Late Night Conversations....

Why is it so hard for people to believe that I am 23?

But I guess I can’t twist my mouth to complain too much, I mean I’ve been told I was “immature” by virtually everyone I know for as long as I could remember.

I mean I still watch cartoons, wear character underwear, laugh at fart jokes, have a made up language with friends, and generally jeans, t-shirts and gym shoes/flip flops make up majority of my wardrobe. Graphic tees with cute and shocking phrases are prominently in my closet. I wear a lot of low-rise jeans usually tight to the point of loss of blood circulation in my legs or at least a potential chance of a yeast infection.

I mean how does a 23 year old supposed to act? I can only act like myself and shit if I find something funny, hell it’s funny.

I guess I have been missing a lot of memos. I mean first the “All dark skinned people are supposed to be ugly thus I should take “I’m cute for a dark skinned girl” comments as a compliment” and now “23 years old should act I guess like 40 year olds.”

*shrug*

I guess I have been sleeping through those meetings that document this.

Oh well. Fuck it. If you want a mature 23 year old, I advise you look elsewhere. Now if you want a relatively immature 23 year old who at times act like a mature adult, then I am that person for you.

I will be dragged into adulthood kicking and screaming like I will down the aisle. Shit I’m holding on to my youth…ok not like Michael Jackson but I want to remain young for as long as I can.

And no I won’t be that middle aged woman rocking my daughter’s outfits, trying to go to the clubs with her and her friends, getting drunk and talking about how “fly” I was when I was their age and I had a 26 waist before my daughter fucked up my figure, ending the night drunk sobbing into a bottle.

Oh wait. That’s only in my family you get those conversations.
Slump…you are hilarious. I can always count on you to leave dirty comments in my comment box. *lol*

Even though…I mean Jamie Foxx? I mean you couldn’t conjure up another person? Jamie has never appealed to me actually. Never.

And Slump I tend not to pick up strangers without asking them their prices and what do they do for those prices.

But I can agree with you on the other points. Shit if you got women slurping you in the Wendy’s bathroom can you please direct me to these women so I can ask where are their brothers?

I mean a trait like that should be hereditary right?

And I still wouldn’t give it up to him anyway. In fact what the hell is he doing trying to pick up women in McDonald’s anyway? I mean damn is he R. Kelly or something? I remember R. Kelly picked up his young chicks at the Rock and Roll McDonald’s downtown. I guess I looked even too young for him as he never looked in my direction.

Not that I would want him to. I mean I could see fucking but pissing? That shit is just nasty. How am I going to explain that to my mama, coming home smelling like piss? Sex maybe. I could slide in the bathroom for a quick shower and she probably wouldn't smell me if she wasn't too close, but piss? That stench carries.

Speaking of nasty, I’m on three way with TWIN and FOOL *yeah we’re talking again. I’m surprised. The last time we had it out we didn’t talk for two months* and the subject of anal sex comes up, I think we were watching the same thing on TV.

I think it’s disgusting and I would never do it. I know, never say never, I mean I said I would never suck dick and well…

I know a few of my friends have tried it and a few haven’t. Some liked it. Some didn’t. All walking around with slightly looser booty holes.

Ok but this time I’m serious. Why would I want someone to stick their dick in my butt when there’s a perfectly good hole inches below that hasn’t had a lot of wear and tear?

And I mean fucking with the booty have side effects right? I mean doesn’t that loosen your bowels? I mean what if you’re trying to rush to the bathroom and just let loose because you can’t clench your booty like you used to?

I tense up if a damn finger comes near that area let alone anything else. I mean it’s one thing to lick something that has blood that comes out of it, but it’s another to lick something that, well, shit comes out of. I don’t even like to have my salad tossed. I mean what’s the enjoyment in a wet booty? And once again, lick something that I will enjoy, like that good vagina.

“Don’t knock it ‘til you try it” my ass.

If you want anal, you better go to jail because that’s the only way you’re getting some booty hole. Why would a man want to stick his dick in a butt anyway? Isn’t that, well, homosexual? I mean if the broad’s coochie was too loose, I guess that’s one thing. I mean that should tell you how much coochie workouts she’s getting but the butt?

Ew.

JBN has never brought up the topic because I mean he know where I stand on this issue, he knows the deal, he better hit up jail or some other chick if he’s that damn curious, but other men? Tuh, some act as if I’m committing some crime against nature by not offering the booty.

I’ve heard all the lines, excuses and reasons on why I should as well as the rebuttals when I refuse.

Here’s a few:

1. It feels tighter. *Um how would you know, are you a woman? How the HELL would you know what it feels like…unless you’ve had it done to you that is.”

