My New Years wasn’t a complete bust.
Sure I cheated on my diet and had two drinks
…but I had the vodka with cranberry juice…and cranberry juice is healthy right?
BUT I was not drunk.
In fact, I was completely sober.
I was actually home by 1 am too. Yeah I know. Sober and I beat the rising sun?
’08 is going to be a great year.
Actually I slept all day Tuesday. I think I woke up officially around 3:00pm.
I apparently needed that rest because my feet were burning from last night.
I am convinced one of the circles of hell consists of stilettos, endless dancing, and the agony of walking two blocks to the car, hobbling from the pain.
I don’t know I always insist on buying the highest heels my little ass can find. I trip over my own feet wearing flip flops but I always want 4 inch spiked heels.
…to bob and dance in.
So I was at FUR last night and I enjoyed myself thoroughly. I guess since we got there by 9 and nonstop dancing and drinking *for them* the minute we got in the door, no wonder we were popped by midnight.
Or maybe our asses are just old.
So we danced, snickered at white peoples dancing, avoided the OBNOXIOUS amount of “Arabs” that suddenly infiltrated the club, avoided more drunk white people, and fought and scrapped to get to the door.
I don’t know who is more annoying on the dance floor: drunken white people or drunken “others”. None of them can dance after a certain number of drinks but damn if they’re not going to flay their arms about like they’re having a seizure and fall all on you while you’re trying to get your groove on.
I swear for it to be against their religion to drink and all that jazz…Arabs sure do get fucked up in the club.
I mean I could only wonder would they be stoned if only people knew how geeked the men got from Beyonce’s “Get Me Bodied”.
I’ve never seen so many “straight” men “Uh Oh Dance” more than the ladies. Hell I got knocked out the circle so some guy can twerk his ass up.
And another note…Wash your ass before you come to the club. Smelling like grilled onions and a Dock’s fishwich sandwich is never the hotness.
…It's always the musty ones who are the most active on the dance floor. Main ones wanting to dance and wave their arms around like they don’t know they stank.
Better yet...Don’t get your drunk, sweaty, musty ass on the dance floor knowing you’re not Sure. Put those fucking arms down.
I fucked around and walked in a mass of sweating, writhing bodies trying to knock my way to the stairs so we can go…damn near passed out from the smell.
Never mind I almost got trampled when there was bottlenecking at the steps as people pushed/pulled to get up/down the stairs.
…And since I’m that rude bitch in the club who will push you aside when I think you’re taking too long to move out of my way, I was pushing my way through the crowd. I’m usually the “leader” in the girl train when we’re trying to move somewhere in the club.
I’m straight throwing bows and knocking folks to the side because sometimes the polite “excuse me” just doesn’t work.
Although this one girl wanted to pop her lips when I knocked her ass aside since she wanted to hesitate on moving and I had to ask her did she want an ass whooping for the ’08.
About 10 people must have stepped on my already throbbing toes, toes that were begging for mercy, and this guy’s entire drink was dumped down the front of my shirt when he was pushed and the cup was knocked out of his hand.
So I was tired, my feet were hurting and I was wet from the alcohol.
…and I smelled like I dove head first into the Bacardi bottle.
Then my people got lost in the crowd so I had to wait for them…and oh yeah these big ass dudes decided to start the ’08 off right by getting into a fist fight right in front of me.
…Thankfully I was repaid for getting the hell out of the way by getting splashed with a daiquiri.
We finally stumbled out the club where every 10 feet we were approached by bums begging for money.
Ummm…did we not just leave the club? Fuck out here, we spent our money on booze.
I mean the homeless here are far more polite *at least the ones I’ve ran across* than the ones in Chicago but damn, don’t assume I have spare money lying around just because I just left the club.
I know some want to catch the drunk folk slipping and either rob them or get more than a buck or two out of them while they’re in their drunken state…but trust I’m never that drunk.
I finally made it home and threw my ass into the bed. I actually wore socks to bed because my feet were hurting just that bad.
I’m so glad I didn’t have to work New Years.
But my ’08 wasn’t a bust. I brought in the New Year sober and had a great time.
…Oh and one of my friends is cheating on her husband…and she wants a divorce.
See? Always a confessional.
Happy New Years!!
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
Monday, December 31, 2007
'07 Wasn't A Complete Bust...
As we approach the New Year…
Best believe my ass is not going to make any resolutions because I know I will not follow through with any.
Ah New Years…Always good for one of my friends to reveal some life altering, mind shattering confession *always a drunken confession* that is sure to shock the alcohol out of us.
Let’s see…there was the year my best friend G revealed he was gay.
…Ok I knew that one. I mean I did walk in on him and some guy. And that guy was giving him some pretty nice mouth service.
I was horrified, I mean who wants to catch any friend in a compromising position, but it sure didn’t stop my pervy ass from looking *lol*
…And asking questions later.
Then there was another time when my friend revealed that the guy who we thought she was pregnant by was indeed not the father. To add to the blow, this was screamed out at a party during a heated argument.
…Boy that was an awkward ride back in the car.
Oh and I can’t forget the classic “I’m cheating on you…with your cousin” confession.
…I almost spilled my drank on that one. Almost. You know I’m not letting a drop of alcohol hit the floor. It doesn’t help that the cousin had a girlfriend at the time that also happened to be at the same party. It was a “two bitches on a side street” slap fest.
…Although I can’t help but wonder if my best friend and I were bad friends because we were hopelessly drunk and egging on the fight from the sidelines. There’s nothing worse than two cackling, drunk bitches hollering shit like, “Girl you’re going to take that…I mean she was sucking your man’s dick?!” while howling with laughter while holding ourselves up to prevent collapsing in the snow.
