The Calm Before The Storm....

Monday I had a nice little discussion with my father. Well it wasn’t nice but I did get some things off of my chest. I guess it had really been a while since I let him have it but we came to an understanding. Rather than go into an anger induced rant about it because I was really angry when I told him all this thus it was the truth

*You always tell the truth when you’re drunk or angry…well at least I do*

The meat of the conversation was basically that he has missed out on raising me so stop trying to act like a father more so now than when I was a child because I’m already set in my convictions about him. I also had to let him know to stop acting like he knows me when he doesn’t know shit about me. I brought up some shit from the past, just because you pay child support does not make you Father of the Year so stop bragging about you paying child support like you deserve an award. Also dumping me off at your mother’s once a month and for week in the summer does make you a candidate either. What’s the purpose of dragging me away from my mother, with me throwing temper tantrums, refusing to eat, and crying spells when all he would do is drop me off at his mother’s where I would see him a total of 2 times the entire weekend and for less than an hour both times. That does not constitute as “spending time” either. The only reason I think he even stopped by were to feed his dogs whom he spent more time with than me. I would get a pat on the head, “be good” and he was back out in the streets. And had the nerve to grumble when he had to take me to my Saturday activities *I was in a bowling league as well as several “academic” programs thanks to my mother who did not want me to miss any opportunity to learn something new*. Had the nerve to twist his lip up and say I should miss my obligations because they imposed on “his” time. What a fucking riot. I think he was jealous because he would come to pick me up, see me laughing and giggling with my friends, only for me to throw a temper tantrum and cry when he came to pick me up. My “non eating” skills worked until my mother told him to stop bringing me back because that’s what I wanted and he should be firm with me. Shit I don’t want to eat, shit then I don’t eat. I’ll eat eventually. See what a traitor my mother was?
He’s the reason I hate birthday parties and have refused to have a party since I was 10 due to the fact he made me miss my 10th birthday party. Very petty but it was a special birthday for me with my mother and aunt going all out for it **majority of our birthday falls in May within days of one another so it was tradition to have a “group” party with the party given on someone’s birthday every year. That year it was my birthday that the party was falling on so I was excited that I would actually celebrate my birthday, on well my birthday, and it was a bowling party complete with a magic show, clowns, and lots of games. He fucked that whole day up for me and to this day I am bitter about the shit and refused to attend any parties after that. And for his dumb ass wedding that I did not want to be apart of.

Ok wait I’m ranting, I’ll save this discussion for another time. But I let him have it *once again the last time I really really let him have it was my Senior year in High School* and while he didn’t like what I had to say he had no choice but to accept it. So right now we’re at a truce.

FH, TWIN and I went up to our high school and nothing much has changed. A lot of our teachers are gone with only a few hanging around and they were all very happy to see us. I mean we were in the Top 10 all four years of high school with me as the Class of 2001 Valedictorian. Ah when I had hopes and dreams of being a pediatrician.

It was nice roaming our old stomping grounds though. Back when folks used to box underneath the stairwell, when we had two or three lockers in all the Houses, running late to class hell skipping class, the metal detectors that rarely worked. Purposely going to in-house detention to avoid taking a test. Going to each other’s lunch periods. Playing spades and dominoes in the cafeteria. Hell doing homework during lunch just so I wouldn’t have to take it home, hell getting to school early to finish and trading off answers before class started. After freshman year, I kid you not, I did not take home homework. I finished it before the end of the day and I never studied for anything.

Probably why I was so lost and clueless Freshman year of college.

Of course every teacher that remembers us asked did we have children and were stunned to find out we did not have one child. *sigh* Inner city high schools for ya. I mean I saw a few of the freshman waddling through the hall ready to give birth any day now. I was surprised that there were more white teachers as well. I remember there being a total of 5 when I was in high school but every other class room we peeked in had a white teacher.

