As I Debate Whether To Quit My Job Yet Again....

It’s time to go back on a diet. All that good eating I’ve been doing has caused me to gain 7 lbs. If it was in the right places of course *I’m thinking the breasts area here* I wouldn’t care but oh not it’s settling just nice around the midsection. I’m like a grilled cheese sandwich away from a muffin top.

So what I like to tan? I like getting darker. Mix in a little bit of bronzer and this chocolate sista is glowing.

One of these days I’m going to walk in a tanning salon and request a spray on tan just to see what they would say.

Who am I kidding I just want to be an asshole and embarrass the shit out some poor white kid.

I love dry sarcasm.

Online shopping is once again my downfall. My new habit: randomly buying books. Someone needs to buy me a new bookshelf. You should see the one I already have, books on top of books.

I need to post new pictures. I’m so lazy I don’t feel like transferring them from the camera to the computer.

I hate when I’m driving and some idiot decides to merge in my damn lane and thinks potentially running into my car is no big deal. It’s not like I’m in your blind spot idiot! Damn I’m right next to you! Damn Virginia drivers!

If you knew those jeans were for white girls, why are you still trying to squeeze all that ass into them?

I randomly tag people’s walls on Facebook.

When I’m in a good mood, I’m rarely smiling. BUT I am extremely goofy/flirty that day.

I smile all the time but people tell me I need to “smile” more. Um yeah I’m not walking around with a constant smile on my face. When I see people who are smiling at nothing, I think they’re creepy.

Sometimes I clutch my purse and lock my car doors when someone white walks past me or the car. Just so they know what it feels like.

Although just for reference: Clutching your purse usually means now I have to knock your ass down, potentially injuring you, to get your purse. And locking your car doors mean I have to bust the damn window out and probably choke the shit out of you for drawing attention to the robbery at hand.

My breasts look bigger…but my damn bra size hasn’t gone up!

I remember when guys would say stupid shit like “if you let me suck on your titties, they’ll get bigger”. I should have triple D’s by now if that was the case.

Sometimes JBN and I make out in the back seat of the car. So what we’re in the parking garage how’s that for role play?

After June 1, I stop wearing a bra *unless necessary*. Hell they’re still perky enough.

When I think of another design, I’m going to get another tattoo. Maybe on my ankle this time.

Half of my male friends are dogs. I mean the type of trifling dude you suck your teeth about. While I don’t like what they do, they do have very interesting conversation. They keep me up to date on “The Game” though.

I love dark skinned men but I can never “pull” one.

Nutrigrain bars are the shit.

I hate working during graduation weekend. Lots of needy and annoying people asking 75,000 questions. I forgot. I did build Washington, DC brick by brick thus I know everything about the city.

I mean you’re looking for a church in DC? Ah forgot the name? No address? Hell don’t even know the denomination? I forgot there is only one church in DC, excuse my ignorance.

Oh yeah and I own Metro. If I owned Metro I doubt I would be working in a hotel, hell working period, now would I?

One reason I never kept FWB for a long time: I get bored easily. And when I’m officially bored, please believe his replacement is already in the wings.

I hate when people need a favor and call you obsessively. It’s like “Damn when I get a minute I’ll call you….JEEZ!!” That’s a good way to piss me off and reject your ass.

Don’t call me more than 3 times a day if you don’t want anything.

I move when I want to, not when you want me to.

I hate inviting people somewhere and they give you the run around. I mean damn “yes” or “no”. I’m not asking for the secret to life, I want to know if you want to go to the movies Friday. You’re only given a two day window with me then I assume the answer is “no” and someone else is invited. I don’t have time for games.

I think if JBN and I broke up, I would be single for a very long time. I realize that few men have the patience to handle me.

I was a bum in a past life. I can sleep anywhere. Yesterday while I was waiting for JBN to leave work, I was passed out sleep in the car.

Although I like going to the club sometimes, I am weaning myself from them. I don’t even dress up like that anymore. Last time I wore a short skirt and a pair of flip flops.

One week to Vegas. Let’s see if we make it back to the hotel.

Never know we might get drunk and elope.

LOL.

Yeah aiight. I’ll never be that drunk.

I’m saving that for the real wedding.

Have a great weekend everyone.