Clearly my friends and I have the “Jerry Springer/Maury/Ricki Lake” type of drama on New Years.
…Ok well every major holiday since we started sneaking vodka out of our parent’s liquor cabinets at 16.
Ok usually we’re long drunk before midnight but that’s not the point.
Since I’ve recently shunned alcoholic beverages as I’m remaining faithful to my diet/exercise regiment, I don’t know how this New Years will turn out as this will be the first year I’m sober on New Years in a long time.
And yes, I’m still sticking to my diet plan. So far I have lost 10lbs. and about 2 ½ inches from my waist line. I’m working out close to 6 days a week for an hour doing a combination of cardio, elliptical, and abs works *depending on the day* while calorie counting and shunning red meat and the swine.
*sigh* Yes I have joined the world of “turkey bacon”. Those little thin ass strips of meat that you never know when they’re done…since they just lay there all limp and shit. Don’t even crackle or anything. Just lying on the bottom of the pan.
Lord knows I love the swine but I had to give up my ham, bacon and pork chops. I won’t trip on how the pig has never failed me but…*sad wave*
…And it cracks me up to say “swine”. JBN refuses to say “pork” or “pig”, he calls it the “swine”. I’m like, “What the fuck…You Muslim now?” but it cracks me up nonetheless.
And now Pro has added on to my amusing word list with the word "fowl". No longer will I say "chicken" but now "fowl" has entered my vocabulary.
I mean it's not going to stop me from eating it but it gives me a chuckle.
Clearly…I am easily amused.
I can see ’08 being that year for me. Not only am I entering the year with a promotion, putting me a few steps closer to my goal of being a General Manager of a major hotel chain by the time I’m 30, but I’m also getting married.
Who would have thought me of all people as a married woman?
As much as I eye ball the opposite sex...soon I will have a shiny new ring on my finger that will NOT stop men from trying to holler but at least I'm not lying when I now say "I'm married."
And am I wrong for being too eager to shed my father's last name? I mean hypenated my ass, I'm exchanging this bad boy.
*tear* Soon...I will have a maiden name.
...Although I used to wonder why there was so much emphasis on having one's mother's maiden name for everything. It took me a long time to realize with so many dead beat fathers, not to mention all the whores who don't know who their child's father is, that's not really feasible.
But...Wouldn't it be kind of funny?
I mean instead of sending rejection letters based on credit *sigh* why not just do it for lack of father's name?
...Like..."Records show that Smith/John is NOT the last name of your father on your birth certificate...Credit Approval DENIED"
...But that might lead to some awkward questions about one's parentage.
But still...lil' ol' me as a married woman?
Ok I used to play “MASH” and I thought I would be married, in a mansion, with 2 kids by the time I was 21 but clearly as a 11 year old girl I was smoking crack *lol*
I remember when I thought being 21 was equivalent to my mother’s age.
Come to think of it…nowadays I feel like I’m my parents’ age compared to the youth today. I’m 24 years old and sometimes it feels like I’m like in my 50s or something.
I graduated from high school in 2001, college 2005 and with all this shit out here nowadays, I feel old when I admit I had a portable cd player in high school.
Don’t front like I was the only one who carried a gang of cds with them to school. Had the little broke up headphone piece held together with tape. Lost the back of the battery holder so you had to put your hand over the opening so the batteries wouldn’t fall out.
Like I said…graduated from high school in 2001. Those things are like relics now. You’re like, poor, if you can’t afford an I-pod.
Here’s to another year of successfully dodging pregnancy, some of my exes, and the police.
Happy New Years!!!
Best believe my ass is not going to make any resolutions because I know I will not follow through with any.
Ah New Years…Always good for one of my friends to reveal some life altering, mind shattering confession *always a drunken confession* that is sure to shock the alcohol out of us.
Let’s see…there was the year my best friend G revealed he was gay.
…Ok I knew that one. I mean I did walk in on him and some guy. And that guy was giving him some pretty nice mouth service.
I was horrified, I mean who wants to catch any friend in a compromising position, but it sure didn’t stop my pervy ass from looking *lol*
…And asking questions later.
Then there was another time when my friend revealed that the guy who we thought she was pregnant by was indeed not the father. To add to the blow, this was screamed out at a party during a heated argument.
…Boy that was an awkward ride back in the car.
Oh and I can’t forget the classic “I’m cheating on you…with your cousin” confession.
…I almost spilled my drank on that one. Almost. You know I’m not letting a drop of alcohol hit the floor. It doesn’t help that the cousin had a girlfriend at the time that also happened to be at the same party. It was a “two bitches on a side street” slap fest.
…Although I can’t help but wonder if my best friend and I were bad friends because we were hopelessly drunk and egging on the fight from the sidelines. There’s nothing worse than two cackling, drunk bitches hollering shit like, “Girl you’re going to take that…I mean she was sucking your man’s dick?!” while howling with laughter while holding ourselves up to prevent collapsing in the snow.
Clearly my friends and I have the “Jerry Springer/Maury/Ricki Lake” type of drama on New Years.
…Ok well every major holiday since we started sneaking vodka out of our parent’s liquor cabinets at 16.
Ok usually we’re long drunk before midnight but that’s not the point.
Since I’ve recently shunned alcoholic beverages as I’m remaining faithful to my diet/exercise regiment, I don’t know how this New Years will turn out as this will be the first year I’m sober on New Years in a long time.
And yes, I’m still sticking to my diet plan. So far I have lost 10lbs. and about 2 ½ inches from my waist line. I’m working out close to 6 days a week for an hour doing a combination of cardio, elliptical, and abs works *depending on the day* while calorie counting and shunning red meat and the swine.