Teach for America I’m sure. And I know they burned rubber getting the hell out the neighborhood when the bell rang. Shit they ain’t crazy. Funny I applied for Teach for America but I guess I was too “militant” in my thinking on reforming schools.
I promised to invite them to my pending date wedding because well, I did like majority of my teachers in high school. Maybe because they let me get away with bloody murder because I was the top student in school. I mean I could do no wrong right ;-)

When we got too bored of the school and the curious looks because we were roaming around without uniforms, we hit up Sunrise on 103rd for some good old Pizza Puffs. We also played “Where Are They Now?” with our classmates and relieved old high school memories.

I had fun in high school actually. Sure my freshman year I wore dorky glasses, was thin as a rail, and had unruly hair *ok well that part is still true* but I had a smart mouth and I would like to say my sense of humor kept me from being too self-conscious.

One of these days I’ll post a picture of me. Promise yall won’t laugh.

TWIN was leaving that night so we hung out for a little while more and dropped her off.

I came home and laid around the house. My Monday was pretty boring and plus the weather sucked. Yeah Saturday night the weather took a typical Chicago turn for the worst. While I did pack a few pair of jeans, I didn’t pack nearly enough T-Shirts, no socks, and a thin ass jacket.

So naturally I caught a cold.

Tuesday I was laid up half the day sick as a dog. Nose running, eyes red and scratchy, whooping cough. I was looking like I had the plague or something. I stopped for a quick second to my grandmother’s house where we had a fantastic talk about life. She heard via my father what I said to him and she said she had no idea I was that unhappy. She knew as a child I did not like being around him but she just assumed it was because I had to get “used” to him. I never had a problem with her or my aunt, on the contrary, I loved being around them. I was a little bored and lonely because it wasn’t many kids on her block but she kept me entertained with books. Of course the “sweet” me was always on.

I left before I infected my grandmother with some direly virus.

My niece had the sniffles as well so guess who baby sat Tuesday and Wednesday? The argument: We both were sick together so why not quarantine us together before we are taken to the pasture and shot?

And of course asking me anything when I’m half sleep also was an argument. I apparently agreed when I was rudely woken out of my sleep. Shit I’ll agree to anything for someone to leave me the hell alone while I’m snoozing.

It wasn’t that bad though I mean she’s not a fussy baby. She slept a lot of the time. Very few cut ups. I think she suffers from the “Itis” to be honest with you. She falls asleep after every meal and she does that cute little thing where she is obviously falling asleep during the feeding but she’s still trying to fight it and suckle the bottle at the same time. Little mouth was trying to suck the bottle while she’s trying to fight her nap.

That little thing just melts my heart.

And since her Aunt has the “Itis” as well, it worked out for the both of us.

I still thought it was cute when she was licking the phone while I was on speaker phone with Mr. Mack. Family bugging the hell out of me I mean damn didn’t they see that I was on the phone? That’s how I was suckered into Wednesday, my mother was hollering something and I just said, “Ok”. Woke up to an empty house. Brother and his baby mama had slid out the door early, her to work and him well who knows. Damn sure wasn’t school or a job.

It was pouring down Wednesday for most of the day so we spent the days indoors. Me working like a slave cleaning up the place because lord knows shit would not get done fucking around with my brother. Basically like old times at home where I would clean the entire house only for him to track muddy water on the floor, an argument, and door slams.

And I was watching the niece.

I don’t see how folks do it. I spoil her so she would whine when I would put her down, which naturally I would pick her back up so I’m washing dishes with a baby on my hip, still sniffing and sneezing, and trying to watch TV all at the same time. I know I was looking beat the fuck up Wednesday. I probably looked 35.

Did I mention I also was watching my 3 going on 25 honorary niece? That little girl is too fucking grown for her own good. She’s not sassy *ok well sometimes she is and I had to pop her in her lip for saying too adult things* but the things that comes out of her mouth that I don’t think she really understands what she is saying is too damn grown! She repeats everything she hears and she mimics the adults around her so she has “grown” conversations with her Barbies. She should not be telling Ken he’s trifling because “he’s not taking care of his responsibilities and she’s can’t raise the baby by herself and who do he think he is? He ain’t her man anymore so he doesn’t have a right to tell her who and what she can see and do.”

I kid you not she said all that.

