt out random song lyrics, dance and do all of that. “To The Left, To the Left” complete with hand signals. I blame my schizo tendancies. Yes Honey *hangs head* I’m just this damn goofy in real life *lol*
Nexgrl asked:
Since you like Justin Timberlake and Robin Thick, do you also like Jon B?
Me: I adore Jon B. Although I refuse to acknowledge he’s a white guy *lol* He is strictly Latino to me *lol*. I ordered his video on “The Box” quite a few times *right along with Immature*. I wonder…do he have anything new out? Now Jon B. is a man that could get it 5 times in the bathroom right quick. One sexy, sexy man. Lemme stop…drool is forming on the keyboard
telly serone asked:
why is it that, to black people who were born and raised in dc or md, virginia is so f*ckin far away?
Me: When I first moved into the area-period- from Chicago, I asked the same damn question. First I lived in Maryland and worked in VA and folks stared at me like I said I commute to NY daily or something. Then when I moved to VA and went back into MD/DC folks were fancinated that I lived in VA, Arlington, to be exact. Someone told me VA Black folks are stuck up or some crap like that and VA has stricter laws so Black folks avoid coming across the bridge. Which of course made me wonder what laws were Black folks possibily breaking if they didn’t want to get caught in Virginia. Virginia sucks though anyway. I guess it’s too many bridges to cross for MD, DC folks. But to be fair…I rarely cross the bridge into MD anymore and I’m only in DC to hit the clubs or visit some of my friends…and I clutch my pearls all the same *LMAO*
thee modern isis asked
**I see you came out of hiding chica LOL**
1. If you were to have kids.. what would be the first thing you warn them about the opposite sex?
2. From being on Blogger so long.. what have you learned? Would you have done something differently?
3. If you were dean of S.U. (Stripper University).. what would the commencement cerremony music be?
Me: LMAO…You are a damn fool!!!!
1. Daughters: Don’t fall for any lines on why he can’t wear a condom. And if you think you might have ran up on some crack dick….take 3 steps back and assess the situation. Sons: Treat all women with respect. You never know when if you’ll wake up one night and she’s standing over you.
2. I’ve learned there’s all types of characters on Blogger. Some good people, some not so good. Some folks whom I would love to be real life friends with and some…not so much. I think blogging often gives the false impression that based on reading parts of people's personal life you really know the person when often that’s not the case, you find that the online persona doesn’t necessarily match up with the offline persona. Or you just really don't know the person at all. There are a lot of false people out there. I don’t think I would have done anything differently, I’m exactly the same on-line as off-line. I can only be me and at the end of the day I always blog for myself and not others. I’d probably stop cursing so much…oh who the hell am I kidding? My filthy mouth isn’t going anywhere anytime soon.
3. Damn it’s a toss up between “Do The Brown” by Luke or “Seems Like You’re Ready” by the “Ararah”. Either way you gotta come up out the gown and slide down the pole to get your degree
Xavier aka Ali's Zay asked:
Oh I like these! You love to party and the old me could definitely hang with you, yet you distinguish yourself from so many yong sistahs who f#ck their whole lives up. What, in your opinion, is wrong with these young girls, and more importantly, what is your secret for staying focused on your goals?
Me: Dang X why you gotta get all deep on a sista *lol* I think lack of guidance is a HUGE problem with young girls today. For example, my mother is my best friend. No one knows me better than Mama Dukes. HOWEVER she did not treat me like her friend, she treats me like her daughter. She's always kept it real no matter how graphic the talk became, she has never lied to me about anything and gave me the full unadulterated truth. Not to mention a fear of disappointing her and/or her foot up my ass kept me in line. So many young girls out here are looking for love/acceptance in all of the wrong places and I think that comes from lack of a stable home. Granted not all young women fall victim but a nice number. "At the end of the day, when you die, you die broke and alone" is one thing she has always told me, so interest in material things never appealed to me because well I can't take it with me when I die. She also told me "Love yourself before you love anything else. Never let any man or woman make you doubt the love you have for yourself because you can't love anyone else until you love yourself". Powerful words from a very wise woman. For the most part I surround myself around positive people, negative folks brings you down. Also young ladies don't educate themselves. Don't take your friends' word for it: seek the truth by yourself. I can go on and on about this issue but umm...yeah short answer: Positive people in my life has kept me on the straight path.
I don't think I have any secrets other than being stubborn and true to myself. At the end of the day, it's all about me and the choices that I make. I try to live a good life, I have a few bumps along the way, but I never lose focus of my goals. I think it's my drive to succeed that keep me on the right path. I see so much wasted potential out there and I do not want to go down that path. Live your life for you, not for others. Can't please everyone so focus on yourself.
Thic Flair asked:
This is the most important question ever.....
COKE or PEPSI?
ME: That answer is clear I am a PEPSI drinker!!! Except in alcohol and then I am a strong COKE drinker *lol*
MKPrice asked
And my questions is: Seeing as how your personality is so similar to mine in many aspects, do you have the same problems I do maintaining "friendships" with other women your age? Do you tend to see your friends being all male or older women?
ME: Feel free to steal it, where do you think I got the idea from? *lol*
I’ve had problems maintaining female friendship since I could talk. *lol* For some reason, other girls just don’t like me. It used to bug me and I went above and beyond to retain that female bond but ultimately I said “fuck it”. Can’t please everyone. I mean we start off cool but eventually ties are severed. Usually on my part. I have less patience with a female friend than a guy friend. I do however have several close female friends my age but we are all pretty much goofy so it all work out I guess. We have more personality traits that are identical than clashing. In fact I don’t think we’ve ever had a serious argument. I think it’s my mindset when it comes to a lot of issues as far as the reason I don’t hang with a lot of women. That and typical cattiness, pettiness and back stabbing that inevitably happens…esp. when a damn MAN is in the equation. Not all my friendships have ended over a man but most have.
I do find that I have way more male friends than female friends but I think that’s because I have an “one of the guys” personality, except when it comes to sports and bugs and then I’m all girlie *lol*. I’ve always hung around more guys than girls and I think it’s clear by my filthy mouth and crude sexual gestures. Older female friends? Eh maybe about two-three years older but I don’t have any female friends over the age of 26. That’s when the maturity factor that I am currently lacking kicks in and I’m seen as a “young girl’ with “foolish expectations.”
Slump asked:
Here is my totally CLEAN question, do you think your eventual marriage will end in eternal bliss or a horrible divorce?
ME: Hopefully bliss. I look at it as we’ve already been together 5 years so I don’t think marriage would change us in the least. Maybe more serious arguments than “who ate the last reese cup” and making a big deal out of it for 30 minutes. Although I think the “desperate housewife” thing, you know sleeping with the UPS guy or the mailman may be pretty interesting. I’m not thinking of divorce, although he can keep the kids *lol*
Sister Toldja asked:
Great post! If I had seen it in time, I would have asked you why the hell you claimed WY in high school! LMAO! I went there, and baby, you didn't miss much! And how did you manage not to get caught up?
ME: It actually started as a joke with my friends. The further you got from the far Southside, the less people knew about my school but EVERYONE knew about Whitney Young. And it’s not like Corliss was winning any honors, ya dig? I mean getting fake abortion money is a science within itself but something I really don’t need to learn how to do. So we began telling folks we went to WY because you know a classic line on the bus was asking someone did they go to a certain school because they “looked familiar” or they were “spotted” at the school’s homecoming dance. I always got schools like CVS, Simeon, Carver or Washington H.S. So I began telling dudes like “Naw I go to WY” and it stuck as a line.
