Wow it's been so long since I've written
I'll be back to writing for the 2010
My PTO ran out *lol*
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
No More Blonde Moments
I'll admit...I have my "blonde moments". I have quite a few blonde strands of hair within my dark brown locks (ok mostly from my acne medication...but dammit they're still there).
At least once a week, my brain departs from my head and I say/do something incredibly...well stupid.
Like the times I walk to the WRONG car & wonder why my keys are not working. No seriously, I'll stand there for like a hot second wondering why I hear the car unlocking...yet the doors won't open. And yes this has happened more than once--one of my strongest dumb blonde moment.
(I won't mention the countless almost arguments that have developed when the REAL car owner walks on the scene.)
Or the time I locked myself in the bathroom stall. I couldn’t get the latch to open and I had to be walked through how to re-open the door.
Or the time I hopped on the wrong train and after 5 stops realized I was on the wrong train.
But for the most part, I think I am a rational minded person...aside from those lapses in judgment. At least I recognize my own dumb blonde moments.
But this well takes the cake.
A couple of weekends ago, my friends and I decided to hit the streets for some good old partying.
I intended not to drink alcohol, as I am weaning myself from drinking every single time I go out. As I’m on yet another diet I was trying to avoid alcoholic drinks like the plague.
I failed.
I was good "pretending" to drink for quite a few hours before a dumb blond associate (and even being called an associate is a stretch--me and old girl have NOTHING in common--she's a messy, dramatic female with serious ATTENTION WHORE/WHORE characteristics...and well, I'm not lol) decided to irritate me so bad I needed a drink.
So I'm sipping WATER for the past few hours, cleverly disguises as vodka/pineapple juice (a dark club coupled with excellent fake drunk acting) and no one is the wiser. I’m even nursing the water like I do my drinks.
Until DBA (Dumb Blonde Associate) made an attempt to sip from my cup.
Now if she was a friend, she would have known rule number 1 is: never sip directly from my cup or straw. The ONLY people who are exempt from eating/drinking using the same utensils are my husband, my parents and my nieces/nephews.
NO ONE else is allowed to put a lip on my stuff. I have a fear of germs and an even bigger fear of cold sores. I think I have pretty lips and the last thing I want is a random cold sore sprouting on my lips because that’s all I focus on when I see a person with one.
I’m shuddering just thinking about a cold sore.
And while I am far from innocent and as best I try to ignore rumors/gossips (we went to the same university) I don’t ignore rumors/gossip about STDs. And DBA had quite a few circulating in our college days.
Before I could even yank my hand away, she had gotten a hold of my cup and took a sip.
Instantly I did not want the drink anymore.
Now given that it was plain old water in my cup, I mean I had to beg the bartender for it as he did not compute that I wanted a plain old cup of water, you would think that she would have noticed it was, well, water, since she had been throwing back Patron since we walked into the club.
But no…
DBA: Oh wow, that was so good? What is that? Now I want some.
ME: Oh…it’s um water.
DBA: Really? What’s it mixed with?
ME: *are you f*cking serious face* its water. I mean it’s…well water. It’s not mixed with anything.
DBA: *rolls eyes* I mean duh, I know that but what is it mixed with?
ME: It’s WATER! It’s mixed with nothing but ice cubes.
DBA: I should order one at the bar. You think he’ll make me one?
ME: *sigh* I need a shot.
DBA: Ooh yeah let’s do shots. We can get shots of this *points to my cup*
Dumb blondes drive me to drink. Thus I ended up drunk that night.
That wasn’t the first dumb blonde moment from DBA. Oh there were others. So many in fact we made a drinking game of it…at the club. Needless to say everyone in the party were drunk at the end of the night…including DBA who drank to her own dinkiness.
Of course when she came up for air when not sucking face with a random guy she met at the bar. Clearly she is not scared of the HIV/AIDS numbers in DC.
I made a vow to curb my own blonde moments upon being in her company.
It’s been two weeks and counting…
At least once a week, my brain departs from my head and I say/do something incredibly...well stupid.
Like the times I walk to the WRONG car & wonder why my keys are not working. No seriously, I'll stand there for like a hot second wondering why I hear the car unlocking...yet the doors won't open. And yes this has happened more than once--one of my strongest dumb blonde moment.
(I won't mention the countless almost arguments that have developed when the REAL car owner walks on the scene.)
Or the time I locked myself in the bathroom stall. I couldn’t get the latch to open and I had to be walked through how to re-open the door.
Or the time I hopped on the wrong train and after 5 stops realized I was on the wrong train.
But for the most part, I think I am a rational minded person...aside from those lapses in judgment. At least I recognize my own dumb blonde moments.
But this well takes the cake.
A couple of weekends ago, my friends and I decided to hit the streets for some good old partying.
I intended not to drink alcohol, as I am weaning myself from drinking every single time I go out. As I’m on yet another diet I was trying to avoid alcoholic drinks like the plague.
I failed.
I was good "pretending" to drink for quite a few hours before a dumb blond associate (and even being called an associate is a stretch--me and old girl have NOTHING in common--she's a messy, dramatic female with serious ATTENTION WHORE/WHORE characteristics...and well, I'm not lol) decided to irritate me so bad I needed a drink.
So I'm sipping WATER for the past few hours, cleverly disguises as vodka/pineapple juice (a dark club coupled with excellent fake drunk acting) and no one is the wiser. I’m even nursing the water like I do my drinks.
Until DBA (Dumb Blonde Associate) made an attempt to sip from my cup.
Now if she was a friend, she would have known rule number 1 is: never sip directly from my cup or straw. The ONLY people who are exempt from eating/drinking using the same utensils are my husband, my parents and my nieces/nephews.
NO ONE else is allowed to put a lip on my stuff. I have a fear of germs and an even bigger fear of cold sores. I think I have pretty lips and the last thing I want is a random cold sore sprouting on my lips because that’s all I focus on when I see a person with one.
I’m shuddering just thinking about a cold sore.
And while I am far from innocent and as best I try to ignore rumors/gossips (we went to the same university) I don’t ignore rumors/gossip about STDs. And DBA had quite a few circulating in our college days.
Before I could even yank my hand away, she had gotten a hold of my cup and took a sip.
Instantly I did not want the drink anymore.
Now given that it was plain old water in my cup, I mean I had to beg the bartender for it as he did not compute that I wanted a plain old cup of water, you would think that she would have noticed it was, well, water, since she had been throwing back Patron since we walked into the club.
But no…
DBA: Oh wow, that was so good? What is that? Now I want some.
ME: Oh…it’s um water.
DBA: Really? What’s it mixed with?
ME: *are you f*cking serious face* its water. I mean it’s…well water. It’s not mixed with anything.
DBA: *rolls eyes* I mean duh, I know that but what is it mixed with?
ME: It’s WATER! It’s mixed with nothing but ice cubes.
DBA: I should order one at the bar. You think he’ll make me one?
ME: *sigh* I need a shot.
DBA: Ooh yeah let’s do shots. We can get shots of this *points to my cup*
Dumb blondes drive me to drink. Thus I ended up drunk that night.
That wasn’t the first dumb blonde moment from DBA. Oh there were others. So many in fact we made a drinking game of it…at the club. Needless to say everyone in the party were drunk at the end of the night…including DBA who drank to her own dinkiness.
Of course when she came up for air when not sucking face with a random guy she met at the bar. Clearly she is not scared of the HIV/AIDS numbers in DC.
I made a vow to curb my own blonde moments upon being in her company.
It’s been two weeks and counting…
Monday, March 02, 2009
I Hate...
*Tomatoes (but I love ketchup)
*Broccoli, cauliflower, potato salad & coleslaw
*Food juice, esp. when it touches other food on my plate.
*Bad hair days-I seem to suffer from them almost weekly.
*People who refuse to use their turn signal
*"How is married life" questions
*Wedgies that I can't immediately pull out
*Thongs-big asses & thongs does not mix. At least mine don't.
*PIGEONS (more like an irrational fear of those flying rats)
*Taking the back way into my apartment building since the front is currently undergoing renovations.
*When people call too early or too late and don't want a damn thing
*Being cold. I must keep a warm body temperature at all times.
*Mind games. I find them boring & repetitive.
*Running late. I like to be on time.
*Liars. Especially bad liars.
*People that are too hard pressed. I don't sweat people. Please stop hinting that I should.
*Men who suffer from PMS. I bleed from my vagina every month, what's your excuse?
*Most seafood dishes. I'm not a big fish eater.
*When people remain too hung up in past relationships. Better learn to brush it off.
*Unfinished basements.
*When people drive around 10-20 minutes looking for a parking spot. Screw that. I'm looking for the valet (one of few bougie things that I do).
*Spotting men with cold sores. Stock goes to zero instantly.
*Strangers who touch me on my purse arm to get my attention. That's instant fight stance-might think you're going for my purse.
*When men curse me out because I'm married. I'm sorry my husband unlinked the ball & chain from the microwave & allowed me to leave the house.
*Cold weather, esp. snow. Thanks a lot VA!!
*Broccoli, cauliflower, potato salad & coleslaw
*Food juice, esp. when it touches other food on my plate.
*Bad hair days-I seem to suffer from them almost weekly.
*People who refuse to use their turn signal
*"How is married life" questions
*Wedgies that I can't immediately pull out
*Thongs-big asses & thongs does not mix. At least mine don't.
*PIGEONS (more like an irrational fear of those flying rats)
*Taking the back way into my apartment building since the front is currently undergoing renovations.
*When people call too early or too late and don't want a damn thing
*Being cold. I must keep a warm body temperature at all times.
*Mind games. I find them boring & repetitive.
*Running late. I like to be on time.
*Liars. Especially bad liars.
*People that are too hard pressed. I don't sweat people. Please stop hinting that I should.
*Men who suffer from PMS. I bleed from my vagina every month, what's your excuse?
*Most seafood dishes. I'm not a big fish eater.
*When people remain too hung up in past relationships. Better learn to brush it off.
*Unfinished basements.
*When people drive around 10-20 minutes looking for a parking spot. Screw that. I'm looking for the valet (one of few bougie things that I do).
*Spotting men with cold sores. Stock goes to zero instantly.
*Strangers who touch me on my purse arm to get my attention. That's instant fight stance-might think you're going for my purse.
*When men curse me out because I'm married. I'm sorry my husband unlinked the ball & chain from the microwave & allowed me to leave the house.
*Cold weather, esp. snow. Thanks a lot VA!!
Monday, February 23, 2009
I'm Not A Bad Person...Am I?
I’ve has many labels but “popular” has never been one of them.
I’ve never been a popular girl.
I’ve never had people clamoring to be my friend. There were no fights to sit next to me at the lunch table. There was no anticipation when my birthday came around and the elite few go to hang with the “outside me” at my birthday.
Although I will say my birthdays were the shit…the ones that I actually stayed up for and was not spanked and banished for various evils deeds I inflicted on my guests *lol*
No one copied my style. No one got that flush of pleasure when I remembered his or her name and spoke it aloud.
Granted people knew me. I wasn’t a complete loser. I didn’t have to beg for people to attend my birthday parties. I’ve always had a nice numbers of friends. I wasn’t known for the wrong thing- although many of my labels have the word “bitch” all up and through it- “bitch”, “sarcastic bitch”, “evil bitch”, etc. Growing up in an inner city school, there was always at least 3-4 girls with my name (hell my best friend and I share a name) and at least I was the 2nd (sometimes 1st person) thought of when described.
Honestly as a kid, it really puzzled me. As an adult, not so much because I’ve stopped caring.
By now, I know I have a “like me, hate me” personality. It’s always either or-never in the middle. People either like me, think I’m a cool person, fun to be around OR people just can’t stand my little black ass.
I have a “warm up” personality. Some people don't like me initially but when they "warm" up to me, then I'm cool.
It’s nice when people get to know me & realize I’m not a bad person but it's fine if they don’t take the time & make assumptions. That’s just another line they can stand in.
At times, yes I wanted to be popular. Yes I wanted to be well liked. But I wanted it without giving up who I am. Once I figured I'll have to give up part of who I am to achieve that, I gave all attempts.
