Monday, May 19, 2008

I Sux As A Friend...

You know it really irks me when I give deadlines and like, no one, replies. You would think with emails, IM, and Facebook *Myspace is the devil* I could get some mailing addresses! Folks be hording those like I'm about to send them bills or something. side is it did just majorly cut my guest list, which I was trying to do. We went from 90 to 150 to 280!!! back down to about 155.

I'm like who and the FUCK do people think I'm marrying...The Prince of Zamunda?

So just like the emails, IM, Facebook chats, and Facebook messages that went unanswered...I had to send another one to all the folks who DIDN'T reply to let them know they're off the guest list and are not expected to show up.

Stamps are too expensive to be playing around.

TWIN is jerking us around with her wedding. I mean she is literally not answering ANY phone calls.

She already told us it's too late to order dresses and her future mother in law is now making them and she wants our measurement.

Then when we call with the measurements *and a lot of skepticism...I'm like shouldn't she do a fitting or something rather than just go on our measurements...and we don't know what these surprise dresses look like...she's my best friend and I love her, will wear a trash bag if I have to...but even I have a limit to what style of trash bags I will rock" she doesn't even pick up.

I'm like damn do you even want to be married? Is this a low key sabotage way of doing it? I already told her she is not doing the "leaving the guy at the alter" thing. Not if I'm already standing up front in a trash bag.

And I think the dude is low key crazy anyway. Who's to say he won't hunt us *yes us I mean we're going to have to run out after her and possibly drive the get away car* down at the local Marriott and kill us?

I've long suspected he's brainwashed my best friend and is part of a cult.

Then...I feel like such a piece of shit. Did you know my best friend/roomie all through college had a baby and I HAD NO IDEA?!

I mean I heard a rumor a couple of months ago from a vague Facebook associate but I brushed it off, I mean sure I've been, like, the worst friend but I mean I would at least get a baby shower invite if that was the case right? A phone call being that my cell phone number hasn't changed in years. I'm one of the few friends who paid their phone bills almost religiously and haven't switched providers when my bill reached $300+ like underwear.

We spoke on the phone for like an hour after I had to stalk her little sister *again via Facebook* for the house AND cell number. At least after two messages, her sister gave me the phone number with no problems.

Folks act like I'm a bill collector or something.

I'm starting to think people are avoiding me like the plague.

I all but demanded every single detail of her life from the past...I think it's been about 3 or 4 years since we've really spoken and at least the baby is not by the loser she dated in college.

I mean I rather she dry hump a bum than procreate with that nigga. I hope he's in the gutter somewhere...seriously.

But damn if I don't feel like a low ass dog. Of course she's as sweet as she's always been and didn't comment on the fact that I'm a shitty ass friend.

But *hangs head* I am.

I really need to work on my communication skills with my friends. It's like if I don't text someone, I don't talk to anyone.

This coming from a girl whose phone stayed glued to her ear most of elementary school, 1/2 of high school, and my main source of communication in college...until texting took over.

Well I am going to Chicago starting on Wednesday. We're kicking it then. But still...I still feel so low.

Shoot I need future baby sitters lol

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Keep The Party Going....

The party began around 11:30p May 09,2008 and kept on going...

My legendary run of getting tossed out of bars and lounges on and around my birthday, so drunk I have to be tossed over some one's shoulder, usually all forms of ass on display, and carried to the car, praying to the porcelain god the minute I make it home, praying to God promising *and thus breaking said promise the very next day* if he just let me live just ONE more night, I'll NEVER drink again. Waking up either still hugging the toilet, face inches from toilet water or in the tub, face pressed to the rubber mat.

....was broken.

Sure I got drunk BUT I maintained my composure.

I have renewed my dislike of the tequila though. Patron is manufactured by the devil.

Thanks for all the birthday wishes :) Although folks *side eye T Cas* had plenty of jokes about me not blogging until Nevuary 31st, ah ha I have been blogging

so there lol

AND the day after my birthday too!!

Check out some of the pictures of me in my drunken, yet sexy-yeah I can be a sexy drunk-glory.

My friends are on the devil's payroll

Thursday, May 08, 2008

Moving On Up....

It took all of Tuesday but finally we’re all moved into the new place. It looks much nicer now that our stuff is in there. We have a great view...of office buildings lol

We're right across the street from the metro though.

And the non roach infested IHOP, I was boycotting IHOP for a nice minute, is around the corner. However, I'm trying to remember if that's the one I'm banned from. I know my services are no longer accepted at one of these IHOPs.

I'm really going to have to working on my anger management issues over the proper display of a waffle.

And I have a cute WB neighbor. Hmmm I might have to go next door for a cup of sugar *lol*

I am still tired as shit. You never realized how much crap you have until it’s time to unpack. We moved stuff on our own until 4am, took a quick nap, and woke up for the movers at 9am. Everything was moved by 1pm and I unpacked and moved things around until around 6pm.

I can not have boxes just lying around for weeks. I HAVE to get everything out of the boxes and in its proper place before I fall asleep.

I won’t trip on how my raggedy as shit Hello Kitty shrine fell apart in the mover’s hand so my treasured collection is stashed in the bin until I can get another shelf.

Not the fault of the mover’s, they were pretty cool Russian dudes; it was just bad ass craftsmanship. We bought it for cheap at a yard sale *I love those* and it basically one of these “do it yourself” assembly kits where you end up with more screws than you should have but you’re tired and you’re just like “fuck it…it’ll hold” and you just go about your business.