And if I had gotten my lazy ass up to take the test, I probably would have been at WY.
It wasn’t that hard. I knew the school colors and mascot and just winged it from there. I also told people I was the “shy” type so I didn’t know a lot of people. You’d be surprised on what folks would believe. Throw in a lil “I used my grandma’s address to apply for the school” and bam! Instant credibility.
And it was always a great way to prevent dudes that tried to holler at you on the bus from trying to come up to your school. 2 buses AND a train to get to WY?! Yeah aiight!
A few people I was cool with in college went to WY and I had a few really going like I went to their high school.
Thursday, March 22, 2007
I'm So Cold, I'm So Cold, I'm So Cold
**Sorry in advance if I offend anyone**
Lotion should remain a top staple in a Black person’s home. Nothing is more irritating-and wrong-than a Black person walking around looking like a dusty ass Milk Dud.
What does “hooking up” mean to White people? I mean damn either it means fucking or it doesn’t. One of those little irritating things that bothers me when I’m talking to a White girl around my age.
I mean so….wait. Last week when you said you “hooked up” with this guy at the bar you just “made out”, which means heavy patting and kissing, but this week when you “hooked up”, you actually went all the way? *sigh* Pass the salt please.
And if Black Women are so-called “whores” what are White women? I’ve seen wayyy sluttier behavior from a drunken white girl than any Black woman on any video.
I’ve always wondered what’s the purpose of being a lesbian when in the end during sex you’re stilling playing with some form of a dick. I mean most lesbians do use some sort of phallic toy right? So….why not get the real thing? I mean if breasts are your thing, just get a guy with “manboobies” *thanks JIGALOW*?
There isn’t enough wack dick and trifling men in the world though to ever “turn” me into a lesbian. My “I Heart Penis” card is lamented and bordered in titanium.
But wait, how do you “turn” someone into a lesbian, doesn’t that mean that person has always been a homosexual though?
I don’t believe there is a such thing as a “bi sexual” man. Once a dick has gone in his ass or his mouth…dude you’re gay. Point Blank. “Experimenting” my right ass cheek. When I put peroxide in my brother’s hair to see if it would really turn blond, that’s experimenting *as well as a well deserved ass whooping*. But a dude that wakes up one day like “Today I wanna see what it feels like to suck a dick”…in the words of Riley Freeman: “Nigga You Gay”.
Although…if I was a man I’d probably be gay *lol*
My fascination with gay men astonishes even me. I won’t even go into the dumb ass questions I have asked G. I think he’s the reason I may have watched a gay porn video once or a few dozen times but whose counting *lol*. I can’t imagine a man sticking his dick in my ass but boy am I all up in the screen to see it done with two men.
….Don’t act like I’m the only one who has came across some gay porn. And sat and watched it.
How come the status of “home wrecker” is always placed on the woman? I mean wasn’t it the male’s choice as well to cheat? I mean the man took the marital vows NOT the women he cheated with so shouldn’t the blame rest on the man’s shoulder?
I am such a tabloid whore. I think my magazine subscription has increased. Damn the new Black Enterprise magazine where the hell is my Star Magazine?!
Although…I personally think 95% of Hollywood is cracked out, doped up, an alcoholic and just plain hoes. I mean folks get passed around more times than a blunt in Hollywood . Everyone has dated everyone. I mean damn think of the diseases that probably crawling around in some folks’ asses.
*shudder*
I had to ultimately end a friendship with someone whom I thought was a friend but when I think about it, never really wasn’t. While I will miss the friendship, I don’t think I will miss the actual person. Isn’t that fucked up? Like how can you miss the actual friendship but not the person attached?
When I cut someone off, they’re pretty much cut off. Number is already erased from the phone.
E-Beef and E-Wars never cease to amuse me. Why can’t you just call and curse me out? Why send an email?
Someone pointed out that I always wear obnoxiously big sunglasses when I have such a small face. That’s because I’m glamorous darling.
The sound of someone popping their knuckles irks me.
I’ve finally seen Borat and that movie is the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. I was howling through the entire movie.
You know maybe it’s not my actual job that irks me; it’s my co-workers. I mean damn when I walk away from the property I leave work related problems behind, why can’t you?
Because You Must Not Know ‘Bout Me, You Must Not Know “Bout Me *Putting Beyonce’s great lyrical talent to use…or should I say NeYo’s? Didn’t he write that song? And…The thought of NeYo hunched over a desk writing these lyrics and probably lip synching to himself is a hilarious image in my head* And lately people have been on the receiving end of getting cursed out. Damn sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school. Except less teen pregnancies and fist fights after school.
Is there really a reason Whites wear open toes shoes and shorts in the winter time? I mean what’s the point of putting on a winter coat when you’re rocking shorts?
And a little tan goes a long way for some. I mean looking like Casper is NOT hot. Well neither is the “Cheeto Orange” either.
I love sunflower seeds. I think I go through at least 4 bags a week. My ultimate comfort food.
I hate those chain emails. Sure they start off all nice and inspirational but damn if I don’t send this to at least 10 people I will have bad sex, luck, teeth, hair will fall out….shit I’ll die?! Who thinks of this crap?
And another thing: Don’t forward me a text. Shit that’s usually 2 received texts?! Are you nuts?!
I am a hypocrite.
Am I the only one who practices dance steps in the mirror?
I’m getting another tattoo soon. I’m not sure what I’m getting yet though.
…If I run someone over with my car in the parking garage, you think I could get away with it?
But….I am too pretty for jail.
How come when you have someone everyone wants you?
I wonder do men know women know when he’s been busted in a lie.
Since my revelation that it’s now standard that women lie on their pussy as well, I’ve been lying my ass off. Shit you can add Etan Thomas to the list as well. Yeah I hit him in Georgetown the other day. *lol*
Being disrespectful to someone in their home is never cool.
Icebox is gonna be my new “break up” song *lol* Every time I stop being cool with someone I’m going to play that on his or her voicemail *lol*
JBN and I may seem dramatic but we’re really not. While some folks argue over serious stuff we argue over who ate the last Reese Cup.
My birthday is less than two months away. Of course my list is already made.
Damn…I’ll be 24.
Lotion should remain a top staple in a Black person’s home. Nothing is more irritating-and wrong-than a Black person walking around looking like a dusty ass Milk Dud.
What does “hooking up” mean to White people? I mean damn either it means fucking or it doesn’t. One of those little irritating things that bothers me when I’m talking to a White girl around my age.
I mean so….wait. Last week when you said you “hooked up” with this guy at the bar you just “made out”, which means heavy patting and kissing, but this week when you “hooked up”, you actually went all the way? *sigh* Pass the salt please.
And if Black Women are so-called “whores” what are White women? I’ve seen wayyy sluttier behavior from a drunken white girl than any Black woman on any video.
I’ve always wondered what’s the purpose of being a lesbian when in the end during sex you’re stilling playing with some form of a dick. I mean most lesbians do use some sort of phallic toy right? So….why not get the real thing? I mean if breasts are your thing, just get a guy with “manboobies” *thanks JIGALOW*?
There isn’t enough wack dick and trifling men in the world though to ever “turn” me into a lesbian. My “I Heart Penis” card is lamented and bordered in titanium.
