Ok to finish my truth or dares, I took a truth from NIKKI and she asked me write a speech that you would say to the person who has hurt you most in the world. include EVERYTHING you would want to say to him/her.
As much as I would LOVE to write about my father, I don’t hate the man. I just dislike him. Once again there’s a borderline sociopath lurking deep in my subconscious. Sometimes I think I am really evil which scares me the severity of my dislike for him sometimes. I mean sometimes my dislike for him is so strong, if he dropped dead tomorrow I would do a little jig before overwhelming guilt took over for me thinking such evil thoughts.
He did get into a car accident Friday afternoon. He’s alive and well just will out of work for several weeks due to back problems. His car is totaled as the stupid woman who slammed into him but since it was her fault her insurance will be paying for his car and possibly his medical bills. I was relieved that he was ok but a small voice thought, “Damn he was almost snuffed out” and a wicked smile emerged on my face.
Damn that so fucked up to think like that. But I digress I don’t hate the man; I just don’t like him all the time.
I don’t hate many people in my short life. Extreme dislike, yes. But hate? Such a strong bitter word. If I can name one person that I hate, it would probably be KAPPA. I hate that man with an intensity that is also psychotic. Just looking at the man sends me in a rage.
This is what I would say to the bastard:
“You stupid son of a bitch if only you were in the car that day my problems would have been solved now wouldn’t it? It’s not even the fact that you got the pussy; it’s the way you got it. How desperate were you to hit that you had to get me pissy drunk in order to get it. But you know what? I blame myself. I blame myself for letting anger consume me about something else which distracted me enough to take alcohol from you and confine in you. You’ve fucking wrecked my life and you have been nothing but a boil on my ass ever since. Do you know the nightmares I’ve had thinking I could have been potentially knocked up with your child because your stupid, selfish ass didn’t think enough of me to wear a fucking condom?! I almost wished I did get pregnant so I could have gotten an abortion because the pleasure I would have gotten from tearing something with your flesh out of me would have put me in some sort of heaven. I hate your ways; I hate you. Why do you continue to torture me with your presence? Why do you continue to call me and bother me? Why Why Why? It’s bad enough JBN is your frat brother not to mention pledge father, I have to look at your face at every single fucking event that I can’t weasel my way out of because I have to be a “good supportive” girlfriend. It’s not even the fact that you almost wrecked my relationship with your lies of our non existence “affair”. How fucked up are you to pursue a frat brother, who’s supposed to be like a real brother, girlfriend without any regard to his feelings? Maybe it’s straight bitterness talking, mad because you got the panties which pisses me off more than anything because *shudder* your bare flesh has been inside me. But I don’t like you, have never liked you. Seek treatment as soon as possible. You are a schizophrenic among other things. You have mental problems that should be addressed. Please stop calling me, stop IMing me and just making your existence known. I’m pissed that you got our house number from another frat brother and you think you’re slick calling to talk to JBN when I know what you’re calling for. You must have lost the left and right side of your mind if you think you’re going to be in MY wedding. Yeah right. Dude I would run you over with a car and laugh. I can’t stand you. You disgust me. Hopefully you’ll fall in a gutter somewhere. Stay the fuck away from me.”
Ok Nikki it has been done. Nothing that I haven’t told him before but I hate this man with an intensity that scares me. If I could murder him and get away with it, he would have already been buried in a field on I-57 by now. I’m so serious. I detest this man.
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2 comments:
WOW!!!!!! i could feel your anger jumping out of this post! maybe now you can get the closure you need...
this is EXACTLY what i wanted :)
that was SOMETHING, sista. now let me tell you the reason i asked you to do it. you remind me alot of myself in that you can cut a mothafucka down with your candidness and the straight up razor-sharp way you do it. i know for me, i've simmered with anger for folk for way too long and sometimes it comes out with a cut like that. it wasn't until i did something like this that i was able to finally get rid of that hate because i knew much of that anger (if not most of it) was directed towards myself because i allowed myself to be treated like that or i let myself act that way, etc. in writing my speech i was able to rid myself of that anger and what was ultimately, his control over me. i mean, if he can't make me upset, he can't control my emotions, period.
so i hope this helps you to rid yourself of some of that. if i had rid myself of that before i got married, perhaps my marriage could have been saved. take care, luv.
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