I'm Not Difficult...

It’s officially War of the Roses in the household again.

It started yesterday night when I kinda sorta went to sleep on the boyfriend during sex. Aw hell who am I kidding a bitch was knocked the hell out before he slid in good. I guess I was in a good snooze and everything I guess since I don’t know how long I was knocked out *knowing him he probably finished before he woke me up lol* but next thing you know he’s shaking my ass awake. Pissed off.

So I wake up irritated of course already forgetting we’re supposed to be getting it on and I hate being woken out of a good ass slumber.

*Insert fangs here*

So he goes off in a rant like how the f*ck am I going to go to sleep on him I’m wack as hell for that and what the hell have I been on for the last few weeks because my sex game has fell off *muthaf*ckin ouch* and why the fuck do he damn near have to strong-arm the cooch out of me lately.

Still stinging from the "weak sex" line I told him I was tired. Which is true. I love sex more than the next man but lately I have been tired as f*ck. I take my daily naps which extends to almost 9 at night and even then I go back to sleep at 11 like I did not just sleep for five hours before. I don’t know people I’ve just been really tired. I think my family drama *A lot more than what I’ve been covering on the blog* of course friends’ as well as a few associates’ whom has heard about my impending 'wisdom' aka advice that I avoid giving out to people, my French stalker and *sometimes* work which can be draining some days and due to my previous knowledge of our computer system I was asked to train all the new girls. Did I mention this is the end of my first week and I still get lost walking to the cafeteria but you want me, Ms ''That ain’t my job'', to train someone? So while I cope and juggle everything flawlessly, even I sometimes crash under the pressure.

Granted I am excellent at teaching someone which is why I am going to be a teacher. I don’t mind training someone how to do something but damn direct me to the cafeteria before you make me responsible for someone getting the proper information. And one girl so far she has been the worst I have to basically stay by her side the entire day which is boring within itself.

So yes I have tired but he brought the fact that while I work forty hours a week he’s working sixty plus he’s in school full time and he’s not half as tired as I claim to be. In fact he should be more tired. So basically I have been slacking on my girl friendly duties. This is a slap in the face for me because I pride myself on going above and beyond when it comes to being a girlfriend. I just flirt but that’s just a part of me. I never do it in front of him, I’m not disrespectful, and I have stopped since he has expressed his displeasure, those green eyes of jealousy glinting hard as hell.

So I’m sleepy and irritated so we go back and forth for about an hour *in the dark since we had a fucking power outage two hours before pissing me off because I was clowning with T on IM* before I just went to sleep pissing him off further because I couldn’t even hang for that. And I’m always up for a discussion.

We get up in the morning rushing because I woke up late due to the power outage and were doing the silent treatment thing. Both of us are stubborn as hell so we’re both limiting our contact with other. Apartment just silent as hell. I know he’s going to give in first though. I’m not called ''tenacious'' for nothing. I am a pro at silent treatments. Must have to with my ability to hold a grudge. That’s that bullheaded portion of my personality at work.

So were on the train and I break the ice to give him a rundown of Frenchie boy. Emphasizing not to kill him or anything…Just scare him. I am too pretty for jail. I was like walk a few paces in back of me and don’t say anything to me when we get off the train so he won’t think we’re together and you scare him off.

So I begin my usual walk down the street and low and behold he’s waiting for me at the bridge. I walk past him and of course he asks me how come I screamed yesterday. I ignore him and when he goes to grab my arm, here comes my baby to the rescue. Frenchie was so intent on me he didn’t see my boyfriend creeping along behind me. Snatched his little skinny ass up and slammed him into the wall. Scared the hell out of his ass. Of course I’m reminding my boyfriend that we are on a public street and there’s too many witnesses because you know folks are wanting to know why some skinny little White guy is hemmed up by a big Black dude against the wall. Once again I’m too pretty for jail.

Shaking the sh*t out of him, my boyfriend told him if he ever catches him in this area again or around me or hell if he sees a nigga that looks like him walking down the street, he’s going to kill him. Point Blank. Stay the f*ck away from me or else. If he even sees a females that even look like me, he better run in the opposite direction because he will hunt his ass down and beat the sh*t out of him.

Throws his ass away from him and Frenchie took off running down the street.

My heart swelling, he walks me to work, gives me a kiss and tells me he will talk to me later.

Now that’s love. A man who will beat my stalker down for me.

We were still mad at each other yet we didn’t let that get in the way of helping one another.

At lunch, I’m eating with a few of my co-workers, joking around or whatnot and one of the girls turn to me and says, “You know when you came in here Monday, I thought we’re wasn’t going to get along.”
I already know what’s coming but of course I ask, “Why is that?”

According to her **and co-signed by the other two girls** I look like “I’m mean”. It looks like I have an attitude problem.

All in all, I look like I’m a difficult person to get along with.

But of course when I open my mouth and folks see how I act, then “I’m cool”.

This is nothing that I haven’t been told before. Everyone’s first impression of me is that I am “mean”. Even when I’m smiling, I look mean. It’s like my mouth is smiling but my eyes are not. And I frown a lot.

Do I think I am difficult? No. While I can be difficult, I’m a really simple person to get along with. I think it’s my mindset that has people thinking that I am difficult. And my mouth, which has a mind of its own. It can be very unruly and reckless at times.