I guess I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. I have done it since I first started school & other kids wouldn’t play with me because I could read. Teachers made a big deal about it until I was in the 3rd grade & I asked them to stop.
Some call me "charming"; others call me "sneaky".
Some are used to my blunt words & constant sarcasm, others are irked by it.
I can't twist my mouth up & say I'm angelic, but I'm a good person. You might not like my way of doing things but I'll never intentionally steer anyone wrong.
I can be the best girlfriend a man has ever had.
I can also be the worst.
I have insecurities like everyone else; I don't try to project them onto other people. I joke all the time & claim I’m a hater but I’m not a hater. I’m not a jealous person. I can be a vindictive person, sure depending on the circumstance, but jealous?
Nah, I don’t look right with green eyes.
Can I be mean? Sure, I can be the meanest person on earth-but only when I’m pushed. To some I’m mean all the time. I walk around like I have a chip on my shoulder. To others, they’ve never seen me raise my voice let alone act mean. Sure they know it’s there but they’ve never been a witness.
It’s funny that I’m always mean when telling the truth.
I love to laugh. Cracking jokes in my way of dealing with life sometimes. It’s my way of cheering someone up. It can be inappropriate, I guess, but it reflects my feelings in a way I can’t show.
When my grandfather passed away, I received the phone call at 7:30 in the morning. By noon, I was joking with my mom in an effort to lift her spirits. I can be upset sure, although my grandfather & I were not really close, but my mother was hurt. She’s now lost both her parents within 8 months of each other. Both of MY parents are still living. I’m down to my last grandparent.
How do I deal? Joking with whom going to throw themselves on the casket THIS time? I told my mother she can do the honors if she wishes.
She knows I try.
I’m not an emotional person. You won’t catch me crying. When I cry, it’s always in private. My husband, in our entire 6+ year relationship, has seen me cry a handful of times. Whenever I feel the need to cry, it’s at night. I don’t believe in wasting time with public crying.
I don’t even give sweet cards. All of my cards are funny cards. I try to find the corniest card out of the bunch. I save the sweet words for the inside of the card.
I have my quirks that irk even me. I hate the fact that I speak without thinking-A LOT. It’s like I lack the ability to keep my mouth closed.
I believe in saving up lies thus why I am not a liar. Sure I may lie sometimes but trust that lie was saved up for months before I decided to use it. I hate to lie (because I hate liars) but even I know you can’t tell the truth all the time.
I don’t intentionally hurt people’s feelings. That’s just not me. I know I have a sharp tongue. I know words can come out my mouth harsher than I meant for it to be. I know my words when read can come off as mean. If my feelings are hurt, yeah I have the need to hurt that person’s feelings back. I want to hurt that person’s feelings. It makes me feel good to hurt them in the way they have hurt me. It’s not right, I know it’s not right but I thrive for it all the same. NOT all the time because that’s not my style. I don’t knock off weaker opponents to make me feel good. In the event that I find that I have unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings, I apologize instantly. It actually hurts my feelings when someone thinks I’ve intentionally tried to hurt them.
One of the few things that will truly hurt my feelings.
I’ve broken my habit of getting revenge. I remember when I used to plot out revenge. Long elaborate plans that took months, weeks, sometimes years to execute. I firmly believed revenge is a dish best served cold & I don’t forget a slight. Some of my revenge tactics are legendary among friends (and enemies).
I gave it up not because it was wrong but because it became too time consuming.
I make no apologies for who I am. At the end of the day, no matter what others think, I’m just me.
I’ve never been a popular girl.
I’ve never had people clamoring to be my friend. There were no fights to sit next to me at the lunch table. There was no anticipation when my birthday came around and the elite few go to hang with the “outside me” at my birthday.
Although I will say my birthdays were the shit…the ones that I actually stayed up for and was not spanked and banished for various evils deeds I inflicted on my guests *lol*
No one copied my style. No one got that flush of pleasure when I remembered his or her name and spoke it aloud.
Granted people knew me. I wasn’t a complete loser. I didn’t have to beg for people to attend my birthday parties. I’ve always had a nice numbers of friends. I wasn’t known for the wrong thing- although many of my labels have the word “bitch” all up and through it- “bitch”, “sarcastic bitch”, “evil bitch”, etc. Growing up in an inner city school, there was always at least 3-4 girls with my name (hell my best friend and I share a name) and at least I was the 2nd (sometimes 1st person) thought of when described.
Honestly as a kid, it really puzzled me. As an adult, not so much because I’ve stopped caring.
By now, I know I have a “like me, hate me” personality. It’s always either or-never in the middle. People either like me, think I’m a cool person, fun to be around OR people just can’t stand my little black ass.
I have a “warm up” personality. Some people don't like me initially but when they "warm" up to me, then I'm cool.
It’s nice when people get to know me & realize I’m not a bad person but it's fine if they don’t take the time & make assumptions. That’s just another line they can stand in.
At times, yes I wanted to be popular. Yes I wanted to be well liked. But I wanted it without giving up who I am. Once I figured I'll have to give up part of who I am to achieve that, I gave all attempts.
I guess I've always marched to the beat of my own drum. I have done it since I first started school & other kids wouldn’t play with me because I could read. Teachers made a big deal about it until I was in the 3rd grade & I asked them to stop.
Some call me "charming"; others call me "sneaky".
Some are used to my blunt words & constant sarcasm, others are irked by it.
I can't twist my mouth up & say I'm angelic, but I'm a good person. You might not like my way of doing things but I'll never intentionally steer anyone wrong.
I can be the best girlfriend a man has ever had.
I can also be the worst.
I have insecurities like everyone else; I don't try to project them onto other people. I joke all the time & claim I’m a hater but I’m not a hater. I’m not a jealous person. I can be a vindictive person, sure depending on the circumstance, but jealous?
Nah, I don’t look right with green eyes.
Can I be mean? Sure, I can be the meanest person on earth-but only when I’m pushed. To some I’m mean all the time. I walk around like I have a chip on my shoulder. To others, they’ve never seen me raise my voice let alone act mean. Sure they know it’s there but they’ve never been a witness.
It’s funny that I’m always mean when telling the truth.
I love to laugh. Cracking jokes in my way of dealing with life sometimes. It’s my way of cheering someone up. It can be inappropriate, I guess, but it reflects my feelings in a way I can’t show.
When my grandfather passed away, I received the phone call at 7:30 in the morning. By noon, I was joking with my mom in an effort to lift her spirits. I can be upset sure, although my grandfather & I were not really close, but my mother was hurt. She’s now lost both her parents within 8 months of each other. Both of MY parents are still living. I’m down to my last grandparent.
How do I deal? Joking with whom going to throw themselves on the casket THIS time? I told my mother she can do the honors if she wishes.
She knows I try.
I’m not an emotional person. You won’t catch me crying. When I cry, it’s always in private. My husband, in our entire 6+ year relationship, has seen me cry a handful of times. Whenever I feel the need to cry, it’s at night. I don’t believe in wasting time with public crying.
I don’t even give sweet cards. All of my cards are funny cards. I try to find the corniest card out of the bunch. I save the sweet words for the inside of the card.
I have my quirks that irk even me. I hate the fact that I speak without thinking-A LOT. It’s like I lack the ability to keep my mouth closed.
I believe in saving up lies thus why I am not a liar. Sure I may lie sometimes but trust that lie was saved up for months before I decided to use it. I hate to lie (because I hate liars) but even I know you can’t tell the truth all the time.
I don’t intentionally hurt people’s feelings. That’s just not me. I know I have a sharp tongue. I know words can come out my mouth harsher than I meant for it to be. I know my words when read can come off as mean. If my feelings are hurt, yeah I have the need to hurt that person’s feelings back. I want to hurt that person’s feelings. It makes me feel good to hurt them in the way they have hurt me. It’s not right, I know it’s not right but I thrive for it all the same. NOT all the time because that’s not my style. I don’t knock off weaker opponents to make me feel good. In the event that I find that I have unintentionally hurt someone’s feelings, I apologize instantly. It actually hurts my feelings when someone thinks I’ve intentionally tried to hurt them.
One of the few things that will truly hurt my feelings.
I’ve broken my habit of getting revenge. I remember when I used to plot out revenge. Long elaborate plans that took months, weeks, sometimes years to execute. I firmly believed revenge is a dish best served cold & I don’t forget a slight. Some of my revenge tactics are legendary among friends (and enemies).
I gave it up not because it was wrong but because it became too time consuming.
I make no apologies for who I am. At the end of the day, no matter what others think, I’m just me.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Even More Random Things About Me...
51. While I believe that I have fantastic hair, I don’t think my hair looks great in different styles. I fear that I’ll look goofy, although I envy women who rock different styles. I either wear my hair up in a ponytail or loose with a side part. Occasionally I’ll wear it curly but my hair styles are pretty bland. I've recently gotten my bangs back & I'm in love.
52. Sometimes I think I’m the only black woman who doesn’t know how to do hair. Even as a child my dolls had the busted hair styles & braids. I’m only a decent braider & you have to have long hair for me to do that. I'm a whiz at flat ironing but curling? Puh-leeze, it was only so many forehead/ear burns before I gave up & go to professionals when I want curly hair.
53. I fall asleep anytime a vehicle is in motion. A short car ride can knock me out. I fall asleep on the bus & train all the time. Luckily I have never been robbed. The same applies anytime someone plays in my hair. I think I just love sleep.
54. When I was 10, I broke my leg falling off the curb. Mean spirited cousins were shooting fireworks too close to me & I was trying to get away. That put a nice damper on my summer that year.
55. I don’t like people touching my face. It’s one of my pet peeves.
56. I’m a packrat. It is so hard for me to toss anything out because I am convinced I am going to need it one day. Just last year, I finally got the courage to toss away old exams from high school.
57. I have a love/hate relationship with my stomach. It’s not as defined as it once was (I had a proud 6 pack through college) but I don’t like to show it. I don’t like wearing midriff or crop tops, but I’ll toss on a bikini in a heart beat.
58. I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 21 years old. I cried in the DMV the first time I failed my driver’s test. The killing part was I failed because I didn’t look in my mirror when I changed lane. Never mind that it was a deserted road, I was supposed to “pretend” we were in heavy traffic & follow protocol.
59. I am notoriously bad at calling people back. Sometimes it takes me weeks to call someone back. It’s not a slight, it’s usually forgetfulness.
60. I love key chains & have dozens on my key ring. I only have 3 functional keys though *lol.* I like them because I can never forget my keys because there’s so many key chains & I can always find them in the depths of my purse.
61. The great thing about having a husband is there’s always someone to gas up the car & scrape ice/snow from the car windows. I hate pumping gas. He expects my phone calls when I call from the gas station because I have to pump gas. I don't like driving (ok any excuse NOT to drive) when the tank is half or below.
62. I don’t like women who constantly state they don’t believe in marriage & sprout a whole bunch of negativity about it & at the same time all up in my wedding albums & eying my wedding ring enviously. It’s very annoying to hear all of that negativity on a regular day basis when I know you really feel otherwise. Knowing damn well if a man dropped to their knees & proposed, they'll snatch that ring so quick, poor guy's fingers might come along with it.
63. I sleep with a blanket all year long. I like the bedroom freezing in the summer just so I can snuggle underneath it. I don't like sleeping under sheets. It must be a blanket.
64. I’ve never like sleeping alone in a house. Someone doesn’t have to be in the room with me but someone must be in the house in order for me to sleep comfortably. Otherwise I have the worst insomnia in the world. When Hubby went back to Chicago for a month, I begged one of my friends to stay over my house for most of the month. She was not amused. I believe I am just scared of the dark. Well that & an overactive imagination.
65. I love men’s pajama bottoms. They’re always too long but they’re so comfortable. Slowly over time, Hubby's PJ bottoms have became my property.
66. Outside of old photos, my husband has NEVER seen me in glasses. He didn't even know I wore them until one day he was over at my mom's house looking at some pictures. I think people forget that I did wear them at one point. I never forget though lol it is sheer vanity that prevents me from wearing my glasses. I never take a break from my contact lens.
