'07 Wasn't A Complete Bust...

As we approach the New Year…

Best believe my ass is not going to make any resolutions because I know I will not follow through with any.

Ah New Years…Always good for one of my friends to reveal some life altering, mind shattering confession *always a drunken confession* that is sure to shock the alcohol out of us.

Let’s see…there was the year my best friend G revealed he was gay.
…Ok I knew that one. I mean I did walk in on him and some guy. And that guy was giving him some pretty nice mouth service.

I was horrified, I mean who wants to catch any friend in a compromising position, but it sure didn’t stop my pervy ass from looking *lol*
…And asking questions later.

Then there was another time when my friend revealed that the guy who we thought she was pregnant by was indeed not the father. To add to the blow, this was screamed out at a party during a heated argument.
…Boy that was an awkward ride back in the car.

Oh and I can’t forget the classic “I’m cheating on you…with your cousin” confession.
…I almost spilled my drank on that one. Almost. You know I’m not letting a drop of alcohol hit the floor. It doesn’t help that the cousin had a girlfriend at the time that also happened to be at the same party. It was a “two bitches on a side street” slap fest.

…Although I can’t help but wonder if my best friend and I were bad friends because we were hopelessly drunk and egging on the fight from the sidelines. There’s nothing worse than two cackling, drunk bitches hollering shit like, “Girl you’re going to take that…I mean she was sucking your man’s dick?!” while howling with laughter while holding ourselves up to prevent collapsing in the snow.

Clearly my friends and I have the “Jerry Springer/Maury/Ricki Lake” type of drama on New Years.
…Ok well every major holiday since we started sneaking vodka out of our parent’s liquor cabinets at 16.

Ok usually we’re long drunk before midnight but that’s not the point.

Since I’ve recently shunned alcoholic beverages as I’m remaining faithful to my diet/exercise regiment, I don’t know how this New Years will turn out as this will be the first year I’m sober on New Years in a long time.

And yes, I’m still sticking to my diet plan. So far I have lost 10lbs. and about 2 ½ inches from my waist line. I’m working out close to 6 days a week for an hour doing a combination of cardio, elliptical, and abs works *depending on the day* while calorie counting and shunning red meat and the swine.

*sigh* Yes I have joined the world of “turkey bacon”. Those little thin ass strips of meat that you never know when they’re done…since they just lay there all limp and shit. Don’t even crackle or anything. Just lying on the bottom of the pan.

Lord knows I love the swine but I had to give up my ham, bacon and pork chops. I won’t trip on how the pig has never failed me but…*sad wave*

…And it cracks me up to say “swine”. JBN refuses to say “pork” or “pig”, he calls it the “swine”. I’m like, “What the fuck…You Muslim now?” but it cracks me up nonetheless.

And now Pro has added on to my amusing word list with the word "fowl". No longer will I say "chicken" but now "fowl" has entered my vocabulary.

I mean it's not going to stop me from eating it but it gives me a chuckle.

Clearly…I am easily amused.

I can see ’08 being that year for me. Not only am I entering the year with a promotion, putting me a few steps closer to my goal of being a General Manager of a major hotel chain by the time I’m 30, but I’m also getting married.

Who would have thought me of all people as a married woman?

As much as I eye ball the opposite sex...soon I will have a shiny new ring on my finger that will NOT stop men from trying to holler but at least I'm not lying when I now say "I'm married."

And am I wrong for being too eager to shed my father's last name? I mean hypenated my ass, I'm exchanging this bad boy.

*tear* Soon...I will have a maiden name.
...Although I used to wonder why there was so much emphasis on having one's mother's maiden name for everything. It took me a long time to realize with so many dead beat fathers, not to mention all the whores who don't know who their child's father is, that's not really feasible.

But...Wouldn't it be kind of funny?

I mean instead of sending rejection letters based on credit *sigh* why not just do it for lack of father's name?

...Like..."Records show that Smith/John is NOT the last name of your father on your birth certificate...Credit Approval DENIED"
...But that might lead to some awkward questions about one's parentage.

But still...lil' ol' me as a married woman?

Ok I used to play “MASH” and I thought I would be married, in a mansion, with 2 kids by the time I was 21 but clearly as a 11 year old girl I was smoking crack *lol*

I remember when I thought being 21 was equivalent to my mother’s age.

Come to think of it…nowadays I feel like I’m my parents’ age compared to the youth today. I’m 24 years old and sometimes it feels like I’m like in my 50s or something.

I graduated from high school in 2001, college 2005 and with all this shit out here nowadays, I feel old when I admit I had a portable cd player in high school.

Don’t front like I was the only one who carried a gang of cds with them to school. Had the little broke up headphone piece held together with tape. Lost the back of the battery holder so you had to put your hand over the opening so the batteries wouldn’t fall out.

Like I said…graduated from high school in 2001. Those things are like relics now. You’re like, poor, if you can’t afford an I-pod.

Here’s to another year of successfully dodging pregnancy, some of my exes, and the police.

Happy New Years!!!