Is It Really That Bad?

A little wistful thinking on my part but you know what?

Sometimes I wish I was single. Not all the time, of course *And give up the in-house booty? Tuh yeah right!*

I know, I know single chicks are always on the search for “The One” so why on earth would I want to join the trenches of the Single Gal?

Why, so I can play the fields of course!

I mean when I was single, oh so many years ago, I relished in my single-hood. I loved every minute of being single. Hell even I was surprised when I acquired a steady boyfriend and actually kept him.

Some of my friends were even running bets to see how long we would last. And all of them lost. It’ll be five years in February and besides a month in 2003, we have been a continuous “on” couple.

Don’t get me wrong, I love this man to death. I would slay dragons for this man. Well…ok maybe kill a roach for him.

I mean shit I ain’t ready to die for anyone, I mean when I duck I advise him to do the same.

But I will fall out for dead at his funeral. Expect the casket draping and burial site fall out performance.

He irks my nerves *and vice versa* but everyone once and awhile when I’m out “window shopping” and “eye fucking” some poor guy as he walks down the street, the wistful thinking begin.

But sadly, I’m not the type of woman who can’t keep a man to save her life. I’m the type where I can’t get rid of them.

You know the type. The type of dude who want to turn a “booty call” into a relationship. Begin asking for more time than I can give. The type that won’t take “No” for an answer. The one who camps out in front of my mama’s crib hoping to catch me slipping so he can make a scene in front of the new guy. Which leads to an awkward date because now the new guy is giving me the side eye and debating whether he wants to give up the dick now and shit.

You know…The type I typically attract.

Sure the single life gets boring *or so I’m told* and naturally after awhile the thoughts of settling down begin to trickle in especially since your once-single friends are in relationships.

I mean it’s no fun to go out with the friend who is so in love with their significant other they never cease to sicken you with tales of extreme cakeness that have the “Hopeless Romantic” friends sighing with envy yet you’re trying not to up-chuck your McDonald’s over the table.

I’ve been told repeatingly by people that I “look” like a cheater. I’m the “non-faithful” type.

Which I used to be. Although in my defense, I would at least kick the guy to the curb before stepping out.

Before, I guess due to “karma”, I used to be really paranoid about a man cheating on me. Now I just don’t give a damn. It takes too much energy to stalk. I don’t see how people do it, I mean shit don’t you get bored during those stake outs?

And besides men will give themselves away anyway. Men, you get too cocky, thus sloppy. And thus leave the evidence all wrapped up in a tidy bow. My work is done.
My only concerns? Please wear a condom. And please don’t be munching all up in her love below and coming to kiss me.

For that…I’ll beat your ass for straight disrespect.

But alas I do have friends, female and male, who have lost a good thing due to their obsession with their significant other and a “non existent” lover. And their paranoia ran deep.

I mean let that person show up 10 minutes late for something…oh they were cheating. At the store with their mother…Is that bitch/nigga there? Not to mention the quasi stake-out as soon as someone got their driver’s license because ain’t no way in hell is he/she that sick.

Shit...High School relationships were intense fuck what you heard *lol*

I love my single friends, don’t get me wrong, Of course, my single friends are a pain in the ass sometimes because of their unconscious desire to see me get fucked up by JBN by trying to hook me up with various men who “would be perfect for me”.

I mean jeez I know JBN and I are a mismatch but please refrain from hooking me up for the sole purpose of some sort of entertainment.

My single friends are also the ones I call when JBN and I get into one of infamous “War of the Roses” so I can get some sort of co-signage on “Niggaz Ain’t Shit”.

You know you can’t go running to your friends with relationship and shit since they want to inject common sense and logic and shit. *lol*

BUT what I hate about single friends is the excessive whining about how single he/she is and how they’re destined to die alone because he/she can’t find a good man/woman.

Usually it’s the same script: Either no one likes him/her for a listing of reasons or he/she can’t find anyone with the qualities he/she deem “acceptable” for a significant other.

And I say the same thing every single time: Maybe if some standards were lowered, he/she can find a man/woman.

Point Blank: Some folks have too many damn standards that needs to be met in order to be deemed “acceptable” in his/her eyes.

Which is fine, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying go out and just get anybody because times are never that hard. It’s just all the superficial shit…get rid of.

Some of their standards are down right ridiculous.

