Weekend Of Recovery

This weekend was a weekend of recovery.

As expected, I went out on Friday. My girl and I hit up the club FUR which turned out to be a really decent club. I was not feeling the hootchie type female “promoters” or whatever the hell those girls are that just walk around looking crazy but whatever.

Basically my girl and I got twisted.

After work on Friday we agreed to go out but I kinda held that with a grain of salt considering the last time we were suppose to hit the streets she ditched me for one of “pieces” so I was surprised to actually get the phone call informing me to be ready.

We were going to go to our favorite club LOVE but considering that Jeezy would be equaling high prices plus our history with the detox room we chose to decline and hit up “Latin Night” since she is Latina and I damn sure was going to fake like I was too. Hell I know a few phrases in Spanish.

We get in and apparently the first floor is “Latin” as they played all types of Spanish music. Of course I didn’t understand 95% of the lyrics but I began to shake what my mama gave me. But the real fun began when we hit up the “Hip Hop” room.

I guess we were looking too good as we were placed on three guys’ tabs before long. I mean I had on a pair of Bermuda shorts and a halter and she was rocking a cute ass white skirt and a cute top. Hair laid and pressed to the side and of course this was before any makeup we had melted off. So of course we partook in the free alcohol and like the “niggas” we are, of course we damn near drunk everything at the bar. I mean shots of Patron, Hennessy, Henns and Cokes, Rums and Coke, Long Islands…You name it, we probably ordered it. Now you know you can’t us on a damn tab or whatever. Hell we were seconds away from offering other folks drinks! I guess they were trying to floss but somebody’s going to mad at the end of the night. And then we stumbled into a co-worker we’re cool with and his friends and he put us on their tab!

So granted loose was not the word. Our asses were officially slizzard. You shoulda seen our drunk ass dodging the bouncers and sh*t because we did not want to end back up in another detox room.

So we shook it up on the dance floor enforcing “One Dance Minimum” a few times. And it was Caribbean Fest Weekend here in DC so it was hella Africans and West Indies in the club. I think I must have gotten hit on by every country in the world. For some reason an African nigga can sniff my Black ass out in the club. It never fails. No matter where the hell I’m at an African is sure to follow. Be hunting my ass in the crowd like a gazelle and sh*t. And they come at me speaking their language, I’m like, “Dude I’m not whatever you think I am! Speak English!” I can’t hear already in the club, I don’t need tongue clucking to go with it. Granted I swear I’m a Jamaican Goddess and a Jamaican accent shivers my timbers, but still. And they are the main one stalking in the club.

I swear I saw their rituals on The Animal Planet. They swarmed my ass like a herd of lions on a zebra. Oh they left my girl alone *she was laughing too hard anyway* But I was smacking them away like they were bees and sh*t.

Nothing against Africans of course but I do not want to be Queen of Zamunda. There ain’t going be no “6 wives” thing going on over here. And I’m number 4. Have me stuck in another country somewhere looking crazy. Not my idea of a good time.

So we had a great time. Get out the club and lo and behold someone has broken into my girl’s car and took her stereo. Who the f*ck steals stereo nowadays? So naturally we were pissed. They left her purse, wallet, and all her credit cards but took her stereo. Which didn’t work anyway. Hell she was like the purse and the wallet cost more than the stereo. She ain’t never lied. She has the new Coach Tote and matching wallet so that’s like $600 right there. Someone could have made a killing on the streets. So she had to call off of work to get her window fixed. Can’t be riding around with the garbage bag on the window. So I’m pissed because they broke into her car and we were parked on a busy strip and of course no one saw anything. I mean it’s a strip where all the “Black” clubs are so the police was out and about. But then again it’s New York Avenue. Hell we’re lucky to come back and have a damn car. But I was mad because guess who was riding with the “open” window? B*tch just cold as hell.

She decided not to file a report as DC police will probably do absolutely nothing but tell her to chalk it up as a loss.

I told her had that been me, oh, I’m waking up the whole block. I know somebody saw something! They’d have to arrest my black ass. And she has dark ass tints so it’s not like someone can see in the windows and see she has a stereo. Besides you can tell she has a “female” car. Not like she’s on 22’s or anything. But she said the stereo didn’t work and next week she was going to get a new stereo installed anyway but of course that’s beside the point.

Now no one is going to want to drive and whoever do you know we’re now going to have to pay for parking. Which sucks. That’s a round of drinks right there and sh*t.

*sigh*

Damn DC.

So I drag my ass in the house about 4 am. Why did I have to be at work at 6:30? You know a b*tch was dead ass tired at work. I was nodding off and damn irritable as I could not sleep off my hangover the way I wanted. And my feet were hurting. I curse the damn heels. I’m going to start wearing flip flops in the clubs damn that. My feet were burning like sh*t. I’m hobbling around looking like an extra from Lord Of The Rings and just praying for the day to be over. Had to refrain from snapping at like three people who wanted to ask me 999,999 questions. Damn I’ve told you about 6 times the directions…F*ck it, let me Map Quest it for your simple ass.

So needless to say at 3 pm, I ran like the wind. Got home and just crashed.

Woke up nice and refreshed, watched a little TV with the boyfriend who went out last night as well, was passed the f*ck out when I stumbled in the house. I was laughing because this fool was butt ass naked with some crackers in the damn bed and had the damn cat snuggled under the blanket as well. I told him I didn’t know what he had planned but ummm yeah I don’t do animals. Or crackers. Bed just crumbly like a muthaf*cker. F*cking worse than the “wet spot”.

DH had finally called me back and what did I predict? Heffa did not tell her husband. Had the nerve to ask me could I do it for her? I’m like damn are you scared of him or something? His West Indies ass is not going to put roots on my ass! He’s going to look at the phone like I’m crazy. Besides it’s your mind and body. How the hell am I going to tell another person that you are tired of being pregnant? I was like even if you have to do it in a punk way and email him you need to do something. Besides I told her I think she’s suspect as hell. Of course I was met with silence when I asked her if it was another man. I was like don’t throw away your marriage because you “think” this guy is “the one”. Use common sense and reasoning over what ever the hell this new guy is spitting in your ear. Because everything that looks good is not always good for you and this sh*t can blow up in your face. F*ck around and leave your husband if you want to and this guy turns out to be a major dog. You’ll regret it.

Of course I was met with deaf ears as ”Girl, that is not even the case. Another guy has nothing to do with this” in a very weak and unconvincing way. But hey it’s out of my hands. If she is doing something, pray she never slips up and gets caught. Men from the West Indies are crazy as sh*t. He’d f*ck around and choke her ass to death. Just don’t implicate me in this bullsh*t. If I see the nigga walking down the streets of DC my ass is breaking. He ain’t in DC on a “social” visit I can tell you that much. In fact, I’m going to make sure she nor any of her peoples have my address. Hell can’t be too safe nowadays.

Sunday I was just a lazy bum. I got up early to watch Daddy Day Care *shut up shut up shut up* But the movie ended up watching me. Chatted online for a few. Cooked dinner and then it began to storm so the lights were flicking and the cable was going in and out.

All in all I had a pretty productive weekend. Did anyone else do anything worth while?