A Fun Weekend Yet Again...

Well…My weekend was very interesting. Better pull up a seat and finish that report because this is going to be a long one. As usual, huh? *LOL* I’m working on it…

Friday the boyfriend and I completely blew off the comedy show and ended up hitting this bar named OZIO with friends. I was a little disappointed but trust I had a far interesting night than I probably would have at the comedy club.

Royce, I take that back…Bennington is the ghettoiest stop ever! Ooh but that’s another post.

After getting my hair snipped on Friday, I’m still getting used to the cut, it’s been a year since it was this short, my boyfriend asks me do I want to go to the mall so I can finally get the f*cking Jordans I wanted while he’s trying to convince me to get the new ones which are ugly as f*ck. Not only did they not have my shoe, I had to get them online. But…I did get a pair of Ones from Kids Foot Lockers. It’s been a minute since I’ve actually bought gym shoes **f*ck that “sneakers” sh*t, I say “gym shoes” I guess that’s a Chicago thing** After going into every shoe store in Pentagon City, having them call around to other stores in the area with no success, I knew I was not getting those Jordans any place but on line. But the afternoon wasn’t a complete waste since I did come out with a new pair of shoes plus the ones that I ordered.

And it took several stores as well to get the Ones. Either they didn't have my size *7* or it was the wrong style. I heart high-top shoes and of course they had only low-top or it was in black *I wanted White*. And of course they tried to sell me those. Why the f*ck would I want black high tops when I specifically asked for White? No don't bring them b*tches out anyway just for me to "try on", I want my shoes! Trying to slide the shoe cleaner in on the sly too, you ain't slick.

So I’m walking around the mall in my bright blue sundress with red and white piping, the hair bright and shiny and the stunner shades on so you know I have to put on the “DIVA” stroll. Sh*t I was looking cute as sh*t. You know my boyfriend had to bring me down to earth by teasing that I ain't that cute and I need to stop switching before I trip and fall. We joke like that. Strange, huh? Unconventional relationship at work here people. We go into “Finish Line” and OMG the sexiest chocolate morsel that I have seen in, what, two weeks *lol* is working there. Nice muscles, eyes, and even, white teeth. I'm sold right there. I had to wipe the slobber off my mouth and keep myself in check, I mean, gosh the boyfriend was with me this time which meant no flirting for a discount just in case they had my shoes, which they didn't. So I’m trying my best not to flirt **and failing** and had to do a regretful sigh as I leave the store. No shoes and no chocolate man. I glance back and he’s still looking…Now if only I can get his work schedule…I mean I might need some socks to go with my Ones, ya know?

*lol*

We head to OZIO, which is a pretty cool bar by the way, and we squeeze in minutes after Happy Hour is over. We go upstairs and lo and behold, whom do I see? Crazy ass FIVE PERCENTER dude. I talked about him a while back Story and I was not pleased to see him. Who and the hell invited him? We’re all making small talk, introductions, schools, sororities/fraternities or lack of them *as in my case*, you know just general small talk, warming up to each other and what not since we were all "friends of a friend", ordering drinks and sh*t, but then I begin to notice something. And luckily other people noticed it too so I wasn’t feeling really paranoid.

It seems like everyone was staring in my direction. Male and female. So I’m doing a check, maybe I spilled something on my dress or I sat in something and there’s a stain on my ass or something. You know I’m wrenching *lol* around and sh*t trying to see what the f*ck everyone is staring at.

Granted, I did not have on “After Five” attire. I did not look as if I waltzed in from the office *as many did* but from the streets *lol*. Now my sundress was knee length and I was rocking these cute $20 shoes I bought at Charlotte Russe with my $28 dollar sundress from Forever 21 so I'm doing it in my "less than 50 bucks" outfits. I was still rocking the stunner shades *never mind the fact a b*tch couldn’t see anything how the f*ck do people wear this sh*t in the club without knocking into some sh*t* and compared to a lot of the subdued color in the room, I was pretty bright compared to most people. I mean the dress was a bright blue, a little brighter than Royal Blue.

I mean the women weren’t giving me the “this b*tch” stare but more like an approving eye. Like they approved of my outfit. Sure they were probably scanning my attire to "price" it but who cares? Sh*t I'll admit where I bought something whether it from Walmart or BCBG but dare I say it? Women giving me props in DC? Where a woman rather cut off her damn foot than admit another woman looks nice? Maybe that's why women hit on me since I don't have a problem giving another woman a compliment or saying another woman is pretty or even gorgeous. Naw damn that, still leave me the hell alone. *waves I Heart Penis flag crafted from an old T Shirt and Rhinestones bought from the local beauty supply store* Should I be scared? Women not sucking their teeth and cutting their eyes but actually admitting when another woman looks nice? I’m sure there was a “She looks cute but…” but I was scared. I'm not used to approving eyes from other women.