*sigh* Yes I have joined the world of “turkey bacon”. Those little thin ass strips of meat that you never know when they’re done…since they just lay there all limp and shit. Don’t even crackle or anything. Just lying on the bottom of the pan.
Lord knows I love the swine but I had to give up my ham, bacon and pork chops. I won’t trip on how the pig has never failed me but…*sad wave*
…And it cracks me up to say “swine”. JBN refuses to say “pork” or “pig”, he calls it the “swine”. I’m like, “What the fuck…You Muslim now?” but it cracks me up nonetheless.
And now Pro has added on to my amusing word list with the word "fowl". No longer will I say "chicken" but now "fowl" has entered my vocabulary.
I mean it's not going to stop me from eating it but it gives me a chuckle.
Clearly…I am easily amused.
I can see ’08 being that year for me. Not only am I entering the year with a promotion, putting me a few steps closer to my goal of being a General Manager of a major hotel chain by the time I’m 30, but I’m also getting married.
Who would have thought me of all people as a married woman?
As much as I eye ball the opposite sex...soon I will have a shiny new ring on my finger that will NOT stop men from trying to holler but at least I'm not lying when I now say "I'm married."
And am I wrong for being too eager to shed my father's last name? I mean hypenated my ass, I'm exchanging this bad boy.
*tear* Soon...I will have a maiden name.
...Although I used to wonder why there was so much emphasis on having one's mother's maiden name for everything. It took me a long time to realize with so many dead beat fathers, not to mention all the whores who don't know who their child's father is, that's not really feasible.
But...Wouldn't it be kind of funny?
I mean instead of sending rejection letters based on credit *sigh* why not just do it for lack of father's name?
...Like..."Records show that Smith/John is NOT the last name of your father on your birth certificate...Credit Approval DENIED"
...But that might lead to some awkward questions about one's parentage.
But still...lil' ol' me as a married woman?
Ok I used to play “MASH” and I thought I would be married, in a mansion, with 2 kids by the time I was 21 but clearly as a 11 year old girl I was smoking crack *lol*
I remember when I thought being 21 was equivalent to my mother’s age.
Come to think of it…nowadays I feel like I’m my parents’ age compared to the youth today. I’m 24 years old and sometimes it feels like I’m like in my 50s or something.
I graduated from high school in 2001, college 2005 and with all this shit out here nowadays, I feel old when I admit I had a portable cd player in high school.
Don’t front like I was the only one who carried a gang of cds with them to school. Had the little broke up headphone piece held together with tape. Lost the back of the battery holder so you had to put your hand over the opening so the batteries wouldn’t fall out.
Like I said…graduated from high school in 2001. Those things are like relics now. You’re like, poor, if you can’t afford an I-pod.
Here’s to another year of successfully dodging pregnancy, some of my exes, and the police.
Happy New Years!!!
Sunday, December 30, 2007
End of the Year Meme...
**Thanks Isis!!
1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
It was a damn good year. I’ve had my complaints, trials and tribulations *cue violin* but not a complete bust. Even I am surprised.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Trying on my wedding dress and looking in the mirror. I’m looking like “Wow, I’ve never imagined this moment”. I saw myself as an adult that day.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Falling out with a friend. Thought that person was down for me but turns out petty jealousy and envy broke our bond.
4) Where were you when 2007 began?
Drunk and near passed out at a party. Ah what a way to being the year.
5) Who were you with?
JBN, friends, strangers
6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
I’m going out but this will be a sober year.
7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
Surrounded by friends.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
I don't even bother to make those anymore.
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2008?
See above
10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
Been in love since ‘02
11) If yes, with who?
JBN
12) If yes, do they know?
He better! lol
13) Are you still in love with them?
Yup
14) You regret it?
I never regret anything I do.
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
”Broke up” with some friends but that’s it.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
I made a few
17) Who are your (most memorable) favorite new friends?
Def. Jigalow and one of my co-workers
18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
MAY!!!
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
Nope
20) How many different states have you traveled in 2007?
Let’s see…Nevada, Missouri, Florida. Michigan and Pennsylvania….I’m not going to count Maryland or Illinois for obvious reasons
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
No.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
My family.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
Super Bad and the last Harry Potter
24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
Kitty Kat--Beyonce
25) What was your favorite album from 2007?
Robin Thicke’s and Justin Timberlake’s are really the only albums I listened to obsessively
26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
One
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
I just saw Robin Thicke
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
But of course….but I’ve slowed down since dieting
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
yeah…birth control is a hellva drug
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
One…duh. But lawd if I didn’t fantasize about one or two people…..
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I was ashamed of going to get that 4th plate when we went to an all you can eat buffet.
32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2007?
That my feelings were mutual for a person knowing damn well I was lying.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?
I love you
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
yes
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
Not really
36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
A Lot
37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
Watching my baby brother get married. I’m so proud of the way he has turned his life around.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
Oooh lord. That’s a lot. I guess when I was swimming in the ocean and something brushed against my legs and I ran out the water shrieking and screaming. That’s one right there.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 what would it be?
I sure would not have began talking to him that’s for sure.
40) What are your plans for 2008?
Continue to rise within the company, get married, and buy my Acura.
1) Was 2007 a good year for you?
It was a damn good year. I’ve had my complaints, trials and tribulations *cue violin* but not a complete bust. Even I am surprised.
2) What was your favorite moment of the year?
Trying on my wedding dress and looking in the mirror. I’m looking like “Wow, I’ve never imagined this moment”. I saw myself as an adult that day.
3) What was your least favorite moment of the year?
Falling out with a friend. Thought that person was down for me but turns out petty jealousy and envy broke our bond.
4) Where were you when 2007 began?
