As I sit online bored as all outdoors, guess who sends me an IM?
My best male friend SIGMA who my boyfriend hates because me and him have “history”.
For the record he is the only male friend that I have whom I have slept with *in the sexual sense yall* but somehow we still manage to be cool. I mean sure he is hung like a muthaf*cking horse and boy he can eat some yum-yum like it’s a four course meal ok and sure I be staring at his mouth too much, coochie humming because she remembers that working that he puts on her but still….*LOL*
Besides he has three kids *thus no more sliding between these thighs as I am sure I will get pregnant if he breathes on me too hard* and he has crazy ass baby mommas.
I don’t think we ever meant to actually sleep together but oh well sh*t happens. Besides I got with the boyfriend later on down the line so I guess it all evens out. Of course the boyfriend doesn’t like our friendship as he think we would f*ck again. I told him trust he has nothing to worry about. Sure the d*ck and tongue is worthy of singing praises from the rooftops but we decided that a friendship was better than a f*ckship because we’re too much alike. Hence I can out with him, get toasted and don’t have to worry about waking up looking for my panties. Sure I have felt the morning wood poking but nothing has popped off since I went and got “serious” on him.
Do he wants to f*ck? Probably. Sometimes we joke about it. I mean I am a goof ball. OMG like the time his room mate caught up in the middle of getting down. My cool ass WB friend NICK got to see his first real Black Girl boobie. And trust NICK has not let me forget that or the horrified expression I had on my face as he did leave the door wide open and being the person he is, instead of a “My Badd” and walking his ass back out, oh no he came in to get beer and he was not leaving with his beer. Had the nerve to sit down and wanted to chat until we both screamed at him to getthefuccout.
LOL
Do I think about it? Honestly, no. Ok well sometimes. I think about the mouth more than anything. Nigga can open a school of “Eating the Muffin” if you ask me. Sometimes he’ll be talking to me and say something, legs part like sesame. Damn my weakness of the tongue.
But hey our friendship works somehow. It’s not like I call him whining about my relationship. That’s what my girls are for and it’s not usually whining it’s usually some rant that I try out on them before I bring it to him. We don’t have that many problems *anymore* that needs griping about so outside of some regular old talking, my boyfriend is rarely mentioned. Although he is all up and through this blog *by default he is my live-in booty after all* I rarely bring him up unless asked. I can’t be on of those people who mention their significant other is every single breathe. Like he/she is the most perfect being on earth and can do no wrong although you know you’re lying like a muthaf*cker. Hell although we’ve moved past the days of public scenes and argument, we ain’t perfect. And I know how folks are quick to hate on your shine and try to bring your relationship down because theirs is in the pits. How are you going to be mad at me because my boyfriend doesn’t cheat on me? Like I’m lying or something. Trust if he was, after the smack down I lay on his ass, his ass will be to the curb. I don’t have the time to tolerate cheating. I already have some insecurities that I need to get rid of, I refuse to let relationship insecurities conquer my ass as well. Hell no dick is that damn good to allow me to 1) want to share or 2) allow you to share it with every chick out in the street. Nor is the money that long. My boyfriend is a full-time graduate student plus working two jobs in order to keep his head above water. Trust money is not an issue.
We talk about real sh*t. None of that girlish rambling sh*t. We just talk about a little of everything. He gives me advice. I gives him advice. Of course his baby mamas hate me with a passion so I limit my contact with him because they are the spiteful, hateful type. The “I won’t let you see your kids because I saw you with that b*tch last night so Ima make you beg to see your children” type and I despise women like that so to prevent myself from slapping their little skinny asses, I distance myself. Hell if they don’t want me touching their kids I won’t. It’s not like I like children like that anyway. But don’t punish the father because you don’t like me. Be a woman about your sh*t and let me in on this one-sided beef you have with him. Damn b*tch I had him already. Been there, done that. It’s a wrap. I mean damn I have a man. I don’t want yours.
Did I mention that high ass sperm count?
And the fact that he’s kinda a hoe hence three kids by three different women?
When I met him he only had one, his cute as a button son, and his first baby mama *not a problem as she hates his f*cking guts* was long gone out the picture. I’ve only seen her in passing as she went to school with us but she knows that we’re just friends. I wish the other two would see that.
So we’re online just catching up as I haven’t talked to him in a few weeks and I’m actually surprised he’s online because he’s rarely online but I was kinda happy because he sounded a little depressed when I spoke to him. His youngest daughter’s mother has been giving him hell for the last couple of weeks. The type of hell that would make me say F*ck It and become a deadbeat mom. For real. I mean it’s the immature sh*t times fifteen. He’s been trying to gain custody of her for the longest but Chicago’s Family Courts are not always kind to the father.
So he has turned to drinking. Not a good thing coming from a family of semi-alcoholics. My mother doesn’t drink at all *she’s tipsy from a wine cooler* and as my father puts it, he’s a “social drinker”. He drinks but not to get f*cked up. I drink more heavily than my parents and slowly I am weaning myself from getting f*cked up all the time. Don’t want to look wore down and haggard like seasoned alcoholics. Hell looking at my aunt sometimes is a scared straight moment. And her drinking has f*cked up my cousins and family enough so I definitely don’t want to go down that road. My cousins are already scarred from the verbal and physical abuse they had to experience under my drunken aunt.
I love her but she’s not right. I found this out as a result of my official induction into adulthood by my family. In my family you’re not grown until they say you’re grown. I’ve been given the privilege of knowing family secrets and I am unofficially the “Peacemaker” in the family. My grandfather passed the torch before he died although I sometimes feel like he did not like my aunts and uncle. My grandmother had four kids by another marriage and technically my youngest aunt is his only child but sometimes I got the vibe that he resented my grandmother’s other kids *my mother included* and just merely tolerated them due to the love for my grandmother.
But you don’t talk ill of the dead and regardless I loved my grandfather.
So we switched from Yahoo to phone and I just let him drunkenly vent to me for the greater part of the hour. He revealed some sh*t that I did not know. He even asked me *drunkenly* that we should get married that way it appears more favorable in the courts. Umm yeah I try to stay out the courts as much as possible especially any court in Chicago.
He also confessed that his feelings were a little more than friendly.
*crickets chirps*
Ok…Had to steer away from that disaster. I mean I’ve been knew his feeling were changing but I guess I got a real confirmation. This didn’t blow me away like the last time a male friend revealed he liked me as more than a friend but now I am forced to reevaluate our friendship.
*sigh*
I’m going to just talk to him when he is sober and lay it on the table.
Is it bad when you don’t have the same feelings? Is it kinda, well, male of me to have a horrified reaction when someone wants to write odes of affection to me? Does that make me kinda emotionless? Well I guess if I can kick a nigga out my bed post-sex and have no bad feeling then I guess I can be a cold-hearted monster.
Ima just leave this one alone. I would actually be hurt if our friendship were to end.
So after he wakes up *yeah he went to sleep mid-sentence* I’m just going to call him back and let him know what’s up. Love you like a brother *well not really as I would never commit incest* but not in the way you want.
See what I mean. Everyone wants your ass when you have somebody but no one is thinking of you when you don’t.
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