Happy (Belated) Mother's Day :-)

Ok Ok So I’m a day late. Better late than never you know.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the muv-vers out there.

^^^ I <3 accents by the way.

Although I did not appreciate the slew of “HMD” I received yesterday. One or two I can accept as a mistake. But hell every 10 minutes? I started to make a shirt that read, “I’m a Mother’s Day in the Making…In About 5 years. Congrats To Me Then, Not Now”. Hell but when I think about it, I’m a 8th wonders Of the World nowadays. I am not a walking statistic. 23 without any children? Plural not singular? *squints eye* You ain’t one of them “funny” gals are ya? Graduated from a four year accredited university in the actual four years? And I have a diploma to prove it? Boyfriend is not a drug dealer/gangster and except for his three hour stint in jail is not a prison bird with tattoos over every square inch of his arms and neck? Talking ‘bout he’s the next Jay-Z? And he alsograduated in four years? And he’s still in school studying to be a psychologist? Quit playing!

While it’s a nice gesture (or pick up line depending on whom I was talking to), just ask. If you’re a mother, good. Motherhood is a good thing. But if you’re not and you’re running from it daily, not so well. I’ve already had to call my 17 year old cousin to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day *shudder*

My mother made sure to call me bright and early and hit me with the, ”I didn’t receive my package in the mail.”

Me: *half sleep squinting at the alarm clock*, You were expecting one? From whom?”

Her: YOU! Where the hell’s my gift?”

Me: Ima bring it Thursday when I come in town.

*pause*

Her: “That means you ain’t bought sh*t yet have you? Lazy ass…”

^^Yeah she knows me too well. Went to the store and bought hella sh*t for me and none for her. I don’t know what I will get her. Jewelry is out after I scraped and saved and starved for three months to buy her a diamond tennis bracelet and what does she do? Lose it. My heart died that day. Talkin’ ‘bout “it was fake anyway”. Yeah after I busted out the receipt and shrieked my frustration at her, she was looking sick. Of course, ”Who the hell you thank you hollering at?” was not far behind. Bracelet is gone. Some where some one is smiling. Ain’t me and damn sure ain’t my mama. A card? Yeah she’s ain’t on that with me. Cards went out with the macaroni ones we made in elementary school. I’ll find something for her. DC has a lot of stores.

She calls me to tell me Saturday one of my ex boyfriends is getting married. MARRIED yall! His mother and my mother are really cool so of course she’s invited and he told her, “If Tenacious is in town, she can come too”.

^^Why did he just give me permission to come and act a fool on his special day?

So while my mother is telling me all the details, she’s like, And don’t be coming up in there acting like you ain’t got no sense. If you’re going to get all crazy, don’t come. You remember what happened the last time your ass went to a wedding…”

^^She would bring up some old stuff. And technically it wasn’t me. It was my friend. Hell he had to find out the hard way his girl was not only cheating on him but engaged to another man. I was just the designated (illegal) driver. So I instigated just a smig. I didn’t like her ass from jump. Hell it wasn’t my fault someone did not get married that day. Some one should have covered their tracks better.

So I’m seriously thinking whether or not I should attend. I told my mother for once she has permission to pass my number along to someone and tell him to call me when he gets the chance. Of course my mother is the type who passes my number along like candy to any one who requests it. Except JDUBB and NB (crazy stalkers boyfriend and “piece” from Chicago).

We talk some more and of course I give my usual emotional Mother’s Day speech. This is the first year it was done via phone. We’re going to go out to eat when I come home Thursday. I <3 my mother. Her and all her craziness. And she would be the only one who really “gets” me. Damn woman knows me better than I know myself. A good thing but yeah it got a little irritating. Like this woman knew when I lost my virginity. I just walked in the house and she took one long look at me and was like, Oh so you’re f*cking now? It’s time for yet another talk I see. Sit your little hot ass down.” How she knew, who knows? I mean my shirt wasn’t on backwards or anything. I made it back before curfew (she will put that deadbolt on the door), and I was walking pretty normally (I guess). A funny story that I already told T.Cas later erupted from this concerning my father, my mother and I. I’ll have to tell you later.

She just knew I would act an ass at my ex’s wedding. This guy is the first guy who ever broke Tenacious heart. Broke that bad boy in some pieces, got a hammer, and smashed them into even littler pieces. He’s probably the reason I’m a “dog” now *lol* And while I (think) I’m over that, sometimes I wonder. I still have trust issues. I hold back a lot of my emotions. And I never love the guy more than he loves me. While I don’t hate him anymore, I still hold a grudge. And Tenacious can hold a grudge yall. I still don’t like this girl from preschool because she stole my box of Crayons. B*tch took them and have been on my sh*t list since.