But wait, how do you “turn” someone into a lesbian, doesn’t that mean that person has always been a homosexual though?
I don’t believe there is a such thing as a “bi sexual” man. Once a dick has gone in his ass or his mouth…dude you’re gay. Point Blank. “Experimenting” my right ass cheek. When I put peroxide in my brother’s hair to see if it would really turn blond, that’s experimenting *as well as a well deserved ass whooping*. But a dude that wakes up one day like “Today I wanna see what it feels like to suck a dick”…in the words of Riley Freeman: “Nigga You Gay”.
Although…if I was a man I’d probably be gay *lol*
My fascination with gay men astonishes even me. I won’t even go into the dumb ass questions I have asked G. I think he’s the reason I may have watched a gay porn video once or a few dozen times but whose counting *lol*. I can’t imagine a man sticking his dick in my ass but boy am I all up in the screen to see it done with two men.
….Don’t act like I’m the only one who has came across some gay porn. And sat and watched it.
How come the status of “home wrecker” is always placed on the woman? I mean wasn’t it the male’s choice as well to cheat? I mean the man took the marital vows NOT the women he cheated with so shouldn’t the blame rest on the man’s shoulder?
I am such a tabloid whore. I think my magazine subscription has increased. Damn the new Black Enterprise magazine where the hell is my Star Magazine?!
Although…I personally think 95% of Hollywood is cracked out, doped up, an alcoholic and just plain hoes. I mean folks get passed around more times than a blunt in Hollywood . Everyone has dated everyone. I mean damn think of the diseases that probably crawling around in some folks’ asses.
*shudder*
I had to ultimately end a friendship with someone whom I thought was a friend but when I think about it, never really wasn’t. While I will miss the friendship, I don’t think I will miss the actual person. Isn’t that fucked up? Like how can you miss the actual friendship but not the person attached?
When I cut someone off, they’re pretty much cut off. Number is already erased from the phone.
E-Beef and E-Wars never cease to amuse me. Why can’t you just call and curse me out? Why send an email?
Someone pointed out that I always wear obnoxiously big sunglasses when I have such a small face. That’s because I’m glamorous darling.
The sound of someone popping their knuckles irks me.
I’ve finally seen Borat and that movie is the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. I was howling through the entire movie.
You know maybe it’s not my actual job that irks me; it’s my co-workers. I mean damn when I walk away from the property I leave work related problems behind, why can’t you?
Because You Must Not Know ‘Bout Me, You Must Not Know “Bout Me *Putting Beyonce’s great lyrical talent to use…or should I say NeYo’s? Didn’t he write that song? And…The thought of NeYo hunched over a desk writing these lyrics and probably lip synching to himself is a hilarious image in my head* And lately people have been on the receiving end of getting cursed out. Damn sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school. Except less teen pregnancies and fist fights after school.
Is there really a reason Whites wear open toes shoes and shorts in the winter time? I mean what’s the point of putting on a winter coat when you’re rocking shorts?
And a little tan goes a long way for some. I mean looking like Casper is NOT hot. Well neither is the “Cheeto Orange” either.
I love sunflower seeds. I think I go through at least 4 bags a week. My ultimate comfort food.
I hate those chain emails. Sure they start off all nice and inspirational but damn if I don’t send this to at least 10 people I will have bad sex, luck, teeth, hair will fall out….shit I’ll die?! Who thinks of this crap?
And another thing: Don’t forward me a text. Shit that’s usually 2 received texts?! Are you nuts?!
I am a hypocrite.
Am I the only one who practices dance steps in the mirror?
I’m getting another tattoo soon. I’m not sure what I’m getting yet though.
…If I run someone over with my car in the parking garage, you think I could get away with it?
But….I am too pretty for jail.
How come when you have someone everyone wants you?
I wonder do men know women know when he’s been busted in a lie.
Since my revelation that it’s now standard that women lie on their pussy as well, I’ve been lying my ass off. Shit you can add Etan Thomas to the list as well. Yeah I hit him in Georgetown the other day. *lol*
Being disrespectful to someone in their home is never cool.
Icebox is gonna be my new “break up” song *lol* Every time I stop being cool with someone I’m going to play that on his or her voicemail *lol*
JBN and I may seem dramatic but we’re really not. While some folks argue over serious stuff we argue over who ate the last Reese Cup.
My birthday is less than two months away. Of course my list is already made.
Damn…I’ll be 24.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
That's Why They Call Me Teddy Bend *His* Ass Down
Oh great it’s Cherry Blossoms time. Eyes are sure to puff up in the next week or so. Damn didn’t know I had allergies until I moved to the DC area and got around those damn trees. And why are people so geeked for those damn things to bloom anyway? It’s just some damn flowers!
I fucked around and broke my toe Sunday. Ran into the bathroom door and now I have a hairline fracture on my second toe. That sounds like some domestic violence type of shit though. Who runs into a door…without some help that is? You know the ER doctor was giving me and JBN the side eye.
Thank the lord I went and got a pedicure that Friday. How vain am I? I wouldn’t have wanted the doctor to touch my foot if my feet were looking jacked. *lol*
I had to give him the side eye though he was taking a little too long to wrap my toe. Caressing my feet and shit. You know I’m convinced every doctor is a “Hand That Rocks the Cradle” doctor.
But fuck…I might join the ranks of the “Chipped Nail Polish” brigade and yall know how I hate seeing a woman walk around with chipped nail polish on her toes. I mean one swipe of some nail polish remover will get that one little chip hanging on for dear life right out.
At work I’m dubbed “Tiny Tim”
Haha. Fuckers.
*lol*
I finally got to see Baltimore. Damn almost two years in the area and have never been to Baltimore. It wasn’t that bad. I was hoping to run into some folks from The Wire though *lol*
My plans *sob* for Palm Beach was abruptly cancelled thanks to a phone call from my moms. I sent my “vacation” money home so my nephews can come back to Chicago because their mother is having some sort of “nervous breakdown” *meaning she’s upset because she can’t find a sitter so she can go to “Shake Dat Ass” Fridays at the club* and she sent them to live with their father for an indefinite amount of time. Umm yeah he now has THREE fucking children and yet hasn’t gotten off his dusty ass to look for a fucking job.
Boy it must to be nice to live off of someone for free.
But…I couldn’t say no because it was for the kids so I sent my mother the money she was asking for to buy their tickets and whatnot. I still wanted to go somewhere so JBN hit up Baltimore.
Did the tourist thing and had some fun. Got drunk and I guess I’m back to drunk texting/IMing. I really need to put a lock on my phone while drinking *lol*
Maybe it’s because I went to a predominately White institution of Higher Learning but…I LOVE St. Patrick’s Day. Ah the drunken stories of my collegiate years. St. Paddy and I had a passionate one day love affair every March. Damn some green beer…bring on the Green Bacardi!
Ok why is “Icebox-Remix” and “I’m a Flirt-Remix” officially “my” songs. Boy so much comedy in those songs it’s not even funny. I mean they come on the radio at least 10 times a day so they’re kinda worked into my head.
And yall know how I feel about the “Ararah”. I am so serious. He has to do a track on my album.
With such lines as: She be calling me daddy/I be calling her Mommy/She be calling you Kelly/When your name is Tommy….
How could I not have this man on my album?! I guess I’m the only one who finds comedy in songs. Oh I’ll sing the shit out of them but I am cracking up all the same.