The men, on the other hand, made me just plain nervous. They were licking their chops like I was a fried pork chop sandwich or something. Undressing me with their eyes and sh*t. And the sundress was a halter so it's not like they had much to undress, no bra in the way this time. I mean eye molesting all around. Made me nervous because, well, I’m used to giving out those looks dammit! Don’t be eye molesting me in the same way I do you! I felt…violated. *lol* Is this how the men whom I molest on a daily basis feel? I was also a little self-conscious. Knowing that a lot of men were staring in my direction meant no goof-ups. No tripping or stumbling around. I had to keep my coordination in check. I found myself moving a little closer to the boyfriend. Yeah...he's with me.

That’s a first…Tenacious nervous in a roomful of men.

And boy did the men outnumber the women for a minute.

So we’re drinking…and drinking…and drinking.

I started a running tab with the bartender who was a cute Scandinavian guy *what, you think I didn’t ask?* and he kept me laced lovely. Made sure I had plenty of alcohol in my glass and made me pretty drinks that matched my dress. Yeah I’m sipping “Ol’ Blue Eyes” and “Long Kiss Goodnights” *a ruby red drink* like it’s going out of style. So we’re **it’s 7 of us in total, three girls and four guys** getting toasted. And I begin to loosen up and move around more independently. FIVE PERCENTER tried to spark up a conversation but I was not trying to hear his ass. I don’t like when people try to push their religion on me. And besides I was a little twisted and probably would have said some slick sh*t out of my mouth.

I go back to the bar to get yet another drink. We’re moving on the shots now and we’re all about to drink some tequila. Nothing else will do. I don’t f*ck with tequila due to a short lived college affair with a man named Jose, last name Cuevo. So I'm leery because I'm a punk now. I can't handle straight alcohol, mine always have to be mixed with something otherwise I'll just be slizzard really early. So like a punk, I'm like “I’ll just take one and no more”. More than one shot of Tequila and it's "Detox Room" for me. I’m with the “Grown Folks” crowd **at 23 my boyfriend and I were the youngest ones in our group, every one else are 25 and up** so only the finest of tequila will be crammed down our throats. Yeah some good old Patron. Well I don’t know if that’s the finest but it’s the best that the bar had on stock. Really smooth tasting by the way. It didn't give me that burning sensation as it went down my throat like Jose **Jose must have had the clap or something, You lied to me Jose *shakes fist** but smooth, like water almost and left a nice tingling sensation in my stomach. But I wasn't fooled, the sh*t is still tequila. I guess no more Jose Cuevo for me. So I’m at the bar ordering shots for three people. Cutie bartender gave me one for free, I bought one and out of no where this guy buys me another. I’m polite and while I thank him, I inform him I’m here with my boyfriend and friends and refuse it. I guess I insult him or something because he damn near demand I take the drink and enjoy it. But I know how that goes sometimes. Guy buys you one drink and he's "Club Boyfriend" for the rest of the night. "Club Boyfriend" plus "Real Boyfriend" equals a very ugly night. So while I’m shaking my head and declining his drink, my boyfriend comes up behind me, I guess to either help me with the drinks or to see why I’m shaking my head to dude since he was all up in my ear since it was pretty loud at this point.

So I do a typical Tenacious move. I take the drink dude has bought for me and hand it to my boyfriend, take the other two shots and walk off. Dammit I told him I had a man, I guess he thought I was playing. So my boyfriend got a shot courtesy of ol’ dude. Nigga face was tight but next time listen when I tell you something.

I do one round and I’m out. No more tequila for me. I close my tab out, a nice little amount that I’ve racked up, tip the cute bartender generously you can’t be cheap on the tips, and hit the small dance floor. And live it the f*ck up. Had to get dragged out of the bar. You know us girls were tore up so we proceeded to burn up the dance floor while the men looked on rather amused. We wanted to dance and dammit we were going to shake our asses for the masses.

The stick that was lodged in some of the folk’s asses loosened slightly and they began to dance as well. I can’t stand when folks stand around on the dance floor. Either dance or get the f*ck off the floor. And have the nerve to get mad when you bump into them on accident while dancing.

We stumble in the house at 3 am. Guess who had to be at work at 6:30?

B*tch was tired as f*ck. I was wore the f*ck down. Everyone at work must have known I went out because they gave me my 10 feet **stinky girl 20** and left me the hell alone. I wasn’t in the mood that day. Coming out to the Front Desk looking like a wore-out slave and sh*t. I’m dozing off at the desk and on the phone. Yeah I was really tired and the day seemed to drag on forever. And it felt like I was losing my voice because it was really scratchy and I was croaking a little bit. Another manager felt bad for me and let me leave early **wow a whole half an hour** and you know I came home and crashed. Slept for a couple of hours and woke up nice and refreshed. I need at least 6 hours of sleep to function properly.