67. I believe I grew into my looks. I don’t think I was that attractive as a child/teen (partly because of the glasses & lack of physical development) & went through the awkward stage much longer than others, but I think I am attractive now. I didn’t think I was attractive until I was 19. Now you can't tell me I am NOT a cutie lol.
68. I can’t stand when people think that I like snow/cold weather because I’m from Chicago. I hate cold weather-period. Even more when I lived in Illinois. I am a spring/summer person.
69. The only noticeable difference about my hair when I relax it is the edges are smooth. A relaxer doesn’t completely straighten my hair (it looks nothing like the ads/magazine/box); it just makes it easier to wash. I can go 3-4 months without a relaxer & I have no intentions of giving it up anytime soon. I relax my hair for management reasons & not some desire to be white. I've never wanted to be white-I love being chocolate too much.
70. Once I learn everything I can learn about a job, I usually get really bored. I’ve outgrown my last three job positions. I’m only stuck in the position I’m currently in because of a hiring freeze. Hopefully it’ll lift & I can look for something else.
71. I don’t have a fascination with money. Money doesn’t hold a place with me. Sure it’s nice to have but it’s also no biggie when it’s not around. I grew up in a household that didn't have a lot of money, I've learned to not miss what I never had. When hours are cut at work, I’m the only person not complaining. I just make due with what I have.
72. I love trashy reality shows. The trashier, the better. They're always good for a good laugh, esp. when I've had a rough day. I don’t watch the primetime TV network reality shows-they’re too boring for me.
73. I love historical documentaries. I just like history-it was always one of my favorite classes. I can watch the History Channel all day.
74. I like to think I’m an affectionate person because I love to hug people but I’m not big on kissing other than a brief kiss on the lips or something like that. It’s fine to kiss other body parts but I have an aversion to lip kissing. Once initialized I’ll go along with it for a little while before pulling away but I won’t initialize it. I’m all for short-term kissing or pecks but a make out fest? Nah, not on my top 10 list of things to do.
75. I love lingerie. It’s a borderline obsession of mine to shop for underwear & naughty gear. I like to keep up with trends when it comes to underwear *lol*
52. Sometimes I think I’m the only black woman who doesn’t know how to do hair. Even as a child my dolls had the busted hair styles & braids. I’m only a decent braider & you have to have long hair for me to do that. I'm a whiz at flat ironing but curling? Puh-leeze, it was only so many forehead/ear burns before I gave up & go to professionals when I want curly hair.
53. I fall asleep anytime a vehicle is in motion. A short car ride can knock me out. I fall asleep on the bus & train all the time. Luckily I have never been robbed. The same applies anytime someone plays in my hair. I think I just love sleep.
54. When I was 10, I broke my leg falling off the curb. Mean spirited cousins were shooting fireworks too close to me & I was trying to get away. That put a nice damper on my summer that year.
55. I don’t like people touching my face. It’s one of my pet peeves.
56. I’m a packrat. It is so hard for me to toss anything out because I am convinced I am going to need it one day. Just last year, I finally got the courage to toss away old exams from high school.
57. I have a love/hate relationship with my stomach. It’s not as defined as it once was (I had a proud 6 pack through college) but I don’t like to show it. I don’t like wearing midriff or crop tops, but I’ll toss on a bikini in a heart beat.
58. I didn’t get my driver’s license until I was 21 years old. I cried in the DMV the first time I failed my driver’s test. The killing part was I failed because I didn’t look in my mirror when I changed lane. Never mind that it was a deserted road, I was supposed to “pretend” we were in heavy traffic & follow protocol.
59. I am notoriously bad at calling people back. Sometimes it takes me weeks to call someone back. It’s not a slight, it’s usually forgetfulness.
60. I love key chains & have dozens on my key ring. I only have 3 functional keys though *lol.* I like them because I can never forget my keys because there’s so many key chains & I can always find them in the depths of my purse.
61. The great thing about having a husband is there’s always someone to gas up the car & scrape ice/snow from the car windows. I hate pumping gas. He expects my phone calls when I call from the gas station because I have to pump gas. I don't like driving (ok any excuse NOT to drive) when the tank is half or below.
62. I don’t like women who constantly state they don’t believe in marriage & sprout a whole bunch of negativity about it & at the same time all up in my wedding albums & eying my wedding ring enviously. It’s very annoying to hear all of that negativity on a regular day basis when I know you really feel otherwise. Knowing damn well if a man dropped to their knees & proposed, they'll snatch that ring so quick, poor guy's fingers might come along with it.
63. I sleep with a blanket all year long. I like the bedroom freezing in the summer just so I can snuggle underneath it. I don't like sleeping under sheets. It must be a blanket.
64. I’ve never like sleeping alone in a house. Someone doesn’t have to be in the room with me but someone must be in the house in order for me to sleep comfortably. Otherwise I have the worst insomnia in the world. When Hubby went back to Chicago for a month, I begged one of my friends to stay over my house for most of the month. She was not amused. I believe I am just scared of the dark. Well that & an overactive imagination.
65. I love men’s pajama bottoms. They’re always too long but they’re so comfortable. Slowly over time, Hubby's PJ bottoms have became my property.
66. Outside of old photos, my husband has NEVER seen me in glasses. He didn't even know I wore them until one day he was over at my mom's house looking at some pictures. I think people forget that I did wear them at one point. I never forget though lol it is sheer vanity that prevents me from wearing my glasses. I never take a break from my contact lens.
67. I believe I grew into my looks. I don’t think I was that attractive as a child/teen (partly because of the glasses & lack of physical development) & went through the awkward stage much longer than others, but I think I am attractive now. I didn’t think I was attractive until I was 19. Now you can't tell me I am NOT a cutie lol.
68. I can’t stand when people think that I like snow/cold weather because I’m from Chicago. I hate cold weather-period. Even more when I lived in Illinois. I am a spring/summer person.
69. The only noticeable difference about my hair when I relax it is the edges are smooth. A relaxer doesn’t completely straighten my hair (it looks nothing like the ads/magazine/box); it just makes it easier to wash. I can go 3-4 months without a relaxer & I have no intentions of giving it up anytime soon. I relax my hair for management reasons & not some desire to be white. I've never wanted to be white-I love being chocolate too much.
70. Once I learn everything I can learn about a job, I usually get really bored. I’ve outgrown my last three job positions. I’m only stuck in the position I’m currently in because of a hiring freeze. Hopefully it’ll lift & I can look for something else.
71. I don’t have a fascination with money. Money doesn’t hold a place with me. Sure it’s nice to have but it’s also no biggie when it’s not around. I grew up in a household that didn't have a lot of money, I've learned to not miss what I never had. When hours are cut at work, I’m the only person not complaining. I just make due with what I have.
72. I love trashy reality shows. The trashier, the better. They're always good for a good laugh, esp. when I've had a rough day. I don’t watch the primetime TV network reality shows-they’re too boring for me.
73. I love historical documentaries. I just like history-it was always one of my favorite classes. I can watch the History Channel all day.
74. I like to think I’m an affectionate person because I love to hug people but I’m not big on kissing other than a brief kiss on the lips or something like that. It’s fine to kiss other body parts but I have an aversion to lip kissing. Once initialized I’ll go along with it for a little while before pulling away but I won’t initialize it. I’m all for short-term kissing or pecks but a make out fest? Nah, not on my top 10 list of things to do.
75. I love lingerie. It’s a borderline obsession of mine to shop for underwear & naughty gear. I like to keep up with trends when it comes to underwear *lol*
Monday, February 16, 2009
Renaming the Porn Folder...
One of the few positive things that I can say about co-workers:
We almost never have dull conversations/debates.
So the official DC (Dramatic Cunt) of my department is always having it out with her on/off again boyfriend. It’s like every single week there is some type of drama in their relationship.
Personally I think they’re just that type of couple that lives for drama but if she likes it, I love it.
This week was a break up over porn.
Yes, porn.
Apparently she was browsing (aka snooping) through his computer when she came across his porn folder.
Labeled “Porn Folder” of course.
Upon browsing through the folder, she came to the conclusion that porn counts as cheating, thus he’s cheating on her.
Never mind he’s not starring in any of the flicks, it’s cheating because there's a very good chance he's beating off to a strange woman that he has never met whose having sexual relations with some unknown man (and woman-he doesn’t discriminate in the porn folder).
I told her, if anything, she should be mad that he labeled the porn folder, as well, a porn folder.
I mean that’s just laziness on his part. He could’ve labeled it “Work Stuff”, “Tax Info”…you know something mundane & unsuspecting. Not just "Porn Folder", making it way too easy for anyone to find & search the contents.
Not that I have labeled any folders as such in MY personal computer. Lol
Being the DC that she is, she fell out for dead & demanded to know if I allow my husband to watch porn.
Outside of the fact that he’s a grown man & is allowed to do what he pleases, porn isn’t a factor in our house.
Now if he watches it on the sneak tip, I have no idea, I’m not actively searching the computer for porn. Lost music files, sure. The Best of Bang Bus, no.
I haven't walked in & caught him beating off or clicking off the tv/computer.
He doesn't have it on his phone like some people I know.
I just don’t care. As long as we continue our own freaky story-lines in the bedroom, I don’t care where he noticed the inspiration. Provided he doesn’t snap the handcuffs on too tight.
Porn IMO is well, boring. I’ve watched it, but for the most part, it doesn’t do anything around the vaginal area. It does wonders from my abdomen area as I’m often bowled out howling with laughter.
I'm sure that kills the mood.
Ok I’ve felt a little tingling down there when watching gay porn. It was just one time & I was watching it with my friends…I mean once we got part the actual “penis in the butt” it was pretty damn…interesting…but I’m not sure if it was because of two dicks on camera (we were all up in the screen for that) or the fact that the men were incredibly cute & one resembled an ex of mine.
Don’t judge lol.
If Hubby wants to fire off some knuckle children © family guy to dead-eyed women giving 30-40 minutes worth of unenthusiastic blow jobs, receive a quick licking by some ashy legged negro rocking Timbs & knee socks while struggling to insert his largely flaccid penis (just because it’s big doesn’t mean it’s completely erect) in her dry vagina, a few fake moans from her, a few position changes & bam-he busts in her face while she grins stupidly at the camera with semen dripping from her overdone face, works for me.
Hell if wack sex is Hubby wants…sign me the f*ck up. I can stop all forms of enthusiasm. Shit sometimes even I am too tired for the freaky stuff. I promise I can be even more unenthusiastic. I’m talking licking only the head, hell a once in a lifetime gargle the balls. Dry coochie, bad acting & all. I'll even rock a tacky weave & busted shoes just for him.
Just as long as he's 100% ashy when he crawls into tbe bed lmao
Porn might work for me if there were more fucking, blow jobs becomes repetitive after 10 minutes, and I find myself skipping ahead. I’m not all too interested in watching dick sucking (unless it’s from my gay porn..once again don't judge). I’m not even impressing by porn stars munching skills. Not that I would ever sleep with one *shudder* but I wish one of them would waste my time with that sorry ass licking. Although I am convinced some of my past conquests have learned their munching skills from porn.
And that’s why they are in the “he doesn’t count” folder (also known as Midterm Papers) lol
But is it cheating? Hell no! It’s just porn.
Now it slides into that murky lane of cheating when:
1. He has a sex tape…and you’re not starring in it.
2. He begins to forget your name & start calling you by one of the porn’s star names (it wasn’t until I joined a message board that I found out porn stars actually have names. I really did think it was a joke to make up a porn star name.)
3. He starts taking the computer/DVD out for dinner & movies.
4. He prefers beating his sh*t to a compilations DVD rather than beat your sh*t.
5. He’s stalking porn stars.
Then I might constitute it as cheating. But just watching it? Nah.
And this is coming from a woman who doesn't mind if Hubby goes to a strip club with his friends as long as he stays out of the VIP room & he has $$ for the mutual bills when they come around. I would not be amused if Strawberry has our cable bill $$ in her g-string.
I told DC she’s making a mountain out of a mole hill. It’s just a little porn. Don’t take it as a blow to your womanhood. Hell the ladies get paid for men to use their face as personal toilet paper…condoms…what ever men scoop their wasted children in after sex.
A man can not squirt in my damn face. Might fuck around & hit my eye & fuck up my contact lens. I shell out too much $$ for my contact lens. I can’t waste them on wayward semen.