*sigh* T.I. Pending a good chicken dinner, some routine testing and about three condoms…yall already know T.I. can hit. BUT no kissing. That scar on the mouth still worries me.
And boy….T-Pain. What can I say?! Sure he looks like something I scraped out my nails but boy….is he fucking hilarious. He had me when he wiped the drool off his mouth in the U and Dat video. And need I get into I’m in Love with a Skripper? Why hasn’t this man won a Grammy yet?
Folks be hating.
He’s like in every other song on the radio so I can’t help but be tickled by him.
Pending a paper bag, Tequila, several STD tests, 3 HIV tests and a bath in Bleach and Lysol and a confidentiality agreement *with legal repercussions if broken of course* I admit….I might let him stick the tip in. Might.
LMAO. Ok I just grossed my self out.
You know my mother told me you learn something new every day. And I’m finding that to be so true. I am finding out new and amusing shit every day.
Here are some things I’ve learned lately:
Women lie on their pussies. I mean I always thought that was a “man” thing, you know to lie and say you’ve slept with someone and you really didn’t, but apparently women are doing the same thing. I mean I always thought if a woman said she smashed someone it was true because, well, women don’t lie on the pussy. But apparently women are lying like dudes.
I mean I guess lying on our pussy is the new thing to do. Shit I slept with Justin Timberlake a couple of months ago. HONEY you know I got VIP access after his concert and well…one thing led to another and hey…I got my first taste of “The Pink”. Shit I’m the reason Cameron Diaz broke up with him.
LOL.
When I’m looking at you and your mouth is moving, you assume I’m listening. Damn I didn’t know that. Apparently I have an “I’m REALLY interested in what you have to say never mind I’m not even looking at you” face.
A person pretending to step on your broken toe as a joke is meant to be funny as hell. Damn I guess I missed that memo because many of asses were about to get broken off at work for doing that.
Co workers apparently mistook me for a person that gives a fuck. Please stop giving me synopsis of Grey’s Anatomy during lunch. That is still not going to get me to watch the show.
That Sounds Personal sounds very rude coming out of my mouth.
It is really irritating when someone hangs up on you. Guess I know how people feel when my friends “Dial” and “Tone” get into the conversation. Although hanging up on me is the quickest way to find me on your stoop ready to have it out.
Sticking your nose in other people’s business is only right when it benefits another person.
Mos Def has a really annoying voice. Watching 16 Blocks made me want to elbow him in the jaw.
Wearing your correct size is sooooo 1970s. I mean everyone loves to see bare “muffin top” skin so early in the morning. And what’s a little camel toe between strangers?
I hate work. *Ok well I’ve always known that but you really hate work when your shoulders begin to slump before you arrive at your job*
I am a sick individual who needs therapy. *lol* But we all knew that one right?
It’s officially spring.
And the fight of my life will begin when a bee flies into the car.
I fucked around and broke my toe Sunday. Ran into the bathroom door and now I have a hairline fracture on my second toe. That sounds like some domestic violence type of shit though. Who runs into a door…without some help that is? You know the ER doctor was giving me and JBN the side eye.
Thank the lord I went and got a pedicure that Friday. How vain am I? I wouldn’t have wanted the doctor to touch my foot if my feet were looking jacked. *lol*
I had to give him the side eye though he was taking a little too long to wrap my toe. Caressing my feet and shit. You know I’m convinced every doctor is a “Hand That Rocks the Cradle” doctor.
But fuck…I might join the ranks of the “Chipped Nail Polish” brigade and yall know how I hate seeing a woman walk around with chipped nail polish on her toes. I mean one swipe of some nail polish remover will get that one little chip hanging on for dear life right out.
At work I’m dubbed “Tiny Tim”
Haha. Fuckers.
*lol*
I finally got to see Baltimore. Damn almost two years in the area and have never been to Baltimore. It wasn’t that bad. I was hoping to run into some folks from The Wire though *lol*
My plans *sob* for Palm Beach was abruptly cancelled thanks to a phone call from my moms. I sent my “vacation” money home so my nephews can come back to Chicago because their mother is having some sort of “nervous breakdown” *meaning she’s upset because she can’t find a sitter so she can go to “Shake Dat Ass” Fridays at the club* and she sent them to live with their father for an indefinite amount of time. Umm yeah he now has THREE fucking children and yet hasn’t gotten off his dusty ass to look for a fucking job.
Boy it must to be nice to live off of someone for free.
But…I couldn’t say no because it was for the kids so I sent my mother the money she was asking for to buy their tickets and whatnot. I still wanted to go somewhere so JBN hit up Baltimore.
Did the tourist thing and had some fun. Got drunk and I guess I’m back to drunk texting/IMing. I really need to put a lock on my phone while drinking *lol*
Maybe it’s because I went to a predominately White institution of Higher Learning but…I LOVE St. Patrick’s Day. Ah the drunken stories of my collegiate years. St. Paddy and I had a passionate one day love affair every March. Damn some green beer…bring on the Green Bacardi!
Ok why is “Icebox-Remix” and “I’m a Flirt-Remix” officially “my” songs. Boy so much comedy in those songs it’s not even funny. I mean they come on the radio at least 10 times a day so they’re kinda worked into my head.
And yall know how I feel about the “Ararah”. I am so serious. He has to do a track on my album.
With such lines as: She be calling me daddy/I be calling her Mommy/She be calling you Kelly/When your name is Tommy….
How could I not have this man on my album?! I guess I’m the only one who finds comedy in songs. Oh I’ll sing the shit out of them but I am cracking up all the same.
*sigh* T.I. Pending a good chicken dinner, some routine testing and about three condoms…yall already know T.I. can hit. BUT no kissing. That scar on the mouth still worries me.
And boy….T-Pain. What can I say?! Sure he looks like something I scraped out my nails but boy….is he fucking hilarious. He had me when he wiped the drool off his mouth in the U and Dat video. And need I get into I’m in Love with a Skripper? Why hasn’t this man won a Grammy yet?
Folks be hating.
He’s like in every other song on the radio so I can’t help but be tickled by him.
Pending a paper bag, Tequila, several STD tests, 3 HIV tests and a bath in Bleach and Lysol and a confidentiality agreement *with legal repercussions if broken of course* I admit….I might let him stick the tip in. Might.
LMAO. Ok I just grossed my self out.
You know my mother told me you learn something new every day. And I’m finding that to be so true. I am finding out new and amusing shit every day.
Here are some things I’ve learned lately:
Women lie on their pussies. I mean I always thought that was a “man” thing, you know to lie and say you’ve slept with someone and you really didn’t, but apparently women are doing the same thing. I mean I always thought if a woman said she smashed someone it was true because, well, women don’t lie on the pussy. But apparently women are lying like dudes.
I mean I guess lying on our pussy is the new thing to do. Shit I slept with Justin Timberlake a couple of months ago. HONEY you know I got VIP access after his concert and well…one thing led to another and hey…I got my first taste of “The Pink”. Shit I’m the reason Cameron Diaz broke up with him.
LOL.
When I’m looking at you and your mouth is moving, you assume I’m listening. Damn I didn’t know that. Apparently I have an “I’m REALLY interested in what you have to say never mind I’m not even looking at you” face.
A person pretending to step on your broken toe as a joke is meant to be funny as hell. Damn I guess I missed that memo because many of asses were about to get broken off at work for doing that.
Co workers apparently mistook me for a person that gives a fuck. Please stop giving me synopsis of Grey’s Anatomy during lunch. That is still not going to get me to watch the show.
