Post Number 100

Today was another uneventful day. As this is my 100th post *yea for me* I was going to do “100 Facts About Me” which I see on virtually everyone’s blog for entry number 100 but what had happened was…

I think I tapped out after number 56 or something so I just scratched that. Besides I think I’ll save that for another time or something.

I was watching Sex And The City the other day and it was the episode when Carrie was still with Mr. Big and Natasha **his wife** caught her in their house. That show was my sh*t I was mad when it went off the air. I mean where else besides any random college campus and the Adams Morgan area can I witness slutty White women at their best? But what tripped me out was when Samantha **uber slut** went in for an HIV test and fainted. I kid you not. The same exact sh*t happened to me. Now that I think about it, I think my friend saw the episode before I did and told me the same sh*t that was told to Samantha.

You know, the four finger motion to “Come With Me” as well as being led to the little room in the back to be told the bad news.

In college, I went for HIV testing every three months because hey you can never be too safe. Not to mention that I think I have hypochondriac tendencies as every little sniffle warrants a visit to the doctor’s office. Thank goodness I have an excellent benefits package. Now the first time I went, I was nervous to the say the least. While it’s not like my legs was like 7/11 or hella dudes have slide up in my raw dogging it, it’s something about going for STD testing that makes me a little nervous and it’s not like the damn nurse was any better at relieving my tension. The way she talked, I could get AIDS from a toilet seat or something even though I don’t sit on the toilets **hell I try to avoid using a public washroom** in any public restroom. That’s just nasty as hell.

So she takes a blood sample **I swear she busted out a beaker and sh*t** and tells me to come back in a week for my results. I didn’t have anything to hide so I opted to not take it as an “anonymous” person.

All week…A B*tch is sweating bullets. I’m having nightmares, going crazy with millions of “What If” scenarios, and I already had the suicide note ready because after I went on my killing spree I was not going to stick around to go to jail. Once again: I am too pretty for jail. My friends are trying to comfort me but of course had a f*cked up way of doing it. Just not helping at all, in fact, confirming my fears and sh*t. My room mate ICEE had taken one a few weeks prior so of course she was the “expert” in HIV Testing. B*tch take one Human Sexuality class and this heifer is Dr. Ruth but whatever. So she told me of course the now infamous lines from Sex And The City.

The day came and I was sweating harder than a whore in church *LOL my grandmother says this all the time, I just wanted an excuse to say it* and I drag ICEE with me to the clinic aka McKillMe as it is commonly called on campus. So I’m literally shaking and yall I don’t get shook real easily but a b*tch is super nervous. The nurse called my name. I stood up. She motioned to me with the four fingers. I stopped. She was walking down the hall and paused in front of “the door”. “The Door” that is rumored to be the room where bad news in delivered. I took a step and passed the f*ck out.

I came to with about 10 people in my face and ICEE putting on the “ghetto funeral” performance. That isn’t the first time I have fainted but it damn sure was the funniest. Turns out the nurse was just stopping to talk to a fellow colleague,

And my test was negative as were the next two. The nurses ribbed me about this until I graduated. I took one step and just hit the f*cking ground.

Take that Samantha! Although hers was funny as sh*t too.

In case folks are not aware, Tenacious is a walking death trap. I trip and fall damn near everyday. How do you trip on air? I swear I’ll be walking and just stumble. And let’s not mention how many times I have walked into some sh*t. I’ve taken down small children when I’m on a roll. Of course, it always warrants a good laugh out of me because if you can’t laugh at yourself…Well you need to stop being so uptight.

And don’t let someone fine cross my path, I’ve tripped and fallen around enough cute men to pump their head up for years. I walked into the door eyeing this cute Puerto Rican guy that was leaving my job the other day. I smacked that door kinda hard too but he was fine as hell. See I’m a sucker for a pretty face.

I’m surprised I have no scars on my legs and face as many times as I have tumbled off the curb, bed…pole *LOL just kidding*. I fell off of our bunk bed so many times in college, we had to debunk the bed. I’ve fallen down the stairs quite a few times, once trying to save a slice of pizza. Hey I will make that sacrifice for some food. *lol*

I can’t help it, I am a natural klutz.

I know that’s bad to admit to people but its true.

But why am I admitting this? Why it’s my 100th post, of course. Why not have yet another random post about absolutely nothing.

I’m proud to say I have lost my “baby bump”. While I am not working with the six packs just yet, I don’t have any more kids running up touching my damn stomach asking me when my baby is due. Working out actually pays off. It doesn’t help there are some cute guys who works out at my gym *lol* Hey I need some motivation you know.

