Holiday Party

We had our office party yesterday and surprise surprise folks got drunk.

I was not one of them by the way, I sipped on Coke and Sprite the entire time.

I did get one of those Victoria Secret’s bags with the spray, lotion, and body wash from my “Secret Santa” who was this guy I suspect have a crush on me. He’s a nice guy but he rubs me the wrong way. He always seems a little into my personal life which creeps me out in addition to the staring that I catch him doing every once and awhile.

Hey I’m all for staring but please not the creepy molester stares. It’s like he’s always undressing me with his eyes and of course those are the days when I’m not wearing a matching bra and panty set.

I thought it was hilarious that one girl received sexy *and I do mean sexy* lingerie and she turned so red I thought she was choking for a hot second. Never mind that I think she is an undercover lesbian but that’s another story.

Basically folks got drunk and began to act a damn fool. Which is when I made my stage left exit and took my ass home. I was tired as shit. I crawled in the bed as soon as I got home.

My transfer papers went in, now I just have to wait for the phone calls. I was a little surprised that my manager was for my promotion. He’s not the type of boss that gives out compliments but I saw the recommendation letters and I was very surprised that he was impressed by my work.

Is this a different person whom I catch behind me just after I’ve read a guest to death about coming at me from the side of his/her neck? Once again, I don’t set the rates nor do I book reservations. Stop fronting like you didn’t get that confirmation email stating you’re paying $269/night!

And look I don’t make the rules for Arlington County, you are not tax exempt! That’s not even a government issued credit card! Shit I got that same Visa in my purse, quit playing! DC is just across the bridge! What makes you think government employees don’t pay taxes, shit everyone pays taxes in Arlington!

I got my new phone Monday and I am so in love with it. Ok I dropped it already but it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t drop my phone.

I almost got hit by a bus texting though. Damn texting is going to be my downfall because I was inches from ending up like that girl from Final Destination.

Although if the bus was a CTA bus I’m sure that bitch would’ve broken down about a block away. I used to hate when I was already late for school and the fucking 106/103 bus would break the fuck down on Michigan…Like I was going to walk to Cottage Grove. Fuck that shit, I already used my fare card, I’m going to get my money’s worth.

I cooked macaroni and cheese for the party and no one had to be rushed to Georgetown University Hospital for food poisoning. And dare I say it…but everyone enjoyed it? Sure there were probably some haters in the room but I know that pan was gone when I left.

Why do some men make it a point of standing really close to you while trying to holla? All up in my personal space and shit. I don’t like for people to get really, really close to me, I mean do I know you?

I’m waiting for the Blue Line train yesterday morning *I was actually going to drive but it was too foggy out and we all know my bad driving record* and some guy felt the need to get all up in my personal space. It’s too early in the morning to holler and I really was trying to catch that quick 10 minute nap but nooooo…Sir Yaps A Lot would not shut the fuck up!

Once again, ½ empty trains do not mean sit next to me. That was my purse/macaroni and cheese seat you know.

And rude of rude, please look in me in my face. So what I was wearing the shirt that makes the breasts pop out like “Hi” but could you focus please?

But he was leaning in a little too close for my taste, I thought he was going to kiss me…and that would have concluded in me being led off the train in handcuffs.

And stop touching my damn hand! Who knows where your hands have been? I’ve seen men straight scratch their nuts scratch their nose and put their hand on the pole like they weren’t scratching their nuts like the crabs were moving around. Just yuck.

And didn’t blink an eye. But let me have scratched my vagina…fucking 6 foot radius around me like I have the plague or something.

So once again I had to decline his offer for my number and taking his down. Once again, I don’t ever plan on calling so don’t ask. And I don’t have time for the phone call that starts with, “Do you know who this is…”

Yeah this is a nigga who’s burning up my day time minutes so let me ‘gon head and just end this call.

Lesson #77-Don’t call me with the phone games.

I had to work in the morning and I’m not a morning person *anymore* so I’m usually grumpy for the first three or so hours *lol* I mean not a smile cracked but then again I never laugh at corny ass jokes…especially the ones on my name.
Guest: Wow…you check me in [# of nights] ago and you’re still here? Do you ever go home?

*insert guest chuckle like that’s the funniest shit ever*

Me: *dryly* Yeah they have me shackled in the basement. Almost like how my ancestors were shackled on that boat. At least I get potty privileges.

*Guest grabs folio and hastily leaves*

OR the infamous:

Guest: Your name is LaToya…Like in Jackson? Hey do you have a brother named Michael? *chuckle chuckle*

Me: *frown and evil eye*

*Guest grabs shit and gets the fuck away from me*

And my manager doesn’t see this? Damn I know that file is thick over at Corporate. Real thick. Just make sure my name is spelled right bitches *lol*

I guess since I’ve put in my transfer papers all of a sudden I’m getting the day shifts like I wanted but shit now my body is programmed to work nights. Shit I like sleeping until noon and then rolling to work. Shit 5 am getting up? That’s like waking up the dead.

JULES made a quite interesting tribute to me which is hilarious as shit. Please disregard his Harriet Tubman picture. Nigga got jokes. I guess I’ll get a “Muse Tribute” any way I can get it.

**Ok I couldn't link his page to mine for some reason, I guess that borderline just came out...So just check out his page**

Ah JULES maybe when you get rid of those tight A&F sweaters, we can holler. And I’ve never made it with a “Mexican” before. Might be “muy caliente”.

Yes TOLDJA…I am on the 4th grade level now. I LOVE the Hispanic housekeepers. They’re teaching me naughty words now.

I don’t know if this woman was playing but she asked was I Ethiopian. Please lady quit playing, I’m not that pretty. Aside from the “bad attitude” vibe I get from some Ethiopian women, I think Ethiopian women are sooo pretty.

Don’t worry CURLY…My girl crush for you is still intact *lol*

I personally think I am one hot chick. Very immature but hot. I just stand in front of the mirror, drinking Kool-Aid butt ass naked, and say “Damn I’m one Hot Bitch!”

Then the reply: “Baby could you get your ass out the mirror, I’m trying to shave!”

But I’m not conceited though. I know I have flaws. But I see I have to step up the picture game since folks *ahem HONEY, DOLLFACE* wanna rock the sexy pictures and shit.

I’m still trying to figure out how to work the flash on my camera.

Is it true men do “check-up” calls? To see if you’re single yet?

I think I may have gotten a couple this week. And a few Face Book notes. Never mind my status is on the page but whatever.

And how can you miss someone you don’t know? Some jerk on Black Planet sends me notes talking about “He Misses Me”….Could he be a stalker?

Lord knows I don’t need a DC stalker.

When going through an “address book” clean-up I deleted some dude’s number. Why did he call me the next day and invite me to dinner? Dude I don’t know you or remember your face what makes you think I will go out with you?

I was mad I picked up. If it doesn’t have a name attached oh that phone will ring. Better send me a text like, “I’m at my mama’s Ima call you from her phone” or something.

And why am I just finding out some of friends have “house” phones? Shit people use their cell even when they’re in the house and have a house phone. Ok I’m guilty of the same thing but I was surprised to find out people had house phones. For “business purposes”. You mean telemarketers and my job? That’s all that calls my house phone. That or people who can’t reach me on the cell and actually knows the house number.

I don’t know what I’m doing this weekend? Any suggestions?