A Semi-Sentimental Piece...

I’m sure everyone has some of these. Filed away in old shoe boxes, collecting dust on the top shelf in the closet or stored in the basement with childhood treasures you’ve managed to salvage from the garbage can.

Scrawled in childish script or the loopy cursive that my friends and I used to call “Ghetto Victorian” because sometimes you could hardly decipher the letter because everything had a swoop or swirl. All forms of notebook paper, some turning yellow with age. Not to mention the intricate folding styles which held secrets determined to make it through several hands in 4th period without being intercepted by the teacher.

I’m talking about those old ass LOVE LETTERS you know you’re still holding on to!

Ah the written odes of affection from a love struck boy or girl. When you thought you two would last forever. Hell get married and have babies, all while surviving 5th period P.E and bad lunches.

Saturday I had to break out the box of love letters after reading some of TTL’s love letters at his place. Don’t even know how we got on the subject but next thing you know he was digging around on his shelf pulling down his “box” of things.

After showing off his high school year book pictures, he decided to show me the coveted love letters. You know people still guard those letters like they have national secrets in them. Mostly from embarrassment, I think he may have forgotten how mushy those letters were, I guess he wasn't expecting for me to find out someone called him "cupcake" or gushed over the size of his, um, love below and how good he was working it in high school.

Of course, I died laughing at his yearbook pictures. It was complete with Tupac Juice fades for the men and all shapes and forms of the asymmetrical haircuts for the ladies, neon colors *even black and white photos couldn’t hide those fuchsia off the shoulder shirts, nut cruncher shorts *back when men rocked the Dukes just as well as the females AND were NOT considered gay*, and a whole slew of fashion atrocities that I am glad I was too young to throw on my young body for I knew I would probably fall victim to the horror that was “Puffy Sleeve” dress.

I, unfortunately, fell victim to the “Puff Puff” ponytail, horrible turtlenecks *with ruffles*, matching corduroy pants *had them in every color*, and the infamous “Petticoat” party dresses that made me look like I was a hooker from some saloon in the 1840s.

And let's not get into the finger waves and French rolls, bang swoops, "fan" ponytails, and biker shorts rocked with British Knights of my pre-teen years.

*shudder* One of these days I'm going to post some pictures from my early years. You have been warned in advance. *lol*

*sigh* But you could not tell my mother her little girl was not doing it. I was so glad when she got hip and let me rock “Jodeci Boots” *complete with neon band-aids*, terrycloth coats *Little Mermaid* and my coveted “OPP” jacket. You were just a lame if you didn't have one in several colors. I think I had Black, Red, Purple, and Pink.

Shit rocked with my LA Gear light ups, I was the hottest thing in the 5th grade.

Hot pink snow suit aside. I'm still in therapy over that damn snowsuit.

I was styling for the ’93. But still had to be in bed by 9:00 on school nights *lol*

But ah yes the love letters. I mean I don’t know what he was doing in high school but he had the ladies in his high school on HIGH alert. Freshman messing with seniors? Are you serious?! As a freshman I was avoiding eye contact with the cutest seniors *although I used to scrawl their names in my notebook, hey I could dream* and back when a 14 year old girl messing with a 19 year old male was still a cause of concern in many households.

R. Kelly just fucked that shit all up.

*yes TTL I’m going to embarrass you, partly because I know you can’t comment LOL but it's all in good fun*

I won’t go into details because I protect the innocent on my blog but let’s just say they were highly amusing but oh so heartfelt. And girls were freaky as hell where he was from. Giving it up in the bathroom during lunch and shit, I mean really, not during “Steak-Um” day in the cafeteria. That was the best day! Folks were too geeked for lunch period to start. Fights would start in the cafeteria if anyone dared cut in line during "Steak-Um" day. Mess around and lose a tooth and get bust in the eye with a combination lock.

But then again I went to the type of high school where people got busy any where they could. Dark auditorium, the music room, boys’ locker room, behind the bleachers…You name it; best believe a sticky spot existed.

This brought me to my own personal stash of love letters. And not to brag but I have a lot. They’re all mainly from the same guy but that’s not the point.

