Random Train of Thought...

On Tuesday I almost fell down the Rossyln Metro Station escalators laughing because a girl was walking up the escalators like the fake woman alien in Mars Attack. I mean exactly like the fake alien. I guess I was the only one who saw comedy in that. I laughed again when I passed her on the street and she was still walking like that.

I am convinced Starbucks has crack in it. I will be the first to proclaim it, I mean aren’t the beans imported from Columbia? Isn’t Columbia one of the main drug ports in the world? Case closed. Don’t believe me, go check out a Starbucks minutes before opening. They are in line eye twitching, scratching their arms and shit, pacing because the doors are one minute late opening. And once someone has their coffee, this eerily calm expression comes over their face.

I joke with the Muslims at work that while I know Ramadan is a part of their religion, with holidays like Ramadan which translate to “starvation” in my book, I will not be trading in my pork chops any time soon for the Muslim religion. If I fast trust it will not be by choice. It’ll be because I don’t have any food in the fridge and no money to shop or eat out. Well that and the fact that I probably would collapse from hunger.

I am not on that “T. Cas Eat One Small Meal A Day” diet. But from what I am told it’s the first few days that may be hard but it gets easier after that. I felt kind of bad eating all in front of them but then again why are you in the cafeteria during Ramadan?

I need to cut my bangs. They’re starting to get into my eyes and with my vision as bad as it is the last thing I need is something blocking my vision. I’m thinking of cutting my hair again anyway. Now that my hair grows pretty quickly I’m not as freaked out about cutting my hair as before when let an inch more be lopped off, I would be sliding all over the ground wailing like my Aunt at the last family funeral.

I spend too much money in Victoria’s Secret. I am their dream because it doesn’t take much to persuade me to buy something. I went in for body wash, came out with two new bras, some panties, and a T-Shirt. Funny I don’t really wear thongs anymore; it’s all about BOY SHORTS. I only wear a thong when necessary.

The fiancé *I’m really going to think of an alias for him, I’m tired of typing “the fiancé”, “the boyfriend”, “main dick piece” all the time* bought me some sexy lingerie. I think he has an obsession with the “Stripper Store” aka “Frederick’s of Hollywood”. I mean do he not remember the last time I tried to be sexy and do a strip tease for him, um yeah broken lamp and bruised pride. But I was touched by the gesture. It’s a sexy nurse get-up. Not my type off thin but I didn't want to hurt his feelings. Even though I’m like, “Umm what’s with the role playing? Can’t we just take our clothes off and just do it? And shit am I insured? This smells like a Sexual Harassment suit in the making you being the patient and I'm the naughty nurse...what type of clinic is this anyway and what the hell are you in the clinic for in the first place?”

*sigh* Ok so I overanalyze the role playing role to death. Shit I still had fun though ;-)

Whiny Co-Worker has been moping around looking like someone who has lost their puppy. That shit kills me because I didn’t say anything out of spite; shit you asked, I tried to warn you, you asked again, so I told you. End of story as far as I’m concerned. White girls really need to get a grip on reality, I mean this ain’t slavery days and I damn sure ain’t Mamie and you ain’t Scarlett O’Hare! Crying does nothing for me if anything it angers me more. Stop thinking that crying gets you want you want because in my household it just got you another ass whooping and we better be quiet or else we’ll “really get something to cry about”.

Umm like the ass whooping wasn’t worth crying about?

I need to lose five pounds. While I am happy that weight is finally starting to stick to my frame, I don’t want it to turn into unsightly weight mainly belly weight. I guess I’ll just have to work out more and push away from the table.

*sigh* Maybe I should look into this Ramadan thing.

Was I wrong for almost snapping on this white guy who almost stepped on my “still as white as from when they first came out of the box” Jordans? You know how Black folks are when it comes to our shoes. I’ve been a clubs many of nights when the club was shut the fuck down because someone stepped on someone’s brand new pair of Air Ones or Timbs. I mean I know most white people wear their gym shoes until them bitches just fall apart but damn do he know how much them bitches cost the fiancé?

Anger Management classes are in my immediate future.

