T's Take On Religion....

**Don't worry T, I'm going to post my own 10 Steps Booklet...*lol* I just have to get my words together**

Today apparently I have a credit card as I have received a credit card statement in the mail.

No worries, it’s not an identity theft thing. I hope a criminal is not stupid enough to put my address on the statement. Two I would be pissed if an f*cking criminal managed to receive a credit card in my name and I couldn’t even get one in my own name. Imagine that. The fake me is accepted for a credit card while the real me is rejected.

At least this means my credit is finally starting to come together. Sure the limit is low but I have to start somewhere. After blowing through my Bank of America Visa in two weeks in college, I thought it was a wrap for me to get a credit card. I guess my student loans on time are a plus as well as not having any outstanding debt in the past four years. Besides I paid my old Visa off. Sure it too numerous threats, hella avoidance of any 800 number and several collection agencies snapping at my heels but I paid Bank of America off.

So clap for me. Tenacious finally has a credit card. I can slap my card down and be like Charge it B*tch without doing a quick calculation on how much I have in checking and whether those shoes are worth my dry cleaning staying in the cleaners for another month. I have two suits that’s still at the cleaners. Luckily they know me and have not sold my sh*t yet. They already know I’m unstable.

Today I went out to lunch with my boyfriend and me mutual friend. Dude is pretty cool and we just happened to run into one another while walking down the street. I was coming from running an errand and he was walking out his job for a lunch date. I forgot he worked in that area. He’s a little cutie but he’s too manwhorish for me. It’s to the point where I don’t bother to learn his female of the day name because she won’t be around for the weekend. I gotta catch myself sometimes because I’m always a second from calling them by the wrong name and I don’t want to get him in trouble. Besides we’re all really cool and we hit up Happy Hour quite a few times after work.

He asked me did I want to tag along because he was just meeting his frat brother who lived in town for a quick bite to eat and since you don’t have to pry my arm off when it comes to a free meal I agreed.

Why did I do that?

His frat brother turned out to be a conceited asshole. Not only that, he was constantly trying to push his religion on me.

I joke a lot about the lawd and my holy bible thumping, Sunday sanctifying, holy water throwing father’s side of the family but I am a Christian. Sure I don’t attend church as much as I should, I curse like a sailor, have broken many of commandments, and I don’t know the Bible backwards and forward *lol* but I believe in Jesus Christ. I’ve come across many of blogs where people don’t believe in God and basically states the Bible was written by two years old and is a piece of hypocritical trash as far as they are concerned. I can respect that. I don’t push Jesus down folk’s throats. If you believe in Him that’s fine and if not, that’s fine as well. In fact, I don’t even discuss religion with people because folks will get heated about their religion won’t they? Plus the real fanatics will preach to you to the end of days about their religion and how their religion is better than yours blah blah.

I will admit I don’t even know the difference between the Christian segments of the Church. I know the difference but I don’t know the difference between Methodist and Baptist for example. I grew up in a Baptist household. That’s all I know. I went to an African Methodist church once and only difference I saw was how the church program was set out and people seemed more subdued. Personally, I love being Baptist. Where else could you get the 18 word long church name? The whooping and hollering all throughout the sermon? Hell the six hour sermon? The seven collection plate offering? Alter calls? The Holy Ghost performance? And besides Baptist don’t see anything wrong with beating a kid’s ass in the church’s bathroom. You know my grandmother and mother was mouthing, “Ima f*ck yall up when church is over” from the choir while us kids were clowning in the back. And don’t let me get on the church gossip. Lawd them women would talk about you like a dog behind your back and grin in your face, all while adjusting the church hat.

Don’t front on the church hat. I’m going to inherit my grandmother’s collection you know. I got the ‘fits and everything ready for those hats. *lol*

Maybe other religions do it and I just wasn’t at the right church but I hold the claim that if you want a little entertainment with your religion... Become a Baptist.

Of course you get the “holy rollers, sugar don’t melt in my mouth since I’m a reformed hoe and I’m saved now” folks from all religions and while I listen politely, please don’t try to conform me. My family would have a stroke if I came home one day talking about “I’m Muslim.” And give up pork just like that?*snaps fingers* That’s my family’s food staple! F*ck you mean Tenacious don’t eat the swine?! Well, uh, pass her pork chop on this way since she doesn’t eat it any more. Have me walking around looking like a Black”er” version of Nicole Ritchie. F*ck what the b*tch thinks she is, she knows she’s Black. She needs to bring her ass back from the dark side and stop fronting. I saw the new growth in Us Weekly. Those ain’t curls, them napps!

*LMAO*

Now while I ain’t going to let you just disrespect Jesus like that, I don’t expect everyone to agree with my religion.

I could not tell this guy that.