Drunk and near passed out at a party. Ah what a way to being the year.
5) Who were you with?
JBN, friends, strangers
6) Where will you be when 2007 ends?
I’m going out but this will be a sober year.
7) Who will you be with when 2007 ends?
Surrounded by friends.
8) Did you keep your new years resolution of 2007?
I don't even bother to make those anymore.
9) Do you have a new years resolution for 2008?
See above
10) Did you fall in love in 2007?
Been in love since ‘02
11) If yes, with who?
JBN
12) If yes, do they know?
He better! lol
13) Are you still in love with them?
Yup
14) You regret it?
I never regret anything I do.
15) Did you breakup with anyone in 2007?
”Broke up” with some friends but that’s it.
16) Did you make any new friends in 2008?
I made a few
17) Who are your (most memorable) favorite new friends?
Def. Jigalow and one of my co-workers
18) What was your favorite month of 2007?
MAY!!!
19) Did you travel outside of the US in 2007?
Nope
20) How many different states have you traveled in 2007?
Let’s see…Nevada, Missouri, Florida. Michigan and Pennsylvania….I’m not going to count Maryland or Illinois for obvious reasons
21) Did you lose anybody close to you in 2007?
No.
22) Did you miss anybody in the past year?
My family.
23) What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2007?
Super Bad and the last Harry Potter
24) What was your favorite song from 2007?
Kitty Kat--Beyonce
25) What was your favorite album from 2007?
Robin Thicke’s and Justin Timberlake’s are really the only albums I listened to obsessively
26) How many concerts did you see in 2007?
One
27) Did you have a favorite concert in 2007?
I just saw Robin Thicke
28) Did you drink a lot of alcohol in 2007?
But of course….but I’ve slowed down since dieting
29) Did you do a lot of drugs in 2007?
yeah…birth control is a hellva drug
30) How many people did you sleep with in 2007?
One…duh. But lawd if I didn’t fantasize about one or two people…..
31) Did you do anything you are ashamed of this year?
I was ashamed of going to get that 4th plate when we went to an all you can eat buffet.
32) What was the biggest lie you told in 2007?
That my feelings were mutual for a person knowing damn well I was lying.
33) What was the worst lie someone told you in 2007?
I love you
34) Did you treat somebody badly in 2007?
yes
35) Did somebody treat you badly in 2007?
Not really
36) How much money did you spend in 2007?
A Lot
37) What was your proudest moment of 2007?
Watching my baby brother get married. I’m so proud of the way he has turned his life around.
38) What was your most embarrassing moment of 2007?
Oooh lord. That’s a lot. I guess when I was swimming in the ocean and something brushed against my legs and I ran out the water shrieking and screaming. That’s one right there.
39) If you could go back in time to any moment of 2007 what would it be?
I sure would not have began talking to him that’s for sure.
40) What are your plans for 2008?
Continue to rise within the company, get married, and buy my Acura.
Friday, December 28, 2007
Yeah...I'm Shocked Too....
You know I never realized how many “friends” I had until I began formulating the guest list for my wedding.
Although I am 100% positive that many of my so-called “friends” are fueled by the fact that we’re having a four hour open bar.
I mean the promise of free alcohol is how JBN lured me to his room that first time.
Or maybe it was the promise of real pizza and not that crap the cafeteria served.
Come to think of it, the promise of free booze or food always managed to lure me somewhere.
*lol*
So yeah…I’m back.
For good this time. I promise. My muse left me but apparently decided to come back. Fucker was on an unpaid vacation and shit.
So far this wedding planning isn’t half bad. I mean sure I have to patiently explain to people why I’m not mailing out invites yet…I mean the wedding is in August, folks been sweating me since September.
Oh and I haven’t even bought any invites anyway but that’s not the point.
And I have to patiently explain to my mother and the rest of my kin folk that inviting people who I have NO idea who they are is NOT an option.
As if your poker buddy is going to buy me a nice gift.
And not to mention there are gasps of disbelief that I do not want a bridal shower.
I mean we’ve been together 5 years…trust I have all the skanky lingerie there is. I don’t need crotch less panties or edible undies…trust those are in the closet next to the handcuffs. *wink*
But…as I said, not half bad.
The last few months have been kind of rough on me.
There’s this whole wedding thing, which was a headache and a half. I mean I am trying to do almost everything myself *since I know what I like and want* from the DC area and although my aunt and now my Mo-Mo *godmother* is on the train…things are looking up.
My brother, yes my shiftless lazy ass brother with numerous children, got married in November…and apparently found God.
Which I’m not hating on, I mean in the few short months he have really turned his life around and I couldn’t be prouder. To go from the lazy asshole mooching off of my mother to getting married and holding down a full time job not to mention getting back in the church is an excellent thing.
My family wasn’t without the side eye though. I mean this is my brother we’re talking about. I was in disbelief when I got the phone call.
I had to ask my mother did I have a new brother or something.
I won’t get into his church though. *side eye* Say what you want but I’m not into one of those churches where everyone is hollering and screaming, writhing on the floor from the Holy Ghost and all that jazz. I literally left his church with a migraine.
I mean why have a sound system when I can clearly hear you screaming from down the street? And all the fire and brimstone? Not for me.
And the lady that damn near went into an epilepsic seizure in front of me kind of did it for me. All the whooping and hollering and as soon as the music stops, she picks her ass up from the floor like it’s nothing.
*side eye*
But ummm yeah, my baby brother beat me to the alter.
I won’t even go into work. *sigh* I just won’t. I like 95% of my co workers, I really do. It’s not too many work places where political correctness is frowned upon. Oh yeah, we’re some filthy mouth racist *or so we have been told by another co-worker who was uncomfortable with our daily conversations about sex, penis, vagina, more sex, and the occasional racial stereotype thrown in for good measure*
And let’s not get on the blatant sexual harassment.
