Is It Really Almost November?! Dang I'm Late...

Damn it's been so long since I've written...forgotten my own damn password.

Honestly, nothing has been up.

Work has been throwing a serious monkey wrench in my social life.

Especially since I'm working nights because NO ONE will work with the bitch from hell, leaving me to work with her because I can "tolerate" her.

"More like threaten to bust her knee caps in the parking garage so shut the f*ck up talking to me and stay at your station" is more like it.

When I do go out, I find myself checking my phone more & more to see what time it is so I can go home & watch "Toon Disney". I went out a couple of weeks ago and damn near fell asleep in the club.

AFTER flashing the ring about 100 times. I thought a wedding band would repel men, seems like they're attracted to it like moths to light.

One guy had the nerve to get mad talking about "you teasing niggaz by being in the club married & shit. What type of shit is that?"

I mean he had the insulted face & everything. Like I was doing him a disservice or something by being married and out having a good time.

If I didn't pay $10 for a Patron Martini...I would've tossed it in his face. OK if the bouncer wasn't eyeing me, I would've tossed it in his face.

And yes...we later got tossed out the club on something totally unrelated.

I just told him the husband forgot to chain me up in the linen closet & I managed to escape for the evening. I mean I was chained to the stove earlier but he realized he should've glued me to the microwave instead so no one ate dinner that night.

*gasp* Is this what happens when you turn 25? Am I officially too damn old for the club?!

I know I'm not too old to squeeze in my Halloween costume from last year and take to the streets I know that for sure.

Although I'm considering changing my costume. Not because I'm married now **I swear if one more person ask me how is married life...I'm going to bust that person in the eye. We've been dating for SIX years, living in sin together *lol* for THREE...I mean we're not fresh off the block people...and if I have to drag those wedding albums to ONE more place...I'm going to scream!!"** but because it's cold as hell out!

Last year it was a balmy evening so warm I worked up a sweat walking from the car to the club.

This year...Hell it's cold at night!

Not Chicago cold of course...but cold enough!

I already under-dress as it is. I mean short sleeves all year, thin coats & jackets, barely a hat or scarf to be seen in my clothing inventory...but this year I might actually have to buy winter gear.

You already know the Timbs are going to match the coat *lol*

And now since people are eyeing my uterus like it's the last piece of cheesecake in the fridge...I especially have to dress warm *rolls eyes*

You know my grandmother had the nerve to tell me I need to wear a longer coat because my eggs are probably freezing?!

I'm like the only eggs that are freezing are the ones in this bag if you don't let me in the house!

Babies are at least 3-4....10 years off in the future.

I'm not in any hurry to have a baby. I can coo at my friends' kids on face book.

Every since "the big day" (their words, not mine...I'm always like "What Big Day"..."Your Wedding Day silly"..."oh"...goes back to reading magazine") every month without fail...."Are you pregnant yet?"

I mean I'm thinking of taking people to HR for invasion of Uterus Privacy.

It's bad enough...Ok this is really my fault because I was dead ass wrong for coming out in that t shirt but I'm in denial about my weight right now. Thank god for flu season..I'm guaranteed to not only catch it (flu shot or not, I think I'm being injected with water) but I'll lose a cool 10-20 lbs. guarantee *lol*

So Hubby & I found this new soul food spot not to far from the house (oh yeah...we moved again...beginning of October...that's a long story within itself) and I mean food is slamming. Best soul food I've eaten since moving to the DC Metro Area.

Now I'm stuffing my face, of course acquiring a Buddha belly, because I couldn't help myself. Food is, like, my weakness. So I'm struggling to get out the booth, Hubby has to damn near grease me out the booth, and we're leaving.

Why did the cashier stop me & tell me congratulations while looking at my belly?

I look down...belly all poked out, navel ring giving the impression of an outie, I look like I'm at least in my 2ND trimester.

Hubby, showing naturally the humor that kept him around for 6 years, starts laughing.

I snap, "I'm NOT pregnant. I'm just fat" and storm out the door.

OK now it's a big joke but I mean a sista was devastated.

So...back on a diet.

I'm glad I sprung for a good Halloween costume otherwise I'd look like that overfed bunny that just sits lazily in the cage.