And besides…that’s just nasty. Men don’t have a choice of having our lady juice smeared all over their face looking like a glazed donut around the mouth, but dammit I do.
Look at it this way: if he’s watching that much porn, his sex game should be off the chain. She said there was some freaky shit going on in the porn.
*Ok I was mentally taking notes…don’t judge*
And just to start some shit, I mentioned that it’s funny that they argued about porn so close to Valentine’s Day. Isn’t that a cheap n*gga move? Argue & break up so you don’t have to buy a gift because you were “mad” at one another? Only to mysteriously reconcile after the holiday?
Maybe he even…planted the porn so it can be an issue so she can argue with him.
I told her don’t even feed into his plot for being cheap, she should call him right now & let him know his little ploy was an epic fail and they're still dating...until they break up for something else.
She marched off, fuming, to the phones. Leaving me to finish off her bag of chips.
I’m saving DC’s relationship one sarcastic remark at a time.
Maybe I should rethink that whole "I suck at relationship advice" thing.
We almost never have dull conversations/debates.
So the official DC (Dramatic Cunt) of my department is always having it out with her on/off again boyfriend. It’s like every single week there is some type of drama in their relationship.
Personally I think they’re just that type of couple that lives for drama but if she likes it, I love it.
This week was a break up over porn.
Yes, porn.
Apparently she was browsing (aka snooping) through his computer when she came across his porn folder.
Labeled “Porn Folder” of course.
Upon browsing through the folder, she came to the conclusion that porn counts as cheating, thus he’s cheating on her.
Never mind he’s not starring in any of the flicks, it’s cheating because there's a very good chance he's beating off to a strange woman that he has never met whose having sexual relations with some unknown man (and woman-he doesn’t discriminate in the porn folder).
I told her, if anything, she should be mad that he labeled the porn folder, as well, a porn folder.
I mean that’s just laziness on his part. He could’ve labeled it “Work Stuff”, “Tax Info”…you know something mundane & unsuspecting. Not just "Porn Folder", making it way too easy for anyone to find & search the contents.
Not that I have labeled any folders as such in MY personal computer. Lol
Being the DC that she is, she fell out for dead & demanded to know if I allow my husband to watch porn.
Outside of the fact that he’s a grown man & is allowed to do what he pleases, porn isn’t a factor in our house.
Now if he watches it on the sneak tip, I have no idea, I’m not actively searching the computer for porn. Lost music files, sure. The Best of Bang Bus, no.
I haven't walked in & caught him beating off or clicking off the tv/computer.
He doesn't have it on his phone like some people I know.
I just don’t care. As long as we continue our own freaky story-lines in the bedroom, I don’t care where he noticed the inspiration. Provided he doesn’t snap the handcuffs on too tight.
Porn IMO is well, boring. I’ve watched it, but for the most part, it doesn’t do anything around the vaginal area. It does wonders from my abdomen area as I’m often bowled out howling with laughter.
I'm sure that kills the mood.
Ok I’ve felt a little tingling down there when watching gay porn. It was just one time & I was watching it with my friends…I mean once we got part the actual “penis in the butt” it was pretty damn…interesting…but I’m not sure if it was because of two dicks on camera (we were all up in the screen for that) or the fact that the men were incredibly cute & one resembled an ex of mine.
Don’t judge lol.
If Hubby wants to fire off some knuckle children © family guy to dead-eyed women giving 30-40 minutes worth of unenthusiastic blow jobs, receive a quick licking by some ashy legged negro rocking Timbs & knee socks while struggling to insert his largely flaccid penis (just because it’s big doesn’t mean it’s completely erect) in her dry vagina, a few fake moans from her, a few position changes & bam-he busts in her face while she grins stupidly at the camera with semen dripping from her overdone face, works for me.
Hell if wack sex is Hubby wants…sign me the f*ck up. I can stop all forms of enthusiasm. Shit sometimes even I am too tired for the freaky stuff. I promise I can be even more unenthusiastic. I’m talking licking only the head, hell a once in a lifetime gargle the balls. Dry coochie, bad acting & all. I'll even rock a tacky weave & busted shoes just for him.
Just as long as he's 100% ashy when he crawls into tbe bed lmao
Porn might work for me if there were more fucking, blow jobs becomes repetitive after 10 minutes, and I find myself skipping ahead. I’m not all too interested in watching dick sucking (unless it’s from my gay porn..once again don't judge). I’m not even impressing by porn stars munching skills. Not that I would ever sleep with one *shudder* but I wish one of them would waste my time with that sorry ass licking. Although I am convinced some of my past conquests have learned their munching skills from porn.
And that’s why they are in the “he doesn’t count” folder (also known as Midterm Papers) lol
But is it cheating? Hell no! It’s just porn.
Now it slides into that murky lane of cheating when:
1. He has a sex tape…and you’re not starring in it.
2. He begins to forget your name & start calling you by one of the porn’s star names (it wasn’t until I joined a message board that I found out porn stars actually have names. I really did think it was a joke to make up a porn star name.)
3. He starts taking the computer/DVD out for dinner & movies.
4. He prefers beating his sh*t to a compilations DVD rather than beat your sh*t.
5. He’s stalking porn stars.
Then I might constitute it as cheating. But just watching it? Nah.
And this is coming from a woman who doesn't mind if Hubby goes to a strip club with his friends as long as he stays out of the VIP room & he has $$ for the mutual bills when they come around. I would not be amused if Strawberry has our cable bill $$ in her g-string.
I told DC she’s making a mountain out of a mole hill. It’s just a little porn. Don’t take it as a blow to your womanhood. Hell the ladies get paid for men to use their face as personal toilet paper…condoms…what ever men scoop their wasted children in after sex.
A man can not squirt in my damn face. Might fuck around & hit my eye & fuck up my contact lens. I shell out too much $$ for my contact lens. I can’t waste them on wayward semen.
And besides…that’s just nasty. Men don’t have a choice of having our lady juice smeared all over their face looking like a glazed donut around the mouth, but dammit I do.
Look at it this way: if he’s watching that much porn, his sex game should be off the chain. She said there was some freaky shit going on in the porn.
*Ok I was mentally taking notes…don’t judge*
And just to start some shit, I mentioned that it’s funny that they argued about porn so close to Valentine’s Day. Isn’t that a cheap n*gga move? Argue & break up so you don’t have to buy a gift because you were “mad” at one another? Only to mysteriously reconcile after the holiday?
Maybe he even…planted the porn so it can be an issue so she can argue with him.
I told her don’t even feed into his plot for being cheap, she should call him right now & let him know his little ploy was an epic fail and they're still dating...until they break up for something else.
She marched off, fuming, to the phones. Leaving me to finish off her bag of chips.
I’m saving DC’s relationship one sarcastic remark at a time.
Maybe I should rethink that whole "I suck at relationship advice" thing.
Monday, February 09, 2009
Funeral From Hell
It’s no surprise that I hate funerals. I avoid them as much as I can.
Now while I don’t like funerals & I know a funeral shouldn’t be a 100k function, I hate a cheap ass funeral.
Now I know they tried but my grandfather’s funeral was one of the CHEAPIST funerals I’ve ever been to.
Killing part, it wasn’t cheap due to lack of funds. It was cheap due to greedy ass people. I was like dang if grandpa had stayed with his first family, he would have been buried in style. Clearly his other family just didn’t give a damn. But had the nerve to get an attitude when things didn’t go their way.
This made me mad as hell.
Now I don’t know how much the average funeral cost. I know my grandmother’s funeral was close to 12k, including plot & tombstone.
My grandfather’s was a little bit over 5k-including plot & tombstone.
I knew from the minute I saw the funeral home this was going to be a cheap ass function.
1. The funeral home was on a residential street & we passed it two or three times before we realized it was a funeral home. Can you say converted house?
2. How about there was NO heat in the funeral home? It was warmer outside than inside-thank goodness Chicago reached the mid-50s on Saturday otherwise I'm sure I would've been a chocolate Popsicle. I'm concentrating more on keeping the little body heat I have than the actual service. I got shushed because I asked was heat an extra cost & can we get a collection plate going around so we can get some damn heat!
I was too mad when I stepped in the hall & guess what-the hallway had heat. They were space heaters…but still…it was heat. I felt like snatching one of those suckers up & taking it back into the chapel but it was no outlet near me. Yeah I checked.
One of my cousins gonna tell me the heat was down to prevent the body from decaying.
WTF?
Granted she's an idiot but I'm like damn they can't spring for the good embalming fluid? What did they inject him with- Kool-Aid?
Killing part: the repast was in the basement. I have never been that cold in my life sitting in the basement. If I thought it was freezing upstairs, downstairs was down right artic.
I was huddled around the crock pot so long people thought I was guarding the pot. I’m like damn these greens, this pot is the warmest thing in the room!
3. The mic went out halfway through remarks. It was already crackling due to the usual over singing of the resident "singer" in the family. I don’t know what it is about gospel songs that have people really thinking they can sing…when they really can’t. Voice warbling all through “Amazing Grace” & shit is not the business.
4. I won’t trip on how the pastor damn near did a full sermon up there. It got to the point I forgot we were at a funeral. Folks catching the holy ghost all up in the aisle. I was searching the seat for my bible because I just knew he was about to ask up to turn our book to page such & such. Now if it’s one thing that truly irks my nerves about a funeral is the over preaching. Granted I know the pastor will come up, speak a few words & go about his business but does it have to turn into a full blown sermon? What does the sermon truly have to do with the body lying in the casket in front of you? Why must a pastor go off on a tangent for 20+ minutes & at the last minute go back to the dearly departed? I was too through when he called for an ALTER CALL?!
And why did like 6 people get up & he began to lay his hands on people. He couldn’t just talk to them after the funeral?
I felt like getting up & screaming “DO WE NOT SEE THE DAMN CASKET RIGHT THERE?!”
5. One of my mother’s sisters (I’ve never seen the woman a day of my life until my mother told me) whom I’m assuming was the “MC” had to get on the mic every 10 minutes to announce how much time we had left.
Naturally she didn’t say anything to the pastor, who did his 30+ minute sermon, but everyone else? She was walking up, snatching the mic out of people’s hand, like “we only have this space for an hour & a half-you need to wrap it up because I’m not paying extra”
Who says shit like that?
6. The hearse driver got lost on the way to the cemetery. It took us over an hour to reach the burial thanks to the hearse driver. Now I’ll be fair & state that was probably because there are a lot of traffic cameras in Chicago now & folks were mad hesitant to run the light because they didn’t want to get a ticket.
We ran every light though lol
7. Unfortunately the ground was too wet to bury my grandfather (which made half of the family mad because they would’ve stayed behind if they had known that). Personally I suspect he doesn’t have a plot yet. I won’t mention how the hearse just had to park in an inch of muddy water & half of the people couldn’t make it across to the small chapel @ the cemetery. I almost slipped & fell my damn self & my feet were freezing by the end of the night because I just had to rock my pumps instead of boots.
8. Half of my cousins decided to dress like they were going to the club. Had the nerve to show up in some zebra print knee boots & tight ass House of Dereon jeans. Talking about she had to leave early because “she needed to get her hair did for tonight”- but it didn’t stop her from making a couple of plates of food to go. The other half decided to take advantage of the 50 degree temperature & dressed like it was 75-80 out. Who wears a sundress…in February…in Chicago?! Had the nerve to rock strappy sandals with it.
She got the side eye from everybody. Baby had on a short set & shit. I’m like Jesus be an updated flu shot for the baby.
9. There was only one dramatic fall out. Why they let her fall though? When she felt how cold that ground was, best believe she got her ass up with the quickness. I had to turn my face because my cousin was trying his best to make me laugh. She was doing to do it at the cemetery as well but when she saw all that mud she was like “Shiiiit I’m ain’t getting my fur wet-is you crazy” (her exact words).
She just wailed loudly all though the final rites. Best believe that fur did not touch the ground.
10. I won’t even talk about the cheap ass obituary. I could’ve printed them out on my own computer. Names all misspelled, folded any kind of way, CROOKED than a motherf*cker…just sad. My two year old niece could’ve colored something better.
