I'm So Cold, I'm So Cold, I'm So Cold

**Sorry in advance if I offend anyone**

Lotion should remain a top staple in a Black person’s home. Nothing is more irritating-and wrong-than a Black person walking around looking like a dusty ass Milk Dud.

What does “hooking up” mean to White people? I mean damn either it means fucking or it doesn’t. One of those little irritating things that bothers me when I’m talking to a White girl around my age.

I mean so….wait. Last week when you said you “hooked up” with this guy at the bar you just “made out”, which means heavy patting and kissing, but this week when you “hooked up”, you actually went all the way? *sigh* Pass the salt please.

And if Black Women are so-called “whores” what are White women? I’ve seen wayyy sluttier behavior from a drunken white girl than any Black woman on any video.

I’ve always wondered what’s the purpose of being a lesbian when in the end during sex you’re stilling playing with some form of a dick. I mean most lesbians do use some sort of phallic toy right? So….why not get the real thing? I mean if breasts are your thing, just get a guy with “manboobies” *thanks JIGALOW*?

There isn’t enough wack dick and trifling men in the world though to ever “turn” me into a lesbian. My “I Heart Penis” card is lamented and bordered in titanium.

But wait, how do you “turn” someone into a lesbian, doesn’t that mean that person has always been a homosexual though?

I don’t believe there is a such thing as a “bi sexual” man. Once a dick has gone in his ass or his mouth…dude you’re gay. Point Blank. “Experimenting” my right ass cheek. When I put peroxide in my brother’s hair to see if it would really turn blond, that’s experimenting *as well as a well deserved ass whooping*. But a dude that wakes up one day like “Today I wanna see what it feels like to suck a dick”…in the words of Riley Freeman: “Nigga You Gay”.

Although…if I was a man I’d probably be gay *lol*

My fascination with gay men astonishes even me. I won’t even go into the dumb ass questions I have asked G. I think he’s the reason I may have watched a gay porn video once or a few dozen times but whose counting *lol*. I can’t imagine a man sticking his dick in my ass but boy am I all up in the screen to see it done with two men.

….Don’t act like I’m the only one who has came across some gay porn. And sat and watched it.

How come the status of “home wrecker” is always placed on the woman? I mean wasn’t it the male’s choice as well to cheat? I mean the man took the marital vows NOT the women he cheated with so shouldn’t the blame rest on the man’s shoulder?

I am such a tabloid whore. I think my magazine subscription has increased. Damn the new Black Enterprise magazine where the hell is my Star Magazine?!

Although…I personally think 95% of Hollywood is cracked out, doped up, an alcoholic and just plain hoes. I mean folks get passed around more times than a blunt in Hollywood . Everyone has dated everyone. I mean damn think of the diseases that probably crawling around in some folks’ asses.

*shudder*

I had to ultimately end a friendship with someone whom I thought was a friend but when I think about it, never really wasn’t. While I will miss the friendship, I don’t think I will miss the actual person. Isn’t that fucked up? Like how can you miss the actual friendship but not the person attached?

When I cut someone off, they’re pretty much cut off. Number is already erased from the phone.

E-Beef and E-Wars never cease to amuse me. Why can’t you just call and curse me out? Why send an email?

Someone pointed out that I always wear obnoxiously big sunglasses when I have such a small face. That’s because I’m glamorous darling.

The sound of someone popping their knuckles irks me.

I’ve finally seen Borat and that movie is the funniest movie I have seen in a long time. I was howling through the entire movie.

You know maybe it’s not my actual job that irks me; it’s my co-workers. I mean damn when I walk away from the property I leave work related problems behind, why can’t you?

Because You Must Not Know ‘Bout Me, You Must Not Know “Bout Me *Putting Beyonce’s great lyrical talent to use…or should I say NeYo’s? Didn’t he write that song? And…The thought of NeYo hunched over a desk writing these lyrics and probably lip synching to himself is a hilarious image in my head* And lately people have been on the receiving end of getting cursed out. Damn sometimes I feel like I’m back in high school. Except less teen pregnancies and fist fights after school.

Is there really a reason Whites wear open toes shoes and shorts in the winter time? I mean what’s the point of putting on a winter coat when you’re rocking shorts?

And a little tan goes a long way for some. I mean looking like Casper is NOT hot. Well neither is the “Cheeto Orange” either.

I love sunflower seeds. I think I go through at least 4 bags a week. My ultimate comfort food.

I hate those chain emails. Sure they start off all nice and inspirational but damn if I don’t send this to at least 10 people I will have bad sex, luck, teeth, hair will fall out….shit I’ll die?! Who thinks of this crap?

And another thing: Don’t forward me a text. Shit that’s usually 2 received texts?! Are you nuts?!

I am a hypocrite.

Am I the only one who practices dance steps in the mirror?

I’m getting another tattoo soon. I’m not sure what I’m getting yet though.

…If I run someone over with my car in the parking garage, you think I could get away with it?

But….I am too pretty for jail.

How come when you have someone everyone wants you?

I wonder do men know women know when he’s been busted in a lie.

Since my revelation that it’s now standard that women lie on their pussy as well, I’ve been lying my ass off. Shit you can add Etan Thomas to the list as well. Yeah I hit him in Georgetown the other day. *lol*

Being disrespectful to someone in their home is never cool.

Icebox is gonna be my new “break up” song *lol* Every time I stop being cool with someone I’m going to play that on his or her voicemail *lol*

JBN and I may seem dramatic but we’re really not. While some folks argue over serious stuff we argue over who ate the last Reese Cup.

My birthday is less than two months away. Of course my list is already made.

Damn…I’ll be 24.