Shortest Post Ever...

T. Cas took the posting right out of my head but f*ck it, I’m going to write about it anyways. I probably do that tomorrow.

Oh yeah I told the BF about my new found French stalker especially since the muthaf*cker jumped out of the bushes *literally* on my ass scaring the living hell out of me. Scared me so damn bad I was jumpy the entire day flinching and sh*t like I was on that sh*t or something.

I’m walking down the street this morning, of course I’m looking around like I’m looking to score that sh*t, looking mad crackhead-ish, because I’m sure the bastard is going to pop up. I’m anticipating his pending arrival. I didn’t see him when I got off the train but in the morning it’s so many people in the station that I probably wouldn’t notice him right off the bat anyway. I get halfway to work with success, there’s no one on the street really but some folks jogging, the sun is trying to peek out of the clouds and I’m within sight of my building. I’m walking past this building that has hedges and out leaps this muthaf*cker. When I mean this muthaf*cker literally jumped out the bushes, his ass literally jumped out the bushes. Talking about some “Hey what’s up”.

I screamed so f*cking loud it scared even me. I didn’t know I could scream like that. I think I was more startled than anything but still, a b*tch was spooked. Of course he darted off, I guess I scared the sh*t out of him too. A couple of good Samaritans on the road stopped and asked were I alright but I was kind of shook up the whole day. Had my stalker been a little b*t bigger **he’s really slim** he probably could have dragged me in the bushes or something. But oh yeah we would have been scraping for real because he wasn’t just going to take it. Nigga would have had to kill me first.

I told Security when I got in so they have been watching for his ass. Damn shame it has to come to this. I mean damn if he wanted a green card or whatever for the right price I could have hooked him up but to stalk me. I know there are Black people in France! And I know living in the DC area he has seen Black people before so it’s not like I’m the first real Black woman he has ever seen. But it’s cool.

The BF crazy ass will handle this. This is a time when I want him to step in and cleat up some sh*t. Usually I tell him not to bother or hell I just don’t tell him at all. I call the best friends and we brainstorm a way to get rid of my stalkers or hell my stalkers will find a new object of affection and move on.

So my boyfriend is going to get up early and “follow” me to work. Damn a restraining order Honey **you know I don’t f*ck with the police like that. Hell I might have a few warrants out myself** we’re just going to handle that situation the “street” way. Hopefully no one will land up in jail for real.

I don’t know what it is T. I think it’s my perfume. I think I’m going to switch brands or something. The crazy men are after me like I owe them money or something.

It’s a damn shame when the stalking has turned international on a sister.

Guess who I got a phone call from?

CUTIE.

He just called to say “Hi”. I was surprised. I started not to pick up the phone since I erased his number *per boyfriend* out of my phone and I’m wary of (202) area code numbers but I picked up and we had a quick little chat.

My girl DH called. Their counseling sessions are going well. She also informed me that she was not pregnant but she is on the shot now. She said she was stressed due to her unhappiness and that’s why she was not getting her monthly. She got insulted because I asked did she receive her monthly naturally or through “medical” ways **abortion** but hey I was just wondering. I know she’s capable of sneaking off to do something like that. I told her not to earn the wrath of a West Indies man. F*ck around and put some roots on her. Have her clucking like a chicken and sh*t.

I just lazed out today and my nerves are still rattled from earlier today. I promise to return to my usual dose of hilarity tomorrow.

What are everyone’s plans for the weekend?