Thursday, March 11, 2010

Facebook is the devil

Ok well not really

but close

One thing that amuses me about Facebook is the pure randomness

I'll admit that I am a Facebook junkie

I'm on it all day every day...mostly snooping and lurking

Oh yes, I'll hit up a photo album in a heartbeat.

Hell I'll even ask to be your friend just so I can look into your album

But I'm not on the catty "oh she/he has gotten fat/have seven kids/ugly significant other/oh's he/she is gay now/what a bad wardrobe" shit.

Sure it's always nice to see that hot nigga that paid me not a bit of attention in high school looking like Tyrone Biggums or the broad that swiped one of my boyfriends from me looking nice and busted...however I'm just nosy.

And I do have my limits...I won't request to be your friend when I KNOW we've had beef.

I just make other people request to be your friend *lol*

Don't judge me *lol*

And trust I know I'm not the only guilty noted via FB messages and random friend requests. I just love the guys who like to send request just so they can ask if I have a man. Or because they've seen the profile picture and thinks it gets better.

One had the nerve to cop an attitude because I am married.

*shrug* If you weren't so thirsty, you'd see my husband in 95% of my pictures

But anyway....

I mean my claim to fame is that I at least know 95% of the people that are my friends on facebook in some shape or form. I've found old friends from elementary school, high school, and of course college. I have even found a few people I've grown up with and just lost touch over the years.

Low key- I've found a few exes. I'm 99% sure there's more out there but thanks to the name change, I haven't had many requests. So far only one...and I finally had to send him a message after blocking his request about 20 times to inform him not only are we NOT friends in real life, he's for damn sure not my friend via the internet.

And I would NEVER play myself by asking to be an ex's friend.

News flash: If you send a friend request and it is not accepted...give it up. Sending constant requests will not make me want to be your friend.

I admit I am always super geeked when I find people. Like super, super happy. I even found my best friend from the 6th-10th grade on facebook. It was like old times...

So sue me, I'm a lame

The that was during my "accept anyone who sends me a request* days. And one of these days I will get around to deleting them.

I mean I have high schoolers from other states as a facebook friend. I have "friends" that I only know through a mutual friend. I mean really now? I wonder what the hell I was smoking besides turkey.

I won't trip on how one b*tch had the nerve to de-friend me before I could de-friend her only because I sent her a message about her public bullying of some other random girl on FB. I was trying to be the adult and state that it was immature to have the girl's picture on FB with lil dicks painted all around her mouth....and the heifer promptly de-friended me.

Hmpf...Now I was going to send the heifer a nasty note...however I don't e-beef.

Outside of pure comedy (I mean I can't always get my shits and giggle from Craigslist "Casual Encounters" or "Missed Connections") I can learn everything that I want to about people from status messages.

If I want to get my daily church on...I look to my Jesus freak friends who can't resist placing the entire bible in their status message on a daily basis
...I believe in God, don't get it twisted, but ummmmm yeah...some people go a little bit overboard proving how much a Christian they are
....and it's also hard to take you seriously when you post a bible quote...then upload an album of you swinging from a pole on Saturday

Just Saying....

If I want to know all about your relationship status...everything from your boyfriend/girlfriend is trifling yet again for reason XYZ to "oh woe is me there isn't a man/woman out there that really "gets" how many months your baby daddy is behind on child support and how you hate him (only to post a status professing your love three days later)...I can read about all of that
...And lemme tell you...there are a LOT of people on FB with FUCKED up relationship
...But these are the same people who are quick to cop an attitude when you post a reply...

I can scan a status and learn a little too much about's crazy.

It's like "dude we had one class together freshman year...I can really do without learning you havent had a bowel movement in three days and should you go to the doctor"

Or what does it mean when "pus comes out" *shudder*

All of this of course further feeding my addiction to FB.

I mean now I have to def. scan facebook because there is a high school war of the world going on with picture and I'll be damned if some of my old high school pictures make their way to the internet.

I shudder to think of my pictures with the fly-a-way hair, baggy clothes, and thick glasses making it's way to the net.

I already had to notify family members that they will be instantly banned if they tag me to any old pictures that do not have my prior approval.

Hell I got a reputation to protect on facebook. Shit as much as I roast people on their wall or album?!

Nah, not the kid. I am not going out like that.

I've already began limiting my family's friendship on FB. Snitching and shit on me. My moms don't even have a facebook but knows about every single picture in my albums since I have snitching ass cousins.

Who tried to block me from their albums but they got the personal phone call curse out *side out* There will be no booty tooting and middle fingers pics on the internet.

Funny enough my father is on facebook. We're currently beefing because I REFUSE to be friend on facebook. Let him request my husband. As I had to quite rudely tell him, if we're not "friends" in real life, you're not my friend on the internet.

I don't need him all up in album, writing lame shit like "I love you princess" on my wall...or acting surprised that I am 26 going on 27 in May. Like *gasp* I wear low cut shirts! And short skirts!

And I partake in the alcoholic beverages.

He is clueless about me in real life so he can further remain clueless on the internet.

This coming from a man who thinks I don't drink *LMAO*

I remember at the wedding he was bragging on how my husband and I don't drink. Which was comedic gold for our friends.

Umm maybe because the reason we weren't drinking was because we were still drunk from the booze we consumed on Friday (and we got married on a Sunday). We definately are a match made in heaven as we both passed the fuck out at our respective parties.

In fact.... *looks at time*

Time for me to get back on FB right now...