2. I’m a “little girl” for my way of thinking. *When I was a little girl, I was thinking about Barbies, not anal sex*

3. I’m being a punk. *Is that supposed to be some half-assed reverse psychology? Like I’m going to stomp my foot and declare “I’m NOT a punk…here I’m show you….take my booty virginity. On the contrary I’m nodding my head like “Yup I’m a punk”*

4. My last girlfriend/fuck friend/stranger let me do it. *Clap hands. Great. Your girl was a freak. Since we’re not the same person what does this have to do with me again? I mean the last guy I messed with did all types of freaky things, does that mean you’re obligated to do it? Come to think of it, why the hell did yall break up if she let you put it in her booty?*

5. I promise…it won’t hurt. *Once again…how would you know? Come on now this is the same girl who avoided sex after my first time for a nice minute because that shit was painful. In fact I’m having flashbacks right now*

Here my answer: You can fuck me in the ass when I can do the same. I mean let me strap up and ram a dick up your ass. Fair is fair right? I mean let me do you and then maybe you can do me. Note the word "maybe".

So far no takers.

And of course I have to go first and you still wouldn’t get the booty. In fact I’m running to the bathroom to call my girls. And maybe some of your guys.

Oh we laughed for hours talking about the subject I mean if I can’t talk about it with friends, who can you? I mean sometimes that’s the joy in having male friends. I mean only a male friend will tell you if your techniques for sucking dick is wack because I mean everyone knows you have to pay attention to the balls while sucking the dick, in fact you gotta lick them bad boys too don’t leave them out in the cold. And male friends won’t try to sanitize it. Shit sometimes I take notes, like “For real…wait repeat that”.

Gosh sometimes I wish I were a male. And then I realized I would probably be a pervert because I would constantly touch myself.

I am a groper. I am always palming my guy’s shit *in the house not out in public like I see some people doing* because I am amused when it gets hard. I like that I have that effect on him. But then again this is a man whose dick gets hard at the thought of fried chicken. Hell I like to think that I have that effect on every man. Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t.

It’s all in the booty. Well not literally of course.

See I am a pervert.

*sigh*

I guess I’m showing my age. Only I still get excited when I turn on HBO and there’s a dirty movie on. I would call one of my friends and we would giggle throughout the whole movie. And lawd don’t let anyone walk in the room, we’re flipping channels like we used to do when we were kids watching Skinamax and we didn’t want our mothers to catch us looking at dirty flicks.

Never mind that we have our own places, we still do it like we’re going to get caught and scolded.

It’s Halloween time. I’m debating whether I should buy a costume. In college I dressed up, of course a sluttier outfit than when I was a child.

Wait what am I talking about? My mother made our costumes. I was a damn ghost, bee, and princess every other year which meant a sheet, a gold/black outfit, and a party dress were my costume.

I’m thinking of hitting up the present and future strippers of America store, Frederick’s of Hollywood, maybe I could be a skanky nurse or something. But I think I’d be arrested as a street walker more likely if I walk around DC in a get-up like that.

I would dress as a stripper but I think people really believe me when I tell folks *with a straight face* that I am an exotic dancer. I mean I do work long hours, on my feet, deal with all sorts of customer, and I did burst out of one of my shirts the other day…and not to mention I work in a “Ho”-tel *yeah lame I know*.

Even though I have to remind folks there is a different between the ‘Mo and a Hotel. Ok we don’t rent by the hour. And our rates are pretty up there. That’s a lot of chop to pay just to fuck someone for an hour or two and then you’re ready to go.

If they weren’t trying to work me like a damn sharecropper during Reconstruction, I’d get a room every weekend and relax. I mean I have a great discount and I’m starting to get to know folks at other hotel chains so I can get their discount as well. I know shameless right? But shit I’ll go in any store and flirt for a discount, you know I love a good sale.

Speaking of sale, I need to stay my ass off of Victoria’s Secret website. Already I have bought too many bras and panties. Yeah I dance in my undies. I walk around in my underwear so you know I have to profile in the cute ones.

Blinds closed of course. I’m not trying to give the pervert who live across from me a free show. Or the people who stay at the Hilton directly across from me. Although they would have to be pretty hard up to try to get a peek of me dancing around the house.

I need a new phone. I’m waiting for the new Blackberry to arrive with Verizon.

Better yet I need to know more people with Verizon! What’s the point of having unlimited In Calling texts when I know only three people with Verizon? Everyone is either bootleg Sprint, T-Mobile or Nextel.

*sigh*

Only one more days of this shit.

I can’t wait to put my feet up.