Damn BET Fell Off!!

It has been a minute since I have actually sat in front of the TV and watched a channel other than the few that I watch on a daily basis.

Hell it has been months since I have watched a music video. I remember a time when you could not drag me away from BET, MTV, and The Box. I knew every artists’ video by heart and let’s not get on when my cousins or friends and I would “recreate” a video on those boring summer days.

Imagine a bunch of ten-year-old girls in “satin” PJs recreating TLC’s Creep. Never mind we didn’t know what we were singing but ah the good old days before video chicks completely ruined videos. Now if we wanted to recreate a video all we need are bras and thongs while gyrating off beat to some rapper’s song that have nothing to do with the concept of the video at hand.

But I can’t blame the video chicks because a paycheck is a paycheck and I don’t believe that all of those girls are hoes and sometimes I can’t even blame the rapper because they’re only rapping about what their adoring public wants to hear. IMO I think 95% of rappers are “studio rappers” who wouldn’t know an AK-47 from a Super Soaker and are “manufactured thugs” but I guess that’s a different post. I fail to believe Jeezy is still rollin’ around upping those thangs on folks in a fucking Bentley. I fail to believe Jay Z is out selling “white” *or have ever sold drugs in that matter* after he leaves Def Jam for the day.

Or stashing it in Beyonce’s Gucci purse as they move through the airport.

So due to the complete garbage that is out there, I avoid most channels like that plague.

I’m starting to get back into Real World though although I stopped watching after the “Las Vegas” season. I watched a bit of Austin, Philly, and Key West but eh…the show is so stereotypical right now it’s funny.

If they have a DC casting I am so there though. Ever since high school I wanted to try out for Real World and I was pissed that I didn’t find out about Real World: Chicago until after they had already finished casting calls.

Could you imagine that one, I would so take them on the South Side for “real” living. Imagine…first run-ins with a crackhead, someone probably getting shot or popped off on the block, witnessing a fist fight in the street over LaKeitha’s baby daddy….Boy that season wouldn’t know what to do with themselves *lol*

They probably will not pick me but I would send in a tape. I’d either be “Angry Black Ghetto Chick” aka “Coral Jr.” *only without the HUGE breasts even though our foreheads are neck to neck* or “Crazy Chick who everyone votes out the house after I attack a roommate with a spork for eating my French fries”

BET…Oh my…It has fallen off tremendously. Like I was shocked at how much BET sucks now.

I thought bloggers were joking when they would gripe about BET but now I see the light.

I only made it half way through 106 & Park before I turned. Not that I watched it a lot when AJ & Free would host, hell they sucked too, I only watched for Free’s wardrobe and hair, but these two new kids?

Please. My 5-year-old nephew could host better than they could and he knows all the words to “I’m A King” by T.I.

They are not funny, awkward as hell, and just goofy. And old girl voice is annoying. She needs a Hall’s cough drop or something.

The videos…eh I could comment on videos for hours. Mainly the same concepts, chicks, and people dominated the ½ hour of the show I gave sparse attention to.

I guess people just stop giving a fuck in the “Writer’s Workshop” huh? Just throw in a rapper, a car, and some cute girls and that’s it.

And please if you’re going to make a “club scene” let’s make it realistic. I don’t know where everyone is from but where I’m from I have yet to see a chick waltz in the club in a bikini. That’s a “rape” waiting to happen in the club because you know some vulture wouldn’t hesitate to either untie the strings or stick their hands down the front “Press Play” style of some girl’s bottom. I mean maybe the top is worn *mine are too “colorful” to pass as a top* but the entire suit? And I’ve seen all walks of fashion in the club from the classy chick to the chick that just look as if she’s gotten off her shift on the nearest corner. So I know “skanky” does exist in the club…but a damn bikini?

I remember when I had to convince a friend to buy a bathing suit and she baulked at the price of a bikini…from Target. This heifer was walking around with a $300 Coach bag but complaining on the price of a $30 bikini.

And the whole purpose of the bathing suit? To wear the top to the club. Not the bottoms but the top.

But in video bitches be looking like they’re going swimming or some shit.

