Monday Morning Blues

Oh Gawd it’s Monday and damn I sure don’t want to have to roll out the bed for work. Yeah I know it’s already late in the day but a sister would really like to stay in bed today. I guess my manager had a Take That Tenacious! moment because I am forced to work the PM shift all this week. But it’s all to the good…I already put my transfer papers in and they have already been faxed. It’s been a good run (plus cheaper on gas) living up the street from my job but something has got to give.

I am pissed about the schedule change but at least I can update my blog before I leave out the door versus when I come in and I’m tired. But I won’t let him know that. He’s waiting for me to say some sh*t (which I am tempted to do) but it only takes one write-up to deem my “transfer” null and void. But oh the day of reckoning is coming…

EAGLE EYE (Thanks T!!) has been calling me nonstop since Saturday. Leaving voicemail after voicemail. I guess he doesn’t realize I don’t check my voicemail at all usually. Especially when they are coming from the same damn number. So you know I had to be an ignant b*tch when I got off of work (because I was pissed anyway that I was working at night) and cursed him the f*ck out. I gave him the mutha of cursing out. I did not appreciate his eagle eye scoping the number from my phone screen. I did not appreciate the phone calls. And just because you’re like three of me big DeeBo muthaf*cker won’t mean I won’t knock you the f*ck out! I was yelling so much in the phone my boyfriend had stepped outside because a nosy neighbor had told him I was flipping out on the phone. So after I let out some steam and hit , you know this fool had the nerve to call me back? As in, after Tenacious has unleashed her legendary wrath and brought the hand of justice and knowledge across his face, he had the nerve to call me back? As in he hit redial and dialed the same number?

Fool had the nerve to tell me, I didn’t mean all the stuff I was saying. I’m just taking my stress from work off on him and how about he come pick me up and we can talk about it over a late dinner?

How about I had to cock my head to the side because I just know he must have a hearing problem and I don’t curse out folks with disabilities (unless your ass run my f*cking foot over getting off the train. Yeah I had to let his ass know. I mean I know you felt your wheelchair crunch over my f*cking toes?! Why is everyone on a mission to destroying my damn feet?) so I spoke as slowly as possible. Well slowly for me. While I am deeply amused (another sign I am on the outskirts of becoming deeply disturbed) by this play for affection, you’re pissing me off. I have a three phone call limit from any number per day. Do not call my phone more than THREE times throughout the given day. This rule has been set ever since my first PrimeCo (*lol* remember them? I still got the little alien doll from them. Random note: Are they now Cingular or US Cellular?) cell phone was handed to me by my mother. Unless it is an emergency, do not call my phone. And I know when it is a real emergency versus I want you to call me back so I’m going to say it’s an emergency when it really isn’t.

I guess I had to slip in a little Chi-Town rhetoric about cutting his ass if he calls my phone again and the fact that not only will I slice and dice his ass, I will sit and wait for the police to come and get me. And when they do, Ima slice you again just for causing all this trouble. And I’m going to plead insanity and get out in 2 years and I’m going to come for you again.

*Knowing I’m lying my ass off. That requires stalking and with gas prices the way they are, I don’t have time to drive through every square yard of the DC/VA/MD area.*

But so far so good, no wake-up buzzes this morning. I guess I had to let him know the insanity *among other traits* runs in my family.

Then as soon as I get done with him, DRAMA called and it appears that the sh*t has finally hit the fan. Why did this dumb b*tch and ol’ girl get into a fistfight outside the club? I guess they took that “fighting like 2 b*tches on a side street” line seriously. Apparently, slime ball came to the club with the other girl and she just so happened to be there, they had some words, and someone’s wig got snatched real quick.

So she’s telling me what went down and guys I am just howling. Like I am doing the “this b*tch has lost it” laugh. So she stop in the middle of her story and ask the dumbest question in the world, What’s so funny?

Me: You!

So I guess her feelings are a little hurt so she launches into this dialogue on how we’re supposed to be friends and she calls me with some serious sh*t and I always got a f*cked up reaction to everything that she says. She starts whining talking about how they were fighting and *gasp* she broke a nail and her new shoes got scuffed. So I’m like,

Me: So why didn’t you kick them off?

DRAMA: Kick what off? I did kick the fight off!

ME: No goof. The shoes. How come you didn’t kick the shoes off? I mean do you know how much those b*tches cost? And that means I can’t borrow them!

So I hear her pause, like “Is This BITCH serious?”, because I am highly amused. After cursing out EAGLE EYE, I need a little entertainment in my life. So I’m just f*cking with her for the most part because I really don’t want to curse her out. I really don’t. It’s a headache and it just completely goes over her head.

So I’m accused once again of being a bad friend and how I am bogus because I “wasn’t there to stop it.” I’m in Washington, DC (well Arlington, VA but folks don’t know where that is in relation to DC at home, so I always say DC). She’s in Chicago. As in Illinois. I relay this to her. So she goes into this rant that she’s mad that I left Chicago and since I’ve gone to DC, “I’ve gotten bougie”.

I was laughing so hard, tears were running down my face. I’ve been called many things in my 23 years but “bougie” has never, ever been one of them. Ok “stuck up ass bitch” but that’s only from the n*ggas whom I ignore walking down the street. But “bougie”? What a riot.

