Go Shawty It's Your Burff-Day...

Thanks to everyone who gave me B-Day Love via the blog and/or email

**Blows Kiss**

It feels good to be loved. Seriously, thank you. A sista felt like a celeb Wednesday. Maybe it was the “Happy Birthday” tiara. Or maybe it was the fact that I mentioned it was my 23rd birthday all day to anyone who would listen. *shrugs* Hey what can I say I <3 my birthday. I got more phone calls on my b-day than I’ve gotten all month. So you know what that means? Limited daytime minutes until the end of the month. *sigh* I just need to just go ‘head and upgrade them minutes.

Now it's offically TWO years before I seriously begin to think about settling down and popping out lil' Alize and Bacardi because surely they will have a hand in me getting knocked up.

This is going to be yet another long post since I haven’t posted in a few days and of course Tenacious is hitting the streets tonight. Got the herr done, nails and toes done and I’m just looking lovely. Now if only my damn dress would come in the mail today…And of course you guys will get the sordid details.

Plus why is my little bite-size hubby coming to LOVE June 2nd. I am so there! That's T.I. little self in case people are wondering. Damn I need to go to a country that condones polygamy because I have like 15 husbands lined up including my 5 WB husbands (WB-White Boy). Yeah T.I is my crush of the month. I wouldn't kiss him on the mouth or anything (that little scar near his mouth looks suspect. My mama told me to never trust a man who has too many scars around his "mouff" LMAO) but he could hit it...with 4 condoms on and an negative AIDS Test reading of course. **LOL**

At work on Monday a man fell down the escalators and if he did not fall so ugly, you know I would have been rolling. I mean he fell down 12 of those steps head first. Since they’re working on the escalators they don’t work so people have to walk up and down but apparently he decided to drag his suitcase behind me and it got caught on the grates and he fell. I gave him props for getting the hell up and going about his business, refusing medical attention. You know my ass woulda laid out “Ezell” style.

I go home and my girl from work called me and asked me to come “chief” with her and some of her friends. Since the boyfriend had yet to touch down and CUTIE was in for the night, I was like why not and went through her spot. I just had to have my celebratory "chiefing”. Although I smoked a few days before, I partook in the cannabis again. Hey, I only smoke a few times a year, always around my birthday. Now that was some good sh*t. I was feeling so good, I got a little suspicious like “did she lace this”. Lawd knows I don’t want to be running down NE DC in my drawls, in the chicken coop and sh*t. Who the hell was going to get me out, my moms is in Chicago? Besides, it wasn’t a matching set that day.

So you know me. The fit of the giggles shortly follow. Of course I couldn’t stop so everything was funny as sh*t to me for like ½ an hour. Of course, we were all cracking jokes since I am known as the “funny one”. I am by no means funny but hey if you want to stroke ma ego…

One of her guys tried to holler and while he was cute, ummm yeah he was a little too rough for me. Some of his classic pick up lines:

You one of the finest hoes up in here. I ain’t never seen a hoe as fine as you is.

Man you built like a stripper. Aye fo’ *talking to another guy* don’t she look like Precious from that club we went to last week. *squints at me* Is you Precious?

Dig this. You look like you educated. I like an educated woman. What you graduated from High School?

^^^^Oh there were so many but he was killing me dead yall. Just killing me. I had to tell him to shut the f*ck up because surely I was on my way to heaven (or hell depending on who you talk to). Now you know I had smart ass rebuttals for all these (most of which flew by his ass) but he was killing me. I have not heard this sh*t since high school (esp. the “finest hoe” one) and I guess this was the game he spits to other females and he called himself getting upset because I refused his advances. For obvious reasons. For obvious reasons that he just did not seem to get until I told him to get the f*ck out my face because he was blowing my high.

It was funny though. He seemed more upset at the fact that I was not a real stripper. I told him I fell off the pole during my audition and for some reason the "Boom Boom Room" chose to pick the next candidate. I mean how else was I going to pay my way through a public education High School? I mean never mind my college student loans. I just give that money to the government for free. I just have a paper diploma I made courtesy of the University of Illinois printers and sh*t. Of course, all that flew over his head.

Of course everyone else in the room was rolling.

