Random Questions....

**Blogger Really Sucks, Why Won't It Let Me Post Pictures!!!**

Random questions for the day as I look at the clock waiting for my day to end…Just to repeat the same damn routine tomorrow. I’m working all the way until Monday. How’s that for torture?

Why is DMX coming to town tomorrow? Should I be afraid as Soul Of A Man has finally confirmed my suspicion that DMX is indeed a crackhead. Lawd someone helps him before he morphs into a “Pookie” from New Jack City **I don’t care, Chris Rock still deserves an Oscar for portraying Pookie** or Tyrone Biggums.

Gwarsh where is Drag-On or Eve when you need them?

Point blank should I waste my cash on DMX? I hear he likes to curse out the audience. I ain’t paying sh*t to be ridiculed for not knowing the lyrics to “They Don’t Know”!

I wake up with a nice text exclaiming, “Girl guess who’s gay? LANCE!” so instantly I’m thinking of this dude name Lance that I went to school with who I always thought was a little too “fantabulous” for my taste so I wake up instantly and I call my girl.

She’s talking about f*cking Lance from N’Sync although I knew his ass was gay since day one. His eyes were a little too bug eyed to be straight.

But don’t get it twisted: Justin loves the muffin. I don’t give a damn about Lance but leave Justin outta this!

But why did his coming out warrants a press conference and magazine cover? Correct me if I’m wrong but don’t people come out the closet every day? Why is this so special? Sh*t call me when Tom Cruise comes out the closet or something.

Speaking of Tom, I think the man is crazy. Maybe a nervous breakdown or something? The man is just not right in the head right now. Someone from his camp please plan an intervention!

Why did I have to curse a b*tch out at McDonalds? I don’t give a f*ck how long you’ve been at work, what the f*ck does that have to do with you getting my f*cking McChicken sandwich?

Why did a crazy guy try to hit on me? Why did I feel bad for cursing him out but he touched me! You know that was a big NO NO! I’m on the train when of course someone feels the need to sit next to me on an almost empty car. He’s eyeing my legs, I’m eyeing him to make sure I won't have to cut him and he just burst out with “You’re so pretty, why don’t you let me take you to lunch?” I politely decline and stand up to move. This nut bag touches my knee and said, “Wow your skin is soft…like Peanut Butter.”

Why did I call him everything but a child of God? I hate for people to touch me **especially my face or hair** and dude was just crazy. He was just blinking real hard and sh*t and dusting imaginary sh*t off his shoulder.
Why did I snap on a guest today? This rude f*cker was on his cell phone just chatting away so since he purposely ignored me, I went ahead and helped someone else. This f*cker had the nerve to cop an attitude. So he dished it out, so I had to dish some back out at his ass. I don’t play that sh*t.

Working in a hotel is a f*cking pain. I deal with annoying f*ckers all day.

WTF is up with The View? I smell an ass whooping for those old ass hags. I guess racist remarks are what’s hot in the streets now. Is “creature” the new “White” term for “niggers”?

T. Cas you think you know who my blog crush is but I’ll have you know he is not on my daily blog lists nor do I comment on his page. I’m just a lurker. I do feel like a lame though, who has “crushes” anymore? He writes really well. Maybe I just have a crush on the words and not the actual person. Is that possible?

Should I get Justin’s new c.d.? Aw f*ck it, you know I’m copping it. The bandana over the face thing needs to go. Michael Jackson is not my ideal for a “stylish icon”.

Why do I have the sinking sensation my boyfriend is going to propose to me on the 18th of next month. He is really insistent on going on this dinner cruise around the Potomac knowing I don’t f*ck with lakes and rivers like that. Especially not the nasty ass Potomac. We’ll see yall. He is determined to have me down that aisle kicking and screaming. Can you imagine me as “Mrs.” Anything? Bare foot and pregnant? Yeah I shudder at the thought **shudders while slathering self down in cocoa butter**

FH is coming to Chicago before she is deployed to Iraq. Sh*t are they still fighting in Iraq? I told her getting knocked should be her priority because her black ass don’t need to be over there trying to fight and sh*t. But I know my girl. B*tch get captured and become a hostage, she is singing like Luther. Better yet b*tch is going to negotiate her ass out the situation, like “How ‘bout this…We blow up folks together. Now I ain’t strapping a bomb on me but how ‘bout if I toss one in the general direction of people…” Because you know the U.N. is not negotiating with terrorist…especially not over a Black person. You know how they’re quick to ignore one place for another. Sh*t I haven’t been keeping up with the news coverage because yours truly doesn’t give two sh*t about it. I lose interest after two minutes since everyone and their mama has to inject their personal opinions into it.

My opinion: yet another f*cking country where America needs to mind their own f*cking business. Can’t fight the “wars” in America but damn sure like to instigate every little thing that goes on overseas.

And people wonder why “Political Science” was not an option as a major.

Why does my phone keep freezing up? Damn Verizon! If I didn’t heart texting so much I would throw this phone against the wall.