I was told today I look like I can’t suck d*ck.

Wow. Right.
Apparently this was confirmed by quite a few guys. I just have that “I Half Ass Suck D*ck” look about me.

No worries. Hell I rather have that look than the “She Can Suck The Meat Off A Nigga’s Sh*t” Look. Besides if you suck d*ck too good, don’t guys start to wonder just how many d*cks have been in your mouth? Just putting that out that for the fellas.

Conversation was so damn funny I had to call FH to join in on the fun. Because this was just one conversation that I could not walk away from.

Do people really have a “look” about them that confirms whether or not they will be good in bed?

Granted I have the look of “Good in Bed” **when I’m not suffering from narcolepsy that is** but not the look of “Good Head”. Trust that is one title that I am not vying for. I was not about to start hollering, “Nigga f*ck you. I suck a damn good d*ck!” B*tch was as quiet as a church mouse in that b*tch.

But I do admit I will look at a guy and debate on whether he is “do-able” or not. I swear there are some men who looks like they can eat the sh*t out of the muffin. But there are some guys, I guess, who has the “Look” I guess. That nigga who just looks like he’s going to be a waste of vaginal fluids and hard nipples. Usually that’s the nigga who has to run his mouth about how “tight” his “d*ck game” is. And we all know how those usually turn out.

This conversation was hilarious as sh*t. I know I was laughing the whole conversation. I wasn’t offended, of course. I think I have a high tolerance for offense because there is little out there that will truly offend me. I told yall, I have a f*cked up sense of humor. I laugh at everything. And often during inappropriate times.

That sh*t has gotten me in trouble quite a few times growing up. And many of dirty looks.

I can’t help it though. I try not to laugh at everything but I can’t stop. My boyfriend gets really angry when we have an argument and I just start laughing during it. Does that mean I am going crazy? Isn’t that the first sign? Or am I just really immature?

Stinky Girl at work had to the nerve to give me the “Evil Eye” today. B*tch I don’t care, you still stink. But she wasn’t as smelly as she have been. I didn’t smell her before I saw her. But still…Take about 10 steps back from me. You will not have folks looking at me like I’m the stinky one. Why the Black people always have to be the smelly one? Someone passes gas and who do they look at automatically? The Black person in the room.

OK sometimes it do be us but damn we try to get away from the damn smell. We don’t just stand there. We fart and move. *LOL*

Why did a White man hit on me in the elevator? I went downstairs to get the mail and he just starts flirting with me. Since when is Black girls hot with middle aged White men? Did I miss the memo or something? I was like I am not about to become another “Beautiful Black Creature”. No damn Jungle Bunny here. While deeply amused, as you know I started laughing, I have to pass. He did not look like Justin’s doppelganger. More like John Travolta’s. And that’s a…NO!

White men must be waking up because they actually are in the “Black” clubs and sh*t now and I don’t mean the “ghetto” White “Paul Wall” types. I mean the Abercrombie & Fitch, Sam Adams drinking, busted gym shoe wearing, cornbread fed White boy. And they are coming after the sisters! I am too blown. Let me find out Timmy want a little bit of coffee with that cream. He can be my “Sugar Daddy”. You know White Folks don’t know what to do with their money. Hell damn those $60 polos that looked like you found them in the basement of an abandoned building, sh*t Mama will direct your credit card to the right stores. Hell pay my damn student loans off. Finance Graduate School or something.

I have to buy ATL on DVD…How else could I think about T.I.? He can still hit…pending that HIV Test. And no kisses in the mouth. That scar is not sexy. The movie was cute so why not?

Why can’t I still find my Finding Nemo DVD? I’m going to cut someone if it doesn’t turn up. I stood in line 2 hours at the Disney Store to buy that sh*t when it first came out. Why was I the oldest person **without a child** in line? I don’t give a sh*t, Finding Nemo is the sh*t.

Why is Season 3 of Dave Chappelle sold the f*ck out at the f*cking Best Buy and Circuit City by my apartment. You know I’m pissed. So what I stole the first two seasons from friends. Hey they had two weeks to ask for the sh*t back. Now it’s property of Tenacious.

I think I have a blog crush. I know, kinda lame. But I go his page everyday. *LOL* Damn is that blog stalking? And no, T it is not you. You’re “committed” *LOL* Besides I would just tell you.

Hey the boyfriend didn’t say anything about internet flirting *LOL*

I can’t believe my ass has reached 100 posting already. Damn I write too damn much! Thanks to everyone who stops by daily. Yall make a sista’s day!