I needed not to smoke that weed because Tuesday I was sluggish as hell all day at work. Sniffing and sh*t. Eyes still red. Damn cheap ass Rite-Aid eye drops. Ima have to spring for the Visine. Not the B&L brand because umm yeah they sh*t has been getting recalled. I’m already blind; I don’t need an actual missing eye to go along with it. Of course I made up a lie that me and the bf got into it and the White Girls at work fell for it hook, line, and sinker. Wanted to rub my back and get me herbal tea and sh*t. The Black Folks looking at me like I’m on “that sh*t”. You know they asses weren’t fooled. They have been a witness to my wrath of fury so they know an argument doesn’t bring out the “WG” tears in Tenacious. And plus my hair still smelled like weed a little. Or was it just my imagination? I swear I was smelling it all day. Like it was in my pores or something. My hair is like the Black Hole when it comes to smells because nothing escapes my damn hair! Naps like Scratch and Sniff and sh*t. Just holding all the smells in and sh*t. You can tell what I had to eat last night based on my damn hair. Be sniffing the air like, "Tenacious...Yall had chicken last night? I can tell..."

Let's just hope a random drug testing is not in my future!!

It was my other’s girl B-Day but she was depressed because her father recently died. He was deported back to Jamaica and he was trying to sneak back in for her graduation on Saturday and something went wrong with the boat. His body still has not been recovered. So she’s still sad and she has been drinking a lot so she’s not up for our usual b-day antics (plus I’m not in Illinois for said antics) so I talked to her for a few. It depressed me a bit because she and her father is really close and she feels guilty because she thinks if it wasn’t for her invite to her graduation, he would still be alive. I’ve been there before as far as the guilt factor. I promised to stop by her people’s house when I go home next week.

I just chilled the rest of Tuesday. Cleaned up for like the umpteenth time.

Woke up Wednesday to a flurry of phone calls. I got five calls before 6 am. They better be lucky I was up and getting ready for work. Of course my day was almost ruined by several phone calls.

STALKER (remember his crazy NJ ass?) called me. Not for my birthday but to tell me he’s coming back in town this weekend and we will hook up. So I’m already on the house phone contacting security at the job. It will get ugly if he pops up at the job this time.

DADDY called with his usual Birthday lecture. Oh yeah and he “forgot” to mail my B-Day check because apparently I never gave him my new address. Yeah the same address he could have gotten from my grandmother who he sees everyday. Well honestly, if it wasn’t a phone call telling me he was shipping my car via Fed-Ex I really wasn’t trying to hear that. That developed, of course, into an argument which resulted in my fingers hitting the END button. We have so many issues between us. Coming up in another post.

CUTIE called and wished me a Happy Birthday at the same time BF was coming through on the other line. Ain’t that funny? BF also told me what time his flight was arriving and I better be wearing “That Red Dress” when I come to pick him up. He also some a lil’ freaky something that had me changing the undies. Umm yeah it was a little graphic 6:10 am call.

JDUBB (stalker ex boyfriend from 6 years ago) called to wish me a happy birthday and of course my usual “I hope you burn in hell Ima run you over when I see you blah blah blah” speech. At least he is not Google Earthing me anymore.

^^^And this was all before 7 am.

At work I got a really nice card, chocolates, and a bouquet of flowers from one of the guys I’m really cool with. I call him “Chocolate Thunder” (CT) due to a funny inside joke about him and a guest at the hotel. It was even rumored that me and him were going out, pretty funny because he has a CRAZY steady girlfriend, but whatever. Office gossip is always so funny.

Of course, I mentioned my birthday not to mention the B-Day tiara so I got about $100 from guests who wanted to help the “baby” celebrate. For some reason people thought I was between the ages of 21-29. Where the f*ck 29 comes from (I think the b*tch was trying to be funny) I will never know but hey it beats the 15-18 age range I usually get which mean *dah dah dah* I look older. Finally! While I want to stay baby faced forever, I also want to look like I am not a potential R. Kelly victim all the damn time!

Not to mention I got free meals from the entire little kiosk and restaurants my ass frequents. I must have gained about 10 pounds Wednesday. Everyone wanted to feed the B-Day girl and B-Day girl was not leaving a plate unlicked. Plus it was 77 degrees?! I was rocking the finest of the stilettos and cropped pants which make my ass pokes out. And I had the diva shades on. You couldn’t tell me nuff-thing!
Went to my usual nail shop and got the toes and nails hooked up…for free. It pays to go to the same place all the time.

