I'm Contributing $5 To The BET Budget....

So yesterday due to lack of anything good on TV, I sat down and *gasped* watched BET.

Yes…I watched the BET Awards. And since I’m a hater, I hated on the entire show *lol* Except a few parts, which I liked. The rest…Damn shame there wasn’t anything better on TV. I mean really, could I have gotten a few reruns or something?

Ok I missed, like the first 20 minutes of the show and the entire red carpet thing so I didn’t see the Jennifers sing. I’m sure it was a hot mess all around.

Don’t get me wrong, I like Jennifer Hudson and NOT because she’s repping the Chi. She’s a gorgeous woman, fantastic voice but umm yeah…Ima need her to sit down somewhere. I haven’t even seen DreamGirls and I’m tired of that song.

She did, however, have a cute dress on.

But Best New Artist….?

And NO Album? I’m glad she said that though.

I don’t care what folks say, I kind of like Mo’Nique. Sure that weave was a lil’ tired and I’m really going to need her stylist to NOT stuff her in dresses that make it pretty obvious that her stomach sticks out more than her breasts cuz Sista aint got no form of so-called “Big Girl” titties and she was a lil dry on stage. But she rocked quite a few outfits. Namely the red dress and the white pantsuit at the end. I want that damn red dress. And the “Do Me” heels? Fed Ex them bad boys to me right now!

T.I. *sigh* I just want to feed him a chicken sandwich. Maybe two. He can still get it, ya know. Just no kissing due to the scar around his mouth. And um yeah those STD/HIV tests are still mandatory.

Ne-Yo. Still mad cat-fish looking.

Fabolous…He’s looking a little off to me lately. I can’t put my fingers on it but he’s looking quite…special nowadays.

I like Beyonce. Yeah I said it!

I liked her performance. Complete with the gold metal bra and sequined leggings. Ok well maybe not the outfit *lol* but I liked her performance. I thought it was cute. It’s nice to see Michelle and Solange getting work.

However I am not feeling the dance number for that song. I don’t really like the video, although I want a weave ponytail so I can swing it around like B at the club *and probably get fucked up for my hair falling into someone’s drank* some parts of the dance is nice but others…eh.

Although I think she dulled down her performance so Kelly could shine because you know people will compare it to hers but Kelly's was ok. Singing could have been better but um yeah Kelly can UPS me her legs and Eve…Ima need those boots STAT…thank you. The whole concept was cute *at least to me* and Beyonce looked really happy for Kelly.

Although Solange was NOT a member of Destiny's Child so they could have left her ass off the split screen.

P. Diddy, Keyshia Cole and Lil Kim did give me my first good laugh of the night. Ummm…why? That’s all I have to say. Kim must have been getting my emails about her rocking a bra at ALL times though. They weren’t dragging to the floor as in previous pictures. She has gotten a lil’ thick too. One sandwich away is all I’m saying though.

Keyshia has a nice voice but I don't really like how she seems to howl whenever she gets on a stage. And two stiff ass people need not to coordinate a dance. We all know Diddy can't dance for shit *but he can spin in a circle, coat billowing behind him like the best of them* but it was painfully obvious neither one can hold a beat to save their careers.

Her pants were hot. The wife beater? Eh not so much.

I was severly disappointed by Robin Thicke's performance. I know he can better than that shit. And I hate that damn song. That is the weakest song off his album, he should have "debuted" a new song or something. But he can still get it three times though, bad singing and all.

I mean it's not like he was the worst of the night.

And please BET…can we get some more rehearsals for reading off the tele-promoter please? You know most of them can barely write their names let along read big words. I have stage fright and I can do better than most of the presenters. Folks up there sounding dry, missing cues, bad jokes, and looking awkward as shit.

Come to think of it:

1. Chris...Just stop. Let’s let the 80s die ok?

2. Lauren London…HOT. I think she is so cute.

3. Reggie Bush…He can still get it but Ima need him to work on his pronunciation.

4. Ashanti…I see she went to the same dress maker as her little sister.

5. Lil Wayne…I know he was high on something. He has a cute lil girl though. I was feeling the little kids’ outfits. Granted my kids wouldn’t walk out the door in that shit but it was cute on her. I still want to Lysol him down though.

6. Mmmm Henry Simmons. That is all. Damn the gay rumor, he is sexy as hell!

7. Patti. Lawd knows I loves me some Patti but that dress….

8. Ya know if you struggle to read kind words about your moms off a tele-prompter…maybe you should improvise. Just a thought.

9. And aside from one or two, those videos that were shown before the nominees were not hot!

10. Was it me or were there more performances than actual awards?

And while I admit that I like T-Pain, he will my comedic muse for quite some time, the “Prep” look only works, if well, you washed your ass before the show.

Oh yeah and you don’t look like a spider monkey with glasses.

BUT I love the song and I liked the quasi-performance.

Who were the other two dudes though? Someone help me out.

I missed 50’s performance. Hey I had to get something to eat. I heard there were technical difficulties. Tony Yayo…I swear that man is gay. He’s a little too close to 50 if you get what I mean. And he should NEVER go without facial hair. I know it makes some men very clean cut but when you’re already dirty…come on now!

I enjoyed Diane Ross’s tribute. She is looking pretty good for 63. Erykah rocked it though!

Although…Stevie’s stylish must have a hellva sense of humor because that jacket was NOT hot.

Confession: I always wanted Diane’s hair. My hair is as thick as hers but no way is it that full. I always wanted her wild hair. My mother saw otherwise.

I did not, however, like the Gerald Levert tribute. I mean could I have gotten a…Gerald Levert song?!

Now they did sing extremely well *I was side eyeing Gladys wig though* but it was too…gospel-ly for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I love gospel music but umm…do Black people always have to bust out the gospel, complete with long drawn out singing, for every BET event? I get it: Black folks love the church! But damn…can a tribute consist of a song the person being honored actually sang?

*still side eyeing Patti’s dress*

James Brown tribute…eh. It was ok I guess. Public Enemy is a little too old though to be hopping around the stage. Chuck D was looking a little out of breathe.

Ciara…well at least it is confirmed sista girl is a dancer and NOT a singer. I’m bias though, I love the song and you know my fake Fatima ass know the dance steps. Except the one when she leans all the way back…um yeah I tried that once. Let’s just say I had to soak in Epsom Salt when JBN scraped me off of the floor.

Overall…I can see why I stick to the MTV awards. At least their budget is better.