But the last few months have really been trying. I hate lazy people and I hate the fact that because I’m one of the hardest working persons in my department that shit comes down on me when other lazy motherfuckers decide to slack on their job.
So every day was a bitch fest. I mean I am not the type to remain quiet about shit especially when it comes to MY job and MY work duties. I’ll be damn if I get hollered for anything that pertains to me.
Niggas will have to pump those brakes. I don’t play that.
Don’t get me wrong I’m far from a whistle blower. I don’t believe in running to my superiors or HR for every little thing—I’m a face to face confronter. For the most part, I just do my job and my job only but you know how the actions of lazy people eventually affects your work and like I said, I’ll be damned if I let someone get me in hot water, so outside of daily calling folks out, I got into it with a few of my co workers.
It’s not a surprise it’s really the people I don’t get along with so I knew the shit was going to hit the fan anyway. I guess they thought by trying to make me look bad, I would get fired or a write up or something.
Clearly fucking with the wrong person. Testing my gangster while at work is the wrong thing to do.
Shit done fucked up your gift card for the Secret Santa and shit. *lol*
But...all my bitching has paid off.
In the next few weeks, I will be the supervisor over the SAME folks I have problems with.
Yeah that’s right…bitch got a well-deserved promotion.
*Not like I wasn’t doing the same shit before but now my ass is getting PAID to do it*
I should have taken a picture of their faces when it was announced. Straight gas faces. Faces looked like the world was over. One chick even got up and left the room.
*insert my self-satisfied smirk*
I’m now like a casting director…what are you really willing to do in order to get Saturday night off?
*eyes cut to the “chair” *hell my office isn’t big enough for a couch*
*sinister smile as I slowly close my office door*
Revenge has never smelled sweeter.
Although I am 100% positive that many of my so-called “friends” are fueled by the fact that we’re having a four hour open bar.
I mean the promise of free alcohol is how JBN lured me to his room that first time.
Or maybe it was the promise of real pizza and not that crap the cafeteria served.
Come to think of it, the promise of free booze or food always managed to lure me somewhere.
*lol*
So yeah…I’m back.
For good this time. I promise. My muse left me but apparently decided to come back. Fucker was on an unpaid vacation and shit.
So far this wedding planning isn’t half bad. I mean sure I have to patiently explain to people why I’m not mailing out invites yet…I mean the wedding is in August, folks been sweating me since September.
Oh and I haven’t even bought any invites anyway but that’s not the point.
And I have to patiently explain to my mother and the rest of my kin folk that inviting people who I have NO idea who they are is NOT an option.
As if your poker buddy is going to buy me a nice gift.
And not to mention there are gasps of disbelief that I do not want a bridal shower.
I mean we’ve been together 5 years…trust I have all the skanky lingerie there is. I don’t need crotch less panties or edible undies…trust those are in the closet next to the handcuffs. *wink*
But…as I said, not half bad.
The last few months have been kind of rough on me.
There’s this whole wedding thing, which was a headache and a half. I mean I am trying to do almost everything myself *since I know what I like and want* from the DC area and although my aunt and now my Mo-Mo *godmother* is on the train…things are looking up.
My brother, yes my shiftless lazy ass brother with numerous children, got married in November…and apparently found God.
Which I’m not hating on, I mean in the few short months he have really turned his life around and I couldn’t be prouder. To go from the lazy asshole mooching off of my mother to getting married and holding down a full time job not to mention getting back in the church is an excellent thing.
My family wasn’t without the side eye though. I mean this is my brother we’re talking about. I was in disbelief when I got the phone call.
I had to ask my mother did I have a new brother or something.
I won’t get into his church though. *side eye* Say what you want but I’m not into one of those churches where everyone is hollering and screaming, writhing on the floor from the Holy Ghost and all that jazz. I literally left his church with a migraine.
I mean why have a sound system when I can clearly hear you screaming from down the street? And all the fire and brimstone? Not for me.
And the lady that damn near went into an epilepsic seizure in front of me kind of did it for me. All the whooping and hollering and as soon as the music stops, she picks her ass up from the floor like it’s nothing.
*side eye*
But ummm yeah, my baby brother beat me to the alter.
I won’t even go into work. *sigh* I just won’t. I like 95% of my co workers, I really do. It’s not too many work places where political correctness is frowned upon. Oh yeah, we’re some filthy mouth racist *or so we have been told by another co-worker who was uncomfortable with our daily conversations about sex, penis, vagina, more sex, and the occasional racial stereotype thrown in for good measure*
And let’s not get on the blatant sexual harassment.
But the last few months have really been trying. I hate lazy people and I hate the fact that because I’m one of the hardest working persons in my department that shit comes down on me when other lazy motherfuckers decide to slack on their job.
So every day was a bitch fest. I mean I am not the type to remain quiet about shit especially when it comes to MY job and MY work duties. I’ll be damn if I get hollered for anything that pertains to me.
Niggas will have to pump those brakes. I don’t play that.
Don’t get me wrong I’m far from a whistle blower. I don’t believe in running to my superiors or HR for every little thing—I’m a face to face confronter. For the most part, I just do my job and my job only but you know how the actions of lazy people eventually affects your work and like I said, I’ll be damned if I let someone get me in hot water, so outside of daily calling folks out, I got into it with a few of my co workers.
It’s not a surprise it’s really the people I don’t get along with so I knew the shit was going to hit the fan anyway. I guess they thought by trying to make me look bad, I would get fired or a write up or something.
Clearly fucking with the wrong person. Testing my gangster while at work is the wrong thing to do.