Went home, took a long shower and got ready for the “Big Night”. I will post a pic of me and the dress. Personally I don’t really like the dress but BF loves it. I think I look chunky (not thick as I want to look) plus the dress is too clingy. I have G-string lines in that damn dress but *shrugs* I put it on only because I haven’t seen him in 3 weeks and my dress still have not came in the mail.

Now I’ve told people about my bad ass driving. I am a notoriously bad driver. I don’t know if it was the car accident or just a skittish behavior I never knew I had or what that makes me very nervous behind the wheel. Not to mention I am a witness to DC/VA/MD drivers so I don’t really like being out on the road too much when I know too many of them are out. Now we live 5 minutes from DCA but I still have to get on the ramp to get to the airport. A ramp with a lot of curves. A ramp that I was hugging at like 20 miles per hour. Luckily traffic wasn’t really that bad so I didn’t get that many middle fingers and “Stupid Cunt” that day.

^^^I’m slowly getting over my fear of driving on the expressway. Very slowly.

Of course I had to keep driving around because the airport cops wanted to be dicks about waiting. So after driving around 5 times, I spot BF. Damn near forgot to put the car in park before I flew out the car. Aww can you say gushy romance scene? A few people even clapped. And thank the lawd he finally got a haircut! Before his hair was looking like Denzel’s in “He Got Game” because he was convinced he should grow dreads. Um yeah he doesn’t have the right shaped head for dreads so I was relieved when he gave it up. I <3 dreadlocks, just not on him.

We head to Caryle’s in Arlington and have a really nice dinner. I felt like a princess because he used to work there and the staff there treated us really well. We talked and he told me about some of the things he got into when he went to Chicago including a drunken bar fight. *sigh* That Frat Boy mentality…Boy I tell ya. He asked about CUTIE and while he was not happy about it (of course), the pot couldn’t call the kettle black. Apparently he went out to dinner with an ex. And while I saw RED, I sat my ass back down (I mean we were in a classy environment yall) because I really couldn’t get mad. Besides I’ve met that ex. She’s fugly anyway. Since we were even in that field, we let it go. He wants to meet CUTIE and I’m happy to oblige. I’ve been a good girl so why not? I just told him not to scare CUTIE off as he has done to other guys before. Just because you spent three hours in jail before does not make you a gangsta *lol* But you can’t tell him that. And this is the same guy who blushes when he goes into any type of women store. And don’t let it be like Victoria’s Secret. He’s more nervous than a whore in church. Be stuttering and stammering and sh*t. I secretly think he be feeling on the panties and sh*t like I see some guys do in the store and his ass is banned from VS due to his pervvy activities. *lol*

I received D&G perfume, a Coach purse I’ve been eyeing for months, and a check. You know I’m hitting the mall today with that check. And I can shop at the stores I can only wish there was a 99% off sale so I can afford some of the stuff that’s in there. Obviously someone had been saving their chips.

When we go home he makes me wait in the lobby for 15 minutes so he can “set up” my other birthday surprise. Meanwhile I’m getting “eye f*cked” by some random guys in the lobby.

I come in the apartment to scented candles lit and rose petals everywhere and a warm bubble bath and a shy smile. He went into a sex store and bought handcuffs, a blind fold, freaky dice, “Motion” lotions, Massage oils, Edible Powder and Undies, and a whole slew of other things. This is coming from the guy who averts his eyes at VS. I was so touched, a tear came to my eye.

After receiving a bath and a massage fit for the Queen of Zamunda, we make up for lost time. We make up for lost time so much I’m glad I’m off today because other wise I would have had to call off. Let’s just say we used everything that he bought *wink wink* quite a few times.

Finally Tenacious’ 3 week drought period is over!! I’ve been cheesing all morning so you know I’m back in a good mood. Face cleared up instantly, the scowl that I usually wear for the first three hours upon waking is gone, and even the cat shredding my flower bouquet and spreading it on the floor drew a laugh and a kiss. Yeah I think the cat was scared. He’s been avoiding me all morning.

And not needing to be said but you know what we did all Thursday after I got off of work *smile* Let's just say I didn't get into the door good and umm yeah maintenance is going to have to see about that dent in the wall.

**smiles**

Now I gotta beg for another hair appointment…And you know Tenacious doesn't play when it comes to the hair!! Hair smelling like "Scrawberries and Chocolate"...And some Honey Glazed Powder sprinkled in there for effect...

:-)