I mean shit is just garbage on BET. I was watching the countdown show and I was like “Damn where’s Ray J”? Everyone knows I loved to crack on Ray J, the prototype of “lame”, on the countdown show. Now it’s some chick dryly announcing videos.

The movies…I mean could BET PLEASE invest in a new movie catalog? If I see Three Strikes one more time I am going to scream. I mean USA and TBS has tremendously stepped up their movie catalog game…when will BET? There are more black movies out there than Master P’s old movies! I Got The Hookup is not a cinemas classic!

Damn I’ll even take old Hits from the Streets or Cita’s World episodes than the shit that is cranked out now on BET. I mean someone finally airing old “The Wire” episodes *in January* is great…although I wish it were on a different channel.

I mean even TV One is stepping up their airing game with old Martin, Boston Public, and New York Undercover to name a few good shows. I watch that channel more than I watch BET.

MTV is not any better with the crappy ass shows they are squirting out but BET should hang its head in shame. This is the baldhead stepchild in the basement channel.

Or maybe it’s not exactly BET; it’s just the crappy videos. I remember when videos were about something. At least they had a decent plot, choreography or something to keep my interest and make me want to hear more music from that particular artist or group. I remember back when I would patiently wait for a new Immature video and call all of my little friends shrieking because their new video is on. Not to mention the times I would call The Box and request my favorite videos until my mother put a quick stop on that.

Now…I don’t care. I’m so behind when it comes to music the only time I hear a new song is when I’m in the car and it’s on the radio, when I go to the club and even then I have to ask “who is that” or when JBN downloads new songs for his I-POD.

I mainly rely on my gossip blogs to keep me entertained about artists since I know I won’t watch any of their videos.

But I find comedy in anything so I got a good laugh out of watching those videos. I mean give me $500 and a camera phone and I can crank out some better shit than what’s airing.

I wonder do artists really believe some of the crap they’re talking about? Do they really believe they are drug dealers? Do they really believe someone could be scared of them? I am so shivering in my shoes at the thought of Young Joc running up on me in a pastel polo and some shoes with bunnies scrawled all over them. I am just shaking. I mean 50 without his bodyguards? I highly doubt any of them step one foot in the ghetto without security detail. I mean seriously quit playing. All they are doing is "pretend talking"...HELLO Jay-Z is the President of Def Jam. He is so far above your struggle right now. I bet he have a ghostwriter reliving the tails of his own "ghetto" life. Seriously...when the album goes platinum and an artist finish paying off the obnoxious loans and "advances" the record label trick them with...trust they are on a whole different status than us average joes.

Or if not...Shit they sure do know how to pretend.

But I think artists really start buying into the shit that comes out of their mouths. Like Beyonce is really going to “Upgrade” Jay Z. I mean sometimes he needs to upgrade her with a better wardrobe and weave because after a certain age, let’s admit it, we stop letting our parents dress us and do our hair.

I fail to believe she don’t have enough in her budget for a pedicure and a good “Toni Braxton ‘99” weave. Because frankly that's the last time Toni rocked a decent weave. I remember when her shit was so tight made me want to get a weave. Although I liked Toni when she had the short hair and I thought she was a lesbian.

I fail to believe Ciara can gyrate in those high waist tight ass jeans without popping a button. And she pops her coochie just a little too much in her videos for me. But she’s a cute girl though. I’m still mad she did that song with R. Kelly on her first cd.

Snoop Dogg and R. Kelly…please sit yall old asses down. Straight old men in the club.

Weezy F. Baby and Jim Jones…I don’t care how much money you have a fucking bath is mandatory! I kept spraying the TV with Lysol thinking it was the TV screen that was dirty…but no, it’s these two “Pig Pen” niggaz! I mean it’s one thing to be dirty and look like you’re dirty and these two look like they smell like weed, underarms, balls, and Funyons. With their hair smelling like that musty smell that people have when they don’t wash their hair for long periods of time.

Just nasty. Not even if I was drunk, blind and I knew no one would find out could they come anywhere near my vaginal area.

I know those girls deserved Oscars because I know I couldn’t stand in the same room with them without passing out. And pretend as if you wanted to be around them? That’s good ass acting skills right there. Those video chicks earned that money that night.

