I'd Starve If I Lived In Philly...

Since JBNs family is much tamer than mine, there are no funny tales about his family reunion. I was going in hoping for at least one flipped table but alas everyone was well behaved.

At least no one is spreading rumors that I pregnant like the last family reunion. And of course every one wanted us to “keep in touch” so they can receive an invite to the wedding.

The wedding that I haven’t even planned.

The wedding where we can’t decide on a date let alone colors.

Hell we’re still hashing out bridesmaids and groomsmen. Shit I’m running out of female friends. Since I’ve gotten engaged I’ve dropped three friends from my friends list on Face Book *lol*

I just can’t keep a friend with breasts *real breasts not Man Boobies* to save my life. I always have to cut the friendship string at some point. I’m pretty sure it’s my doing as far as the reason I can’t keep a female friend, shit I’m too hard on them.

I keep this up and I might have to make my gay best friend G tuck in his nuts and slide on a dress.

If he wasn’t a “homo-thug” that is.

Riiight. I laugh at that shit every times he brings up that oxymoron.

Sometimes I wish he could be the “effeminate” gay so he can do my hair, help me pick out an outfit, teach me a dance step…something. I mean can I have a gay friend with a sashay please?

Not a Timberland rocking, LRG wearing, scowl on his face, more swagger than a lil’ bit man…who just so happens to love the “D”.

And who pulls fine ass men on the regular. I mean is it too much to ask for one of them to point me toward their equally fine heterosexual brother? Is that too much to ask?

JBN might start acting up the closer we get to the wedding date and I may need a rebound boyfriend. *lol*

I tried to put some enthusiasm in my voice when discussing my upcoming nuptials to his family but I can tell they sniffed right through the bullshit.

Quite frankly, while I love this man and want to spend the rest of my life with his and adopt some wonderful babies *lol*, I’m not keen on planning this wedding.
I am not ready to freak the fuck out over every single detail. I watch the brides who come into the hotel and these broads are in tears over a damn lost gift bag. Veins popping out their necks because someone switched place cards at the table. Not to mention stressing over the flower arrangement.

And I know this will be me.

I know I’m going to be the one screaming at the top of my lungs at the bridal shop because someone is stuck in traffic.

I can hear me now:

“WELL BITCH YOU SHOULD’VE LEFT AN HOUR AGO! I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT YOUR TRUCK FLIPPING OVER AND YOUR LEGS ARE BROKEN. YOU BETTER HOBBLE THE FUCK TO THIS SHOP I KNOW THAT MUCH!”

*CLICK*

I like order and I like things to go according to plan. I’ll be watching the weather like a hawk for weeks just to make sure it doesn’t rain on my day. And I will make a complete back up plan just in case it does rain, complete with alternate routes to get to the church and reception.

I’m seriously considering hiring a wedding planner but at the same time I know I wouldn’t like anything he/she did. I would go behind them and check their work which would probably bug the shit out of them. And knowing that I will go behind that person, do I really want to shell out $$ for a job that technically I am still doing?

And sad to say I can’t trust my family to do anything major. Let me ask my mother to order the flowers or reserve a space for the reception. I’ll hear “I’ll do it” and either the job is half ass done or I’ll hear, “Oh…I forgot. Sorry.”

And of course everyone wanted to tell me their own “wedding tales”. Oh how they spent $30,000 on the entire wedding *”aren’t you divorced though?” cricket chirp*, how many people showed up, the colors, the people, oh it was in the neighborhood’s “society” pages and all this other shit that I could care less about.

I don’t want a huge wedding. I just want something tasteful. Hell we can grab a few friends and hit Vegas as far as I’m concerned. Go out, get drunk, get married and go right back to the club and finish partying.

Although…could you imagine the pictures *lol*

But I’ll get it together one of these days.

First thing first…My ass need to go on a diet or it’s girdle city for the big day.
Oh yeah, we found a Philly Cheese Steak place not too far from the park and decided to buy one.

That was the nastiest shit I’ve ever eaten in my life.

I spit that shit out right there in the restaurant. What the fuck is on yall bird? *lol*

The parts of Philly that we saw and toured were nice. No “State Property” visits and shit. Philly is a nice town. I didn’t get out to Kings of Prussia mall, I was very upset at that, but Philly was decent. It was hot as fuck out and since I am deathly afraid of pigeons I almost got hit by a tour bus fleeing the flying rats, but it was pretty cool.

And…They have a Walgreen in Philly. I was walking around the store in amazement like it was a Tiffany’s or something.

*lol* Don’t laugh but I miss Walgreens. They have little to none in this area and shit I’m tired of fucking CVS and Rite-Aid!

I’ll have to post up the pics when my lazy ass has a chance.

Now that cheese steak bullshit Philly yall can have that shit. And don’t try to blame the place. It looked equally nasty every place we went.

Now I had a hoagie. That was fye. But *shudder* I still got a bad taste in my mouth from that sandwich.

I’ll just take an Italian Beef dipped and covered in mild sauce thank you very much.

Next week I’m going home to Chicago.

Now that will be interesting.