Threw some clothes on and went out to play a few rounds of pool. Got my ass tapped unmercifully. You figured folks would feel sorry for you and let you win at least one game but hell naw. Talkin' about, "Oh I don't play pool often" but bust out the freshly oiled pool stick, glossy black, and put it together like a pro. 8 balls corner pockets, putting one leg on the pool table to make a shot **my legs are too short for that**, shooting with the left hand, basically just embarrassing the sh*t out of me, beat me like my mama when we didn't make it in the house by the time the streetlights came on and gave her some lip about it *lol*. It's all good though, I had an amazing time although I lost all six games and probably hit a total of six balls in the pockets the entire six games. I said I liked the game but I’m just not good at it. I'm not athletically challenged. But I will beat your ass in a game of bowling though. Guess my dream of becoming a pool shark is finished. Well there’s always stripping, I guess, to fall back on. Hot Chokalat *you know you have to misspell it* has a nice ring to it, right? But I'll only work on Fridays and Saturdays. Oh course It Seems Like You're Ready will be my opening song *lol* while I gyrate my little 34Bs on some poor unsuspecting gentleman who was expecing saggy breasts and stretch marks. You know Ima have to dance at one of the "Hood" spots. I had so much fun I f*cked around and got in the house about the same time as Friday.

Guess who had to be at work at 6:30?

Take two. I wasn’t as tired as Friday but sh*t I was weary. The first two hours, yeah I was so tired I couldn’t even keep my f*cking eyes open. Eyes squinted like I’m Asian or something. A guest actually asked me was I bi-racial. In my tired state, at first I thought he asked me was I “bi-sexual”, which woke me the f*ck up immediately. I was about to snap when he repeated himself and asked did I have an Asian parent. Huh? And what the hell does that have to do with you checking the f*ck out? Do I look f*cking “mixed’? Ain't sh*t "mixed" about me but my drinks. I told him I’m “mixed” alright…With Negro, Slave and just a dash of “Indian” since Black folks love to claim they’re mixed with Indian. And since I'm from the "Dark and Lovely" tribe, I can claim my ancestry. *lol* Only Indian is in me is when I’m inside a Jeep Cherokee.

A little bit of Starbucks aka "Liquid Crack" and I was up for the rest of the day. I still went home and took a nap. Sleeping good until I was rudely woken out of my sleep by FH with FOOL on three way. Why did FOOL tell me my 18 year old cousin who just had a baby in January is pregnant again? And why am I hearing this from second party and not my family whom I spoken too earlier in the week? And why am I so f*cking pissed that I hung up on them and called her cell? Little heifer didn’t pick up her phone or the house phone but it’s all to the good. I’ll be home in two weeks. How the f*ck could this happen? I thought she was on the f*cking shot and HOW COULD SHE BE SO FUCKING STUPID! 2 FUCKING KIDS AND SHE’S ONLY 18! AND LESS THAN A FUCKING YEAR APART!

Damn that pissed me off for a hot minute. They called me back and told me the situation and of course FOOL was like no one wanted to tell me because they knew I would get angry. I’m the most vocal one in the family and don’t have a problem with cursing someone out but this is f*cking ridiculous. My aunt is an alcoholic so she doesn’t care one way or another since she’s never home and when she is she’s drunk and ranting and raving. My mother was taking her to get her shots but she’s about to start certification classes and her older sister is a b*tch and doesn’t care about anyone but herself.

Had to go blow off some steam after that. Every time I thought about it, I got pissed. I can’t believe this shit. I really can’t. I got back in the house in time to catch Flavor of Love and I’m just speechless. If the b*tches ain’t got all their teeth in their mouth, they either look and sound retarded as sh*t or look like they just came from a Tip Drill Remix casting call. I guess these are the bottom of the barrel b*tches. I mean there’s some cute ones, but that’s strictly hot ass mess right there. I forgot half of their damn names already *let’s not get on the spelling of these f*cked up stripper names* but I wouldn’t be surprised if Flava picked the white girl Tiger *is that her name?* She’s kinda pretty, I guess. I’ll have my pick by the next episode.

From the fight over the bed, which was pretty damn hilarious to be honest reminds me of when my cousins and I would fight over riding shotgun in my grandfather’s car only for both of us to lose and we have to sit in the f*cking backseat to Somethin’ sh*tting on the floor. What. A. Nasty. B*tch. “Keeping It Real” my f*cking ass. A real ass whooping is what the f*ck she would have gotten. My f*cking cat doesn’t sh*t on the floor let alone a human being. B*tch should have clenched that nasty fat ass of hers a little tighter.

One girl reminds me of the big teeth heifer from “ANTM” with the funny name. Xiomara from Season 2. I don’t know why they have the same teeth or something. And that weird sh*t where a person's teeth are so big they can't really close their mouth all the way. Kinda like Puffy and that girl from 3LW/Cheetah Girls.

And one, Bootz *WTF kinda name is that?* is pretty…In a ghetto video chick kind of way. Like one of the low budget videos. Ima need blue jean vests to not make a comeback this year. Thank you very much. Already I see the slutty ass way they will be worn. Too tight with a bra that doesn’t coordinate with the outfit. Or no bra at all *shudder*

Sadly like a train wreck, I won’t be able to turn from “Flavor of Love” and like Jesus, I wept. You know people at work have already asked for my personal commentary on the show. I tried to hide out all day Monday.

Luckily I am off for the next four days. Operation “Be a Bum” begins…

And how was everyone’s weekend? Anything new and exciting?