Shit done fucked up your gift card for the Secret Santa and shit. *lol*
But...all my bitching has paid off.
In the next few weeks, I will be the supervisor over the SAME folks I have problems with.
Yeah that’s right…bitch got a well-deserved promotion.
*Not like I wasn’t doing the same shit before but now my ass is getting PAID to do it*
I should have taken a picture of their faces when it was announced. Straight gas faces. Faces looked like the world was over. One chick even got up and left the room.
*insert my self-satisfied smirk*
I’m now like a casting director…what are you really willing to do in order to get Saturday night off?
*eyes cut to the “chair” *hell my office isn’t big enough for a couch*
*sinister smile as I slowly close my office door*
Revenge has never smelled sweeter.
Monday, October 15, 2007
Told Ya I'll Be Back....
This trip home was far more successful than the last time I went home.
We finally have a ceremony/reception space.
I’m very pleased since we got our first choice for ceremony/reception place.
Everything fell in place. Ceremony space looks fabulous. Reception space is fabulous. It’s within our budget and we fell in love with it on sight.
Check it out: the website is: http://www.chateaubusche.com
Since my dress was not ready as I thought *side eye* no pics as of yet. I’m kinda mad at that.
Pool Blue *Hell Aqua, who am I kidding lol* and White are the main colors. I haven’t decided if the bridesmaids will wear gold or silver heels yet. But I’m leaning toward silver.
White is out as *sigh* it’s close to Labor Day and we all know white shoes are out after Labor Day.
I wouldn’t want them in White anyway *lol*
However my veil and jewelry is. Check back later for the pics.
Soo….um yeah….the kid is back :)
I’m done worrying until at least the New Year….and *sigh* Diet time. Invites. Putting fire under my bridesmaids/groomsmen asses. You know the usual.
Pro….you had me coined. I was in McDonald’s all last week slurping on my liquid crack. Fell out for dead when my favorite McDonald’s *Shut up, yeah I have McDonald’s spots that I haunt* ran out.
I demanded to talk to a manager and everything.
I’m scratching and shit, eye twitching….going through straight withdrawal.
Dammit I need Sweet Tea Rehab!
I thought I didn’t miss it but with the Monopoly Game *Shut Up, Don’t act like I’m the only one obsessed with that game* AND it’s on the Large cup of Sweet Tea….how could I resist?
But I’m entitled to pig out until the New Year and then….*sigh* I’m on a diet. One of my co-workers is a part time personal trainer and he offered to tone me up in time for the wedding.
And I don’t mean “tone me up” like that…freaks *lol* He is white and we all know how I feel about the “pink”.
I like my meats well done thank you.
So….congrats to me :)
I’m back….and in full force!!
We finally have a ceremony/reception space.
I’m very pleased since we got our first choice for ceremony/reception place.
Everything fell in place. Ceremony space looks fabulous. Reception space is fabulous. It’s within our budget and we fell in love with it on sight.
Check it out: the website is: http://www.chateaubusche.com
Since my dress was not ready as I thought *side eye* no pics as of yet. I’m kinda mad at that.
Pool Blue *Hell Aqua, who am I kidding lol* and White are the main colors. I haven’t decided if the bridesmaids will wear gold or silver heels yet. But I’m leaning toward silver.
White is out as *sigh* it’s close to Labor Day and we all know white shoes are out after Labor Day.
I wouldn’t want them in White anyway *lol*
However my veil and jewelry is. Check back later for the pics.
Soo….um yeah….the kid is back :)
I’m done worrying until at least the New Year….and *sigh* Diet time. Invites. Putting fire under my bridesmaids/groomsmen asses. You know the usual.
Pro….you had me coined. I was in McDonald’s all last week slurping on my liquid crack. Fell out for dead when my favorite McDonald’s *Shut up, yeah I have McDonald’s spots that I haunt* ran out.
I demanded to talk to a manager and everything.
I’m scratching and shit, eye twitching….going through straight withdrawal.
Dammit I need Sweet Tea Rehab!
I thought I didn’t miss it but with the Monopoly Game *Shut Up, Don’t act like I’m the only one obsessed with that game* AND it’s on the Large cup of Sweet Tea….how could I resist?
But I’m entitled to pig out until the New Year and then….*sigh* I’m on a diet. One of my co-workers is a part time personal trainer and he offered to tone me up in time for the wedding.
And I don’t mean “tone me up” like that…freaks *lol* He is white and we all know how I feel about the “pink”.
I like my meats well done thank you.
So….congrats to me :)
I’m back….and in full force!!
Tuesday, September 25, 2007
Don't Erase Me Off The Blog Roll Just Yet...
I promise as soon as we close on the ceremony/reception hall on October 13th, I'll be back to my usual randomness.
Pics are coming soon. My best friend is acting real secretive with the pictures. I knew I should have brought my camera in that day.
Oh and my dress is done so while I'm in Chicago that weekend I KNOW I'll have pictures for sure. I'm super excited about seeing my "finished" dress.
I will forwarn you though: My hair is probably going to be all over my head wrestling with the dress and veil.
And dare I say it: maybe a tear or two.
Now I have to make sure my ass can fit in that dress w/o alterations by next summer
*sigh* I guess I'm axing Wendy's off my menu as well. It's going to go the way of the Sweet Tea from McDonald.
I swear I'm going to get a personal trainer.
I swear as soon as we have an actual place, I'm so sure things are going to fall into place.
Invites...piece of cake.
Decorations and stuff...my fantabolous *I know not a word but that damn Rachel Ray had grown on me with these made up words* aunt is taking care of all of that for me. She points and I buy. I step back and she creates her wonderful magic.
