Weekend Of Laziness...

I spent my weekend sleeping.

Ok well not the entire weekend but I was a lazy bum this weekend.

Friday was another adventure at hair salon. Of course I waltzed in at 10 am, waltzed out close to 3 pm. A record for a Friday.

I talked to Mama Dukes while I was under the dryer and she informed me how I’m going to be an aunt once again in a few short months. Apparently my brother’s baby mother was too lazy to get an abortion so she is going to have another baby.

Her third child before she is 20. My brother’s third child before he is 21. A muthafucking shame. Broad got the nerve to twist her lips talking about she want to get her figure back so she can go to prom.

*cricket chirp*

Bitch your prom days are over! Prom my ass! Shit prom is expensive as hell. In Chicago it is damn near mandatory to get a dress made *probably sources of most of the ghetto prom pictures circulating the internet* and not to mention shoes, nails, and hair?! She better concentrate on raising those babies.

*sigh*

Fucking fertile bastards in my family. I won’t even trip that she’s five months, have yet to have an ultrasound, and have yet to start prenatal vitamins. My poor niece or nephew doesn’t stand a chance. My brother seriously needs to have his baby maker tube snipped.

Of course I received my daily bombard of texts from SIGMA. Ignore. Even CUTIE popped out the blue with a phone call. Talking about lunch later on that day. Ok yeah you mean dinner because I spent lunch snoozing under the dryer. And I’m not that hungry to go out with you. Ignore.

By the time I made it home I was tired as shit. I thought I was going to lie down but no I was bothered by more phone calls.

My father has taken to stalking me once again. But to fair I haven’t talked to him since his car accident. I know no “Daughter of the Year” trophy for me.

I bummed around the apartment, watching TV, basically doing nothing.

I had a hilarious phone conversation with Jules. I told yall, when I find someone with Verizon I will text and phone someone to death. Well Jules started with drunk texts, complete with misspelled words and random word structure *lol yeah nigga I still have the texts as proof* and we drifted into a long ass humorous phone conversation.

As soon as we hung up, FH called me from Iraq to chew me out over an upcoming New Year’s trip to Miami. Basically our asses ain’t going. She was like how are we going to go to Miami on vacation while she’s stuck in Iraq and she will slit our tires *not a concern for me it ain’t like the car is mine* if we go to Miami without her. So we’re planning a trip to either New York or Vegas instead. I don’t know how the heifer found out but I’m sure TWIN big mouth ass said something.

It’s funny I was put on blast by one of my friends about my blog. Apparently he was insulted that I do not mention him in my blog *yeah Negro I’m putting you on blast right back*

It’s funny. When I mention to my friends that I have a blog, the first thing they yell out *and their requests are usually ignored* is they do not want a mention in my blog for fear I would put them in an unflattering light or *gasp* tell the truth about them.

When I don’t mention them at all, they get pissed and demand recognition in my blog. *sigh* I am not an author yet everyone wants to be a character. In fact they demand constant recognition. End of every conversation, "You're going to put this in your blog right?" Bitch...No. If I put every single phone conversation I had, I might as well create another blog. And I'm not a major major phone talker, I have to be in the mood to talk otherwise I'm texting and if I think the conversation will take longer by texting, I'll call.

Otherwise hit me with a text. Unlike some people's *And you know I'm talking about you* Verizon make sure I receive every single text. Can we say the same about Sprint? Hell Verizon still counts it whether you receive it or not!

I'm going to start playing the role of "Casting Director" complete with the couch.

What are you really willing to do to get a mention in my blog?

*cue guy sniffing while he slowly unbuttons his button up, eyes welled up with tears but he's refusing to cry. Close up on my sinister grin while I rub my pants leg*

I watched entirely too much TV this weekend as you can tell.

So to shut this person up *j/k love ya babe* I’m going to create a personal alias just for you hun, ok? So you can stop complaining that I don’t care about ya.

I went out and kicked it with DEE Friday and Saturday night. Hung out entirely too long and came home tired and hung over. See? Your new alias is DEE. Everyone say "HI" to DEE.