If I was chuckling and blushing from the letters I have, I can only imagine what foolishness I wrote back. I swear I think I’m going to break into a few homes and find some boxes and burn those suckers.

I can’t get famous and those letters come back and smack me in my face. I mean if folks are having a field day roasting Lindsay Lohan’s and Britney Spear’s old school papers, I can only imagine what they would do to my love letters.

Of course you probably couldn’t read my handwriting as it was in the “Ghetto Victorian”. And let’s not get on the colored pens. I loved a colored pen with a passion. I was always getting in trouble for turning in my homework in pink, purple, and green ink.

Shit Lisa Frank was the shit back in the day, I was 16 walking around with a damn unicorn and stars folder and shit.

But then again I see teenage guys walking around with fucking Dora the Explorer book bags looking like a damn fool. Makes me want to slap the hell out of one every time I’m on the Metro. Is that what’s cool now? “Thug” ass niggas rocking the Strawberry Shortcake book bag on the way to their probation officer looking like they jacked a pre-schooler on the way to school.

But I can pretty much guess what I probably said. Starting with the “Hey what’s up” *complete with the arrow pointing up* to the question that you ask but answer for him in the next sentence *How you doing? Fine…*, Of course usually I’m stuck in some class that’s boring *And I wonder why I can’t add/subtract to this day, all those damn notes I wrote during Pre-Calculus when I should've been studying those equations*, of course a recap of the previous night’s phone conversation or some other conversational piece, sometimes something graphic *for a high schooler, I wasn’t into porn yet*, of course if he hit third base already or we got a little frisky some point in the week I mention that, then some random piece of gossip, and then I end it with some nickname that I know damn well he has never called me a day in his life *Cupcake, Honey Bun…funny all my so-called pet names revolve around food LOL*

Of course capping off with a W/B/S and lots of hugs and kisses.

I think mine were a little more interesting partly because I never dated anyone from my school for obvious reasons so I couldn’t pass it to him in class. I had to wait until later that day or something to see him. I remember he would pick me up from school every day. Which was pretty far, he went to an all boy’s Catholic school on 49th and Cottage Grove. My high school was in the 100s. To my Chicago Ladies...Yeah I had one of those guys *lol* When I did pass notes to guys in class it was usually some form of a joke or I was passing a note for another girl. You know one of my friends who “likeded” him and wanted me to serve as the “Go-Between”, phishing out information for her because I was usually cool with the guy.

Usually intercepted at some point and read aloud.

Majority of my letters came from JDUBB of course *with a few from my other ex* and I was howling reading some of his letters. Some were a little graphic for a high school guy now that I think about it but I cherished those letters to death. I would claw out an eyeball if anyone dared touch my letters.

Especially the ones that were a little "R" rated. Couldn't have my moms reading about what happened the day I was supposed to be studying at the library but instead was getting busy in JDUBB's basement *lol*

Don't front like I'm the only one who did that *lol*

It’s funny because reading those letters *and there were a lot, I think we wrote to each other at least 3 times a week* I can pinpoint every breakdown in the relationship.

I mean there were the intense, love letters that even Shakespeare would gag from. I mean an abundance of “cakeness” screamed from those letters. I mean "I love you so much" every other sentence. Comparing one another to the great loves that we read about in English III *lol*. Metaphors that made NO sense whatsoever but at the time I guess we thought we were really "deep".

But there were also the “bad” letters. The “confrontational” letters. And boy toward the end there was a lot. The “such and such told me such and such” and “how could you do this to me”, “I am so mad at you right now”, “why won’t you talk to me, I mean I didn’t appreciate you hanging up the phone on me” and the classic “Fuck you”.

Not to mention the “I can’t believe you threw a brick through my car window” and "Are you fucking nuts?! Don't come on my porch talking crazy"

Umm…well those may have slipped in the stash somehow. I mean I have no idea who he was talking about *lol*

Fuck what you heard. High school relationships were intense.

Come to think of it…I should have used those letters as clues to his madness.

And let’s not get into when we moved from paper to email.