We've looked at rings. I've given him my top 5 and I told him to surprise me. Everyone seems really surprised that I want a simple ring. Pushing me toward the rocks when I want a simple band.
I'll get the rock for my 2nd marriage :)
Shit I want something that when I slide that bad boy off to go to the club, local crackheads won't break into the car and swipe it out the ash tray *lol*
Bridesmaids/groomsmen set. And no one is upset *or at least grumbling out loud* about paying for their own stuff. Trust I would love to pay for my girls' stuff but 7 formal gown and tuxes are not in the budget. If I won the lottery, then I wouldn't care but we're saving for a house on top of the wedding and we're on a strict budget for both. We are paying for the maid of honor's and the best man's items though.
You know my best friend is geeked about that. I told her she better get me a good stripper for the bachelorette's party since I'm saving her some dough *lol*
And top shelf Yak. Not the Jewel's brand liquor.
Once this last major hurdle is done, I'm back in business.
I can breathe easily...until 08. Then I'm back at it.
Thanks so much for everyone's patience. I know my long ramblings have gotten folks through many of boring work hours *lol*
When I have a spare second, best believe I'll be backtracking.
So no new boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends/wives, pregananies, stints in prison, slapping a family memeber up, felt up by some guy in the subway until I get caught up with my favorite bloggers lives.
But oooh add the great sex stories. You know I'm straight in the gutter :)
Pics are coming soon. My best friend is acting real secretive with the pictures. I knew I should have brought my camera in that day.
Oh and my dress is done so while I'm in Chicago that weekend I KNOW I'll have pictures for sure. I'm super excited about seeing my "finished" dress.
I will forwarn you though: My hair is probably going to be all over my head wrestling with the dress and veil.
And dare I say it: maybe a tear or two.
Now I have to make sure my ass can fit in that dress w/o alterations by next summer
*sigh* I guess I'm axing Wendy's off my menu as well. It's going to go the way of the Sweet Tea from McDonald.
I swear I'm going to get a personal trainer.
I swear as soon as we have an actual place, I'm so sure things are going to fall into place.
Invites...piece of cake.
Decorations and stuff...my fantabolous *I know not a word but that damn Rachel Ray had grown on me with these made up words* aunt is taking care of all of that for me. She points and I buy. I step back and she creates her wonderful magic.
We've looked at rings. I've given him my top 5 and I told him to surprise me. Everyone seems really surprised that I want a simple ring. Pushing me toward the rocks when I want a simple band.
I'll get the rock for my 2nd marriage :)
Shit I want something that when I slide that bad boy off to go to the club, local crackheads won't break into the car and swipe it out the ash tray *lol*
Bridesmaids/groomsmen set. And no one is upset *or at least grumbling out loud* about paying for their own stuff. Trust I would love to pay for my girls' stuff but 7 formal gown and tuxes are not in the budget. If I won the lottery, then I wouldn't care but we're saving for a house on top of the wedding and we're on a strict budget for both. We are paying for the maid of honor's and the best man's items though.
You know my best friend is geeked about that. I told her she better get me a good stripper for the bachelorette's party since I'm saving her some dough *lol*
And top shelf Yak. Not the Jewel's brand liquor.
Once this last major hurdle is done, I'm back in business.
I can breathe easily...until 08. Then I'm back at it.
Thanks so much for everyone's patience. I know my long ramblings have gotten folks through many of boring work hours *lol*
When I have a spare second, best believe I'll be backtracking.
So no new boyfriends/husbands/girlfriends/wives, pregananies, stints in prison, slapping a family memeber up, felt up by some guy in the subway until I get caught up with my favorite bloggers lives.
But oooh add the great sex stories. You know I'm straight in the gutter :)
Monday, September 10, 2007
Wedding Headaches
Since I am knee deep in work and wedding planning, I haven't been online much other than to look at reception places, wedding party favors, bridesmaids dresses, etc.
So please forgive me if I haven't been checking on my spots. I get so caught up in the wedding stuff, I don't go to any other sites.
Good News: I do have my wedding dress.
I went with my first choice after trying on 6 different gowns. I really liked my 2nd choice but that would mean starving to death the day of the wedding because the corset part is really tight.
In fact the whole dress was super tight *Just the way I like it ;-)* but I got a little light headed wearing that dress. And I know it would've taken me at least 20 minutes to get out the dress. And it was almost impossible to use the potty in the dress.
But after trying on my 1st choice, I fell in love with the dress and bought it right there.
Since my best friend, the matron of honor, is being really stingy with the pictures, I'll have to steal her camera and post up the dresses at a later date.
In fact I'm still looking for a new matron of honor after the heifer flung open the door while I was undressing and every one and their mama saw my bare ass in the dressing room.
AND I had on the busted joints at that.
So I do have my dress so push come to shove, I will at least have my dress when JBN and I have to run off and elope in Vegas.
My mother and I are on the outs. She's trying to plan this big, extravagent wedding and she does not understand that I don't want all of that.
She's trying to invite anyone who has every stared at me in the last 24 years to my wedding.
I'm not on that with her.
I understand she's excited but...umm yeah this is MY day!
It's so much we debate about I'm getting a headache just re-thinking about it.
My father and I are on the outs. As usual.
The way I feel about him right now- I don't want his contribution or him in my life.
I told him he'll be lucky if I let him attend, let alone walk me down the aisle.
My younger cousin stole $20 from me while I was in Chicago. Me and that little bitch is not talking. In fact, since she was M.I.A. the rest of the time I was in Chicago, oh don't think I was looking for her, when I go back next month to close on the reception hall, I'm putting my foot up her ass.
My other cousin, the one I got into a fight with on Thanksgiving, had the nerve to twist her lips up and ask can she be in my wedding.