But you know, I couldn’t be real mad, because it was one of those you pay for what you get. When you’re on that cheap man, expect a cheap ass product. It’s a crying shame because people were not cheap due to lack of funds.
That receives a pass because I understand everyone doesn’t have life insurance or is not prepared for the death of a loved one. My grandfather’s other children (my mom, aunt, and uncle) offered to chip in, just to help but they refused. They were all indignant talking about they don’t want charity & they can handle it alone—which led to another family fall out.
But it’s like damn you know the life insurance policy was worth more than what you paid for funeral service, yet in order to be greedy so you can get a semi-decent payout, you chose the cheap route.
The shit people will do for a fast buck kills me.
Going to a funeral like that will drive you to drink. I was just too disgusted; I couldn’t wait to get my ass back to VA.
Now while I don’t like funerals & I know a funeral shouldn’t be a 100k function, I hate a cheap ass funeral.
Now I know they tried but my grandfather’s funeral was one of the CHEAPIST funerals I’ve ever been to.
Killing part, it wasn’t cheap due to lack of funds. It was cheap due to greedy ass people. I was like dang if grandpa had stayed with his first family, he would have been buried in style. Clearly his other family just didn’t give a damn. But had the nerve to get an attitude when things didn’t go their way.
This made me mad as hell.
Now I don’t know how much the average funeral cost. I know my grandmother’s funeral was close to 12k, including plot & tombstone.
My grandfather’s was a little bit over 5k-including plot & tombstone.
I knew from the minute I saw the funeral home this was going to be a cheap ass function.
1. The funeral home was on a residential street & we passed it two or three times before we realized it was a funeral home. Can you say converted house?
2. How about there was NO heat in the funeral home? It was warmer outside than inside-thank goodness Chicago reached the mid-50s on Saturday otherwise I'm sure I would've been a chocolate Popsicle. I'm concentrating more on keeping the little body heat I have than the actual service. I got shushed because I asked was heat an extra cost & can we get a collection plate going around so we can get some damn heat!
I was too mad when I stepped in the hall & guess what-the hallway had heat. They were space heaters…but still…it was heat. I felt like snatching one of those suckers up & taking it back into the chapel but it was no outlet near me. Yeah I checked.
One of my cousins gonna tell me the heat was down to prevent the body from decaying.
WTF?
Granted she's an idiot but I'm like damn they can't spring for the good embalming fluid? What did they inject him with- Kool-Aid?
Killing part: the repast was in the basement. I have never been that cold in my life sitting in the basement. If I thought it was freezing upstairs, downstairs was down right artic.
I was huddled around the crock pot so long people thought I was guarding the pot. I’m like damn these greens, this pot is the warmest thing in the room!
3. The mic went out halfway through remarks. It was already crackling due to the usual over singing of the resident "singer" in the family. I don’t know what it is about gospel songs that have people really thinking they can sing…when they really can’t. Voice warbling all through “Amazing Grace” & shit is not the business.
4. I won’t trip on how the pastor damn near did a full sermon up there. It got to the point I forgot we were at a funeral. Folks catching the holy ghost all up in the aisle. I was searching the seat for my bible because I just knew he was about to ask up to turn our book to page such & such. Now if it’s one thing that truly irks my nerves about a funeral is the over preaching. Granted I know the pastor will come up, speak a few words & go about his business but does it have to turn into a full blown sermon? What does the sermon truly have to do with the body lying in the casket in front of you? Why must a pastor go off on a tangent for 20+ minutes & at the last minute go back to the dearly departed? I was too through when he called for an ALTER CALL?!
And why did like 6 people get up & he began to lay his hands on people. He couldn’t just talk to them after the funeral?
I felt like getting up & screaming “DO WE NOT SEE THE DAMN CASKET RIGHT THERE?!”
5. One of my mother’s sisters (I’ve never seen the woman a day of my life until my mother told me) whom I’m assuming was the “MC” had to get on the mic every 10 minutes to announce how much time we had left.
Naturally she didn’t say anything to the pastor, who did his 30+ minute sermon, but everyone else? She was walking up, snatching the mic out of people’s hand, like “we only have this space for an hour & a half-you need to wrap it up because I’m not paying extra”
Who says shit like that?
6. The hearse driver got lost on the way to the cemetery. It took us over an hour to reach the burial thanks to the hearse driver. Now I’ll be fair & state that was probably because there are a lot of traffic cameras in Chicago now & folks were mad hesitant to run the light because they didn’t want to get a ticket.
We ran every light though lol
7. Unfortunately the ground was too wet to bury my grandfather (which made half of the family mad because they would’ve stayed behind if they had known that). Personally I suspect he doesn’t have a plot yet. I won’t mention how the hearse just had to park in an inch of muddy water & half of the people couldn’t make it across to the small chapel @ the cemetery. I almost slipped & fell my damn self & my feet were freezing by the end of the night because I just had to rock my pumps instead of boots.
8. Half of my cousins decided to dress like they were going to the club. Had the nerve to show up in some zebra print knee boots & tight ass House of Dereon jeans. Talking about she had to leave early because “she needed to get her hair did for tonight”- but it didn’t stop her from making a couple of plates of food to go. The other half decided to take advantage of the 50 degree temperature & dressed like it was 75-80 out. Who wears a sundress…in February…in Chicago?! Had the nerve to rock strappy sandals with it.
She got the side eye from everybody. Baby had on a short set & shit. I’m like Jesus be an updated flu shot for the baby.
9. There was only one dramatic fall out. Why they let her fall though? When she felt how cold that ground was, best believe she got her ass up with the quickness. I had to turn my face because my cousin was trying his best to make me laugh. She was doing to do it at the cemetery as well but when she saw all that mud she was like “Shiiiit I’m ain’t getting my fur wet-is you crazy” (her exact words).
She just wailed loudly all though the final rites. Best believe that fur did not touch the ground.
10. I won’t even talk about the cheap ass obituary. I could’ve printed them out on my own computer. Names all misspelled, folded any kind of way, CROOKED than a motherf*cker…just sad. My two year old niece could’ve colored something better.
But you know, I couldn’t be real mad, because it was one of those you pay for what you get. When you’re on that cheap man, expect a cheap ass product. It’s a crying shame because people were not cheap due to lack of funds.
That receives a pass because I understand everyone doesn’t have life insurance or is not prepared for the death of a loved one. My grandfather’s other children (my mom, aunt, and uncle) offered to chip in, just to help but they refused. They were all indignant talking about they don’t want charity & they can handle it alone—which led to another family fall out.
But it’s like damn you know the life insurance policy was worth more than what you paid for funeral service, yet in order to be greedy so you can get a semi-decent payout, you chose the cheap route.
The shit people will do for a fast buck kills me.
Going to a funeral like that will drive you to drink. I was just too disgusted; I couldn’t wait to get my ass back to VA.
Friday, February 06, 2009
It Was Only A Matter of Time...
My grandfather passed away last Friday in his sleep.
Unfortunately this means I have to go home to Chicago.
Not that I'm looking forward to it, unlike my grandmother, I was not really that close to my grandfather.
I'm going more for support for my mother who has now lost both of parents in less than a year. My mother wasn't really close to her father (my other grandfather who died 4 years ago primarily raised my aunts & uncle) but they were beginning to mend their relationship.
Apparently my grandfather, on top of being a heavy drinker, womanizer & gambler, sort of "forgot" about his children with my grandmother when he remarried & had other children.
I'm not close AT ALL with them, the few encounters we've had were not pretty affairs.
Nonetheless, it's another dark cloud in my family that I'll have to try to get through. I'm never thrilled to come to Chicago as it is anymore. I have VERY strained relationships with my aunts & uncles due to their behavior after my grandmother's death.
They know I don't fuck with them at all.
To make matters worse, my friend's fiancee was killed last week as well & his funeral is also Saturday. I can't imagine what's she going through.
Instead of laying around the house this weekend, I'll be rolling my eyes & checking my watch as someone fall out in the aisle, screaming & hollering before draping their body across the casket.
Let's not forget the grand finale of falling out at the burial. I dunno, it's been a lil cold in Chicago, that one might be delayed. No one wants to hit dirt & grass that feels like concrete. Maybe a fake fainting will satisfy their need for attention.
*sigh*
Pray for me yall...
Unfortunately this means I have to go home to Chicago.
Not that I'm looking forward to it, unlike my grandmother, I was not really that close to my grandfather.
I'm going more for support for my mother who has now lost both of parents in less than a year. My mother wasn't really close to her father (my other grandfather who died 4 years ago primarily raised my aunts & uncle) but they were beginning to mend their relationship.
Apparently my grandfather, on top of being a heavy drinker, womanizer & gambler, sort of "forgot" about his children with my grandmother when he remarried & had other children.
I'm not close AT ALL with them, the few encounters we've had were not pretty affairs.
Nonetheless, it's another dark cloud in my family that I'll have to try to get through. I'm never thrilled to come to Chicago as it is anymore. I have VERY strained relationships with my aunts & uncles due to their behavior after my grandmother's death.
They know I don't fuck with them at all.
To make matters worse, my friend's fiancee was killed last week as well & his funeral is also Saturday. I can't imagine what's she going through.
Instead of laying around the house this weekend, I'll be rolling my eyes & checking my watch as someone fall out in the aisle, screaming & hollering before draping their body across the casket.
Let's not forget the grand finale of falling out at the burial. I dunno, it's been a lil cold in Chicago, that one might be delayed. No one wants to hit dirt & grass that feels like concrete. Maybe a fake fainting will satisfy their need for attention.
*sigh*
Pray for me yall...
Wednesday, February 04, 2009
More Random Things About Me...
26. Not too long ago I discovered I blush. As dark as I am, my cheeks turn red. It doesn’t happen that often but it’s hilarious when I do.
27. I have a deep fear of pigeons. Ok any type of bird bigger than a cardinal (except ducks) but especially pigeons. I turn into a hysterical mess if I see one. When in Chicago, we walked past a MASSIVE swarm of pigeons; I burst into tears because I was so scared that they would swarm & peck out my eyeballs.
28. I hate flying but love roller coasters. The faster the better.
29. I don’t like PDA. It was hard to get us to kiss at our wedding reception because we thought it was too much PDA. We were sitting there puzzled as people tapped their glasses until his brother told us what to do. The look on our face was priceless. I think it's captured in a picture.
30. I used to be a phone junkie. I would spend hours on the phone talking with friends about everything until the sun until my mother picked up the extension to kick me off. I thought it was torture if someone did not have a phone (or cable). My need for a phone (and cable) tapered off by college. I think it was due to a long battle with my mother & AT&T over a fabricated long distance call *sigh* Now I have to be in the mood to talk on the phone.
31. I have streaks of shyness. When introduced to new people, I’m a little shy (hard as that is to believe). I play the background & it's hard to strike up a conversation with someone. It might come off as arrogance…but nope just shy until I feel you out.
32. I hate to cook but LOVE to clean. I clean every night before I go to sleep & at work I can’t begin the day without cleaning something. It’s almost an obsession because I can’t rest if something is out of place or messy. My hands itch when there is something that I want to straighten/clean & I try to resist, which in turn drives me crazy until whatever has caught my eye is cleaned.
33. Subconsciously I touch my breasts a lot. I think I’m checking to make sure they’re still there. When you go through life without them for so long, it's a pleasant surprise to reach down & realize I have breasts big enough to cup.
34. I have selective hearing. Someone could sit right next to me & have a conversation and I would not hear a word. I think some people think I’m ignoring them but I can't really hear people unless my name is called & I am looking in their direction. This is especially true when I am in deep concentation mode or reading.
35. I bit my nails until I was 17. I would bite them until my fingers bled. My mother warned me I would not be able to have my nails done for prom if I continued to bite my nails so I began a campaign to stop. It was actually quite easy to stop once I set my mind to it & found a different substitute to sooth my habit (sunflower seeds). Now I'm upset when I break a nail & have to file it down. I'm lucky my nails grow quickly.
36. I hate when people touch my feet. I tolerate it for pedicures or the occasional foot massage.
37. I’ve fallen down stairs to save a slice of pizza. I was running down the stairs and tripped (I’m a klutz) and fell down the stairs rather than grab the banister because that meant there was a chance my slice of pizza would hit the floor. It is that serious when it comes to my food addiction.
