Thursday, May 17, 2007

As I Debate Whether To Quit My Job Yet Again....

It’s time to go back on a diet. All that good eating I’ve been doing has caused me to gain 7 lbs. If it was in the right places of course *I’m thinking the breasts area here* I wouldn’t care but oh not it’s settling just nice around the midsection. I’m like a grilled cheese sandwich away from a muffin top.

So what I like to tan? I like getting darker. Mix in a little bit of bronzer and this chocolate sista is glowing.

One of these days I’m going to walk in a tanning salon and request a spray on tan just to see what they would say.

Who am I kidding I just want to be an asshole and embarrass the shit out some poor white kid.

I love dry sarcasm.

Online shopping is once again my downfall. My new habit: randomly buying books. Someone needs to buy me a new bookshelf. You should see the one I already have, books on top of books.

I need to post new pictures. I’m so lazy I don’t feel like transferring them from the camera to the computer.

I hate when I’m driving and some idiot decides to merge in my damn lane and thinks potentially running into my car is no big deal. It’s not like I’m in your blind spot idiot! Damn I’m right next to you! Damn Virginia drivers!

If you knew those jeans were for white girls, why are you still trying to squeeze all that ass into them?

I randomly tag people’s walls on Facebook.

When I’m in a good mood, I’m rarely smiling. BUT I am extremely goofy/flirty that day.

I smile all the time but people tell me I need to “smile” more. Um yeah I’m not walking around with a constant smile on my face. When I see people who are smiling at nothing, I think they’re creepy.

Sometimes I clutch my purse and lock my car doors when someone white walks past me or the car. Just so they know what it feels like.

Although just for reference: Clutching your purse usually means now I have to knock your ass down, potentially injuring you, to get your purse. And locking your car doors mean I have to bust the damn window out and probably choke the shit out of you for drawing attention to the robbery at hand.

My breasts look bigger…but my damn bra size hasn’t gone up!

I remember when guys would say stupid shit like “if you let me suck on your titties, they’ll get bigger”. I should have triple D’s by now if that was the case.

Sometimes JBN and I make out in the back seat of the car. So what we’re in the parking garage how’s that for role play?

After June 1, I stop wearing a bra *unless necessary*. Hell they’re still perky enough.

When I think of another design, I’m going to get another tattoo. Maybe on my ankle this time.

Half of my male friends are dogs. I mean the type of trifling dude you suck your teeth about. While I don’t like what they do, they do have very interesting conversation. They keep me up to date on “The Game” though.

I love dark skinned men but I can never “pull” one.

Nutrigrain bars are the shit.

I hate working during graduation weekend. Lots of needy and annoying people asking 75,000 questions. I forgot. I did build Washington, DC brick by brick thus I know everything about the city.

I mean you’re looking for a church in DC? Ah forgot the name? No address? Hell don’t even know the denomination? I forgot there is only one church in DC, excuse my ignorance.

Oh yeah and I own Metro. If I owned Metro I doubt I would be working in a hotel, hell working period, now would I?

One reason I never kept FWB for a long time: I get bored easily. And when I’m officially bored, please believe his replacement is already in the wings.

I hate when people need a favor and call you obsessively. It’s like “Damn when I get a minute I’ll call you….JEEZ!!” That’s a good way to piss me off and reject your ass.

Don’t call me more than 3 times a day if you don’t want anything.

I move when I want to, not when you want me to.

I hate inviting people somewhere and they give you the run around. I mean damn “yes” or “no”. I’m not asking for the secret to life, I want to know if you want to go to the movies Friday. You’re only given a two day window with me then I assume the answer is “no” and someone else is invited. I don’t have time for games.

I think if JBN and I broke up, I would be single for a very long time. I realize that few men have the patience to handle me.

I was a bum in a past life. I can sleep anywhere. Yesterday while I was waiting for JBN to leave work, I was passed out sleep in the car.

Although I like going to the club sometimes, I am weaning myself from them. I don’t even dress up like that anymore. Last time I wore a short skirt and a pair of flip flops.

One week to Vegas. Let’s see if we make it back to the hotel.