That Sounds Personal sounds very rude coming out of my mouth.
It is really irritating when someone hangs up on you. Guess I know how people feel when my friends “Dial” and “Tone” get into the conversation. Although hanging up on me is the quickest way to find me on your stoop ready to have it out.
Sticking your nose in other people’s business is only right when it benefits another person.
Mos Def has a really annoying voice. Watching 16 Blocks made me want to elbow him in the jaw.
Wearing your correct size is sooooo 1970s. I mean everyone loves to see bare “muffin top” skin so early in the morning. And what’s a little camel toe between strangers?
I hate work. *Ok well I’ve always known that but you really hate work when your shoulders begin to slump before you arrive at your job*
I am a sick individual who needs therapy. *lol* But we all knew that one right?
It’s officially spring.
And the fight of my life will begin when a bee flies into the car.
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Swiped From Ms. Tasha's.....
1. EVER BEEN GIVEN AN ENGAGEMENT RING?
Yup…Currently on the finger right now.
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
Current one. Five years
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
A Hello Kitty Stuffed Animal
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Tuh every day
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE?
I think a couple of weeks ago. The game has dwindled on the board since then
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Hair, handbags, clothes, gas *when I do fill up the tank, you know I wait lol*, food, and bills
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
piece of candy
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes
9. SOME FAVORITE SONGS?
Too many to list
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Arlington, Va *Dang all up in my business lol*
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Ummm errrr….you mean the high school I wanted to attend right? How about the high school I claimed? *lol* I went to Corliss *damn someone from high school is going to google this and read my blog* but I claimed Whitney Young *lol*
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Verizon
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
barnes&nobles/border *depending on which one is in the mall*, Charlotte Russe, The Limited, Gap, I peek into Arden B and Bebe and Guess. I’m starting to retire from Wet Seal and Forever 21
14. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
regular and freaky *lol*
15. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
On slow nights at work we prank call other departments using the house phone
16. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
My Moms. Cuz she’ll see me on the news acting a fool
17. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIENDS:
I saw one on Sunday. But before that…around Christmas
18. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Wendys
19. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
I hear a lot of whoppers *lol* I guess the biggest and dumbest was when a dude I was messing with said to me “This Isnt what it looks like” while his dick was in some other chick’s mouth
20. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Chillis or Bennigans
21. CAN YOU COOK?
Ummm errr….does microwaving count?
22. WHERE'S 25 DOUCHE?
I suppose in the feminine products aisle.
23. BEST KISSER:
Question is trying to get me in trouble *lol* To avoid a home argument…JBN *lol*
24. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
About two weeks ago
25. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Anything that stinks or looks nasty, most fish dishes, brocolli, liver, chitlings, ham hocks, hog maws, collard greens, pig ears, cauliflower, coleslaw, potato salad, baked beans *unless theyre my g-ma*
26. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
My personality
27. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
lack of breasts
28. CAN YOU SING?
In the shower I can
29. LAST KISS?
This morning.
30. LAST MOVIE WATCHED:
I watched about 15 minutes of The Departed before I went to sleep
31. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
Purse
32. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT:
Bahamas
33. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Both
34. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Eddie Murphy
35. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
Unless I’m worked into a good sleep…I like to sleep with clothes. Shoot it get colds
36. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
JBN and the attack cat
37. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
For some it does. For me, it doesn’t
38. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French Toast
39. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
I drink a caramel machiatto everyonce and a while. Only coffee to touch my lips. I’m a tea drinker
40. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Hard boiled. I hate any other variation of eggs
41. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
I’m a Taurus but I’m not fanatical about it.
42. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Besides work folks, my mommy. I’m an aunt! 8lb 01oz baby girl born at 2:08a this morning!!!
43. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
My friend Eric.
44. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
“Wanna talk about it?”
45. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
5…A Hello Kitty Body pillow and 4 regular pillows…all but one ends up on the floor every night lol
46. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
blue pantsuit with a red blouse
47. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC
Who you be with things to make u smile what numbers to dial you gone be here for a while—Notorious B.I.G
48. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?
“I like jelly on mines” LOLOL…..no but grape jelly
49. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
I’m killing it online but in person? Tuh I’m lucky if I get one lucky shot
50. CAN YOU SWIM?
Sure can. Tuh who says Black folk can’t swim?
51. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Choc. Chip cookie dough and Cake Batter from Cold Stone
52. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
No. I still get lost *eyeing Mapquest on this one*
53. TELL ME A FEW RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF:
I have an arch in my back due to a crooked spine
One foot is slightly wider than the other
I have 3 different hair colors….NONE caused by dye
54. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON:
Summer…if u got it flaunt it honey. Hot long days….love it
55. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
I crack up when I read something funny as hell on folks blogs
56. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
645a every morning except weekends
57. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
Not a damn thing!
58. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH:
Wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have a crush on someone new every week
59. WHAT IS THE FIRST LETTER IN UR CRUSHES NAME:
Ararah *lol*
60. DO YOU THINK SEX IS COOL OR OVERRATED:
It’s an overrated act….one that I like to engage in as many times as possible though
61. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
Sunny Palm Beach here I Come
62. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDATE?
Why? *arches eyebrow* trying to do some identity theft? May 10.
63. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
In the bed sleep
64. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Nope on the work computer
65. ARE YOU SMILING?:
You know I always have a goofy smile on my face
66. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
Always
67. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Robin Thicke’s bedroom
68. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?
Is this an R Kelly questionaire? Nope high school days are gone
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME:
Briana, McKenzie or Kennedy for a girl
Brice, James or John for a boy
70. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
which one? I have them in almost every color but black
71. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
My last yr of high school and all through college yes
72. LATEST INJURY?:
damn paper cut
73. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER:
no
74. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
Upstairs from what? A little stalkerish dontcha think?
75. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Yes
76. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE in PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Mmmm Hmmm…..
77. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
Engagement ring, name plate pendant FH necklace, Hello Kitty bracelet. Forgot to put in earring though
78. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Try not to slap anyone
Yup…Currently on the finger right now.
2. LONGEST RELATIONSHIP?
Current one. Five years
3. LAST GIFT YOU RECEIVED?
A Hello Kitty Stuffed Animal
4. EVER DROPPED A CELL PHONE?
Tuh every day
5. WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU PLAYED TRUTH OR DARE?
I think a couple of weeks ago. The game has dwindled on the board since then
6. THING(S) YOU SPEND A LOT OF MONEY ON?
Hair, handbags, clothes, gas *when I do fill up the tank, you know I wait lol*, food, and bills
7. LAST FOOD YOU ATE?
piece of candy
8. FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Eyes
9. SOME FAVORITE SONGS?
Too many to list
10. WHERE DO YOU LIVE?
Arlington, Va *Dang all up in my business lol*
11. HIGH SCHOOL YOU ATTENDED:
Ummm errrr….you mean the high school I wanted to attend right? How about the high school I claimed? *lol* I went to Corliss *damn someone from high school is going to google this and read my blog* but I claimed Whitney Young *lol*
12. CELL PHONE SERVICE PROVIDER:
Verizon
13. FAVORITE MALL STORE:
barnes&nobles/border *depending on which one is in the mall*, Charlotte Russe, The Limited, Gap, I peek into Arden B and Bebe and Guess. I’m starting to retire from Wet Seal and Forever 21
14. DO YOU OWN A PAIR OF DICE?
regular and freaky *lol*
15. DO YOU PRANK CALL PEOPLE?
On slow nights at work we prank call other departments using the house phone
16. FIRST FRIEND YOU'D CALL IF YOU WON THE LOTTERY:
My Moms. Cuz she’ll see me on the news acting a fool
17. LAST TIME YOU SAW YOUR BEST FRIENDS:
I saw one on Sunday. But before that…around Christmas
18. FAVORITE FAST FOOD RESTAURANT:
Wendys
19. BIGGEST LIE YOU HAVE EVER HEARD:
I hear a lot of whoppers *lol* I guess the biggest and dumbest was when a dude I was messing with said to me “This Isnt what it looks like” while his dick was in some other chick’s mouth
20. WHERE'S YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO EAT WITH FRIENDS?
Chillis or Bennigans
21. CAN YOU COOK?
Ummm errr….does microwaving count?