My mother called and thinks my cousin and I need a sit down. Yeah it’ll be a sit down all right. A “Bitch I Will Knock You The Fuck Down”. I feel bad for rumbling at my grandmother’s house like two bitches on a side street but I am not sorry for beating that ass. I mean the principle was that the bitch knocked my fucking engagement ring down the drain and wasn’t going to say shit because she did the shit on purpose to be nothing other than spiteful. Those are real fucking diamonds! Is this bitch mad?

You know that conversation went into one ear and out the other.

Why the FUCK did the ball on the top of my navel ring fall off this morning in the shower. My fucking 14 caret gold Teddy Bear naval ring that was a birthday gift two years ago from the fiancé. I am so fucking PISSED! That naval ring cost a lot of damn money and now I have to trek out to Springfield Mall to see if I can find another one because that is the only store that has the jewelry store that may have my naval ring.

Damn slithery tongue. Probably loosened up my ring. My weakness is good head.

I’ve met Eclectik in real life. He’s the biggest jerk I have ever met.

Ok well not seriously but he does have jerk moments. Can you believe he lives in my neighborhood, a neighborhood where I am surprised when I see other black folks that do not work in the area? I find that to be really amusing. Then I wonder who else live in my neighborhood that may read my blog. And I shudder. It could be some pervert like the one who live in my building.

But other than being a complete jerk, he’s a great guy. Ladies he’s single and he can cook.

**Edit: Someone was insulted by my description but hey I call it like I see it honey ;-) It's all good I don't write anything that I can't say to your face *lol* You're still cool E *smooch**

But I will talk shit about you E, don’t get it twisted *lol*

Due to some switching around in the schedule, I’m off this weekend. But I’m working Monday through Friday. Oh well. At least it won’t be as bad as the last two weeks.

I went up to my old job yesterday. I was happy to see everyone. I made amends with my old manager. We’re back cool now. We’re joking like we did in the beginning. Ebony & Ivory are back together again *lol*

I need something to do Friday. I have no plans.

Saturday I have a room downtown at the JW where I plan on kicking my feet up and relaxing. I also plan to go out which means I wont have far to stumble.

Was I wrong for flirting outrageously to get a discount? That and my Secret Embrace bra makes me look at least a 32C. And I had on a shirt that emphasized my “cleavage”. I was looking pretty cute yesterday just to hang around the mall.
I found my beloved heart earrings I broke a few months ago.

Do I flirt too much?

I am addicted to Cold Stone’s Berry Lemony smoothie. That is my heroin to my McDonald’s Sweet Tea crack.

I am a jerk sometimes.

But then again I wouldn’t be me if I wasn’t such a jerk.

DRAMA is mad at me once again because I would not take sides in yet another argument. Oh well she’ll get over it.

Why was I wailing like a baby because FH right at this moment is flying over to Iraq. I know this is her second tour and all but what am I doing to do without my best friend until at least December? She tried to crack jokes to make me feel better but I was walking down Crystal Drive sobbing like a damn baby. Folks were staring at me like I was crazy.

I am not a crier but when I do cry I lay on the waterworks.

*sigh* My bitch has left the building. Shit the fucking country.

*sigh* So I’m a little depressed right about now.

I told her I need all of her pieces for my wedding so be careful. And negotiate. And shit find Osama while you’re over there so folks can shut the fuck up about his ass. Although I know he’s chilling in Miami selling 79 cent RC cola in the local “hood” grocery store.

You know they all look alike in the turbans *just like Asians and some white people*. And NO I'm not wrong for saying that because you were probably thinking the same thing. And NO ALL Black people do not look alike! Shit I almost crapped on myself the other when a couple of them got on the elevator with me. I’m like, “Osama…Nigga is that you?!”

Naw let me stop. Bitch would’ve sliced and diced her way off that damn elevator.

I was at work and why did I check in a guy with alien eyes? I am not lying. You know how when the aliens take over folks’ bodies their eyes are really huge and dark and the pupil is bigger than normal? I swear his eyes looked like that. Creeped me the fuck out. I think he could hear my thought because he kind of laughed to himself.

Okk I’ve been watching a little too much X Files

But he really did look creepy. He probably was an alien.

Ok I need to get some business.