Never know we might get drunk and elope.


Yeah aiight. I’ll never be that drunk.

I’m saving that for the real wedding.

Have a great weekend everyone.

Monday, May 14, 2007

The Kid Is Back!!

Damn it’s been so long since I’ve logged on; I damn near forgot my password.

No I didn’t die *obviously*

No jail time *shit I’m too slick for these cops…and besides I am far too pretty for jail*

And I’ve paid my cable/internet bill so my shit wasn’t cut off.

My excuse?

Fucking work man. I’ve been running around like a runaway slave since the beginning of April. So much incompetent at a management level it isn’t funny.

On one hand I love that I’m busy at work because I’m not going insane from boredom and picking at my fingernails while eyeing the clock and cursing my ADD.

Besides a bitch knows…when folks know they can do your job without you, I can kiss my job goodbye.

On the other hand, I get tired of the incompetent. When I leave at 6 *sometimes later depending on the day*, I KNOW when I come in the next day, ALL my hard work has either been destroyed or fucked up beyond belief so guess who has to spend the first three hours correcting mistakes on top of starting/completing other projects?!

Good ol’ me.

This past few weeks have left me with little energy and almost little to no interest in blogging. I’ve been coming home and going straight to bed, that’s how tired I have been.

Besides shit ain’t going on over here. Work and sleep.

I went home to Chicago on April 27th for my grandmother’s birthday. I won’t trip on how my grandmother was moving and NO ONE came to help. No scratch that, none of the people we needed came to help. Who the hell needs my damn 19 year old cousin when she has to bring her two children and baby-sit them the whole time? Why the uncle with the bad back who can’t lift more than a few boxes? Or the lazy ass cousin who want to dictate the moving process?

So I spent that Saturday afternoon sweating it out in the sun. Shit felt like I was in my ancestors’ times and shit. Fucking relaxer sweated out and shit. Didn’t pack any sneakers so I’m slipping and sliding in my flip flops. Legs all ashy by the end of the day and shit. Toes all crooked. Just a hot ass mess.

I went to Reno with my mother and stepfather on the 9th and we stayed until the 12th. There were quite a few incidents at the airports thanks to my mother but that’s another story.

Of course my birthday was the 10th. I didn’t do anything but gamble and drink. NOT to get drunk mind you *after all Moms was around* but to get nice. I think I went to sleep/passed out at about 10:30pm. I’m getting old.

24 fucking years old. Damn one more year to goof off before I have to get my damn life together. It’s also a damn shame I’m 24 and still getting carded. I swear security stayed on my ass at the casinos. Before I sat down good, folks wanted to see my ID.

Plus side…lots of FREE drinks. Lots of discounts *shit you know I hollered “It’s My Birthday” at every check out* and although there weren’t a lot of cute dudes around, it was an ABUNDANCE of dirty old men. I made sure to stay covered in case Gramps had a memory lapse and tried to grab and push-up bra covered tit.

And since I wasn’t in Chicago long enough to alert my stalkers, which is always a relief. Although I did get a voicemail from JDUBB and it was actually a semi-sweet birthday wish. Only one “bitch” throughout the whole message.

Touching right?

And I’ve been a good friend lately. I’m actually returning phone calls in a timely manner AND picking up when people call. Of course numbers without caller IDs get ignored but hey I’m working on being a better friend. At least a C- friend by the end of June. Maybe B+ by the end of summer.

Besides I’m cleaning out my closet anyway. Some people have gotten the ax as far as being a friend of mine. I don’t really have the time for bullshit right now. Too much stuff going on to be sweating folks.

I promise one of these days I’m going to post the pictures of my new tattoos. I’m so lazy I don’t feel like uploading them.

I can’t wait for Vegas. JBN and I are going on the 25th for Memorial Day’s Weekend. I promise we’re not going to get married. Now if we get drunk enough who knows, I might get married by Elvis but more than likely we’ll need signs around our necks that will direct us back to our hotel. Some of our friends will be there as well so it should be good times.

Soooo….the kid is officially back. I’ve missed yall!!!