Guess Who's Biz-Ack...

The Tenacious One is back from Sunny Orlando. Lawd it was hot as hell down there. I felt like I was back in slavery times or something. Picking cotton and sh*t for massa under the hot sun. Yeah I woulda been a dead field n*gga. You just wasn't getting me out in the hot sun sweating out ma perm! I’d be on lunch break in the shade talking about, “Ceely…You missed a spot.” It did not get below 90 while we were there except the two times it rained and it dropped to 75, stopped raining, and the temperature went right back up. It was that “Make A Black Person Angry” heat too but blistering heat waves in Chicago have gotten me used to the humidity but damn it was hot!

*lol*

I had so much fun guys. Yeah I'm a few shades darker, I got a pretty nice tan line, and I bought hella stuff that I really don't need. We left on Thursday morning and landed in Orlando at 9 am. Got a nice 2006 Grand Prix rental from Budget and we was on the go.

What is it with men and asking for direction?

Now the notorious Map Quest said our hotel was just 20 minutes away. Why did it take us an hour and a half? I'm patiently (well patient for me) trying to tell my BF where to go but oh no he knew a "shortcut". How the f*ck do you know a shortcut in a city you have never been to? Long story short, we were almost to Tampa before he decided to turn around and ask for help.

I, of course, was beyond pissed. It was like 85 already, hot as f*ck, air conditioning not doing much nor the blast of hot air from outside, I was hungry and still a little sleepy. Not to mention all the restaurants advertising $3.99 All You Can Eat Buffets were just teasing me. Just taunting me from the road side. Begging for me to come and get kicked out for eating too much. And I’m stuck in the car with Mr. “We Almost There”.

Turns out he was doing the opposite instead of going backwards. The genius decided to print directions from the hotel to the airport and not vice versa. And he's in graduate school for...? Obviously schools have been slacking on that academic tip. So I was just too mad. We laughed about it later but it was a tense hour and a half.

We get to the hotel, unpacked, rest up, and lounge by the pool for a little bit. Of course he can't swim to save his life but it was hilarious watching him bumble around 3 feet of water like it was 7 feet or something. I have been swimming since I was 10 but I let him know I wasn't into any Baywatch roleplay. You'd f*ck around and drown f*cking with me. I ain't saving any body. I will, however, instruct you to "kick yo legs, yo legs" from the side lines. I hated being on lifeguard duty in high school because folks like to panic and drag your ass down with them and then you got to fight to get them off you and then continue to save they asses.

We did not hit Universal or Disney World because 1) they wanted too much damn money and 2) We found out that Disney World is split into 4 Parks and you have to pay to go into each but you can buy a pass for all four for $200. Apiece. I love Disney but not that much. Besides a family that was staying next to us was like it was overrated. Not a lot of rides, hot and crowded. Busch Gardens was an hour away in Tampa but we sure did get souvenirs like we did hit up the parks. There were hella shops down there that sold all these amusement parks sh*t for a fraction of the cost. I mean shirts that were like $8. Now you know they're like $25 at the park. I made a come-up. And don't let me get on the street vendors hawking tickets. They were like everywhere! No matter where you went, the time, or the weather (it pours down two times real bad when we were there. Sparked a few forest fires as well) they were there. Hawking and stalking. Yeah we got a few on film. Yeah we have audio and photos.

Slightly disappointed because of Universal Studios and Disney World was officially out, we found other ways to entertain ourselves. I think my boyfriend was just being lazy because he did not want to walk around in an amusement park with hollering kids, pushy parents and crowds, and he doesn’t really like roller coasters but I did not mind. I wanted to come to Orlando to relax. None of the hustle and bustle of Miami with all the beautiful folks who looks way better in a two piece than me but somewhere where we can chill and be alone. Besides one thing I love about my BF is that he finds things for us to do. Not the typical tourist spots but he tends to find little out the way things for us to do so we won’t be bored. Never a dull moment when I’m with him. Except when we get lost. Then it’s an argument. *lol*

We went Wet N' Wild amusement park, Go Karting, a carnival, and we drove to Cocoa Beach which is an hour away. We relaxed. Went shopping (again). We went to the movies. X-Men was ok. I kinda forgot what happened in the 2nd one but it was straight. They could have emphasized who some of the characters were for all the non-geeks out there but it was pretty decent. Plus $7--"ALL DAY" for the movies. I ain't seen a $7 movie since high school. I was blown. You know our black asses were squinting at the ticket girl like, "Is this a trick? $14 for 2 tickets? What's the catch?" and then we filled out some little survey and got $10 gift certificate to the movies which we spent at the concession stand like two crack fiends.

And the average gas prices were 2.75. I don't know much it was in DC but when we left it was just below the $3 mark.