Of course in high school I didn’t use my email accounts as much but during computer class *funny enough we went to different high schools but had the same period for computer class* we would email one another back and forth. Why we didn’t just use IM is beyond me.

And then ultimately I came to the breakup letter(s). You know the 2-3 page *front and back* where one pours their heart out on paper. I mean sure toward the end he began to curse me out but the first page was sweet.

I even found the birthday card I gave him which he gave back to me *we broke up shortly after his birthday* I still can’t believe I brought him a card that said “To my husband…” *shudder*

Was I gone or what?

I don’t remember the dick being that good.

But then again this was high school. Not like I had a lot of men to use as comparison.

But damn those letters took me back. I think I stayed up until about 5 am reading those letters, laughing my head off.

You know JBN and the cat were looking at me like I was crazy.

I debated on whether or not to wake up a couple of friends so we can reminisce but I didn’t want to get cursed out.

I think it’s very sweet of people to keep those types of mementos. It really reassure that you were once *or still* loved by someone other than your family. I mean I have old pen-pals letters in there, which is a riot in itself, but my heart sort of swelled reading those letters.

You know I had to smirk because I knew I was the shit just by reading those letters. Imagine a big, macho guy hunched over his desk sketching little roses in the border or confessing his true feelings for his girl, not embarrassed that some day she will pull those letters out and read them to the amusement of her friends.

He wasn’t the only guy who wrote me love letters *or emails*. There were others. Other guys who I wrote off. A couple of guys I had to really sit and think about whom the hell they were.

A few of my stalkers are in there. Mainly through emails, tucked away in special folders created just for them. One of these days I really have to print those out.

JBN and I weren’t really into the whole love letter thing, I mean in college you have more pressing issues to worry about, like that 10 page paper that you just remembered you had to do and it was due the next day at 9 am. We’ve sent emails back and forth but not many.

I have the ones from when he was on-line to become a Kappa and our contact was very limited. I consider those very close because I knew the repercussions if anyone found out we were contacting one another and he risked a lot by doing it *if you know what I mean*

And ours were...well more to the point. Left all that cake shit in the bakery and were simple "I love you", "Are you going to that party", "Were we drunk last night or what".

A few from SIGMA in there after he fucked this broad because he thought I slept with an old friend from high school because some hating ass chick we both knew implied he spent the night in my room and wouldn't answer his cell when called. Nigga was passed the fuck out on my bunk bed but that's another story.

One from SIGMA's frat brother who worked his magical tongue on a sister one night while drinking. Lord he had a mouth on him.

He...kinda hate my guts because I didn't want to kick it with his exclusively. I mean tuh after you gave up the tongue that quickly? Negro please *lol* I mean some good ass tongue *whew getting hot flashes* but still...don't think by licking you're sticking.

That was not in the negotiations.

But that was a "bad" letter. Basically he called me a cold ass bitch.

And let's not get into OMAR letters. Crazy Jamaican gave me all bad letters. Mainly how he was going to run me over in his Dodge because I'm a bitch.

Damn that seems to be a common theme in my later letters *lol*

Lately I've gotten back into the letter writing thing and it's like riding a bike. Of course they're more graphic and less romantic but it brightens up the day. I just sit at the computer and start typing. Always from the top of my head and always heartfelt.

No pet names and W/B/S at the end of these letter. More like "I need to excuse myself and go handle some business in the bathroom right quick" letters.

And the letters create a very good evening if you know what I mean *wink*

This of course gives me something to write about.

But although I laugh at the letters now I know back then they meant something and I keep them close. It's like "wow...this guy really liked me" and I get a warm feeling in my stomach. I don't think I'll ever throw them away; rather I'll tuck them away somewhere to be read by my own children like I read my mother's.

And boy was my mama running game back in the day. *lol*

I think everyone should read those letters every once and awhile, especially when you're feeling a little down, at least you can get a chuckle out of it.

I know I did.

So thanks TTL. For sharing your letters. You really didn’t have to but I was surprised and pleased you revealed another side to you. And reminding me that although some people see me as a bitch, others love(d) me.