It held up pretty well…well at least for two years lol

Strangely enough, I can’t paint worth shit, couldn’t draw, hell walk, a straight line to save my life…but I know how to take stuff apart and put it back together WITHOUT directions. I actually like to build stuff.

Yes I consider that a talent lol

Yesterday after debating with Comcast...ummm yeah 1:30pm is not the same as 12 noon...and this is after they tried to do me and I had to get into an argument with one of their customer service reps...It does not take a week to come over and flip a switch in the basement esp. when the last time we moved, I gave a 24hr notice of transferring service and a guy came out the next day *of couse after telling the guy that he "found" a time slot...I was not waiting until the 13th for cable...and still charge me for the whole month

Stupid building is locked into a Comcast contract so I'm stuck with their service yet again.

Oh and today..there would be a shortage in my neighborhood :) Gotta love it right?

Now after changing my addresses, I FINALLY ordered the invites *sigh 200 of them bad boys* and some of the ceremony, reception stuff and it should be arriving shortly.

I am so clapping myself on the back right now. Once those bad boys are sent out, I don’t have to really worry about them again to July when I’m either stalking people to fill out the RSVP cards…or saying fuck it you’re no longer invites…read the directions!!

I mean I still have to spend part of Saturday looking for a lilac bridesmaids dress not to mention get my hair done, because I know it’s time for a relaxer when white folks stop telling me my hair looks “nice”, and still manage to go out drinking and partying.

Oh yes quarter of a century old…I sure don’t feel it.

Apparently I still don’t look it…I got carded the other day.

It was a minor annoyance, I mean I know I must have looked as if I wandered in from underneath a bridge, but I guess if I still can pass for someone under the age of 21…that’s semi good right?

Or maybe I was just that frightful looking. Especially since these two mountains decided to pop up on my face. I really need to leave the OJ alone. Too much OJ equals breakouts. I mean these bad boys are winking at me every time I look in the mirror. Each one fighting for attention.

I hate breakouts with a passion.

I’ve been drowning them in acne medication and drinking nothing but water. *sigh*

I think I’m too old for this lol

Wow just two days until my birthday

I am eagerly awaiting my birthday gifts

Happy times indeed

Sunday, May 04, 2008

Had To Dust The Ol' Keyboard Off....

*hangs head*

I know…I’m such a loser

I’ve avoided my own blog like a bill collector

See what had happened was…


Man between moving to a new apartment *sigh* which is NOT fun by the way. Especially since we were given less than a week’s notice.

And NO we were not evicted *lol*

I only get ejected from clubs and lounges and not apartments.

You can imagine the jokes though. Folks were like “Damn T, I knew yall were planning on having little to no debt planning the wedding but damn pay your bills…”

But um yeah…the cost of getting free rent means moving when the Future Hubby job requires it.

We’ve had a good 2 year run in Crystal City but it’s time for us to move on.

Wedding plans are slamming me left and right.

Just when I was going to FINALLY order these damn invites…we got hit with the move so that’s temporarily on hold until the end of the week.

BUT regardless they are going out at the end of the month.

I have to have my bridesmaids dresses ordered by at least the 1st of June to assure they will be ready in time for the wedding…serious Bridezilla time.

I mean I hate to be that type of bitch folks grumble about under their breathe…but come on now…do you really think you’re going to drop 20 lbs by the wedding and you live on Harold’s Chicken and pizza puffs?

Complete with extra mild sauce on the side.

Girl Bye.

Granted I have this stubborn 10 lbs that refuse to budge but I’m optimistic not delusional.

So Memorial’s Day there’s going to be fireworks all right. Time for me to seriously put some pep on some asses.

At least my best friend/maid of honor has her dress.

And while I’m talking about bad ass bridesmaids *hangs head* I haven’t even looked at a bridesmaid dress for TWIN’s wedding in June.

I’m going to fuck around and end up stuck with some horrid lilac dress from David’s Bridal and demand that all of the pictures that I am in have someone in front of me.

So wedding plans have pretty much consumed me outside of work, I’m constantly trolling the internet for deals, on the phones demanding why I can’t have a certain number/color, griping about the price of flowers, etc.

Since my Ivory at work has left me, his Ebony…I’m now in charge of my own department.

*dry ass clap*

Shit is NOT the business. Every day I go in debating about the budget, over time, schedules, petty ass squabbles, etc.

Meetings that I now can’t get out of, meetings where I now have to participate instead of texting or worse, falling asleep in the back.

I *gasp* actually have to dress up for work. No more halters and sweat suits when the Big Cheeses are off property.

I have to actually wear thongs at work to prevent panty lines. I hate thongs with a passion. A big ass in a thong doesn’t equal comfort. Just because you can’t see the string between the cheeks does not mean shit is all good.

And those so-called seamless panties do not work…or at least not on my ass.

I’m not bold enough yet to go commando all day because it’ll be just like me to rip hole in my pants or my skirt blow up with some mysterious wind and I flash my cooch to everyone in sight.

I mean people have seen enough of my crack for days but I gotta keep some parts intimate ya know? Lord knows the number of unintentional boob slippages I have had. You would think little titties would stay in place and remain in my skimpy tops.

Thank god for double sided tape.

I mean I will slip that thong off about 20 minutes before I leave to go home but that’s as far as I will go for now.

And even then I feel mad uncomfortable, like people are staring at my lower regions.
…or worse I’m rocking a camel toe.

So…yeah…I guess I’m back

I really shouldn’t stay away for so long

The countdown has now officially begun…

Now only am I hitting the big 2-5 on Saturday

My lost of freedom *smile* starts August 31, 2008