But then again, for some people, money makes everyone look good.

I say a baseball cap and nice gear may up a point or two. But then again when was the last time a “pretty” rapper came out? Or hell a “pretty” R&B singer? Ok I back track. There are quite a few cuties on the R&B circuit right now. But rappers? Ummm Little Zane was kind of cute in an alien sort of way. Wait does he count as a rapper?

I guess that you have to be ugly as shit in order to rap. I mean aren’t those the ones that’s supposedly on the grind? I mean a pretty face is memorable but an ugly one is forgettable, right?

I mean there are some of both *the pretty and the tragic* that I would like to forget but would it kill record executives to put out someone cute? It sure would be nice to actually use the face and body that comes with the voice.

Ok well not their voices either but it would be nice to have the complete package *face, body, and voice*.

But of course you can’t tell my cousin Bow Wow, Chris Brown and Lil’ Wayne is not the shit. To them, these guys are the finest men in the world and you can’t convince them otherwise.

But can I really talk? I had a shrine dedicated to BJ Armstrong, “Batman”, Tevin Campbell, J’Son, Jason Weaver, Penny Hardaway, Al B. Sure, the guys from Subway, Mr. Devante and Dalvin **shudder**, Soul 4 Real, A+ and a slew of other one hit wonders who probably belongs on “Where Are They Now: Black Folk Edition” or the very least a Google search.

But you couldn’t tell me I shouldn’t spend my weekly allowance or save up for one of their tapes or cds. And dub off the radio? I’ve found tapes of my radio taping days. Ah WGCI and 106 Jamz…takes me back to the 20-second workout, extended workout, Birthday Shout outs and All Eyes on Me.

Even though I used to hate when the DJ would cut in on the song before it ended and I would have to run across the room to cut the tape off.

The tales of my youth. What a wonderful thing.

I thought TLC was the “be all, end all” as far as female groups. You couldn’t tell me nothing about TLC. My girls and I had their routines down, their dressing down *Ok well my mother wasn’t for the condom over my glasses and shit*, and I wore my hair like Left Eye for so long my family thought I would never get out of wearing a pony tail. My older cousin was always T Boz because she rocked the latest in “Ghetto Hair” fashions. She was the first of us to get the “box cut”, which I thought was the shit until I hacked my hair off and cried the next day because I didn’t like it. Fucking hair has not grown right since. And our best friend and “play cousin” was always Chilli because she was the “light skinned” one. And she had “good hair”. *lol* She wanted to be Left Eye and I think we got into a big fight over being Left Eye but I won because I made the point that I’m Left Eye and if I can’t be Left Eye no one can listen to my boom box anymore *lol*

Now…whom do I have for inspiration? The now defunct Destiny’s Child? Even though I thought they were pretty cool when they first came out. I think I wanted one of their outfits from their videos *lol* Of course I was LeToya…for obvious reasons.

Funny enough, we never had a Beyonce. I don’t think anyone wanted to be her, well no one resembled her the most. I felt I should have been Kelly because I was thin and dark but I was LeToya because my name is LaToya.

I know dumb, right?

But I look back at those times and remember when I really enjoyed watching BET. When the shows were not snooze fests or unintentionally funny *College Hill I’m looking right at you on this one* or just plain dumb as hell.

Maybe I’m really growing up. When today’s music scene doesn’t dictate my fashion or music choices. When I’m not checking for the latest video to see what’s the hottest hair style or trendy “must have”.

When I’m not look at the newest artists and squealing, “OMG I LOVES me some [insert artist’s name], Girl I would “do” him in a heartbeat.”

Now I’m scratching my head when I hear a ring tone and asking “Who in the world is that?” and listen as the younger generation *LOL at younger generation like 23 is so much older* as they roll their eyes and explain “snap music”, “chicken noodle soup” and why Lil’ Wayne is so much hotter than Jay-Z right now.

All while I’m wondering did T-Pain really wipe his mouth super nasty like in the “U and Dat” video.

*sigh* BET you have officially damaged our youth. That and the “Chicken Noodle Soup” dance.

*flips back to The History Channel to catch the end of Modern Marvels*