Weekend In Chicago...

I broke down and decided to go home to Chicago.

**extra long long post BTW**

Friday started off normally enough I mean I was mad that I had to have a connecting flight but I wasn’t going to trip. I also wasn’t going to trip on the price of the ticket which was way more than I am used to paying but duty had called so I took my weak ass home.

The flight was on time *for a change* and we made it to Atlanta early. Sorry T. I was only in town for a hot minute.

The problem came on the flight to Atlanta to Midway when I was going to slap the sh*t of the flight attendant. Bastard was picking on me the whole flight and it didn’t make it any better that I was in a middle seat and the married couple I was between decided to pass sh*t back and forth the whole flight after I offered to either move to the aisle or window so they could be together. They declined of course but decided, “Oh I’m going to spend the whole flight trying to out talk each other” damn near yelling my ear the whole time. I know they were old as all outdoors but I was going to scream if I had to hear their grating ass voice one mo’ ‘gin.

Then the f*cking flight attendant. I wanted to scratch his eyeballs out.

It started over a dispute over my shuffle. They were doing the goofy drill for the air mask *knowing damn well if that sh*t falls out the compartment, I’m already dead from a heart attack or opening the hatch to jump off the damn plane praying I land in a tree* so I had just the earphones in but it wasn’t actually on. This bastard demanded that I, Tenacious, take my ear plugs out. When I politely *and yes I was really polite* explained to him that they were not on, he snapped, Well when I ask you to do something I mean it

I had to look around because I was sure my mother had snuck on the plane in Atlanta and was talking to me not this bald, flamboyant nigga with the arched eyebrows. So of course I had to hit him with the Who and the HELL do you think you talking to? and we go back and forth for about 10 minutes until another flight attendant broke it up. I was coming up out the seat belt and everything when she stepped in to defuse the situation. So he go sashay his ass down the aisle giving me that B*tch I will f*ck you up Look while I’m cutting the If you feeling froggy LEAP B*tch Sneer. So after he purposely “forgot” my drink request and I had to get a little, well, loud, he brought my damn ginger ale. I’m watching the nigga like a hawk just to make sure he didn’t spit in my sh*t and to make sure his ass didn’t indeed spit in my sh*t, I purposely made another attendant get me my drink because the gentleman “forgot” I wanted ice, I mean what type of customer service is this? Dirty look number two.

So I nod off, blasting my Shuffle because the husband and wife duo decided to relieve one of their vacation walk down memory lane and I got tired of their yakking. I doze peacefully. Next thing you know I get a rude tap on my shoulder. I swear the nigga dug his nail in my shoulder on purpose. We were about to land and I needed to store my purse under the seat or in the overhead bin. You mean my little gold hobo purse that can barely fit a tube of carmex? The same damn bag that I have worn numerous times at the airport with no problems? All of a sudden, my “bag” has to be stored because we’re about to land. So of course I said, “Hell NO”. On the flight from DCA to ATL, there was not an issue about my bag. There wasn’t an issue when we were departing ATL but now I have to stow away my little purse? Yeah aiight. So Mr. Feisty is like, I mean you can store it on the ground.

Nigga don’t you know its bad luck for a purse to sit on the ground? Nigga do you know how many pops on the back of the head I have sustained for setting a purse on the ground? That’s right up there with sweeping your mama’s feet! My damn Negro Spiritual superstitious family have me actively believing some of that sh*t. I almost slapped the sh*t out my boyfriend for sweeping my feet the other day and my purse will sit in my lap before I let it touch the ground.

Fool looks at me like I’m crazy and calmly pluck my damn bag from the tray and store it in the overhead compartment before I could do anything.

BITCH

So I’m like, “Oh I got something for your ass”. I just knocked into him with my carry on bag as I depart the plane.

TAKE THAT!

My grandmother comes and picks me up and I hang *well eat up everything in her refrigerator* for a hot minute and then I hit the block. Of course not on the block before the thirsty ass niggas come out. Of course the niggas that know me are like, “Man that aint no body but mean ass Tenacious” but the new guys are trying to holla.

Get wayyyy the f*ck back…I am so not on that with you.

Besides my reputation on the block precedes me. I am “The Heart Breaker”. Niggas avoid me like they avoid they baby mamas.

Of course I’m strolling the block looking for one person in particular who conveniently ducked out when he heard my voice: my younger brother. So I catch up with him at his guy’s house and after showing my ass in the hallway and kicking the damn door I was allowed entry.

Commence “Ima ‘Bout to FUCK you UP” Mode.