I mean hair has to be a certain style, length, color. Has to be light skinned. Has to be dark skinned. Must drive a certain car, make a certain amount of money, hold a specific degree, dress a certain way…Just an obnoxious listing that makes me say Well damn, you have this perfect person down to a science, huh? All he/she have to do is show up huh?

Newsflash: The ideal man/woman doesn’t exist. That motherfucker died at birth.
Now of course I have my own “standards” that I look for but *shrugs* I guess I’m looking for something…well simple.

But what I tell friends: On a list of ten things you would find ideal in a man/woman, you’re lucky if your ass find five…and all from the same person.

I guess folks have never heard of fixing a “flaw”. Sure it takes time *sometimes* but I’m not going to pass on a guy who’s great but can’t dress. That’s called a “make-over” honey *lol*

I also don’t think there’s anything special one has to do to “get” a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I like to think it lies all in the personality.

If you have a stank ass personality, point blank, you ain’t finding any one.

No one wants to be around a sour puss. I don’t care how good you look, how your oral skills deserves a verse in the bible and how well you can throw down in the kitchen if you’re a stick in the mud, need a serious attitude adjustment, or have the personality of a rock…you might be single for a while.

I know some of my friends suffer from the “Princess/Prince” complex where no one can’t tell him/her shit because the sun rises and sets on their ass. Snap their fingers and they demand results. Shit they’re worse than a slave owner, demanding constant attention and validation from their loved one, going into catatonic states when their daily dose of affection isn’t given.

Me? Shit dick is never that good to “sweat” a guy. I don’t have the time. Take your dramatics to the silver screen please. All that “you never call”, “never text”, “how do you feel about me”, “tell me you love me” bullshit is for the fucking birds.

It’s like a fucking quiz going with people like that. And I don’t do well on tests that I can’t study for.

Not to mention some like to chase people out of their league. There are some types that are not compatiable with you no matter how hard you try.

If you’re a man chasing a gold digger type, trust them hoochies have “Dollar Radar”. If your funds are not to their liking, you’re chasing a lost cause.

If you’re a woman chasing that man that you know just know isn’t for you, know he’s wrong in every way, I say back away.

Trust the dick is not as good as you think *lol*

I firmly believe that there is someone for everyone and if you’re sitting on your ass waiting for Mr./Ms. Right to knock on your door, you need to wake up and smell the coffee.

You find by getting off your ass and looking.

And shit look every where. You’ll be surprised. I found JBN at the campus bus stop.

Shit I be eyeing the stock boy at Wal-Mart, the dude pumping his gas at the gas station, the guy in Champs Shoes, the cutie on the Metro…Good single men are every where you just have to know how to scout them out. And don’t discriminate. That dude in the dusty sweats standing in line at Target could easily be a stockbroker dressing down.

And then those of my friends who claims they want someone but they don’t really want anyone. They’re happy being single but trying to front like they’re so miserable.

Trying to fit into the group and shit like they’re not content being single. The only time I hear them complain is when their flavors of the month is busy and can’t come over.

Or the friends that scare a person off by trying to move too fast.

Um yeah you’re single if on the first day you’re discussing wedding dates and babies names. I mean could you get the last name down before you start sizing him up for a tux?

By the third date trying to move in and shit. Talking about the “biological clock” is ticking. Bitch just learned how to spell “biological” and worried about her ovaries.

Me? Shit let that bad boy tick away. In fact I took the batteries out of mine.

I don’t think there’s any “real” secret to being in a relationship so as soon as the conversation begin to turn in that direction, I know it’s time to go.

I didn’t get a man through any special tricks. No voodoo or anything like that. No special pussy tricks to captivate him.

Just being my crazy self. And let the record show I wasn’t “looking” for a man. I just happened to have acquired one.

I’ve my share of doozies and “why the FUCK was I messing with this nigga?”

I’ve cheated. Have been cheated on.

I may have keyed a car, sugared a gas tank, cracked a window or two…but err
I plead the 5th on those charges.

I have rather difficult traits in which I could be difficult as a girlfriend. One being that I like to be the boss.

And I’m really cool until you get me going and then I’m Motor Mouth City.

And don’t ever piss me off.

Then I get a little…crazy.

But *lol* I think my positive traits outnumber my negative traits.

I’m just a regular person.

It doesn’t take much to please me or keep me happy. I’m not a person who constantly needs attention or validation. For the most part, hell just leave me alone *lol*

And feed me.

But I guess this is one of those “on the outside looking in” so don’t mind my rambling.

But I would love to hear some feedback on this. So I guess the question is:

Is it really that bad to be single?