It’s not so serious to me now as it was then because hey I have done it a few times but not only did this fool cheat on me, he got the other girl pregnant. He basically told me he did not love me anymore and he was going to be with the other girl. He loved her and I was nothing more than a “convenience” at the time until he got what he wanted which was the other girl. I was basically a play thing that he was stringing along until “Christmas” when he upgraded to a “better” toy. He also said a lot of hurtful sh*t that struck a young Tenacious to the bone. Older Tenacious would have laughed. Younger Tenacious cried. Yes I blubbered like a big ass baby. I actually think I begged his ass to take me back. Older Tenacious would have also slapped the sh*t out of Younger Tenacious for putting “us” out there like that. But at the time this guy was my <3. I never saw this coming. No signs. No tingling on the back of my neck. Nothing. I was like How could you meet someone new and we spent nearly all our time together?” Apparently where there’s a will, there’s a way.

So we broke up. She had his son and they have been together ever since. I would see him from time to time due to our parents’ friendship and I always wanted to dig my finger nails in his eyes. You don’t just break Tenacious heart. I always think of Jay-Z lyrics in Song Cry when I think of that fool: “How was I to know that you was plain sick of me/I know the way a nigga livin was whack/But you don't get a nigga back like that/Shit I'm a man with pride, you don't do shit like that/You don't just pick up and leave and leave me sick like that/You don't throw away what we had, just like that/I was just fuckin them girls, I was gon' get right back/They say you can't turn a bad girl good/But once a good girl's goin bad, she's gone forever..”

Ok well not the entire part (some of that part is from me to other guys) but you guys get what I’m saying.

And I think it gave him some type of pleasure to do it. While I just cried and cried, he just kept on talking like he did not even see me. I remembered how I hated ol’ girl so much my fingers were on the phone to call my girl because it was about to be ass whooping season for that ass. Sure we were 16 and it probably classified as “puppy love” but hell that “puppy love” was the real thing back in the day. Besides the bastard was my first. I actually wanted to lose my token virginity to him. Dead that “until I’m married” talk. I knew him since I was 10, in love by 13, and crushed by 16. Maybe that’s why I have a “take no prisoners” approach to relationship now. *shrugs* You think?

We actually talked one year and he apologized for all the things he said but since I was with current boyfriend, we were happy or whatnot, I really just brushed him off like, ”Yeah whatever. That’s old news.” but deep down I just wanted to Go Off! Like how dare he not only cheat on ME but get the next b*tch pregnant due to your cheating! Then not only did you use me, you used me until you could get close to ol’ girl because she had a man as well and as soon as she broke up with him, my “purpose” was no longer needed? And while we used condoms, you slid all up in this broad raw and got her pregnant? (Ok Ok I’m not really mad at this part because I wasn’t so far gone that I wanted his kid but it’s the whole irresponsible part that got me. Like how could you put my health on the line for this female?) Then you couldn’t be a man and tell me you had to send a foot soldier (your cousin) to tell me because you were basically done with me and wanted no form of contact with me anymore? The nerve of you n*gga! Had your mama feeling all sorry for me and sh*t. Hell had me feeling all sorry for me. I’m all depressed sitting up in my damn room like Brandy and sh*t watching the paint chip off the wall. And not to mention thanks to you JDUBB nutty ass walked in my f*cking life and has been a boil on my ass ever since!

^^^Sorry about the rant yall. *lol* Who can rant via words like me?!

Isn’t revenge a dish best served cold? And while nothing would probably make me better than going to his wedding and show my natual black ass, I won't. I will, however, attend dressed fierce to death, hair laid to the side, and rocking the stilettos. It’s old news and besides I’m not going to ruin her day even though she ruined mine 8 years ago. It’s not her fault he was slime. I didn’t know her. I did not lay eyes on her until I peeped them at the mall shopping for baby clothes. Besides it was 8 years ago. I refuse to turn into a JDUBB.

I’m just pissed yall. Pissed. I do have a sensitive side. I just don’t like my vulnerable side exposed. And he exposed and have witnessed Tenacious vulnerable side.

Pitiful I know but hey I value my reputation as a “hard ass”.
Of course he doesn’t know that. He called and cautiously asked was I going to behave myself because of our “past”. I revealed nothing. Alluded to nothing. Just calm as ever. And folks know what happens when Tenacious gets a little too calm. It’s like right before the storm. Little does he know this Hurricane is nothing more than a drizzle with the sun peeking out. But he doesn’t know that. He’s probably on the phone calling for security right now.

I guess revenge is is a dish best served cold. :-)