22. WHERE'S 25 DOUCHE?
I suppose in the feminine products aisle.
23. BEST KISSER:
Question is trying to get me in trouble *lol* To avoid a home argument…JBN *lol*
24. LAST TIME YOU CRIED?:
About two weeks ago
25. MOST DISLIKED FOODS:
Anything that stinks or looks nasty, most fish dishes, brocolli, liver, chitlings, ham hocks, hog maws, collard greens, pig ears, cauliflower, coleslaw, potato salad, baked beans *unless theyre my g-ma*
26. THING YOU LIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
My personality
27. THING YOU DISLIKE MOST ABOUT YOURSELF:
lack of breasts
28. CAN YOU SING?
In the shower I can
29. LAST KISS?
This morning.
30. LAST MOVIE WATCHED:
I watched about 15 minutes of The Departed before I went to sleep
31. ONE THING YOU NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE WITHOUT:
Purse
32. FAVORITE VACATION SPOT:
Bahamas
33. LAPTOP OR DESKTOP COMPUTER?:
Both
34. FAVORITE COMEDIAN?:
Eddie Murphy
35. SLEEP WITH OR WITHOUT CLOTHES?
Unless I’m worked into a good sleep…I like to sleep with clothes. Shoot it get colds
36. WHO SLEEPS WITH YOU EVERY NIGHT?
JBN and the attack cat
37. DO LONG DISTANCE RELATIONSHIPS WORK?
For some it does. For me, it doesn’t
38. PANCAKES OR FRENCH TOAST?
French Toast
39. DO YOU LIKE COFFEE?
I drink a caramel machiatto everyonce and a while. Only coffee to touch my lips. I’m a tea drinker
40. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS?
Hard boiled. I hate any other variation of eggs
41. DO YOU BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY?
I’m a Taurus but I’m not fanatical about it.
42. LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE?
Besides work folks, my mommy. I’m an aunt! 8lb 01oz baby girl born at 2:08a this morning!!!
43. LAST PERSON ON YOUR MISSED CALL LIST?:
My friend Eric.
44. WHAT WAS THE LAST TEXT MESSAGE YOU RECIEVED?:
“Wanna talk about it?”
45. NUMBER OF PILLOWS?:
5…A Hello Kitty Body pillow and 4 regular pillows…all but one ends up on the floor every night lol
46. WHAT ARE YOU WEARING RIGHT NOW?:
blue pantsuit with a red blouse
47. PICK A LYRIC, ANY LYRIC
Who you be with things to make u smile what numbers to dial you gone be here for a while—Notorious B.I.G
48. WHAT KIND OF JELLY DO YOU LIKE ON YOUR PB & J?
“I like jelly on mines” LOLOL…..no but grape jelly
49. CAN YOU PLAY POOL?
I’m killing it online but in person? Tuh I’m lucky if I get one lucky shot
50. CAN YOU SWIM?
Sure can. Tuh who says Black folk can’t swim?
51. FAVORITE ICE CREAM?
Choc. Chip cookie dough and Cake Batter from Cold Stone
52. DO YOU LIKE MAPS?
No. I still get lost *eyeing Mapquest on this one*
53. TELL ME A FEW RANDOM FACTS ABOUT YOURSELF:
I have an arch in my back due to a crooked spine
One foot is slightly wider than the other
I have 3 different hair colors….NONE caused by dye
54. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE SEASON:
Summer…if u got it flaunt it honey. Hot long days….love it
55. LAST TIME YOU LAUGHED AT SOMETHING STUPID?
I crack up when I read something funny as hell on folks blogs
56. WHAT TIME DID YOU WAKE UP THIS MORNING ?
645a every morning except weekends
57. BEST THING ABOUT WINTER?
Not a damn thing!
58. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH:
Wouldn’t be me if I didn’t have a crush on someone new every week
59. WHAT IS THE FIRST LETTER IN UR CRUSHES NAME:
Ararah *lol*
60. DO YOU THINK SEX IS COOL OR OVERRATED:
It’s an overrated act….one that I like to engage in as many times as possible though
61. WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS WEEKEND?
Sunny Palm Beach here I Come
62. WHAT IS YOUR BIRTHDATE?
Why? *arches eyebrow* trying to do some identity theft? May 10.
63. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE:
In the bed sleep
64. ARE YOU ON A LAPTOP?:
Nope on the work computer
65. ARE YOU SMILING?:
You know I always have a goofy smile on my face
66. DO YOU MISS SOMEONE RIGHT NOW:
Always
67. IF YOU COULD GO ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD WHERE WOULD YOU GO?
Robin Thicke’s bedroom
68. ARE YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL?
Is this an R Kelly questionaire? Nope high school days are gone
69. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE NAME:
Briana, McKenzie or Kennedy for a girl
Brice, James or John for a boy
70. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR BATHING SUIT?:
which one? I have them in almost every color but black
71. DOES YOUR SCHOOL START IN AUGUST?:
My last yr of high school and all through college yes
72. LATEST INJURY?:
damn paper cut
73. DO YOU HAVE A SISTER:
no
74. ARE YOU UPSTAIRS?:
Upstairs from what? A little stalkerish dontcha think?
75. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN THE HOSPITAL?
Yes
76. DO YOU WISH YOU COULD SEE ANYONE in PARTICULAR RIGHT NOW?
Mmmm Hmmm…..
77. WHAT JEWELRY ARE YOU WEARING?
Engagement ring, name plate pendant FH necklace, Hello Kitty bracelet. Forgot to put in earring though
78. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO AFTER THIS SURVEY?
Try not to slap anyone
Monday, March 12, 2007
I Hate My Job
There are days when I love my job and then there are weeks when I hate it.
Like how this week is shaping up.
I wish I could win the Powerball so I could never work a day of my life.
Or marry a hot neurosurgeon and become a housewife.
I’ll take either or.
It shouldn’t be a surprise that I deal with a lot of people who lack common sense. I mean a lot of common sense. And being the person that I am, it is often my duty to point this out on a regular day basis.
That Sounds Personal is my other slogan at work. I QUIT This Bitch! of course is the first.
And everyone wonders why I groan when I have to drag myself from the back in order to attend to guests in the front.
And as much as I try to fight it while in the workplace, that biting sarcasm has a way of emerging and before you know it, another document to add to the thick file I probably have at Corporate.
