F*cking Demon Birds...

So this week I’ve been “training” at my old property because apparently I need training.

Or at least that’s how my manager relayed it before he booked out of the country for the next two months.

I’m not going to complain, I mean aside from the behind the scenes bullshit which caused me to leave in the first place, I genuinely like most of the people that still works there. We still go out for drinks, kick it, and of course trade property gossip among one another.

And besides I needed a vacation from my old property so yeah I can suck up a couple of days of basically doing nothing but answering phones and clowning on the job’s clock.

I mean because that’s all my “training” was- me bullshitting around.

Oh and clowning. Can’t forget the clowning.

Like one of my friends was like “Sooo you just gonna strut in here with the Josie and the Pussycat boots huh? Like Bam…I’m just ready to perform huh?”

So of course you know I about died laughing right? And then with the impromptu dance routine he broke out in…I was too through.

The rest of the week I was “Josie”.

Folks I haven’t seen in a minute of course asked about the wedding plans and were surprised we haven’t jumped the broom yet.

Hell some skipped right over the wedding and got straight to the point: Am I knocked up yet?

*Questions more funnier by the fact that Dej asked the same questions*

I don’t know why people seem to get insulted when you say “No”.

I’m like damn the man upstairs has more plans for me than my damn uterus!

Be fruitful my ass. The Lord knows me.

He knows I don’t have a clear “exit” strategy yet *lol*

And yes I’m serious…I’m a punk when it comes to pain.

Said the chick with numerous tattoos and random body piercing over the years.

Contradicting statements I know.

Like I love chicken but I’m terrified of most flying creatures.

Like Ok today…everyone knows I’m terrified of pigeons. I think they are the scummiest, nastiest, most what less birds ever and I’m convinced one is going to peck my eye out one day.

I swear it’s like those demon rats smell my fear and make a devious effort to terrify me to no avail.

So I’m walking home from work *I know one of the perks I miss from working there…the ability to walk my ass home from work. Oh and for a random hour or two but who’s counting* and I know they lurk under the walkway so I try to walk as close to the side walk as possible.

Tell me why one came from underneath the car and charged at me?!

Ok well he flapped his wings or something but by that time I was screaming like hell and running down the street like a mad woman.

Outside of the treadmill the last time I ran that fast…in heels no less…was when I had less than 10 minutes to get to Cold Stone before it closed. No lie. My ass will move for some food.

So I’m like brushing imaginary bird fluff from me, shuddering at the close encounter, when I hear someone calling my name.

Now I have to tell people I’m from the Chi and in my parts of town blowing horns, slowing down in a vehicle, and calling one’s name is NOT the business. I’m immune to all of that and if you slow down too much best believe I’m in the fighting stance because someone’s ass is going to get whooped trying to drag me in the car.

So I’m ignoring the voice because who knows who it is and chances are it’s someone I don’t want to talk to.

Car straight stops in the middle of the cross walk spooking my ass.

Turns out it’s no one but one of the managers at my property…cackling his ass off because he saw my flight of the birds escape up the street. Dude is like dying in the car.

So yeah…I can expect a mass work email of my blunder by tomorrow.

I am such a lame lol.