I’m a smart ass. I have been a smart ass since I learned how to say “Mama”. What else could you be when you were reading by the age of 3. While my kindergarten class were learning shapes, I’m reading my cousin’s Trumpets school books. Second grade, I’m already in chapter books. I’m reading the “Big Girl” Books *Baby Sitter’s Club, Beverly Cleary books, Judy Blume* while my classmates were just learning how to cursive write. It got to the point where my teachers sent letters home requesting that my mother stop teaching me at home because I was a distraction to the other students. Sarcasm rules in the land of Tenacious. I’m so much a smart ass that folks can “read” my words and know when I am being sarcastic. In fact all of my conversations are seen as sarcastic. I just can’t help it. Folks are just too damn sensitive sometimes and besides when you do or say dumb sh*t who else but me would let you know how dumb it is really is?

In a really sarcastic way.

My mouth is also “reckless”. I have a thing where I feel I can say anything I want to anyone I want anyway I want. My mother instilled in me never to fear any man but God. With that being said, I ain’t no punk b*tch. I can be really sweet but I can talk just as greasy as the next man. If you talk to me with respect, I will do the same. But if you want to pop off at the lips, then by all means that mean I will do the same.

I seem to think I am fearless and in some ways I am. I don’t worry about repercussions. I am quick to defend someone *that Captain Save a Hoe syndrome*. While I regret some things I don’t regret every bad thing I have done. Its three sheets to the wind now, why worry about it?

My stubbornness is legendary. I was born two days late because I refused to come out on my due date. I was in the womb chilling like a villain. I refuse to change who I am for anyone. The same way I act out in the streets is the same way I act at work **well I clean up my potty mouth for work…sometimes** You can’t force me to do anything because I won’t budge. The more you push me the more I resist.

Just because I don’t flap my lips and tell everyone who’s listening my business, I’m “private” and of course by “private” people mean “sneaky”. I just don’t like telling people sh*t. I have trust issues and I am constantly on edge because I figure if people know all my business then somehow it will be used against me. I have people on a “Need To Know” basis. There are only three of my friends whom have 99.9% of my trust and if they revealed some sh*t, that’ll f*ck me up right there. Of course my deep deep dark secrets no one knows but me and God. I trust no one with those secrets. I’ll take them b*tches with me to the grave. And I guess since women are notorious for being open books **such an outdated stereotype** I guess it’s “weird” that I’m a closed book. You never know what’s running through my head.

I am mean. While it’s not my immediate character, don’t get it twisted. I can be a very vile human being. If I don’t give a f*ck about you, I don’t give a f*ck about you. I will stomp them feeling under the heel of my size 8 stilettos. I go for the jugular. Just say some sh*t that’ll f*ck your whole world up. That’s just how I can be. It’s all good when you’re on the good side but let you cross me…It’s on like a plate of neck bones *lol*

My facial features gives away what I am thinking. But sometimes even those are misinterpreted. Even though I am super cheesy for the camera, I’m not classified as a “smiler”. When I’m not smiling, I know I look mean. But why the hell would I just be walking down the street smiling like a damn idiot? Looking like I’m crazy and sh*t. And when I’m in deep concentration I tend to crinkle my forehead, appearing as if I am mad. And when I squint because I am blind as a damn bat and half the time my contacts are slipping or the font is too little **I have severe astigmatism**, I look especially mean. I always wears sunglasses because without them I look like I’m about to f*ck someone up due to the sun shining in my face. I was even told I have a “creepy” smile sometimes. Like when I am real mad and I start smiling like the Cheshire Cat, folks know I’m about to snap because of this creepy smile I have. I try to control my face because people can tell when they are irritating me but so far no success. The only think I can do is avoid looking them dead on in the face.

My quirky sense of humor turns folks off as well. Now I’m the type I love to laugh and joke around. I have jokes for days but due to my sarcastic nature folks don’t know when I am joking or when I’m being serious. They’ll take some sh*t I said literal when I was just joking because they don’t know I was tying to be funny. And I laugh at everything. Including inappropriate times. Someone could be treating the shit out of me and I’ll just be standing there with this goofy ass smile on my face. I mean it takes a lot to piss me off so while some folks think they are just giving it to me, I’m yawning on the inside. And I have so many jumbled thoughts in my head that I’m laughing at some sh*t I’m thinking about when you’re talking to me, appearing like I am laughing at **ok sometimes I am** you. But once folks get to know me and see how I am and how I talk, then they know me as just being all out silly.

I have few emotions. I think that what makes me the most difficult. I act and think more like a man than a woman. There are women who have no qualms about crying. By all means, do you. But Tenacious drop a tear? Sh*t I’ll deny that to the end of days. I watch The Lion King when I’m alone in the house. I was mad at sh*t that my boyfriend caught me crying because I didn’t want him to think I was “soft” *lol* F*cked up way of thinking right? I even got mad because he was teasing me about being “soft”. I combat being “soft”, “weak”, “silly” so much sometimes I have to cup myself to make sure I haven’t spouted some nuts over night. If you’re a simpering weakling *male or female* get the hell out of my way because I will run you over.

No weaklings in my court. You gotta have a little fire to hang with me.

I seem to think I’m pretty average but I guess there are folks who will disagree.

But once you get to know, all of the above disappear and you just shrug and be like, “Well that’s Tenacious”. I’m not a dramatic person, I don’t bring drama unless it’s my story telling skills or my over the top antics sometimes. I confess to being a Drama Queen in that sense. A very bad actress at most. I’m a simple gal. I like simple things but I guess I’m difficult because I don’t fit in the box.

Oh well I’ll be difficult.