Now I have never claimed or wanted to be a “people person”. I work around people because well I have to. If I had it my way I would work from home. I think I deal well with others *tuh I was never put in the corner in pre-school for not playing well with others…that was Kindergarten*, for the most part I get along with my co-workers, I’m friendly enough. I smile, ooh and ahh at new baby pictures, contribute to potluck dinners and all that jazz.
As long as I am not irritated, I am in a general happy place.
With guests, nine times out of ten I am not in a happy place.
There are hundreds of things that guests do or ask that irritates the shit of out me to no end. From funky attitudes to stupid questions, I have it all.
And I try, I really do, to curb my mouth but you know sometimes things just slip out. I just can’t be all phony, “the customer is always right” and shit. Please talk to me with respect, please do not think that because I am at work that I will not read you because I will.
Talking greasy out the side of your mouth is the quickest way to shut down any form of helpfulness you may have received.
I feel like composing a list and posting it for guest to see as they check in because all types of crunkness have been going. I mean straight “Someone Pissed in My Cornflakes This Morning” attitude and while I have been gritting my teeth because a few “Bitch…” or “Motherfucker…” is sure to slip out and for the time being I need my job.
However, do not think the sarcasm has died down.
I feel like saying,
DO NOT:
1. Get an attitude because I cannot spell your name. Like Zrblowonowski is the new Smith.
2. Get an attitude because I cannot find your name in the system only to find out the reservation was not in your name in the first place. Yeah “White” and “Brown” sound exactly alike…So when you said it was under “White”, you really meant “Brown” right?
3. Swear up and down your company is paying the entire bill only to find out the hard way. And while you’re yelling at your secretary because you have to put down your own credit card, please step to the side so I can help someone else.
4. Talk on your cell phone. How rude and you will be the first to claim I did not say something vital because you were yakking on the phone.
5. Have your unruly ass children climb all over the counters, play with the bell carts, or run around in the revolving door. Kids will be kids but when I was a child let me have stepped away from my moms, a swift pop in the back of the head was administered. Also I don’t want your poo diaper baby sitting on the counter like I love the smell of a smelly diaper. Now I gotta spray AND febreeze the counter.
6. Interrupt me while I am talking. Please wait until I’m done with my script. As well, don’t interrupt me when you see me talking to another guest. That’s just rude. Please wait until I’m done or better yet how about you ask the other attendant? I mean I am not the only one working up here, why are you waiting specifically for me?
7. Get mad because you have to pay for parking. In this area, as well in DC and some parts of Maryland you will pay for parking. Please stop trying to debate me down on parking. If you park here, you will pay.
8. Debate over the rate. If you booked your own reservation *as you claim* then I know damn well you knew what you were paying before you got here. Not to mention the 10 emails you may have received a week that remind you of your upcoming stay that states your RATE at least three times. If you didn’t, please holla at the person who made your reservation!
9. Argue over tax exempt/government rate. In Arlington EVERYONE pays taxes. Come on now with your headquarters probably in DC do you really think Virginia is going to let some money slip through its fingers?! Only government employees and military are entitled to government rates. Just because you washed a damn diplomat’s window, it doesn’t entitle you to the government rate.
10. Think I know every building, street, Metro stop, restaurant, church, strip club, nail/hair salon, and barber in the DC Metro area! Don’t tell me you need to get to a church in DC and don’t know the name or address of the church!
11. Ask stupid questions. If I tell you that you can only make a right on the street out front because it is a ONE-WAY street, don’t ask why you can’t make a left. I bid you good day sir.
12. Act as if I am a representative from the airlines. I don’t know why your flight got delayed in Texas nor do I care. Better yet, take that up with American Airlines. And if you know, just know, you can’t make it that day please call ahead of time and change your arrival time because if you don’t show up, we will cancel your reservation. It’s just that simple. Don’t get mad when you show up two days later and your reservation has been cancelled. This ain’t the airlines, ain’t no standby for a missed reservation. Check the dates and holler if you can’t make it. I get very tired of guest who come in mad because their reservation was cancelled, start waving some papers around and when I look at the paper the date is BOLD right on the paper. I just explain that um yeah by MY calculation that date has already passed so…do you need me to hail a cab so you can find another hotel?
13. Act like I am a slave. It is not my job to carry your luggage so don’t hang it over the desk to me. It is not my job to carry your Starbucks and it’s damn sure not my job to hail you a cab.
14. Ask me anything in another language. I speak English only, don’t switch up from English to German and expect me to understand. It’s one thing if you don’t speak English, I can find a translator but don’t ask me something in English and then abruptly switch to another language.
15. Get an attitude because you arrive at 7 am and there are not any clean rooms ready. Who told you to take that early flight? Check in is at 4 pm, if it’s available we give it to you, if not then you have to wait.
16. On that note, there is a difference between GUARANTEED and REQUESTED. We don’t guarantee early check-ins.
17. This is not the Ritz or Four Seasons. If you’re that needy and have 1000 demands please stay there. We try our best, my hotel isn’t perfect, shit happens. In a hotel, things break, malfunction, or doesn’t work. It happens. The same as in one’s home. The same as everywhere. Not trying to make excuses for our hotel but what can I say? Work with us and we will do our best to rectify the wrong. BUT if we don’t know you’re allergic to feathers why would you get upset at us because we have feather bedding? We’ll remove it of course but don’t flip out like we should have KNOWN you were allergic…although you’re rocking a North Face down. And if it’s something YOU did, don’t cop an attitude. Our toilet didn’t clog by itself, it was YOUR monster poo!
18. Get loud. I don’t like raised voices. Maintain low tones with me. Maintain low tones.
19. Learn to add and multiply. Do not yell at me because we check for authorization of charges on your card. We’re gonna make sure we have our money. Don’t ask why we searched for X amount of dollars. If you’re here for a week we make sure you have enough credit for a week. AND we only automatically deduct from DEBIT not CREDIT. Do not give us a debit card if you do not want the charges taken out immediately. That’s why its called a “debit card”.
20. Get mad if your card decline. Take that up with Visa.
21. Tell me you can take your services elsewhere. I mean do you need me to show you where the exit is located?
22. Tell me what another hotel chain does or doesn’t do. Do you need me to check for vacancies there instead?
23. Demand an upgrade. If we have it, we have it. Depending on our moods and how you talk to the front desk, we may give it to you. Remember an upgrade is a REQUEST. However, don’t think if you’re paying less than $200 you’re getting a suite. I’m going to need you to holler back.
24. Threaten to sic my RM, GM or Corporate on me. Do you need me to make the phone call for you? Give you the address so that you can mail your letter? Better yet, direct you to the Metro stop so that you can deliver it personally? Please make sure my name is spelled right please.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
25. When I am off the clock.. DON’T ASK ME FOR SHIT!! If you see me heading out the door, obviously leaving the building, don’t ask for assistance because you really don’t to hear those word:
“Um I’m off the clock”
And see my retreating back. I don’t play games when it’s time to get off work.
*sigh* I’m typing this from work right now. I am so tempted to print this. It is not even 10 am and already ½ of my rules have been broken.
Expect a Co Worker Rant Shortly....
Like how this week is shaping up.
I wish I could win the Powerball so I could never work a day of my life.
Or marry a hot neurosurgeon and become a housewife.
I’ll take either or.
It shouldn’t be a surprise that I deal with a lot of people who lack common sense. I mean a lot of common sense. And being the person that I am, it is often my duty to point this out on a regular day basis.
That Sounds Personal is my other slogan at work. I QUIT This Bitch! of course is the first.