Why am I losing my booty? I put on a pair on panties today and I kid you not the sh*t was kinda drooping in the back. Yall know I can’t have that. I can’t have an “ass-back”. Who knew all the fatty sh*t I was eating was keeping my junk in the trunk?

Does this guy really think I am going to sleep with him? Is he crazy?

But he does have a nice mouth. Pretty little PLL.

LIGHT BRIGHT asked me would I go on a trip with him to Hawaii? I’m all for going on an all expense paid trip but damn he is not my f*cking boyfriend! We’re cool as sh*t but are we cool enough to go on a trip together? I mean I will spring to have my own damn room but he makes me wonder sometimes. I’m probably going to say no **for the sake of the boyfriend** but you know my ass want to scream “HELL YEAH”! I have never been to Hawaii and I would like to go.

Why do I have a tan? My boyfriend pointed that out by the tan lines I have. I’m dark chocolate everywhere but the bikini zone where I am “milk” chocolate. It’s kinda freaky though. I’m tempted to sun bathe nude but of course I have a pervert who lives in the apartment across from me. He’s already seen the chocolate before for free. Next time he has to pay.

Why did my friend send me pictures of a stripper named “Hot Lightening”? Why am I in lust right now? But got damn I hope he uses a pump because a d*ck that size should be illegal in all 50 states and territories. Sh*t looks like it could easily touch a woman’s ovaries and f*ck some sh*t up. Do strippers really get ass? I mean with d*cks that’s borderline freakish, do strippers really get ass like that? I’m all for the pipe but not the f*cking water main pipe! Damn that “coochie is a muscle, it stretches” nonsense. Just because we can birth babies doesn’t mean that sh*t is a cake walk. Contractions anyone? From what I heard those are not for punks like myself.

But still “Hot Lightening” is on my phone screen saver.

Why did I groom attack cat **he was long overdue** and why did a wig-worth of fur come out with the comb? I’m taking my baby to the vet, maybe he’s sick. He’s a long hair tabby but still that was a lot of hair that was coming out. He wasn’t happy about being groomed but he sat and took it for 45 minutes before he finally got tired of me and ran under the bed. Next is bath time. Why the hell is this cat fascinated with water until its bath time? Damn cat is a pervert too. Always all up in the bathroom while you’re in the shower, pulling back the shower curtain to peek and watches you while you put lotion on. Sick Kitty I tell you.

Why is there a marathon of “A Different World” airing on TV Land? I loved that show. I seriously thought college was going to be like that. Damn was I fooled. I now realize I couldn’t live in their condition. Wait, maybe I did because our dorm rooms were small as hell. It didn’t help that I was a pack rat and had to pack up my whole damn room only to bring half the sh*t back for Thanksgiving break. And why the hell was my room the “guest room” and I had to camp out in the basement because my room was the “guest room” therefore “for guests”. Ain’t that a b*tch? Kicked out of my own damn room. Now the “guest room” is my niece’s room.

Why did that heifer that drowned her five kids get a “Not Guilty” verdict? Sure they declared the b*tch insane but that’s f*cked up. Post-partum my ass. People who kill their children need a needle in their arm. Point blank. F*ck that sh*t. Those babies were under the age of 7, they did not deserve to die. You know this b*tch will be out walking the streets, declared “cured” in less than 10 years.

I am so geeked, I think I have up graded to a 36B. *LOL* Hey I’m slowly getting into the C cup range. Why is it when I go to Victoria’s Secret the saleswomen snicker when I always ask for a bra in a 34B? Sh*t I can’t help I haven’t hit my “growth” spurt.

I am convinced there are steroids in the water, milk, chicken and beef. Have you seen teenagers nowadays? These little heifers look grown as f*ck! I’ll be damned if a 9 year old snickers at me because her chest is bigger than mine.

I was so bored at work I actually did some work. Except I hate coming out to the front desk because I’m always a second from snapping on someone. Why can’t people just come in, get their key and get the f*ck away from the desk? I am not the f*cking expert of every event, place, road, and Metro stop! Stop asking me sh*t because I honestly don’t know! DC/MD/VA is not a f*cking hick town so stop expecting me to know every single thing that is going on. That is not my job!

I could write a list of sh*t that irks the sh*t out of hotels but hey I’m lazy. Maybe one day just as a guide to get what you want the right way and not the way that will place you on the “List”. And you know what list I’m talking about.

Why am I so immature? Shouldn’t I grow the f*ck up already? I chuckled today because I heard a girl say “organism”. I know how middle school but I still got a good chuckle out of it. Yeah I was one of the “gigglers” who giggled at every “dirty” word or phrase the teacher uttered. Yeah, the principal’s office was my second home.

Sometimes I feel like I’m 35, other day 12.

This woman tripped in front of me today. Was it wrong to laugh my ass off?

Why is everyone geeked about tennis? Does it look like I’m going to be sweating in the hot ass sun to watch balls fly across the court?

Yes, less than an hour until it’s time for me to leave!