38. I began reading at 3 years old. According to family lore, I told my mother I was going to read her a story. My mother thought I was going to grab my favorite book & “pretend” to read. She was surprised to learn I could actually read the story. I actually finished it, grabbed another book & read that to her too. By 5, I was already into chapter books.
39. I’m a semi picky eater. I will eat most things but not some. Some things have to be cooked a specific way in order for me to eat them. I also only eat certain foods from certain places. For example, I hate cheese on sandwiches BUT I will eat it on a Subway or Quiznos sandwich. I will also eat cubes of cheese but not plain square cheese.
40. I began liking Hello Kitty after watching a Hello Kitty cartoon. I have been obsessed every since. I plan on adding a matching Hello Kitty tattoo sometime this summer.
41. I’m the simplest person to shop for. I’m happy with a gift card to a bookstore.
42. I love J&J Baby Lotion. It started as a high school fad among my friends & I haven’t left it alone. It’s the only consistent lotion that I’ll use. I like to mix scented or cocoa butter cream with it from time to time.
43. I’ve never been fired or suspended from a job. There are plenty of incidents where I probably should have been fired but nothing has ever occurred.
44. I don’t mind going over to people’s homes but I refuse to enter the doorway of someone whom I don’t like house. Outside of my belief that it’s phony, I don’t disrespect anyone in their home no matter how much they deserve it. Stepping outside is completely different *lol* but I won’t raise my voice or get ugly in their house. Since I am robbed of that, I stay away.
45. I almost never wear socks. The only time I might wear socks are with sneakers. I think I own less than 10 pairs of socks.
46. I hate when the wind blows & messes up my hair. I don’t like when my hair is bouncy. I prefer hair that doesn’t move. However I don’t use gel, spritz or mousse.
47. I can not sleep if my hair is not wrapped up. No matter how tired, drunk or late it is, I must wrap my hair. My husband teases me because I can be in a deep sleep but let that hair scarf start sliding, I’ll wake up instantly, readjust & fall back to sleep. The same goes for when I am not going anywhere significant-hair scarf stays on.
48. I fall asleep easily. In fact, I love sleeping. I can take a nap, wake up, and fall right back asleep an hour later. As long as I receive 8 full hours of sleep, I can function for the day. Anything less & I’m grumpy. I can also sleep on any surface. When I’m sleepy, location is of no factor.
49. One of my husband’s & I favorite pastimes is roasting our friends on Face Book. If you ever checked our walls, albums, or tagged pictures you’ll see evidence of this. We’ll tag team someone in a heart beat.
50. I don't like gossip. I don't waste time talking about someone's else business esp. since I don't like people speculating about my business. The same goes for celebrities. I may read gossip blogs & tabloid magazines but I don’t keep an active interest in their lives. I read about it & go about my business.
27. I have a deep fear of pigeons. Ok any type of bird bigger than a cardinal (except ducks) but especially pigeons. I turn into a hysterical mess if I see one. When in Chicago, we walked past a MASSIVE swarm of pigeons; I burst into tears because I was so scared that they would swarm & peck out my eyeballs.
28. I hate flying but love roller coasters. The faster the better.
29. I don’t like PDA. It was hard to get us to kiss at our wedding reception because we thought it was too much PDA. We were sitting there puzzled as people tapped their glasses until his brother told us what to do. The look on our face was priceless. I think it's captured in a picture.
30. I used to be a phone junkie. I would spend hours on the phone talking with friends about everything until the sun until my mother picked up the extension to kick me off. I thought it was torture if someone did not have a phone (or cable). My need for a phone (and cable) tapered off by college. I think it was due to a long battle with my mother & AT&T over a fabricated long distance call *sigh* Now I have to be in the mood to talk on the phone.
31. I have streaks of shyness. When introduced to new people, I’m a little shy (hard as that is to believe). I play the background & it's hard to strike up a conversation with someone. It might come off as arrogance…but nope just shy until I feel you out.
32. I hate to cook but LOVE to clean. I clean every night before I go to sleep & at work I can’t begin the day without cleaning something. It’s almost an obsession because I can’t rest if something is out of place or messy. My hands itch when there is something that I want to straighten/clean & I try to resist, which in turn drives me crazy until whatever has caught my eye is cleaned.
33. Subconsciously I touch my breasts a lot. I think I’m checking to make sure they’re still there. When you go through life without them for so long, it's a pleasant surprise to reach down & realize I have breasts big enough to cup.
34. I have selective hearing. Someone could sit right next to me & have a conversation and I would not hear a word. I think some people think I’m ignoring them but I can't really hear people unless my name is called & I am looking in their direction. This is especially true when I am in deep concentation mode or reading.
35. I bit my nails until I was 17. I would bite them until my fingers bled. My mother warned me I would not be able to have my nails done for prom if I continued to bite my nails so I began a campaign to stop. It was actually quite easy to stop once I set my mind to it & found a different substitute to sooth my habit (sunflower seeds). Now I'm upset when I break a nail & have to file it down. I'm lucky my nails grow quickly.
36. I hate when people touch my feet. I tolerate it for pedicures or the occasional foot massage.
37. I’ve fallen down stairs to save a slice of pizza. I was running down the stairs and tripped (I’m a klutz) and fell down the stairs rather than grab the banister because that meant there was a chance my slice of pizza would hit the floor. It is that serious when it comes to my food addiction.
38. I began reading at 3 years old. According to family lore, I told my mother I was going to read her a story. My mother thought I was going to grab my favorite book & “pretend” to read. She was surprised to learn I could actually read the story. I actually finished it, grabbed another book & read that to her too. By 5, I was already into chapter books.
39. I’m a semi picky eater. I will eat most things but not some. Some things have to be cooked a specific way in order for me to eat them. I also only eat certain foods from certain places. For example, I hate cheese on sandwiches BUT I will eat it on a Subway or Quiznos sandwich. I will also eat cubes of cheese but not plain square cheese.
40. I began liking Hello Kitty after watching a Hello Kitty cartoon. I have been obsessed every since. I plan on adding a matching Hello Kitty tattoo sometime this summer.
41. I’m the simplest person to shop for. I’m happy with a gift card to a bookstore.
42. I love J&J Baby Lotion. It started as a high school fad among my friends & I haven’t left it alone. It’s the only consistent lotion that I’ll use. I like to mix scented or cocoa butter cream with it from time to time.
43. I’ve never been fired or suspended from a job. There are plenty of incidents where I probably should have been fired but nothing has ever occurred.
44. I don’t mind going over to people’s homes but I refuse to enter the doorway of someone whom I don’t like house. Outside of my belief that it’s phony, I don’t disrespect anyone in their home no matter how much they deserve it. Stepping outside is completely different *lol* but I won’t raise my voice or get ugly in their house. Since I am robbed of that, I stay away.
45. I almost never wear socks. The only time I might wear socks are with sneakers. I think I own less than 10 pairs of socks.
46. I hate when the wind blows & messes up my hair. I don’t like when my hair is bouncy. I prefer hair that doesn’t move. However I don’t use gel, spritz or mousse.
47. I can not sleep if my hair is not wrapped up. No matter how tired, drunk or late it is, I must wrap my hair. My husband teases me because I can be in a deep sleep but let that hair scarf start sliding, I’ll wake up instantly, readjust & fall back to sleep. The same goes for when I am not going anywhere significant-hair scarf stays on.
48. I fall asleep easily. In fact, I love sleeping. I can take a nap, wake up, and fall right back asleep an hour later. As long as I receive 8 full hours of sleep, I can function for the day. Anything less & I’m grumpy. I can also sleep on any surface. When I’m sleepy, location is of no factor.
49. One of my husband’s & I favorite pastimes is roasting our friends on Face Book. If you ever checked our walls, albums, or tagged pictures you’ll see evidence of this. We’ll tag team someone in a heart beat.
50. I don't like gossip. I don't waste time talking about someone's else business esp. since I don't like people speculating about my business. The same goes for celebrities. I may read gossip blogs & tabloid magazines but I don’t keep an active interest in their lives. I read about it & go about my business.
Sunday, February 01, 2009
25 Things About Me...
Boredom & Constant Facebook Notes will do it to you...
1. I don’t like to drive. Not a real surprise to most people because I avoid it as much as possible. On top of not being the best driver in the world, the interest just never peaked. Too many years riding public transportation.
2. In addition to my aversion to driving, I follow strict driving routes. It’s a little weird but I MUST have several “test drives” before I’m comfortable driving the route alone. Meaning I must watch someone drive it several times, paying close attention to lane changes, stop signs, etc., and then I drive it alone. Weird, I know.
3. Mommy Dearest is one of my favorite movies-ever. I can watch it all day, every day. It’s so unintentionally funny I get warm inside discussing it. Naturally my favorite scene is the wired hangers scene. I used to act it out for my mother. She was not amused.
4. Sometimes I walk past one mirror and think I’m fat, walk past another and I think I look fine.
5. I like clothes & shoes but I’m not into fashion. I don’t follow the trends, new styles & colors. I wear what makes me comfortable. I believe I have decent fashion sense but I’m far a trendsetter. I don't see what the big deal about clothes is about.
6. With the exception of flip flops, I don’t like colored shoes. While I own a couple of pairs, I almost never wear them. I’ve never been the type to buy shoes just to match a specific outfit. If in the event I have to buy some type of colored shoe, it MUST match 75% of the things in my closet. It’s funny because I own more black/brown/tan shoes than anyone I know & my best friend has every colored shoe under the rainbow BUT black.
7. I wanted braces until I was 13. The price tag for braces (not to mention my teeth were straight) was the reason I did not receive them. I was crushed. I remember I wanted purple braces.
8. Although I don’t like colored shoes, I LOVE colored handbags. The bigger, the more colorful, the better.
9. I’ve only had three “serious” boyfriends. Serious meaning they lasted more than 6 months.
10. Almost overnight, my hips & ass sprung up. I think 2005 was the year of the booty. Pre-2005, I was still tiny. I blame oversaturation of fast food.
11. I love to tan. I might be the only chocolate colored person who tries to get as dark as possible in the summer. I’m used to the strange looks from people when I lay out with my sun tan lotion & a magazine. To evenly distribute the coloring, I flip over every 30 minutes.
12. Food & I have had a passionate love affair for years. We also have a love/hate relationship. I am happiest when there is a plate of food in front of me. When I visit someone’s home, I’m the first person to ask for a snack.
13. I like to drink but I don’t like drinking straight alcohol (anymore). It’s actually pretty nasty & I have to nurse a shot just to get it down without immediately vomiting. I’m a mixed drink person. I can drink a rum & coke all night.
14. I hate tequila. If I drink a mixed drink that has it as an ingredient, it has to have as little tequila as possible. That’s always a dispute at the bar when out with friends- I’m the one actually refusing a shot of Patron.
15. I don’t run on CP time. I MUST be on time or early for everything. This drove my mother (QUEEN of CP time) crazy.
16. I love to read so much I carry books around with me everywhere I go. There are books everywhere in our apartment because I’ll read a book in the bedroom, read another book in the living room, have a book in the kitchen…and all will get read before the week in out. I can easily read 10+ books in a week.
17. The associates at the Cold Stone that’s down the street from my old apartment knew me by name. I was there THAT much.
18. Most of the time I’m content with just one orgasm.
19. If my father had his way my name would have been LaMonica Elizabeth. I've always shuddered in horror & thank the stars my mother refused to name me that mess. However, my mother wasn’t anticipating a girl so my name would have been Orlando Christopher if I were a boy.
20. I was the LAST person that most people would have figured to get married. I was never into playing house, planning a dream wedding or even talked about marriage. Even when engaged, I never really talked about it. Even now I rarely talk about it. I’m still unsure about whether or not I should be insulted.
21. I wanted to join a sorority in college but wasn’t popular enough. Or very well liked. Apparently I slighted one of the ladies my freshman year & she held a grudge.
22. I joke & kid around too much for my own good sometimes. I think a lot of people take me too seriously when I’m joking around. Sometimes my sarcastic nature is my downfall.