Caught his lanky ass and slapped the fuck out of him. I smacked his ass about four good times before his guys broke us up. Oh yeah we were about to scrap. I had kicked off the flip flops, had the hair tied back in a pony tail and fists were cocked. So he’s holding his bleeding lip and I’m screaming at his ass.

Don’t ever in your fucking life disrespect my mother! Ever! Nigga she brought you in this world but I will take you little dumb ass out. Oh what you thought Mama didn’t tell me? Nigga I have my ear to the ground when it comes to this family! Nothing escapes me. Well actually Mama didn’t tell me, Rain-Rain did. Don’t bring your weak ass in my mama’s house if you know what’s good for you

So I stand back like, Nigga what while he’s just talking shit because he knows I’m crazy and if his little friends wasn’t holding me back, I would have sliced and diced his ass. But it was cool because I would just catch him alone on the block. I just snatched up my niece and left.

She is sooo cute I have to get the camera developed so I can post pictures of her and my nephew who looks so much like his worthless ass daddy it’s scary. Luckily my nephew has some damn common sense.

So I go in the house and my mother fuss at me for going down there “starting mess” and I was just like had that been me who called you a bitch, I would have been writing my name with my damn teeth because you would have broken my neck in three places but he gets off light? What the fuck is really going on here? I know you ain’t let the grandkids soften you that much. And how come you didn’t tell me this went down, I had to find out a week later? Of course…Blame my temper. Where the hell do you think I got it from? So I was mad at her and him.

Then I found out my youngest cousin is smelling herself and apparently she sneaks out the house every night to go lay up with some nigga on the block that’s like 25. She is 17. Had to snatch a hole in her little fast ass. I am so not on that with her.

So that night, still full of anger, I go out drinking with my alcoholic aunt. Why when we try to curb her drinking? I guess I was a devil’s advocate that night because we got f*cked up. I mean I got so drunk I didn’t even know I was home until I heard my niece crying for her bottle. I don’t know what the hell I had after those 4 rum and cokes. I’m just drunk texting and calling people. I think I threw up. Woke up smelling like Ripple and cigarettes. At least my mother took my jeans off *I hope it was my damn mother* and put me in my sweats.

Woke up Saturday with a hangover, a baby in my bed, and my phone ringing. Oh lawd who the hell is this calling me 12:46…in the afternoon.

It’s the boyfriend. What the hell was I on last night?

It’s SIGMA. Do I feel like kicking it tonight? Oh yeah what the hell was I on texting gibberish?

It’s f*cking KAPPA. *How does this bastard know when I’m in town* Do I want to go to a picnic with him? **click BITCH**

It’s OMAR *Not his real name but he looks like Omar Epps* this stalker dude I was messing around with who always claims he’s going to run me over when he sees me. Due to my performance at my brother’s friend house, he found out I was town. Of course he called me a “bitch” *click* Not today please.

Last but not least DADDY. I just ignored his phone calls.

Finally dragged my ass up, cleaned up the kids and took them to the park. Of course I got asked about 10 times were they my children. Of course a hell naw was followed. Let my nephew play until he passed out but oh his little ass was walking those 5 blocks back, his little ass is heavy as f*ck. Besides I had the baby in the snugie thing.

I’m hanging out front with my mother and cousins when this guy I knew since we were shorties and lived 10 doors away drove past. He lives in the neighborhood. He was always a cute dude *a little skinny but sh*t looking at my pictures I can’t talk* but when he got out the car I had to roll my damn tongue back in my mouth. Shorty grew up and in a nice way. He’s fine as hell now. *lol* Doing big things *legally* About to graduate and go to Law School. Still a nice guy and everything. We all sat out front talking for the better part of an hour and we exchanged numbers when he left. I haven’t seen his ass since I was 16.

He texted me talking about he had a crush on me ever since we were 10. I was stunned and actually pleased because a sista was looking a little raggely as a shorty. Ima post a picture one of these days. I was gangly, with big ass glasses. Hell bifocals. If he thought that was cute, by all means compliment away. He’s a real sweetheart though. I guess he finally caught up with me to tell me that. He has always been a little shy. But oh well.

I went out later that night with LIGHT BRIGHT crazy ass. We went to Lone Star because he was determined to have a steak and lobster. Me, I had already eaten but I came along for the ride. Nigga have gotten a little darker but he’s still a pale ass red bone. He has a nice ass Monte Carlo too. I call it his “Pussy Mobile” because I know he pulls chicks just from his car alone. Of course he laughed and avoided the questions. Chrome wheels, all black leather interior, booming ass stereo…and Candy Red paint? Plus that bad boy was freshly washed and waxed? Yeah he gets ass.