And everyone wonders why I groan when I have to drag myself from the back in order to attend to guests in the front.
And as much as I try to fight it while in the workplace, that biting sarcasm has a way of emerging and before you know it, another document to add to the thick file I probably have at Corporate.
Now I have never claimed or wanted to be a “people person”. I work around people because well I have to. If I had it my way I would work from home. I think I deal well with others *tuh I was never put in the corner in pre-school for not playing well with others…that was Kindergarten*, for the most part I get along with my co-workers, I’m friendly enough. I smile, ooh and ahh at new baby pictures, contribute to potluck dinners and all that jazz.
As long as I am not irritated, I am in a general happy place.
With guests, nine times out of ten I am not in a happy place.
There are hundreds of things that guests do or ask that irritates the shit of out me to no end. From funky attitudes to stupid questions, I have it all.
And I try, I really do, to curb my mouth but you know sometimes things just slip out. I just can’t be all phony, “the customer is always right” and shit. Please talk to me with respect, please do not think that because I am at work that I will not read you because I will.
Talking greasy out the side of your mouth is the quickest way to shut down any form of helpfulness you may have received.
I feel like composing a list and posting it for guest to see as they check in because all types of crunkness have been going. I mean straight “Someone Pissed in My Cornflakes This Morning” attitude and while I have been gritting my teeth because a few “Bitch…” or “Motherfucker…” is sure to slip out and for the time being I need my job.
However, do not think the sarcasm has died down.
I feel like saying,
DO NOT:
1. Get an attitude because I cannot spell your name. Like Zrblowonowski is the new Smith.
2. Get an attitude because I cannot find your name in the system only to find out the reservation was not in your name in the first place. Yeah “White” and “Brown” sound exactly alike…So when you said it was under “White”, you really meant “Brown” right?
3. Swear up and down your company is paying the entire bill only to find out the hard way. And while you’re yelling at your secretary because you have to put down your own credit card, please step to the side so I can help someone else.
4. Talk on your cell phone. How rude and you will be the first to claim I did not say something vital because you were yakking on the phone.
5. Have your unruly ass children climb all over the counters, play with the bell carts, or run around in the revolving door. Kids will be kids but when I was a child let me have stepped away from my moms, a swift pop in the back of the head was administered. Also I don’t want your poo diaper baby sitting on the counter like I love the smell of a smelly diaper. Now I gotta spray AND febreeze the counter.
6. Interrupt me while I am talking. Please wait until I’m done with my script. As well, don’t interrupt me when you see me talking to another guest. That’s just rude. Please wait until I’m done or better yet how about you ask the other attendant? I mean I am not the only one working up here, why are you waiting specifically for me?
7. Get mad because you have to pay for parking. In this area, as well in DC and some parts of Maryland you will pay for parking. Please stop trying to debate me down on parking. If you park here, you will pay.
8. Debate over the rate. If you booked your own reservation *as you claim* then I know damn well you knew what you were paying before you got here. Not to mention the 10 emails you may have received a week that remind you of your upcoming stay that states your RATE at least three times. If you didn’t, please holla at the person who made your reservation!
9. Argue over tax exempt/government rate. In Arlington EVERYONE pays taxes. Come on now with your headquarters probably in DC do you really think Virginia is going to let some money slip through its fingers?! Only government employees and military are entitled to government rates. Just because you washed a damn diplomat’s window, it doesn’t entitle you to the government rate.
10. Think I know every building, street, Metro stop, restaurant, church, strip club, nail/hair salon, and barber in the DC Metro area! Don’t tell me you need to get to a church in DC and don’t know the name or address of the church!
11. Ask stupid questions. If I tell you that you can only make a right on the street out front because it is a ONE-WAY street, don’t ask why you can’t make a left. I bid you good day sir.
12. Act as if I am a representative from the airlines. I don’t know why your flight got delayed in Texas nor do I care. Better yet, take that up with American Airlines. And if you know, just know, you can’t make it that day please call ahead of time and change your arrival time because if you don’t show up, we will cancel your reservation. It’s just that simple. Don’t get mad when you show up two days later and your reservation has been cancelled. This ain’t the airlines, ain’t no standby for a missed reservation. Check the dates and holler if you can’t make it. I get very tired of guest who come in mad because their reservation was cancelled, start waving some papers around and when I look at the paper the date is BOLD right on the paper. I just explain that um yeah by MY calculation that date has already passed so…do you need me to hail a cab so you can find another hotel?
13. Act like I am a slave. It is not my job to carry your luggage so don’t hang it over the desk to me. It is not my job to carry your Starbucks and it’s damn sure not my job to hail you a cab.
14. Ask me anything in another language. I speak English only, don’t switch up from English to German and expect me to understand. It’s one thing if you don’t speak English, I can find a translator but don’t ask me something in English and then abruptly switch to another language.
15. Get an attitude because you arrive at 7 am and there are not any clean rooms ready. Who told you to take that early flight? Check in is at 4 pm, if it’s available we give it to you, if not then you have to wait.
16. On that note, there is a difference between GUARANTEED and REQUESTED. We don’t guarantee early check-ins.
17. This is not the Ritz or Four Seasons. If you’re that needy and have 1000 demands please stay there. We try our best, my hotel isn’t perfect, shit happens. In a hotel, things break, malfunction, or doesn’t work. It happens. The same as in one’s home. The same as everywhere. Not trying to make excuses for our hotel but what can I say? Work with us and we will do our best to rectify the wrong. BUT if we don’t know you’re allergic to feathers why would you get upset at us because we have feather bedding? We’ll remove it of course but don’t flip out like we should have KNOWN you were allergic…although you’re rocking a North Face down. And if it’s something YOU did, don’t cop an attitude. Our toilet didn’t clog by itself, it was YOUR monster poo!
18. Get loud. I don’t like raised voices. Maintain low tones with me. Maintain low tones.
19. Learn to add and multiply. Do not yell at me because we check for authorization of charges on your card. We’re gonna make sure we have our money. Don’t ask why we searched for X amount of dollars. If you’re here for a week we make sure you have enough credit for a week. AND we only automatically deduct from DEBIT not CREDIT. Do not give us a debit card if you do not want the charges taken out immediately. That’s why its called a “debit card”.
20. Get mad if your card decline. Take that up with Visa.
21. Tell me you can take your services elsewhere. I mean do you need me to show you where the exit is located?
22. Tell me what another hotel chain does or doesn’t do. Do you need me to check for vacancies there instead?
23. Demand an upgrade. If we have it, we have it. Depending on our moods and how you talk to the front desk, we may give it to you. Remember an upgrade is a REQUEST. However, don’t think if you’re paying less than $200 you’re getting a suite. I’m going to need you to holler back.
24. Threaten to sic my RM, GM or Corporate on me. Do you need me to make the phone call for you? Give you the address so that you can mail your letter? Better yet, direct you to the Metro stop so that you can deliver it personally? Please make sure my name is spelled right please.
AND MOST IMPORTANTLY
25. When I am off the clock.. DON’T ASK ME FOR SHIT!! If you see me heading out the door, obviously leaving the building, don’t ask for assistance because you really don’t to hear those word:
“Um I’m off the clock”
And see my retreating back. I don’t play games when it’s time to get off work.
*sigh* I’m typing this from work right now. I am so tempted to print this. It is not even 10 am and already ½ of my rules have been broken.
Expect a Co Worker Rant Shortly....
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