23. I suck at answering hypothetical questions because I tend to overanalyze. I can’t fathom it happening so I never answer them seriously. I’d have to actually be in the situation to answer it.
24. I never give relationship advice because I suck at it. I hate relationship questions because I don’t think my relationship with my husband ever fit into any of the norms. I’m starting to believe we’re more unique than I give us credit for.
25. My empathy level depends on the person/situations. 95% of the time no one is getting any sympathy for me. I’m tried and tested tough. If you want a hand holder, don’t look in my direction.
1. I don’t like to drive. Not a real surprise to most people because I avoid it as much as possible. On top of not being the best driver in the world, the interest just never peaked. Too many years riding public transportation.
2. In addition to my aversion to driving, I follow strict driving routes. It’s a little weird but I MUST have several “test drives” before I’m comfortable driving the route alone. Meaning I must watch someone drive it several times, paying close attention to lane changes, stop signs, etc., and then I drive it alone. Weird, I know.
3. Mommy Dearest is one of my favorite movies-ever. I can watch it all day, every day. It’s so unintentionally funny I get warm inside discussing it. Naturally my favorite scene is the wired hangers scene. I used to act it out for my mother. She was not amused.
4. Sometimes I walk past one mirror and think I’m fat, walk past another and I think I look fine.
5. I like clothes & shoes but I’m not into fashion. I don’t follow the trends, new styles & colors. I wear what makes me comfortable. I believe I have decent fashion sense but I’m far a trendsetter. I don't see what the big deal about clothes is about.
6. With the exception of flip flops, I don’t like colored shoes. While I own a couple of pairs, I almost never wear them. I’ve never been the type to buy shoes just to match a specific outfit. If in the event I have to buy some type of colored shoe, it MUST match 75% of the things in my closet. It’s funny because I own more black/brown/tan shoes than anyone I know & my best friend has every colored shoe under the rainbow BUT black.
7. I wanted braces until I was 13. The price tag for braces (not to mention my teeth were straight) was the reason I did not receive them. I was crushed. I remember I wanted purple braces.
8. Although I don’t like colored shoes, I LOVE colored handbags. The bigger, the more colorful, the better.
9. I’ve only had three “serious” boyfriends. Serious meaning they lasted more than 6 months.
10. Almost overnight, my hips & ass sprung up. I think 2005 was the year of the booty. Pre-2005, I was still tiny. I blame oversaturation of fast food.
11. I love to tan. I might be the only chocolate colored person who tries to get as dark as possible in the summer. I’m used to the strange looks from people when I lay out with my sun tan lotion & a magazine. To evenly distribute the coloring, I flip over every 30 minutes.
12. Food & I have had a passionate love affair for years. We also have a love/hate relationship. I am happiest when there is a plate of food in front of me. When I visit someone’s home, I’m the first person to ask for a snack.
13. I like to drink but I don’t like drinking straight alcohol (anymore). It’s actually pretty nasty & I have to nurse a shot just to get it down without immediately vomiting. I’m a mixed drink person. I can drink a rum & coke all night.
14. I hate tequila. If I drink a mixed drink that has it as an ingredient, it has to have as little tequila as possible. That’s always a dispute at the bar when out with friends- I’m the one actually refusing a shot of Patron.
15. I don’t run on CP time. I MUST be on time or early for everything. This drove my mother (QUEEN of CP time) crazy.
16. I love to read so much I carry books around with me everywhere I go. There are books everywhere in our apartment because I’ll read a book in the bedroom, read another book in the living room, have a book in the kitchen…and all will get read before the week in out. I can easily read 10+ books in a week.
17. The associates at the Cold Stone that’s down the street from my old apartment knew me by name. I was there THAT much.
18. Most of the time I’m content with just one orgasm.
19. If my father had his way my name would have been LaMonica Elizabeth. I've always shuddered in horror & thank the stars my mother refused to name me that mess. However, my mother wasn’t anticipating a girl so my name would have been Orlando Christopher if I were a boy.
20. I was the LAST person that most people would have figured to get married. I was never into playing house, planning a dream wedding or even talked about marriage. Even when engaged, I never really talked about it. Even now I rarely talk about it. I’m still unsure about whether or not I should be insulted.
21. I wanted to join a sorority in college but wasn’t popular enough. Or very well liked. Apparently I slighted one of the ladies my freshman year & she held a grudge.
22. I joke & kid around too much for my own good sometimes. I think a lot of people take me too seriously when I’m joking around. Sometimes my sarcastic nature is my downfall.
23. I suck at answering hypothetical questions because I tend to overanalyze. I can’t fathom it happening so I never answer them seriously. I’d have to actually be in the situation to answer it.
24. I never give relationship advice because I suck at it. I hate relationship questions because I don’t think my relationship with my husband ever fit into any of the norms. I’m starting to believe we’re more unique than I give us credit for.
25. My empathy level depends on the person/situations. 95% of the time no one is getting any sympathy for me. I’m tried and tested tough. If you want a hand holder, don’t look in my direction.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Stolen Tag...
I swipped this from my best friend Saule Wright.
Yeah I'm a thief...but I did ask :)
1.What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Got married. At least I'm 99% sure I haven't been dragged down the aisle before
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I make an attempt to keep one or two…usually failing somewhat mid year…then picking it back up toward the end of the year
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
To my recollection, no. However it appears that hella people I knew from HS/College has either gotten married and/or given birth. 08 was the year of marriages & child birth (at least on facebook lol)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandmother. Very dark times in my life.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. This year was just crazy.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Besides the obvious, patience.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There are several dates that I think are important but 08/31/2008 was a fantastic day. One of the truly bright spots of my year.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Letting go.
9. What was your biggest failure?
None.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my usual…flu, ebola, malaria, African sleeping sickness, etc.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My mother’s day gift. She truly didn’t expect it & I had to force her to use it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends. I know who my real friends are.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Ugh my family. Nuf said.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, plane tickets, wedding stuff and various gifts
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My wedding. I was so excited when it was over! Oh and Obama of course :)
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
That’s a good question. My interest in music has diminished a lot over the past few years to the point where I’m not too into music. I’ll say anything Lil Wayne hopped on because I could not escape his ass for nothing!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- i. happier or sadder? I was happy at the beginning of 08
- ii. thinner or fatter? Probably the same
- iii. richer or poorer? About the same
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spend time with my family
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying
20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With the same person I’ve been in love with for the past 6 plus years…sure
21. How many one-night stands?
How about a hot NONE?
22. What was your favorite TV program?
The usual- House, Monk, CSI, L&O, Nip/Tuck, LOST and the trashy reality shows that I couldn’t resist from watching…and roasting the hell out of…
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is such a strong word lol. There are some people on my now “indifferent “ list
24. What was the best book you read?
Oh wow, I’ve devoured dozens of books in 2008. I usually fall back to my steady stand bys.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Turning away from most of the junk that’s out there is my greatest musical discovery. I have few songs in my ipod that from 08
26. What did you want and get?
I got everything that I wanted material wise…except my damn flats back from my best friend! Shit has been in her possession since May!
27. What did you want and not get?
Space and solitude when I wanted it the most.
28. What were your favorite films of this year?
Of 08- Dark Knight, Iron Man, Tropic Thunder, Wall-E are the ones that I remember quite easily. I did see The Curious Case…and I really enjoyed that movie as well
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25…and spent it drinking & partying…as usual
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Hitting the lottery lol
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
The same as all the other years- homeless chic. I’m just a casual gal. Gimme some jeans, a t shirt or some type of cute sweats and I’m content. Anything that I don’t have to personally iron is also a plus. Honestly I just wear what I think makes me look cute…and at least ½ way decent even on those days when I just don’t give a f*ck.
32. What kept you sane?
My husband. And sleep. Lots of sleep.
33. What public figure did you fancy the most?
Michelle Obama. She’s from the Chi. :)
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
None, but then again I’m not a political person.
35. Whom did you miss?
My grandmother, a few friends, and my babies-my nieces & nephew
36. Who was the best new person(s) you met?
Wow I’ve met quite a few people…I can’t even single anyone out in particular. It’s funny the people you think you’d never been friends/cool with until you hang out & then it’s like “Where the hell have you been?!”
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
“Don’t look to other people when validating your happiness” (an oldie my mother told me, but it’s always still good)
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“You’re mad cuz my style you’re admiring”
Yeah I'm a thief...but I did ask :)
1.What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?
Got married. At least I'm 99% sure I haven't been dragged down the aisle before
2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I make an attempt to keep one or two…usually failing somewhat mid year…then picking it back up toward the end of the year
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
To my recollection, no. However it appears that hella people I knew from HS/College has either gotten married and/or given birth. 08 was the year of marriages & child birth (at least on facebook lol)
4. Did anyone close to you die?
My grandmother. Very dark times in my life.
5. What countries did you visit?
None. This year was just crazy.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
Besides the obvious, patience.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
There are several dates that I think are important but 08/31/2008 was a fantastic day. One of the truly bright spots of my year.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Letting go.
9. What was your biggest failure?
None.
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
Just my usual…flu, ebola, malaria, African sleeping sickness, etc.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
My mother’s day gift. She truly didn’t expect it & I had to force her to use it.
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
My friends. I know who my real friends are.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Ugh my family. Nuf said.
14. Where did most of your money go?
Bills, plane tickets, wedding stuff and various gifts
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
My wedding. I was so excited when it was over! Oh and Obama of course :)
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
That’s a good question. My interest in music has diminished a lot over the past few years to the point where I’m not too into music. I’ll say anything Lil Wayne hopped on because I could not escape his ass for nothing!
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
- i. happier or sadder? I was happy at the beginning of 08
- ii. thinner or fatter? Probably the same
- iii. richer or poorer? About the same
18. What do you wish you’d done more of?
Spend time with my family
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
Worrying
20. Did you fall in love in 2008?
With the same person I’ve been in love with for the past 6 plus years…sure
21. How many one-night stands?
How about a hot NONE?
22. What was your favorite TV program?
The usual- House, Monk, CSI, L&O, Nip/Tuck, LOST and the trashy reality shows that I couldn’t resist from watching…and roasting the hell out of…
23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?
Hate is such a strong word lol. There are some people on my now “indifferent “ list
24. What was the best book you read?
Oh wow, I’ve devoured dozens of books in 2008. I usually fall back to my steady stand bys.
25. What was your greatest musical discovery?
Turning away from most of the junk that’s out there is my greatest musical discovery. I have few songs in my ipod that from 08
26. What did you want and get?
I got everything that I wanted material wise…except my damn flats back from my best friend! Shit has been in her possession since May!
27. What did you want and not get?
Space and solitude when I wanted it the most.
28. What were your favorite films of this year?
Of 08- Dark Knight, Iron Man, Tropic Thunder, Wall-E are the ones that I remember quite easily. I did see The Curious Case…and I really enjoyed that movie as well
29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 25…and spent it drinking & partying…as usual
30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
Hitting the lottery lol
31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
The same as all the other years- homeless chic. I’m just a casual gal. Gimme some jeans, a t shirt or some type of cute sweats and I’m content. Anything that I don’t have to personally iron is also a plus. Honestly I just wear what I think makes me look cute…and at least ½ way decent even on those days when I just don’t give a f*ck.
32. What kept you sane?
My husband. And sleep. Lots of sleep.
33. What public figure did you fancy the most?
Michelle Obama. She’s from the Chi. :)
34. What political issue stirred you the most?
None, but then again I’m not a political person.
35. Whom did you miss?
My grandmother, a few friends, and my babies-my nieces & nephew
36. Who was the best new person(s) you met?
Wow I’ve met quite a few people…I can’t even single anyone out in particular. It’s funny the people you think you’d never been friends/cool with until you hang out & then it’s like “Where the hell have you been?!”
37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
“Don’t look to other people when validating your happiness” (an oldie my mother told me, but it’s always still good)
38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
“You’re mad cuz my style you’re admiring”
Monday, January 12, 2009
Adventures At The Doctor's Office
Since I'm sitting at home stuck with the flu AGAIN...
Too stubborn to go to the doctor's office AGAIN...