*waves*

I already know you're going to get mad but hey I did mention you...You didn't say how you wanted to have a mention, you just wanted one. I guess you'll be mad at me for a lil' while.

Ah you'll get over it...they always do *lol*

DEE is also looking for a girlfriend or at least a potential "fuck buddy" to get his rocks off. And what else am I doing to show you I care DEE...advertising for you on my blog. See I'm trolling for female booty for you on my blog. Not for me, I just came from the "I Heart Penis" conference but for you? See how much I care? I expect my trophy via Fed Ex any day now. *lol*

Why does my male friends really think I have loads of female friends hiding in the background? Now if your persuasion is male...I got ya. But checking for me to see if I have "cute" female friends...um negative bro. I don't kick it with many females and with the exception of a few, most are taken. And to be frank, I wouldn't hook you up with them anyway. Now that's saying something. Back away my brother. I don't want you calling me yelling because I "forgot" to tell you that chick is a nut and why is she on your porch with a Crown Royal bag with a can of corn inside fucking up your door? Screaming for you to come outside?

Umm...my bad? She told me she was still going to therapy over that. And hey you didn't ask. YOU asked did she have a "big butt" and was she "cute". Not did she have any potential pychopathic behaviors. Shit, I work on a "You Ask, I Tell" motto. What you don't ask, I sure don't tell. I'm not in the business of "volunteering" info.

What can I say about DEE? Hmm…a wonderful person to hang with, always full of jokes *OMG I still laugh when I think of your stripper’s routine* and gags. Excellent conversation maker and a great cook. We kick it every once and awhile, schedules permitting, and I guess I have a mini-crush on him but sometimes eh, he works my damn nerves.

**Of course we know he’s really the opposite of all this and I’m just sucking up right now lol*

Wasted yet another weekend. I meant to get out and do something but um yeah I just got the hair “did” and the wind was blowing a little too much for me *lol* Shit this has got to last for two weeks *lol* Thank the stars for the Dark and Lovely otherwise it would’ve been a wrap. You know my hair was reaching that “Even White People Look At It Like WTF Is Up With Her Hair” status and we know your shit is fucked up when white people won’t compliment you on it.

And we know they’ll compliment the shit out of a busted weave. Have a sister really thinking her shit is too fly for the streets.

What I wanted to do was go to the mall and buy a hat and scarf from the Gap but I was too lazy to leave out the house on Saturday. I just bummed around with the cat and watched TV.

And Jules you will not roast on my animal. So what he’s obnoxiously loud, he’s my furball. Well until he chews up on something.

Downloaded some Prince songs on the shuffle. Hey I watched Purple Rain this weekend. Shit I forgot how much I used to love me some Prince. I wanted his hairstyle and everything but my moms said she was not going to put a “curl” in my head. BUT she did used to roll it up and pin it up front and to the side like Prince. *lol* Yeah I was a lame but it beat the “puff puff” ponytail *when the only time you wore your hair down was Easter, Christmas and School Picture day* or braids.

Prince is a sexy motherfucker. He could get it three or four times if he wanted. The only man that I think is sexy with chest hair *lol*.

February 2nd….Verizon Center…Justin Timberlake. I am so there.

Christmas is rolling around, already I’m making a list. I’m sure I’ll find something in my closet with tags to pass off to some unsuspecting family member *lol don’t act like I’m the only one*.

The tree will go up after Thanksgiving, probably won’t go down until February *lol* Hey that’s a lot of work to take a tree down!

Sunday *as usual* I worked, only this time doing absolutely nothing, chilling in the back, playing on MSN messenger. I was in an extremely silly mood at work. I had Prince’s “Sexy M.F.” on repeat for an hour *lol*

You know some of the people at work don’t know anything like that, asking is this a “go-go” song.

I’ll slap the shit out of them. I don’t do a lot of “go go” music although some folks will fight you over here for disrespecting a “go go” song.

“Go Go” these nuts.