Bitch please.
And not that I care but we *meaning JBN* asked his sister did she want to be a bridesmaid, this heifer: "I'll have to check my schedule". No love is lost between us as you can see. Makes me none. "I" was only asking to be polite since my brother and my male best friend are groomsmen.
Yeah I had to swipe some of his groomsmen. My best friend is a given. My brother...eh he's up in the air. It has already been told that I am not paying a dime for his tux so if he want to be in the wedding I advise he save up.
So I'm really trying not to stress about this wedding and I'm really trying not to snap on people.
I mean it would shave a few numbers off of the reception list but still...I'm so not trying to become a Bridzilla.
I am failing...quite miserably actually...but dang I haven't reached the exploding point yet.
My aunt, my savior right now as she's holding down everything for me in Chicago, we're doing research together, emailing each other back and forth, and because she's like an Arts and Crafts God, she's decorating for the ceremony and reception AND she put me on to this great caterer.
I'm trying to be nice and let my friends pick their own dresses because they are paying for it but I see already I'm going to have to pick out the dresses myself.
Folks' body types are sooo not matching up with the dresses they want. I mean 95% of my friends are top heavier, or at least in "C" cups and strapless is so not the way to go.
Walking tugging up the top.
Breasts spilling all over the top of the dress. Alright for the club but not for my pictures.
So since most of my friends are skanks, I see I'm going to have to find some nice "classy" dresses for them.
Now I am debating with the reception hall because I do not like their menu and I want to bring an outside caterer in. I mean I really want this place but I do not want the food. It's really bland and doesn't look good IMO.
I mean I want soul food. The fattening, the better. I don't want dry ass baked chicken or fish. I want some golden fried chicken/catfish candied yams, macaroni and cheese, collard greens *for the folks who eat that mess*, cabbage *for me*, corbread, etc.
And I prepared to go to war over this.
But elopement is looking like a great possibility as of right now.
So please forgive me if I haven't been checking on my spots. I get so caught up in the wedding stuff, I don't go to any other sites.
Good News: I do have my wedding dress.
I went with my first choice after trying on 6 different gowns. I really liked my 2nd choice but that would mean starving to death the day of the wedding because the corset part is really tight.
In fact the whole dress was super tight *Just the way I like it ;-)* but I got a little light headed wearing that dress. And I know it would've taken me at least 20 minutes to get out the dress. And it was almost impossible to use the potty in the dress.
But after trying on my 1st choice, I fell in love with the dress and bought it right there.
Since my best friend, the matron of honor, is being really stingy with the pictures, I'll have to steal her camera and post up the dresses at a later date.
In fact I'm still looking for a new matron of honor after the heifer flung open the door while I was undressing and every one and their mama saw my bare ass in the dressing room.
AND I had on the busted joints at that.
So I do have my dress so push come to shove, I will at least have my dress when JBN and I have to run off and elope in Vegas.
My mother and I are on the outs. She's trying to plan this big, extravagent wedding and she does not understand that I don't want all of that.
She's trying to invite anyone who has every stared at me in the last 24 years to my wedding.
I'm not on that with her.
I understand she's excited but...umm yeah this is MY day!
It's so much we debate about I'm getting a headache just re-thinking about it.
My father and I are on the outs. As usual.
The way I feel about him right now- I don't want his contribution or him in my life.
I told him he'll be lucky if I let him attend, let alone walk me down the aisle.
My younger cousin stole $20 from me while I was in Chicago. Me and that little bitch is not talking. In fact, since she was M.I.A. the rest of the time I was in Chicago, oh don't think I was looking for her, when I go back next month to close on the reception hall, I'm putting my foot up her ass.
My other cousin, the one I got into a fight with on Thanksgiving, had the nerve to twist her lips up and ask can she be in my wedding.
Bitch please.
And not that I care but we *meaning JBN* asked his sister did she want to be a bridesmaid, this heifer: "I'll have to check my schedule". No love is lost between us as you can see. Makes me none. "I" was only asking to be polite since my brother and my male best friend are groomsmen.
Yeah I had to swipe some of his groomsmen. My best friend is a given. My brother...eh he's up in the air. It has already been told that I am not paying a dime for his tux so if he want to be in the wedding I advise he save up.
So I'm really trying not to stress about this wedding and I'm really trying not to snap on people.
I mean it would shave a few numbers off of the reception list but still...I'm so not trying to become a Bridzilla.
I am failing...quite miserably actually...but dang I haven't reached the exploding point yet.
My aunt, my savior right now as she's holding down everything for me in Chicago, we're doing research together, emailing each other back and forth, and because she's like an Arts and Crafts God, she's decorating for the ceremony and reception AND she put me on to this great caterer.
I'm trying to be nice and let my friends pick their own dresses because they are paying for it but I see already I'm going to have to pick out the dresses myself.
Folks' body types are sooo not matching up with the dresses they want. I mean 95% of my friends are top heavier, or at least in "C" cups and strapless is so not the way to go.
Walking tugging up the top.
Breasts spilling all over the top of the dress. Alright for the club but not for my pictures.
So since most of my friends are skanks, I see I'm going to have to find some nice "classy" dresses for them.
Now I am debating with the reception hall because I do not like their menu and I want to bring an outside caterer in. I mean I really want this place but I do not want the food. It's really bland and doesn't look good IMO.
I mean I want soul food. The fattening, the better. I don't want dry ass baked chicken or fish. I want some golden fried chicken/catfish candied yams, macaroni and cheese, collard greens *for the folks who eat that mess*, cabbage *for me*, corbread, etc.
And I prepared to go to war over this.
But elopement is looking like a great possibility as of right now.
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