Me: Bitch I don’t even comb my hair enough days out the week to be bougie so clap that shit up right there. You talking out the side of your neck now. What, I’m bougie because I think you’re a fucking dumb ass for going in the club to start some shit over a nigga that’s not yours or hers? NEW FLASH: He has a fucking girlfriend! While yall dumb ass on the ground scrapping like some low life HOES, this nigga walking off! And to go where- BACK to his fucking girlfriend! The same fucking girlfriend that knows what he does and who he does it with! But yall fighting over a guy that doesn’t belong to neither one of yall! SO if you want to get mad, PLEASE get mad at yourself. I love you like a sister BUT you really must have fell and bumped your head if you think I was going to JUMP in on this shit? Come on now DRAMA. You know me too well. That’s not my style. It’s bad enough over the years you have roped me into ENOUGH shit throughout the Chi, but I told you to leave HIM and HER alone? Didn’t I? Didn’t I TELL you the dick ain’t worth it? I know he ain’t talking much because the nigga is DUMB AS A FUCKING ROCK and I don’t even mean to insult the rocks like that. And his head game probably ain’t that FUCKING much on point! You’re too smart for this shit. TOO FUCKING SMART. If you want to fuck around with him, fine. I just HOPE your DUMB ASS is FUCKING WEARING PROTECTION because I KNOW this NIGGA got new species that haven’t been discovered yet hanging off his DICK!

Now to you that might seem harsh. You probably wincing like, DAMN T! You ain’t have to talk to her like that!

But this is nothing that I have not said to her countless times. The heifer, once again, just brushed me off with the same I love him speech and of course hit me with the Everyone can’t be you and [boyfriend’s name] speech.

Hell my relationship ain’t perfect. I don’t claim it is. We got problems. Hell what couple doesn’t? We just don’t advertise our shit for the world. I tell only a select few problems in my relationship and that alone is two people. And one is my mother. Me and him we work through our problems alone. We don’t need a dozen people yapping their own individual attention to our problem. And plus I don’t like too many folks in my business. Shit creates problems eventually. And a bitch will not catch Tenacious slipping anytime soon. Sure I’m a big ass flirt. So what I’m bossy. So what I have issues. So do he. Our relationship works well because we communicate. WE talk. He knows every little thing I do because I don’t hide shit. Why should I? He ain’t happy about my flirting but hell that’s how I got him. By flirting with his ass. And it’s not like he got the pussy that first night. He had to wait. But he knows every dude’s number that’s in my phone and he’s more than welcome to call. There’s no code names, no whispers in the dark. Everyone knows I have a boyfriend. I don’t hide my boyfriend (anymore *lol*) Cutie from Ted’s? As much as I am just in lust right now, ain’t shit about to pop off. CUTIE that’s just my guy. Hell he’s fucking some girl now. I flirt and at the end of the day go home and hump my boyfriend *lol*

I just hate when folks try to tell me about my relationship. A little advice is cool. I encourage it. If you know something that in the long run would make my relationship better by all means please share. BUT do not try to push it on me. Don’t try to force me to conform. Yeah I know if I was truly happy in my relationship, I wouldn’t be flirting or going out with other guys. Please I have been told that since the beginning. But guess what, that’s just how I am. I can love you to fucking death and still flirt. I like beautiful things and beautiful things catches my eye. I ain’t dead yet, I can still look. I don’t even want to touch (ok let me stop lying) but I have excellent self control. If I just want a fuck, I can go home. If I want to chill, I can go home. If I just want good old conversation, I can go home. But I can never have enough friends. I like meeting new people. I ain’t all consumed in my relationship that my boyfriend is my only friend. The same little shit that I do, he does. Do I mind? Sometimes. But I’m not that type. He can have a good time. I know he eyes other women. Should I beat the shit out of him? Nah what for? He’s respectful. He ain’t breaking his fucking neck to turn around. He glances and moves on. I do the same. Ok maybe a double take, but for the most part, I’m with him and happy. If I wasn’t I wouldn’t be with him. Cheating is not really my style. Especially long term cheating, I rather just break up with you than string you along. While I like hurting people sometimes, I don’t like hurting people. If I don’t give a damn about you, I don’t give a damn about your feelings. Cold but true. But I would never intentionally try to hurt people I care about. I can be a real meanie but if someone I care about tell me I hurt their feelings, that hurts me. Karma is a bitch. A real bitch.

^^So after I have to once again have this conversation with her, I end the phone call. I’m not mad at her and she’s not mad at me BTW, that’s just how we talk to each other. I just want the girl to be happy, but happy with her own man. Someone that is hers. I did have to let her know though, don’t make me fuck her up. It’s not the guy, it’s the principle. And she might have whooped old girl ass but she ain’t going to beat mine.

LIGHT BRIGHT calls me and we joke around for a few on the phone. We talked about old times and what-have-yous. He’s still talking that foolishness but he knows I know he’s bullshitting. Besides I brought up the time, my ex and I (when we were kids, before we went out) walked in on him and some girl going at it on the couch. Never mind he was our babysitter for the night and never mind the fact that he did not stop what he was doing, only waved us out the living room but we did mind at the fact that the food was in the living room…with him. So we had to starve for about an hour before he finally let us come up in the living room. Only to beat the hell outta our asses for “being in grown folks business.” Yeah he wanted to get off the phone real quick when I started bringing those stories up and trust there were a lot.

And since I’m working nights all this week, that means my kicking it is pretty much dead until Thursday. Oh well, I can write all week :-)