Because of my foolishness the LAST time I went to the doctor's…I’m vowing to never show my face unless it’s a real emergency…and not one of my house/webmd/wikipedia self diagnosis lol
Is it weird that I don't like male doctors? I don't mind my dentist, who is a male, although he's a little too intimate with my mouth. He doesn’t skeeve me out like he used to do, I don’t think he’s going to molest me in the event that I have to go under for some major dental work, but that took a while…oh and healthy teeth to get over my wariness of him.
Forgive me, I have an overactive imagination…and I watch too much Life Time. Damn sinister movie doctors with probing fingers have forever tainted my mind.
So a couple of months ago, it was time for my annual to make sure the no-no area was still in good working condition.
I had picked a new doctor (my downfall) because my old doctor has gotten tired of me. Ok technically she went into private practice, but I think she left because of me and my frantic emails I would send her CONVINCED I had some disease that was eradicated 60 years ago.
Like I said an overactive imagination and too much time on the internet is my own down fall. Not to mention the constant germ wars in the office.
Being completely lazy, not bothering to do my usual background checks, I just randomly selected a name and went about my business, assuming of course my new doctor was a woman.
So I’m sitting on the table, wrapped up in that cheap ass paper towel gown, although I always wonder the real purpose of the gown since all the naughty areas are about to be looked at and felt up anyway, ripping it as I shift around when this…man just walks in.
I tell you, I couldn’t get off that table quick enough.
Naturally he’s looking at me like I’m all types of crazy (which I’m sure that’s how I'm looking) and I’m looking at him like he’s all types of crazy. The nurse who comes in after him is looking at the both of us like we’re both crazy…and she don’t have time for this shit because she wants to go on lunch.
He’s my new doctor. I knew I should’ve just gone with an obvious woman’s first name.
So I am NOT pleased at this point…ok just a little bit because the doctor is kind of cute. Kind of. A little skinny for my taste but not bad.
Yeah…pervert tendencies click on during the most inappropriate times.
Now if the wait time for a new doctor was not agonizingly long (and I didn’t need my prescription of birth control-my year’s supply was up at the time point) I would’ve scooted my ripped up towel robe ass down the hall.
But I decided to suck it up…for this doctor’s appointment and get down and dirty.
I’ve had male doctors before…not that I was pleased about that. But I survived through it.
I mean I am selective on whose face I’m sticking my vagina toward.
So of course, like a Chatty Cathy, he’s just squeezing, dipping, and probing my poor little body. And I’m just wishing he would shut up because it’s kind of awkward to talk about the weather when you’re probing for tumors.
After about 15 agonizing minutes, mainly because I just wasn’t scooting down far enough for his liking. I felt like asking him did he want my coochie lips to touch his real lips, I mean my ass was damn near off the table, he wanted to get all up close and personal.
I’m thinking damn most men have to spring for dinner and a movie to get this close…this guy looks at it all day for free…minus the co-pay of course.
Which led me to think, as a male gyno, do they ever just get tired of pussy? Like they are not even interested in sex anymore because of the amount of pussy they look at while at work-including the gross ones?
All of this over thinking eventually led me to think of an old Family Guy episode, which caused a fit of giggles that I couldn’t stop…and I accidentally kicked the doctor…in the face.
And then in the haste of trying to get off the table, apologizing profusely, the rest of the gown ripped off.
You can just imagine how all of this looked.
So while the doctor went to clean his bleeding nose, the nurse finished up, watching my feet (with good reason). Who just randomly gets the giggles and kicks the doctor in the face?
I got that prescription and ran out the door.
And I haven’t been back ever since.
Don't judge me lol
Too stubborn to go to the doctor's office AGAIN...
Because of my foolishness the LAST time I went to the doctor's…I’m vowing to never show my face unless it’s a real emergency…and not one of my house/webmd/wikipedia self diagnosis lol
Is it weird that I don't like male doctors? I don't mind my dentist, who is a male, although he's a little too intimate with my mouth. He doesn’t skeeve me out like he used to do, I don’t think he’s going to molest me in the event that I have to go under for some major dental work, but that took a while…oh and healthy teeth to get over my wariness of him.
Forgive me, I have an overactive imagination…and I watch too much Life Time. Damn sinister movie doctors with probing fingers have forever tainted my mind.
So a couple of months ago, it was time for my annual to make sure the no-no area was still in good working condition.
I had picked a new doctor (my downfall) because my old doctor has gotten tired of me. Ok technically she went into private practice, but I think she left because of me and my frantic emails I would send her CONVINCED I had some disease that was eradicated 60 years ago.
Like I said an overactive imagination and too much time on the internet is my own down fall. Not to mention the constant germ wars in the office.
Being completely lazy, not bothering to do my usual background checks, I just randomly selected a name and went about my business, assuming of course my new doctor was a woman.
So I’m sitting on the table, wrapped up in that cheap ass paper towel gown, although I always wonder the real purpose of the gown since all the naughty areas are about to be looked at and felt up anyway, ripping it as I shift around when this…man just walks in.
I tell you, I couldn’t get off that table quick enough.
Naturally he’s looking at me like I’m all types of crazy (which I’m sure that’s how I'm looking) and I’m looking at him like he’s all types of crazy. The nurse who comes in after him is looking at the both of us like we’re both crazy…and she don’t have time for this shit because she wants to go on lunch.
He’s my new doctor. I knew I should’ve just gone with an obvious woman’s first name.
So I am NOT pleased at this point…ok just a little bit because the doctor is kind of cute. Kind of. A little skinny for my taste but not bad.
Yeah…pervert tendencies click on during the most inappropriate times.
Now if the wait time for a new doctor was not agonizingly long (and I didn’t need my prescription of birth control-my year’s supply was up at the time point) I would’ve scooted my ripped up towel robe ass down the hall.
But I decided to suck it up…for this doctor’s appointment and get down and dirty.
I’ve had male doctors before…not that I was pleased about that. But I survived through it.
I mean I am selective on whose face I’m sticking my vagina toward.
So of course, like a Chatty Cathy, he’s just squeezing, dipping, and probing my poor little body. And I’m just wishing he would shut up because it’s kind of awkward to talk about the weather when you’re probing for tumors.
After about 15 agonizing minutes, mainly because I just wasn’t scooting down far enough for his liking. I felt like asking him did he want my coochie lips to touch his real lips, I mean my ass was damn near off the table, he wanted to get all up close and personal.
I’m thinking damn most men have to spring for dinner and a movie to get this close…this guy looks at it all day for free…minus the co-pay of course.
Which led me to think, as a male gyno, do they ever just get tired of pussy? Like they are not even interested in sex anymore because of the amount of pussy they look at while at work-including the gross ones?
All of this over thinking eventually led me to think of an old Family Guy episode, which caused a fit of giggles that I couldn’t stop…and I accidentally kicked the doctor…in the face.
And then in the haste of trying to get off the table, apologizing profusely, the rest of the gown ripped off.
You can just imagine how all of this looked.
So while the doctor went to clean his bleeding nose, the nurse finished up, watching my feet (with good reason). Who just randomly gets the giggles and kicks the doctor in the face?
I got that prescription and ran out the door.
And I haven’t been back ever since.
Don't judge me lol
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
Lemme Start Over...
As much as I'd like to blame the "Honeymoon Phase".....
Mmmmm riiiight...We are not on that cake shit.
Just blame laziness. Just haven't felt like writing.
I think my muse has been watching way too much t.v.
Nothing has changed in my world...No babies.
Although the ladies at work still check faithfully every week. They are so...perplexed that we are holding off on having children.
...And let the whispers in arabic & spanish that my inside are "rotten" begin....
Went home for Thanksgiving.
Ugh.
I know I really shouldn't be bitter but...after my grandmother died, it' like I REALLY don't like being around my family anymore.
It's like my mother is the most important family member (nieces & nephews aside) and the rest of my mother's side of my family can kiss the dark side of my ass.
I only came home at the request of my mother and she had to beg/use the guilt trip in order to get me to do that.
It's like every part of Chicago reminds me of my grandmother. I had to bite back the question of when were we going to grandma's house.
Now it's when are we going to lay flowers on her grave.
My family has began to crawl under my skin and just annoy the hell out of me. And most have the nerve to ask why I am so openly hostile toward them now...like I'm supposed to forget the aftermath of my grandmother's death.
I know...mad bitterness.
Hubby & I went to Palm Beach for Christmas.
Christmas in Chicago wasn't even an option. Just wasn't an option...and it was cold as shit!
My blood has adapted to VA winters. I haven't felt the slap of a -10 degree wind in over an year. I don't think I own a Chicago-Winter ready coat anymore.
So while most of my family & friends were freezing..we were in the luxary of mid-70s weather. It rained one day while we were there but I'll still take a low 70 over a cold 32 any day.
It was nice to just...relax. No work-related emails, phone calls, or *shudder* meetings. No 10+ hour days because someone decided they just wasn't going to work that day. No complaints as soon as I come in the door...never mind I've been off for 2+ days and have NO idea what he/she is babbling about.
I refuse to bring work home. Any stress from work is gone when I walk out the door.
But of course it just bubbles up and hit me when I come back to work *lol*
I'm glad for our slow period. I got a free 10 day vacation.
Granted I didn't ask for it (I just asked for a week to go to Palm Beach) but I sure didn't complain.
I didn't even party for the New Year.
I worked.
Yes I worked. Only until 11:00p. Then I came home, Hubby warmed up Chinese Food, we drank wine, watched the ball drop & watched a couple of movies.
The Life of a Married Person *lol*
Although being married has nothing to do with my social life, I just wasn't in the mood this year to go out.
Ok more specifically...I did not feel like finding something to wear *lol*
I'm going to get back in the swing of writing more even if it kills me.
It's my therapy :)
Mmmmm riiiight...We are not on that cake shit.
Just blame laziness. Just haven't felt like writing.
I think my muse has been watching way too much t.v.
Nothing has changed in my world...No babies.
Although the ladies at work still check faithfully every week. They are so...perplexed that we are holding off on having children.
...And let the whispers in arabic & spanish that my inside are "rotten" begin....
Went home for Thanksgiving.
Ugh.
I know I really shouldn't be bitter but...after my grandmother died, it' like I REALLY don't like being around my family anymore.
It's like my mother is the most important family member (nieces & nephews aside) and the rest of my mother's side of my family can kiss the dark side of my ass.
I only came home at the request of my mother and she had to beg/use the guilt trip in order to get me to do that.
It's like every part of Chicago reminds me of my grandmother. I had to bite back the question of when were we going to grandma's house.
Now it's when are we going to lay flowers on her grave.
My family has began to crawl under my skin and just annoy the hell out of me. And most have the nerve to ask why I am so openly hostile toward them now...like I'm supposed to forget the aftermath of my grandmother's death.
I know...mad bitterness.
Hubby & I went to Palm Beach for Christmas.
Christmas in Chicago wasn't even an option. Just wasn't an option...and it was cold as shit!
My blood has adapted to VA winters. I haven't felt the slap of a -10 degree wind in over an year. I don't think I own a Chicago-Winter ready coat anymore.
So while most of my family & friends were freezing..we were in the luxary of mid-70s weather. It rained one day while we were there but I'll still take a low 70 over a cold 32 any day.
It was nice to just...relax. No work-related emails, phone calls, or *shudder* meetings. No 10+ hour days because someone decided they just wasn't going to work that day. No complaints as soon as I come in the door...never mind I've been off for 2+ days and have NO idea what he/she is babbling about.
I refuse to bring work home. Any stress from work is gone when I walk out the door.
But of course it just bubbles up and hit me when I come back to work *lol*
I'm glad for our slow period. I got a free 10 day vacation.
Granted I didn't ask for it (I just asked for a week to go to Palm Beach) but I sure didn't complain.
I didn't even party for the New Year.
I worked.
Yes I worked. Only until 11:00p. Then I came home, Hubby warmed up Chinese Food, we drank wine, watched the ball drop & watched a couple of movies.
The Life of a Married Person *lol*
Although being married has nothing to do with my social life, I just wasn't in the mood this year to go out.
Ok more specifically...I did not feel like finding something to wear *lol*
I'm going to get back in the swing of writing more even if it kills me.
It's my therapy :)
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