So my best friend came to DC for the weekend and boy did we have fun in the "Chocolate City"! Being from Chicago, we forget at times that we are not in Chicago and this weekend we found ourselves gawking @ the "Natives" (As we called DC folks) and clowning our asses off. Don't get me wrong, DC is a great city. I can honestly say I am never bored. I hit the clubs, see the sites, and take advantage of the hidden wonders of DC (Now if only I can find a place that sells pizza puffs, know what the hell "mild sauce" is, and a DJ that can actually mix worth a damn, we'll be in business). So we're cruising through DC with her head constantly twisted around b/c she's surprised about how close the "national" land marks to the down town (I will admit when I first got here, I damn near created a 10 car pileup on the expressway b/c I saw the Washington Monument and slowed down like a goof snapping picture....damn DC folks got some road rage), the little tasty men roaming DC streets (Of course we're catcalling out the window), and how clean DC appears (Come to Chicago and see how clean our down town really is). We rode up to UMD, GTown, and Howard (She kept shrieking 'I can't believe fucking Howard is in the Hood' while locking all the car doors...It was lookin' a little rough out that day)and waved to some cute frat boys hanging around. Hell we almost got a meal from one of the White Frat Houses...but I don't eat everyone's cooking...esp. White Folks BBQ!
I won't get on my personal pet peeves, though, of living in DC. It's a lot but I'm bias because I am a Chi-Town Queen at heart! I hate the traffic (it shouldn't take Four fucking hours to go 10 miles!), people's reaction to snow and rain (Damn we're not in Florida...It do snow you know! Shutting down schools over an inch of snow! Shiiiitttt not in Chicago!), and hell sometimes the people (People who are not from around here might can feel me on the "chilly' (for lack of better words) of people who live here). So my best friend and I are kicking it and we decided to hit up the club Platinum.
OMG....Funniest night ever in a long time. Long story short- we got booted out the club (twice)by a bouncer b/c some dude (we didn't know-and care- thst it was his party) got mad b/c we started roasting his wack ass (Roasting= cagging, talking about, dissing Chicago vernacular people!) and the second time was because I had to lay the smackdown in the club. He came sliding up to us...I kid you not...in a Coogi 'fit. Now for most people, they're either scratching their head, like "What's a Coogi" or "Why was that a fashion crime"? To those not up on fashion, Coogi is an ugly but expensive sweater. Think a Bill Cosby sweater that has been shredded and sewn back together. People rocked these damn sweaters hard in Chicago when I was in HIGH SCHOOL!. This was between the years of 1997-2001 so don't think like early 90s- I am only 22! By 2000, no one in Chicago would be caught dead rockin' a Coogi because it was "played". In Chicago, Coogi went the way of FuBu, Platinum FuBu, Karl Kani, Iceberg, Mecca...etc, you get the pic. I guess DC either didn't get the memo or just said "Fuck it" because folks here are rocking what Chicago considered "played out ass fashion". So here this dude approach us on some "Hey ma...blah blah blah"...and we took one look at the sweater and just lost it. He got mad of course and asked "What the fuck was so funny" so we told him in straight ig'nant ass fashion- "You rockin a Coogi? I mean seriously? Like a real Coogi...in a hot ass club...and you trying to holla? Damn where do you find a Coogi sweater? Can we touch it? *fingering his sweater and laughing* Ooh girl this real! Must be 'Retro Night' in the club...OMG G...He even got the matching hat to go with it. Damn I had no idea Coogi was still in business *another fit of the giggles*
We even got our ig'nant asses on the phone and called our other best friend to tell her about the sweater. So by this time, nigga steaming...just running off at the mouth. Oh we were everything but a child of God when he got through with us. He called over a bouncer and we were promptly escorted out the club for unruly behavior.
Oh that was cool...we got in like 10 minutes later. Yep, we hopped our asses back in line. Sweet talked the guy putting on wrist bands and got our asses back in there. Then some horror came to my ears. That damn Go-Go shit. I hate that music more than snap music. I want to scream every time I hear a go-go beat. I'm sorry. The shit is just wack to me. Every single song sounds like "Do It In The Butt". Every single song. It's so 1980s to me and my ear bleeds but it's DC music. It's just so old...I should be doing the running man or Cabbage Patch instead of "Gettin' Low". So my best friend grab my arm, confused, and said exactly what I've been thinking, "WTF? Why is sound so old?" Had to give her the quick Go-Go lesson and of course she laughed. But you can't tell someone from DC that Go-Go is wack. That's fighting words here...lol.
In Chicago- we juke. We listen to House Music aka The Tapes. Not Rap Mix Tapes but heavy bass, lots of thumping, Bang Bang Bang Skeet Skeet Skeet...shit that get you crunk as fuck! That's the only reason I like crunk music b/c it reminds me a little of House Music. Damn all this NY Shit they pop off in the club (Every fucking song that comes out of NY is NOT a fucking dance song! That's what Chicagoians call "Ride And Nod Your Head" music...not "Get Your freak On In The Club" music. Mutha fuckers here hear some Jay-Z, Nas, Fifty and go nuts! I just slide to the wall and wait until a real "dance" song come back on...never really do b/c DJ here can't mix worth shit. Go from a Sean Paul to a Jay-Z (A Reasonable Doubt Jay at that) in a heartbeat! Fucking DJs...Take some lessons from a Chi-Town DJ....can you say Blend corresponding songs/beats?) We go to the clubs to juke! If you don't know, you betta ask somebody!
So the second time around, we head into the basement and my inner "Satcha" (My Jamaician Dancehall persona) instantly popped out. OMG- the club was playin' Dance Hall...and good dance hall at that! So we got on the floor and starting shakin' our round, brown asses! Of course, the Bougie ass females were against the wall looking crazy w/their little short skirts (shit hell to the naw...it was like 13 degrees out...I no longer freeze for fashion), stilleto pumps and stank faces looking at us like we're crazy. Fuck you females! I come to have a good time NOT to get in V.I.P! Just because you see how the video chicks dress in the video does not mean you should imitate! Imitation is not a sincere form of flattery! Bikini Tops in February is not cool! This is not Miami! Then later on looking cold as hell outside the club, you and all three of your little chicken head friends wobbling down the street to the car in your 5 inch Steve Madden pumps!
So we're dancing with these guys and I guess some "Stiletto Pumps" girl got mad b/c her guy was dancing on me and starting to talk shit. I mean I couldn't hear what she was saying but I know she was talking as if her balls were as big as watermelons! Well....that inner Ghetto came out and I just slapped her ass on reflex. I know I said I don't fight women...but hey this wasn't a fight. I smacked her. She fell. Her croonies came to scoop her up (show what type of friends she had. It was two versus six but no one was feeling froggy) and next thing you know the same bouncer was showing us Platinum's door, mad because he wanna know how the fuck we got back in. This time he stayed at the door to make sure our asses wouldn't get back in so we just took our business elsewhere....to H20. We got in H20 and just showed out laughing...my best friend talkin 'bout I gave her the "Bitch I'm from the Chi" smack. We left H20, got something to eat, and came back to my place. We saw some sites, ate some good ass food, and hit the clubs again...but on the Grown and Sexy kick. No more fights but we did see a guy who has on a Boss 'fit *insert laughter here*
Ahhhh...we had so much fun this weekend!
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