We did the dinner and dancing thing. Lawd Orlando people get it crunk I guess. Hella drink specials, I didn't pay to get into any of the clubs and one club we went to had free drinks until 11 pm. And they were "dranks" and not "drinks". Sure they seemed to have hella songs on repeat and they fell victim to "Every song outta NY is a dance song" that I see a lot in DC but I had fun. No "One Dance Minimum" because the BF was on bodyguard mode. Start blocking dances left and right. I wasn't mad because seeing soo many gold "teefs" in one mouth was scary as hell. Coming out the dark grinning like the aliens in Aliens. I was like, "Oh my damn!" while running in the opposite direction. We couldn't bring cameras in the place nor was my "rental" phone (Like an idiot I left my Blackberry on the couch so I had all my calls forwarded to my BF's work phone but it did have a camera) camera acting right so I can't show you the hot messes (Sorry Free Agent) up close. But think of Trick Daddy, Mike Jones, Paul Wall, Foxy (with the gut), Khia, and Trina...All with (Bogus) Gold Teefs, bullet holes, unkempt weaves and beards, and breff like some thunder. Yeah it was a lot of popped males and females in the club. They came out the woodworks like it was "Bring Your Ugly Friend to the Club" Night. With 2 for 1 admission. I guess Miami is the home of the beautiful people. There were a lot of decent looking folks though. I thought I saw my husband T.I for a second but dude looked like he had a nice $6.99 All You Can Eat Dinner Buffet meal before he came to the club so I knew it wasn't T.I.

My hair is officially nappy so you know I'm begging for an appointment right now. Well it's not nappy nappy but it's nappy enough. Relaxer is like a smig from being gone. I washed my hair more times in this past week than I have all month. Hey nasty I know but you do not know how much I hate doing my hair. What’s the point in washing it when they’re just going to re-wash it when I get to the shop? For the record, the longest time I have ever gone without washing my hair is 3 weeks. Hey it was a rough finals week! I rocked the Macy Gray fro thing for a while but I realized yet again a natural is just not in my future. I'm not one of those "Don't get my hair wet" girls because when you grow up with bad ass family members, you know that's a done deal. We would purposely throw water on someone's press and curl just so they can go back in the house and suffer at the hands of my mother, her hot comb, and the Blue Magic hair grease. I don’t like rocking braids because then your hair gets that “fuzzy” look and it smells funny because you can’t get to all the crevices and sh*t. Besides it got messed up at the water park and by the time we went to the beach and played in the fishy, salty water, it was a wrap. Ok we played in the water until I felt something bump my leg and since I have an overactive imagination and my TV stays tuned to the Discovery/Animal Planet, I kinda freaked and ran from the water. Of course every Black person followed suit. Hell it coulda been a new species of sharks or a jelly fish or something. I mean maybe they be swimming up in knee length water to f*ck up an unsuspecting person.

*cricket chirps*

What ever yall! A Jellyfish sting is reported to hurt a lot. I saw Jaws! Didn't he roll all the way up the beach to f*ck someone up? Well whatever it was, it wasn't going to get Tenacious! Besides I don't like swimming in anything that I don't know where the bottom is.

Besides the water smelled a little too fishy for my taste. Smelling like the Red Lobster tank and sh*t. Hair smelling like catfish and trout. Besides looking at all the old white men in Speedos was making me sea sick. That was just some nasty sh*t. And it was so much leather skin going around, I was reaching for the sun block. I never understood that. If your skin looks like you have a Wilson's Leather Jacket on, why are you out in the sun? In a string bikini? Looking like a Slim Jim and sh*t. Just nasty. At least majority of the "big" people dressed right. It was a few who decided "What the Hell...Ima rock my two piece anyway" but for the most part, all body parts were properly covered. Except the men who wanted to rock the Speedos. Too much information for me. Just too much.

But I had a lot of fun. I was sad to leave Orlando because that means I'm back to work tomorrow. It was a nice little vacation and it really relaxed me. I'm calm for the next few days. I couldn't even be mad that my boyfriend got us lost numerous times, he got drunk at the club and I had to be the designated driver, and it rained so hard one day I was afraid we were going to crash into something.

Oh yeah I guess lizards are like Orlando's roaches because they were everywhere! Mainly outside the hotel but I spied a few in the lobby just chilling. They were kinda cute although I was kinda grossed out. I'm like, "So you're not even going to attempt to get it off the desk, huh?" but I rather a little lizard than those big ass palmetto bugs I've heard about. I think if I saw one, I would go back to DC. We got the lizards on film too because we thought they were the little gecko lizards and we were making up commercials with the lizards. None top the "Caveman" ones though. My boyfriend wanted to catch one but they were too fast for his ass. Plus one kinda charged at him and he broke his neck trying to get away from it. *lol* He’s so cute when he want to be.

I'll be back to regular posting tomorrow. The computer is fixed. No more crashing. We just had too much junk on the computer and not enough memory so we had to buy some more for the computer. I wanted to post before I left but it took forever to transfer files.

It feels so good to be back!