He's Back...

Synsational…stay out of my head ok?

People tell me why SIGMA will not leave me the hell alone?

It’s a damn shame when you have to log into Yahoo invisible so someone will not bombard you with IMs. And sometimes that doesn't work because he’ll just IM a one side conversation most of them ending with “I know you’re there, stop playing, answer the questions” with an Ike Turner “Anna Mae eat the cake” tone.

Is it the holidays that brings out this…or is it me?

Hell naw it’s the holidays.

It started with ignored texts, you know all the odes of affection that you can type in 160 characters.

Then random e-cards. “Just Thinking of You”, “Miss You”, “Just Because” even a damn “Happy Birthday” card. Ok the “Happy Birthday” was a sexually explicit card but I got what he was trying to say.

I guess when that didn’t work, fucking texts. Now you know I’m mad at this one.

Nigga has T-Mobile. I have Verizon. Dude you’re fucking with my 1000 text limit for people outside of the Verizon network. Shit I need those!

And then he resorted to IMing me since T-Mobile phones have Yahoo Messenger. Um when I said stop fucking sending me texts, I didn’t mean switch to IM!

So like a little bitch, I’m hiding my online status. Most of the time I’m actually online but I contact whom I want to talk to. It’s a damn shame really.

I’m resorting to hiding out to escape his ass.

So If I contact you and you notice I’m off-line, please don’t take offense. It’s me hiding because shit he could hide his status as well and pounce when I least expect it. Not to mention I could just block his ass…if I knew how. Not to mention he could create a new account and randomly IM me…If I knew how to cut that feature off I would. I have gotten tired of receiving random IMs from people up late at night trying to cyber with me.

I mean just because I’m up at 2 am is not an invitation to want to have cyber sex! And how horny are you really if you have to stop jacking off long enough to type how horny you are and how you’re jacking off right now?

Kind of defeats the purpose if you ask me. Sure a guy could probably do both but umm I’m right handed. Yeah that hand would be occupied if I was ever desperate enough to finger myself while on the computer.

*sigh*

I guess SIGMA is gaining steam. He was chilling in the cut for a nice minute after I told him we could no longer remain friends if his feelings were that deep for me. Never mind he could have easily been in the position of JBN had he not fucked that girl because he were mad that I “supposedly” fucked some dude and decided to get some “pay back” pussy.

How red his face must have been when it came out that those allegations were not true. In fact the guy in question was a good friend from high school who went to Eastern University and I ran into him at a party and he was drunk as fuck. Never mind he slept in my room fully clothed because I didn’t want him to drive in his condition back to his school and I slept on the floor in my own damn dorm room. I was not climbing into the top bunk after I've fallen off it a couple of times.

Also never mind this guy later became a Sigma and SIGMA helped with his process and he personally told him nothing went on as he had been with the same girl since high school *she’s now a Zeta* and I was just helping him out.

But whatever. Water under the bridge right?

He lost. JBN won. Simple as that. I mean damn at least JBN would ask first before diving into some girl’s pussy, but whatever.

I was a little salty at him for a couple of months but we got back cool. He never made a move on me although I knew he wanted to. Shit sometimes I wanted him to make a move, dangling bait in front of him, but he never took it. I mean you don’t forget a tongue like that. I mean homeboy has some serious mouth skills. Sometimes his mouth was a little too good, made me wonder how many ladies he practiced on before perfecting his skill.

I thought he was pretty cool about the end of our friendship, I mean I was sad because he is a good friend to have and I could tell him anything in confidence without worrying that he would tell someone. I considered him a very close friend in my small circle of inner friends.

But I couldn’t lead him on like that. I couldn’t let him think that I’ll break up with my guy over him, or shit if we ever broke up that I would be with him because I wouldn’t.

I thought he took it well. Shit how wrong I was.

I’ll be at work and my phone just going constantly off. Missed calls and texts. Now he knows better. He knows I don’t pick up unfamiliar numbers. Especially too many 773, 312 or 708 numbers. Quit playing.

Then his cryptic ass texts. How come we can’t be together? Do I miss him? How come I wont talk to him? He loves me. I love him. I’m running scared. Do I think of him? Do I miss what we had? He just wants a piece of me, not all. He could be my “side guy”. He has dreams about me all the time. I know I’m not happy with JBN, he could make me happy. Don’t marry JBN, marry him. I’d never have to work a day of my life if I was with him. He’d walk to the end of the earth to make me happy. He misses me. Why am I ignoring him? Don’t I care that he’s pouring his heart out? He wants to have my children. He wants to grow old with me. Why am I doing this to him? I am cold. No, he didn’t mean that, he loves me. When am I coming to Chicago? Could I see him when I come home? He just wants to touch my face.

*sigh*

I could go on and on about all of his ramblings but that’s the gist of it. All sounds sweet but shit I know him. I’ve seen him sweet talk chicks right out their panties minutes after meeting them.

Shit I should know. I was one of them. Ok well it took two days but that’s not the point.

Am I just that fucking cynical? Do I think every male has an alternative reason behind the sweet words? A guy could tell me something like, “You’re pretty” and automatically, “Whatever dude” falls out of my mouth.

It’s like I always have to question something. An “I miss you” is returned by several questions, “Why” being the main one, followed by six follow up questions. It’s like I refuse to believe you so I’m going to interrogate the shit out of you to see if you’re being real or bullshiting.

Damn when did I become so…jaded?

Or maybe I’m just jaded on people that I know and people where I can sniff out the bullshit. I’ll get away messages stating “I missed you”. How could you miss something you never had? How can you miss someone you barely know?

I take everything with a grain of salt. Or maybe I’m just trying to protect my fragile heart.

But his voice sounds so sincere. No matter how cold I am to him or snap at him, his sweet voice counters back. He sounds so warm all the time, his words sound so real.

But tuh, he’s probably looking to fuck. To see if he could break down my
relationship. Well it takes more than some good dick to get deep down in my soul. The dick may hit one spot but it’ll never hit home. Never a home run, maybe a walk.

Ah ha, see I know a baseball term or two.

Why bother me of all people? He knows me. He knows how fucked I can be. He knows this so why is he still hanging on to the hope that we could be together? He knows how my mind works. He knows what I would do in a number of situations.

Shit him fucking some chick? Shit I’d done the same. But I rubbed it in the guy’s face before I dumped him. Take that my nigga. Two can play that.

Shit I wasn’t even mad at the act, I was more mad at the person and the accusation that I was cheating. When I wasn’t.

Now he’s ruining my day off. I guess he senses I’m near a computer thus he has resumed his daily bombard of IMs.

Killing part…I wonder what his girlfriend thinks of all this.