We chilled and had a good time rolling but he pissed me off when he ordered my food for me when I went to the washroom. One, I wasn’t in the mood for steak. Two, I like my meat well fucking done. Red or pink meat scares me. I have to have any beef product well done. Everyone who knows me knows how I freak out when I see a bit of pink in my meat. That’s why I’ve been boycotting Applebee’s for five years. They tried to kill me.

So I had to hunt the waitress down and change the order. I did like the Mai Tai Margarita though. I had about three of them.

I didn’t realize how cute he is for a red bone. Good teeth, nice hands, dress really nice. On a dare he took off his shoes and socks and he has the nicest feet I have ever seen on a man. I told him I have to watch him for the sashay now. Articulate as hell but ghetto as f*ck. I forgot he’s college educated with a street mentality. He acts a little strange sometimes and he gets really self conscious but he’s still the same punk from back in the day that terrorized all the kids.

We’re in the parking lot and he just tossed me *Queen of Bad Driving and Parking* the keys and is like, “Drive”. I guess he had a death wish that day but surprisingly my driving has improved. He only had to scream “Slow Down” twice after he turned on the police scanner. I was whipping his whip like that was my sh*t. Getting looks of envy at every stoplight. B*tch was loving it.

We go to the club because his guy was throwing a function and needless to say we tossed it up. The Dance Floor Kryptonite caught him so I danced and winded all night. He actually had to drag me off the dance floor because I was having too much fun. His guys were aiight but they were watching me like a hawk and not in the good “protective” way. More like that lustful “I would fuck her in the mens’ washroom” Look but I managed to wave them off.

We kicked it and partied so long, I got home long enough to shower, grab my sh*t and leave. Literally 30 minutes to get to the airport.

I made it, although Midway was going bonkers and managed to make it to my gate due to surprise surprise a 45 minute delay due to luggage error. The flight to ATL was cramped as hell but I slept the entire flight. There was an hour and a half delay from ATL to DCA and they were oversold. Yeah aiight I ain’t sticking around until 8 pm to catch a flight home, I’m cutting somebody to get on that flight. Some folks gave up their seats and we were all set.

Why were there turbulence and some winding noise the entire flight? I was hitting the button every damn second. Not a noise went unescaped by my damn ears. I was questioning everything. The flight attendants got tired of me after a while and just chose to ignore me. Aiight ok if the flight would have gone down, I was getting off that damn plane I know that much. I notice they never put Black folks in the exit row seats maybe because we ain’t saving anyone but ourselves. Hell you see me jump, sh*t you better do the same thing. Land in water? Nigga kick them legs to shore. White folks like to investigate. Black folks like to get the hell out the way.

We have a bumpy landing at DCA and I discovered someone moved my luggage four rows back during some point in the flight so I snapped. I cursed the b*tch who decided that my luggage bag would prevent her two pieces from being together so she upped and decided to move my bag for me.

ME: Did I ask you to move my fucking bag? That’s how motherfuckers get fucked up. Don’t touch my shit any more

HER: I mean I just wanted my bags together…

ME: Do you even ask could you move this bag? I don’t give a fuck about your bag lady. Leave my shit alone.

HER: Well you don’t have to get indignant. It’s just a bag.

I stomped off the plane pissed as hell.

Not only that I left my charger in Chicago. Battery was just dead as hell. But no worry because I have my new phone patiently waiting at home. My Treo with the camera! Yes I can finally take pictures again!

Get home. Why was the charger that connects to the computer where I can transfer files and music broke the fuck up? Held together by the sheer will of God. So I’m mad and I call the people. Since I had insurance on the package, no biggie they will just send me another one. My new phone is fantastic. Now if only I can work the shit. *lol*

I cleaned up, made a few phone calls, and took my weak ass to sleep.

Oh yeah my first day at the new property is great! You mean I can be lazy as hell and get paid for it? Get the f*ck outta here. Now if only I could stop getting lost in the damn building. Took me 15 minutes to find the cafeteria.

I miss my friends at the old job but hell I can move up quicker at this job.

Now if only I knew how to download Yahoo! Messenger on my phone. It comes with MSN Messenger but it won’t let me download Yahoo! And I know I have more than enough memory.

Overall I had a great time in Chicago. As usual.

I need to enroll in an anger management class. My temperature was on boil ½ of the weekend. At least some sh*t got accomplished.

I’m so late but what did everyone do this weekend? Anything fun and exciting?