First of all, he is a Five Percenter.
While I don’t know much at all about the religion, hell the only reason I know of it is because there was an article about it The Source when I actually used to read it. And there were a few of them who roamed my campus but I kind of shied away from them because they were like pro-pro militant. I ain’t trying to get caught up in some terrorist type sh*t. I’m already on parole for minor sexual offenses *lol*

Now to any one reading this, I am in no way trying to disrespect this religion. So please don’t send me super nasty emails or write super sarcastic remarks, although I will laugh at both. I am not trying to stereotype any Five Percenters as crazy militants. I’m sure, as with every religion, there are a few religious nuts in the bunch. Some nuttier than others. Or maybe he was just telling me what is religion fact and I just took as fiction. But nonetheless before he went into some type of rant, I was actually intrigued, so if anyone knows a little more about it please shoot me an email or something. *end of disclaimer*

But dude obviously needed to come back home. Someone from the religion reach out and lay some hands on him please. He is giving yall a really bad name. I was about to lay my hands on him and not in a good way.

We all started off normally enough. Sure he was constantly checking out his reflection in the mirror but we were having pretty good conversation. Until I made a crack about church or something. I think I was talking about the Jehovah Witnesses and how they have gotten super aggressive in Chicago. Like they don’t even care if it’s your house or not they will come up in the yard talking about Do you know Jesus is coming? They catch you on the bus stop, sliding out the alley like Dracula and sh*t shoving The Watch Tower in your hands. Seems like the bus take extra long when a Jehovah is on the bus stop with you so you don’t have a choice but to listen. What ever happened to the day when they would just knock on your door and you would have the light off like no one was home? Being silent as church mice while they were on the porch? I know Jehovah’s have been the butt of many jokes for years but I mean damn, could you at least come by at like 10 or 11am? Knocking on the door at 6 am in the hood might get your wig pushed back. Bamming on the door like they the police and sh*t knowing I lived in a paranoid ass part of town.

Why did that little crack get him going? He asked me do I believe in God and of course I said yes. Meanwhile my guy is rolling his eyes and giving me the Don’t get this nigga started look. So he began, I guess, to give me the Lecture. The “why am I pray to a white god speech. The “Jesus is imaginary and the Bible is fake” talk. And then goes into why his religion is the “pure” religion and how I am conforming to the same religion that had our people willing shackled in slavery for the white man. I guess he never heard of the countless slave rebellions and the Underground Railroad. I don’t ever remember reading any texts that stated that slaves were happy being slaves due to Christianity. Sure Christianity played a part by slave owners trying to “justify” slavery but um yeah slaves didn’t fall for that sh*t for long. And that’s part of the reason that Blacks were forbidden to be taught how to read and write but white slave-owners soon realized that Black people don’t need to learn how to read and write to sniff through some bullshit.

But that’s another story.

So I mean he held my ass captive. I realized that arguing with him would be pointless as my guy pointed out when he got up to use the washroom. He was like just be quiet, eventually he’ll outtalk himself and shut up.

But if you would have heard the way he was ranting and raving, it was like he was trying to sign folks up that day for service. And his whole point revolved around the theory that his religion was better than mine and I am dumb for following my religion and not his.

Dude I’m trying to enjoy my Chicken Caesar Salad; I am not trying to have a religious debate at a café in Georgetown. I really am not. I mean you already had the whole café gawking at us because you were just that loud and animated in your “Christians are Dumb” speech making me want to crawl under the table. Not to mention you wanted to have some words with some White dude who did not appreciate you talking about “his” God like that. See what I mean? White folks are not scared of us anymore. They were really ready to box in the café over religion. This was one time I was actually wishing (because Black folks don’t hope) we would get kicked out but I guess the staff is used to these types of debates because they did not bat an eye.

Since I did not know much about the religion and I am always willing to learn something new, I was actually interested until you began to basically bash me for my religious choice. Sure I was “told” by my family that I was Baptist, never really given to chance to explore my “own” religion, but I am content with my religion. All religions have contradictions. All have unrealistic guidelines to follow considering the type of world we live in today versus centuries ago. Sure I know the Bible was written by a man. Hell I know King James is not Jesus real name. I know scholars pick and chose what to include and what to exclude in the Bible. And I didn’t have to read The DaVinci Code to find that out, although I <3 the book. Still mad about the movie but I <3 the book. You don’t alienate your listening audience by bashing them and then expecting them to embrace your religion. Like I was going to throw 23 years of Baptism down the drain from a 30 minute rant. Hell did he not know I still have a few more years left in that Baptism before I have to get re-baptized to counter those sins? I just can’t get on God’s bad side just yet.

But he did eventually wear himself out talking as he could see that I was not impressed. I wanted to throw my salad at him and bounce but I was in a good mood plus I was too amused. Fuming on the inside but amused. I was told I’m going to wake up one of these days.

Then he promptly asked me for my number so we can get to know each other.

I told him as a stupid Christian, I can’t do that. I only stick to my kind and surely you are too intelligent for the likes of this poor Christian who enjoys praising some imaginary White guy with long hair although all the Christ figures in my home were Black.

Of course my guy started snickering and laughing. Dude just pouted and was ready for the check.

I told my guy if his frat brother ever popped up for one of our customary Happy Hours, I will have to cut him.

Then went home to dig the Bible out from under the couch with the f*cked up leg.

Surely the Bible deserves better treatment than that. I’ll just stick that Tyler Perry book under there instead.