The Shit Has Hit The Fan....Pt 2

My aunt all but threatened bodily harm if I did not show up at my grandmother’s house for the family fish fry as if I wasn’t going to attend. My granmother’s catfish, candied yams, and cabbage *I hate greens* was enough to have my greedy ass over there ready to max. I love my grandmother’s cabbage. I could eat it all day everyday and everyone knows that I hate greens with a passion *thus calling my Blackness into question* so someone always make a little bit of cabbage for me.

I know I’m spoiled right? Have my own personal little dishes and shit.

There was no mac and cheese *I was a little salty about that* but there was plenty of my grandmother’s chocolate bun cake.

Of course I’m impatiently waiting for the food. Why the hell do folks tell you to come over and they’re just putting the shit on to cook? Don’t they know I get angry when I don’t eat?

My uncle is currently living with my grandmother due to the fact that he is divorcing “she whom is not named” due to irreconcilable differences. Meaning the bitch was crazy. Damn and not even a year. Their anniversary was Saturday and originally the party was for that but um yeah my peoples are not passing up an opportunity to eat and talk shit about each other.

Talking about we’re celebrating Labor Day.

*cricket*

Wasn’t that two weeks ago though? That was lost on the family though, even though most of them were off of work that Monday.

*sigh*

Only my family.

Oh yeah and I got chewed out for wearing white shoes after Labor Day. Oh but they could remember that shit though huh. And they were damn flat sandals! I call them my Moses sandals because they’re the lace up Gladiator style.

But then again I’m always getting chewed out because I don’t always wear stockings with my dresses *in the summer that’s a Hell No*, I don’t wear slips, I refuse to wear my hair up with a long dress *long dress-up, short dress-down* and I wear my do-rag everywhere.

Now my cousin showed up when the food was ready *of course* and we didn’t say much to each other. We were playing with the babies and I was trying in vain to take down my little cousin’s hair but she was bawling her head off. I couldn’t help if her mother put in these little Coolio braids that I needed a magnifying glass to unravel.

Earlier in the day my aunt popped over to give us a ride to my grandmother’s and since she was rushing me I decided to just grab some clothes and shower and change at my grandmother’s since she was acting as if the food was ready or something.

My brother didn’t want to come until later so I took my niece with me. Packed up the diaper bag and we were on the go.

Everything was fine. Everyone’s eating and laughing, for once a brawl hasn’t erupted over a piece of chicken.

One of my cousins asked to see my engagement ring since I acted like I couldn’t tell anyone I was engaged. Um you were there when I announced it the last time I went home. I mean excuse me if I’m not the girl who flashes her ring in everyone’s face and talk about it every five seconds. It’s just not that big of a deal to me and my wedding is still over a year and a half away.

I’m assuming my wedding is the topic of the family considering at this point I’m not knocked up already with his child and someone wants to marry my little evil ass *my mother’s words*

Naturally the ring was off my finger.

It was only off because I don’t sleep or shower in jewelry. I took it off to shower otherwise the ring is prominently on my finger. Ok I’ve left out the house with it a few times and the cat scooted it under the bed once or twice but hey I do wear it!

Once again chastisement because apparently I’m never supposed to take my ring off.

The last place I remember having it on was in the bathroom right before I hopped into the shower.

It’s neither on the counter nor the floor.

I check my grandmother’s room where I changed my clothes. Not on the dressers, bed, or floor.

Now if one of my crack head relatives were in attendance I would be worried because that means my shit is gone and was half smoked up by then. I thought someone moved it or put it in my grandmother’s jewelry case so I went back in her room and looked through her jewelry boxes.

Still no ring.

Now I’m starting to get pissed because I hate when folks touch shit that doesn’t belong to them and of course folks are playing dumb. So I asked again.
This time my cousin spoke up…”Oh yeah it might have went down the drain. I mean I heard some clink but I didn’t know what it was so I kept it moving…”
And I saw the bitch smirk.

So I snapped.

Forgetting where I was *hard to believe I never curse around my family* I just fucking snapped. I called this bitch every thing but a fucking child of God because I just know this bitch did not drop my fucking ring down the drain. And knowing her the bitch did the shit on purpose.

Bitch get gully and hops the fuck off. So we square off. I’m yanking off the earrings and kicking off the flip flops. Of course one of the cousins run to the next room *like he really needed to folks were breaking their neck to run into the living room* telling the adults we’re about to box.

Seeing she has a real audience she tries to pull the whiny “Oh how was I suppose to know it was her engagement ring, it was an accident and I’m just flipping on her for no reason” type of speech to the family but fuck that. It’s time to show my black ass.

My uncle grabs some tools and takes apart the shit. Stupid bitch didn’t turn on the water so it’s sitting in the bottom of the pipe. To the family the beef is resolved because the ring has been recovered. But damn that she has had an ass whooping coming for the longest.

When she makes a flip remark, something like I shouldn’t leave shit around if I don’t expect it to get lost, I pop her ass. And it’s on. Straight cat fight. Just because the broad has a good 100+ pounds on me don’t mean shit. We’re in there boxing like men. And this coming from me who hasn’t had a fist fight since high school. And I know she can’t fight. You figure a big girl has some type of advance but no. She did pop me in my face two times though. I came away with a few of her micros in my hand. And she was bleeding due to the cuts my ring put on her face.

But don't ever get it twisted I know how to fight. Shit you damn near had to to survive in my neighborhood. And besides I was fueled by anger.

We get broken apart * a lot of struggle and chaos* of course she’s crying because “I attacked her” but bitch don’t play with me. I felt semi-bad for brawling all up in my grandmother's house but don't play with me and my shit. I will slice a bitch for fucking with my shit. And that was a warning for any other mother fucker in my family, just because I don't fight as much as they do doesn't mean that you're just going to beat my ass. Don't get it twisted now. My fiance and I wrestle all the time at home so don't think a bigger person is just going to get me down.

I’m still heated and I refuse to stay in the same house with her because I will go to the kitchen get a knife and slice her ass so I call my fiancé. No answer from his cell. Call my best friend, she’s at work. I call LIGHT BRIGHT . He comes in 15 minutes.

I rant to him for close to an hour. I’m still fuming while watching the fight on HBO. I’m pissed all the way back home. I’m pissed when my mother comes home and fuss at me for close to 2 hours. I’m mad when I go to sleep.

I make it to O’Hare with enough time to spare for a change. I don’t sleep well when I’m angry so I was knocked out as soon as I sat down. My fiancé was flying out on a later flight from Midway so I make it home before him. Apartment is spotless, I was surprised. Crawl in the bed and sleep for a hot minute.

Then back to the trenches of my job Monday. Work kicked my ass this week and will kick my ass next week considering I am working nights until Tuesday. This means nine days of straight working with no breaks.

I’ve been neglecting the blog because I have been on autopilot all week. I’m sorry guys it took this damn long to finish my trip. I’m only a week late.

I promise to be back to my regularly scheduled craziness this week. I have to tell you about yet another co-worker who I had to school for a quick second.