Weekend at Bernie's...

I had to get the hell out of dodge this weekend. So serious. Didn’t care where I went but getting out of town was my main objective last week.

And no I didn’t murder anyone and needed a quick getaway *lol*

Thanks to my hook-up at the airport I was able to get a raw flight deal on Thursday and Friday couldn’t come soon enough.

Why is it whenever I leave early at work folks act as if their whole world is over? I mean damn is it that hard to look up something by yourself? Why do you need me to read something off the screen?

At noon I gave the “two fingers” and was out the door. I mean so what my flight left at seven, oh you really thought I was staying until 5? I don’t care if the airport was across the street, I’m leaving.

Besides my lazy ass had to pack.

It’s always an adventure when I go to the airport. Or maybe it’s because I make everything an adventure. *shrugs* You know I find comedy in everything.

Lines at United were long as shit as usual. I wish people wouldn’t use the computer check in when they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing! That is my top pet peeve. Is it really that damn hard to slide a credit card in and follow the prompts? I mean really, you don’t know your destination city? Have to debate if you’re going to check that big ass bag? Then tie up the attendant at the same time.

Folks were so lucky it was Friday the 13th. My superstitious ass was on my best behavior. Shit you know how I feel about flying. First sign of trouble and I’m clawing the emergency exit door off.

Then why did I get selected for random search? For the last time: I am NO threat to any airlines. Shit I’m more afraid of the plane going down more than anyone.

And they have this machine that spray bursts of air all over your body. It’s supposed to do something, forgot what the hell she said, but you KNOW I was more concerned about my hair more than anything. Shit let a drop of water have hit the perm…it would’ve been a wrap.

But at least I didn’t have to strip or take my shoes off or anything.

Get to my gate only to find out there’s a gate change and had to walk damn near a mile *or so it seemed* to my new gate.

Am I the only one who wants to trip people who are running through the airport?

But then again I have to stop myself from running as well. Shit you know you can’t run around black folks. *lol*

And why was my seat way in the damn front. You know I don’t do wings or emergency exits seats. I am not a hero. And no one wanted to switch with me so I’m ‘noid because damn that, the front of the plane is always the first to go.

And my seat mate was this little old white man. Dude got up at the beginning of the flight and never came back. At first I was a little worried because shit you never know with some white people. Might be a disgruntled United worker and might decide to go on a rampage. And then again he was old as hell, shit I didn’t want him dying in the bathroom and delaying the flight *lol*

So I flagged down the flight attendant and asked about him and she told me he moved to another seat.

Ain’t that a bitch? Shit I ain’t a nappy head hoe. I get a relaxer motherfucker. *lol*

Oh yeah and I ain’t a hoe. *lol*

But I laid my ass out across his seat and had a nice ass nap *lol*

Before you know it I’m staring in my friends’ goofy ass faces. Apparently telling folks that there are more than one terminal slipped their mind. I’m waiting patiently in one terminal while their flights were in a completely different terminal. I was about to leave and shit *lol*

Yeah good old TWIN and FOOL were there in all their late as shit glory.

I guess our so-called professional lives have been getting to us because we did NOTHING the entire weekend. We relaxed and slept damn near the entire weekend.

Got some eats and took our asses to bed. Gone are the days when we get all pretty and hit the streets. Shit we got some “White Castles” and hit the sheets. Watched some TV and goofed around.

Saturday I got some new ink done. Two of them bitches in one day. It was impulsive but it kinda wasn’t because I had talked about getting some tattoos for a minute. I have a bull on the back of my neck and another “secret” tattoo on my hip.

The neck tattoo didn’t really hurt. It was more of an annoying drill than anything but she leaned on my neck like a muthafucker. You know my retarded ass couldn’t keep my neck straight.

Now the one on my hip hurt a bit. Leg was shaking and shit. She hit some type of nerve and I swear I was going to fart in her face *lmao* No lie. I had to clench the butt cheeks tight because I was going to let go. I was glad when she finished that one because I swear she was digging super deep into my skin.

Ain’t that a bitch though? I damn near fall out for death from a paper cut but I let someone poke me in the skin with a needle without a whimper?

My friends were really surprised that I went ahead and got one because it took a long ass time because I got served. I was about to chicken out but I ain’t no punk bitch *lol*

Punk asses punked out and shit. Left me all alone to get some ink.

Then again I’ve had piercing through almost every part of my body so they weren’t that surprised. After all I did get my nipples pierced on a dare.

We hit the mall, of course hit up some eats and back to the room for…you guessed it….sleep. Ok well I went to sleep; they went back out and did whatever. I woke up when they came back.

I swear I felt like I spent the entire weekend sleeping because before you know it, it was Sunday and my flight was leaving early as hell.

I had to bag my damn carmex. Like what am I going to do with some carmex? Smear an attendant’s eye or something? But hell that was a new tube and I was not parting with it.

Tried to sleep on the flight but with the tattoos it made it a little uncomfortable.

Got back to DC, it was pouring out.

Went home, cleaned up the mess that JBN left as a present and went to sleep. Managed to have a nice comfortable sleep, sleeping in this awkward ass position that kinda works.

Had a nice relaxing weekend…only to come back to chaos Monday at work.

*sigh* Doesn’t it feel good to be missed at work?