And there is this Platinum Member who stays at my hotel *must be nice for the government to pay for him to fly from Boston to DC weekly, pick up his hotel room AND expenses, weekly because he refuses to move to DC. Yet no money for schools. Gotta love America* who has a crush on me.

Nice looking White man. But um yeah a White man at that. And one old enough to be my father. And everyone jokes about the fact that this man has a HUGE crush on me. He hangs around the counter while I'm working, I'm the only one who can talk to him like shit *he's one of the grumpy white men as well* and he laughs and smiles, I took his pack of cigarettes and threw them in the garbage *I don't like smokers* and he does nothing but....laugh.

This is one of those guys you catch flipping out in the Star Bucks line because his Latte is not half skim. Nice looking man but kind of tightly wound at times. And I snap on him on a daily basis. Ok well I snap on a lot of people on a daily basis.

I wonder how I still got a job sometimes.

But we all know for folks who works in a "Status" based industry *Airlines and Hospitality for examples* Platinums are the "Yes Sir, No Sir" of the bunch. Used to being catered to and when they throw a hissy fit, motherfuckers jump. I arch an eyebrow. I don't care about your damn status and how much you spend at my hotel's chains. You treat people like people. And I've seen grown ass men and women throw literal temper tantrums in the lobby like 5 years olds. And what do you get from me?

"Sir/Ma'am until you calm down and speak to me in a reaonsable tone best suited for the environment we're in...I'm going to need you to step to the side so I can assist other guests because your attitude is quite unbecoming for a professional such as yourself. You should be ashamed of your behavior and quite frankly I'm appalled...Now please, can I assist the next person in line?"

And keep it moving. I know it's a file at Corporate's with angry letters about me. Just make sure you spell the name right motherfuckers. It's L-A-T *as in Tom*-O-Y-A. And don't forget to capitalize the "T". My mother puts a space between the LA and T but I'll let you slide this time.

I don't have the patience for rude people. Come at me correct or don't come at me at all.

And I'll go up into the Lounge and there he is. Always sits at my table and we talk politics and I really get into his ass. I guess he's another Slump...A liberal Republican. But at least he's honest. I'm not into politics at all but I just can't fathom his weekly expenses being paid for straight by the government. Damn that, you're too lazy to live in DC...pay your own way. And he works some type of government job *well duh 90% of the people who stay at my hotel works for the government in some shape or form* where he doesn't go into a lot of details about what he does. I told him let me find out he's the "Executive Janitor" to some senator, I'm going to beat his ass. And then it's straight to CNN.

He wants me to work for him. Since Wednesday he's been asking me to come work for me as his administrative assistant. Been bugging me about sending my resume to him. Sounds nice, I mean an actual M-F 8-5p job full benefits and he's offering double *of course he can the government picks up the tab* of what I'm making now?! Anyone else would be signing on the dotted line but I'm thinking of passing. I know the man likes me, hell everyone knows he likes me, it's not like he's discreet about it. He doesn't come at me disrespectful or anything, he's never touched me but you just know these things. Like I said, a grumpy man whose yelling at someone when I walk up only to melt into butter when I'm around? I'm waiting for the call into the office and being asked flat out am I fucking him?

I know I'm not a 10 in the looks department *Maybe an 8.5 on a good day* but then again he's a white guy, who knows what he sees?

But at the same time I'm trying to end up in his office under the ruse of "dicating" minutes from a meeting and his dick is out on the desk. I am not trying to be his "jungle bunny" either, look get a taste of chocolate elsewhere. Or his side chick. I know mistresses are the thing in DC but ummm no. That'll be hard coming home and explaining where did I get that Tiffany's diamond from and are those Jimmy Choo's to JBN. Better yet where the hell did you get the money for that car?!

He's really a nice man once you crack that icy exterior but then again I'm not crossing that line. I don't want to hear his problems with his marriage and his children although I told him maybe if you didn't work so much from home all the time, your home situation would be better. Every weekend doesn't mean shit when you have to leave every Sunday and you just got in on Thursday night.

But whatever. A grown man has a crush on me. How sweet. Yeah the sarcasm is just leaping off the page.

Anything exciting for anyone this weekend?