I had to go in the room because I swear I thought she was talking to someone for real. I mean I got a nice chuckle out of it *you know I’ll laugh at anything* because I was just in the doorway listening to her but still…she’s three years old! And I can tell she gets that from her mother and her friends, they’re always out in front of the house gossiping. She had a few more “adult” things but I had to stop her and tell her little girls don’t talk like that.

Boy I tell you children nowadays.

You know she was my mini-remote too right? She’s also at that age where she’s eager to please and is willing to do anything to prove she’s a “big girl”. Shit I’m going to have her washing dishes and ironing clothes before the year is out. Oh to be young and dumb like that again *yeah right*. I remember when I was so geeked to wash dishes. I know, dumb right?

My fiancé was actually coming in town that Thursday so I made some plans for Thursday for us to get a room and spend some time together. I know he was going to disappear with his buddies the weekend but we still had yet to go around as an “engaged” couple and do the family thing. I have done it but folks actually want to see the man as well.

Working for a hotel does have its benefits though, mainly the great discounts. I was a little pissed because I managed to get a room at the Renaissance Downtown on Michigan *AKA The Magnificent Mile* because I thought he was flying in at O’Hare but he was actually flying in at Midway and did not want to travel all the way downtown *or pay the parking fee* so I had to cancel that reservation *sob* and get one closer to Midway.

That hotel was just as nice but shit it wasn’t a Renaissance! It turned into a mini argument while I tried to sell the hotel but he was stubborn. I started to say fuck it and keep the one that I wanted but I became the bigger person.

My mother *eavesdropping* starts teasing me talking about I was dipping to a hotel for a booty call **damn straight!** and why we just take it to his mama’s basement like she sure we have before *damn straight*. But um yeah Mom I really wasn’t trying to get into that type of conversation with you. And my mother has a far more graphic mouth than I do. Some things should not fall out of your parents’ mouth EVER!

But I’m sure her frank discussion on sex, men, and relationships have kept me from getting knocked. Ok that and the threat of a body cast.

FH had left me on Tuesday to fly back to Texas, she’s shipping off next week I think, so we were a little sad. I mean a whole year probably without me talking to my bitch? What the fuck am I going to do? I told her to write to me at least so I know her ass is still alive and I don’t have to find out the hard way. I will admit I teared up a bit more so now than the first time she went over there. Maybe because the war was still kind of new and wasn’t as violent as it is now. There weren’t many news reports of deaths overseas and now it seems like folks are dying by the dozens every day. Then again Iraq has damn near disappeared off the news and she already informed me that things are not what they appear over there. We get a completely different report of shit that happens over there.

You know me, CONSPIRACY THEORY time.

So pray for my girl yall and pray they send her ass home with all her pieces intact.
So I had a pretty decent week so far, nothing major, lots of catching up with people and surveying the neighborhoods, surprised by some of the changes but relieved that some of the neighborhoods are being cleaned up. Of course it’s because of the White Folks who decided to abandon the city for the suburbs to get away from the Niggers but now realize that maybe it wasn’t such a bright idea since one Black folks will follow you like roaches regardless of where the fuck you move and two you lived at one time 20 minutes from your job on a bad day, now you’re a hour and a half commute to and from work and although gas prices are dropping now, they definitely felt that impact on the wallet. So White Folks are trying to reclaim the city.

Besides maybe it wasn’t a bright idea to put many of tourist attractions *The United Center for example* dead smack in the middle of the ghetto where after dark probably meant someone was going home wallet-less, car-less, and shoe-less. They’ve torn down many of the project building to build expensive condos but those high rise building were a real eyesore. And I saw that they were trying to fix up the neighborhood around US Cellular *Cominsky Park* field where the White Sox play. Can’t have the die hard White Sox fans stepping over pissy winos and crack heads now can we? Can’t be walking from the Red Line through the projects to get to the stadium of course.

The shit angers me as you can tell. *insert cynical laugh*

Amazing what cities deem as important and what’s not.

I mean damn fix the streets at least! Chicago streets are fucking death traps and let’s not get on the fact it takes like 5 years to fix a three block stretch of road.

Thursday is when shit hit the fan. What is it about me and weekends?