F*ck Baseball...My Fav. Past Time is SLEEPING!!

Today is my grandmother's 66th Birthday. With the way the world is today, I can only pray that I live to see my 66th Birthday. Of course, she was doing her favorite past time: watching Law and Order: SVU. Sh*t that's my show so we stayed on the phone commenting about the episode, even though it was yet another rerun. Ever since my grandfather passed last Thanksgiving she has been a little lonely but of course my crazy family has been there every step of the way. Mainly meddling. I keep telling them to back off my grandma (they stalk her like the paparazzi stalk celebs) but of course they don’t listen. My grandmother and I are so chill. Every time I go home, I spend the night at her house and we would sit up watching our crime shows and eating popcorn. I'm like a little old lady. We get into the shows, grab some crossword puzzles and we're good to go. And like any "senior"--eventually we go to sleep in front of the TV. I <3 my hip Grandma!

We are a family of non-listeners. We are also a family of nappers. Nappers as in "sleep" and not Nappers as in "hair". Although we are technically both. Hell not a "good hair" in sight in the family. Even the "light skinned" ones have nappy hair. That's a strong ass gene: Nappy Hair. But it's all good...My Dark and Lovely keeps me with the "Indian" hair. You know the White Folks at the job are still convinced I'm "mixed" with something. Yeah, I'm "mixed" all right. With Negro and Slave.

I love to sleep. Sleeping is one of my favorite past times (among others). I even schedule a nap time. Usually between 3-5 pm, I can be found curled in the bed sleeping. Sometimes it's a little late but people know not to f*cks with me when it comes to my naps. Many of folks have gotten cursed out for disturbing my nap. The house could be on fire but I don't care. Leave me the hell alone. 9 times out of 10 you don't want anything anyway. Calling me talking about What You Doing? F*ck you think I'm doing at 3:30? Sleep muthaf*cker. Calling the house phone talking about, You at home? *grits teeth* Naw...I'm in Siberia. Did you not just call the house phone? So where else would I be but at...home? Stupid questions I do hate.

And don't let me get into one of those deep sleeps I can't hear or feel anything. In college, my friends would play, "How Long Will It Take For Tenacious To Wake Up"? The game basically consisted of them putting heavy ass things on me to see if I would wake up. Usually, I never did. But I would wake up to their loud ass laughter because apparently a person can sit on my ass and I will not wake up. I'd wake up back all sore, milk crate imprints in my skin, paper cuts and sh*t. That's what friends are for right? That's also why my cooking is sub-par (well besides the fact that my ass really can't cook anyways).

It appears that the “Breasts", "Singing", and "Cooking" gene must skip a generation or something. I lack all three. Even though you can't tell me I am not Aretha while in the shower. *lol*

I'd put something in to bake, get too comfortable on the couch and next thing you know, pork chops looking like hockey pucks. Rice not only crunchy but stuck to the bottom of the pot. Gotta soak the pot for ½ a day to loosen up the burnt rice. Yeah, if I lay on the couch too long, I will go to sleep. I think I read somewhere that if you sleep in the same place everyday eventually your body will equate that place with "sleep" and you will always fall asleep. That's why they don't promote doing work in bed because you will never fall asleep because your body is used to being "up" while in bed. I don't know if this is true (Scientific studies tend to be a piece of sh*t sometimes) but it seems true. So I use the bed…and floor…and wall **wink wink** for extracurricular activities and take all my naps on the couch.

I think I was a hobo in a past life because I can sleep anywhere. I've went to sleep a little bit of everywhere. When I was younger my mother told me my favorite nap spot was in the closet. I'm like "WTF? Who sleeps in the closet? Mama are you confessing an incident of child abuse?" We went to an arcade and I crawled underneath one of the basketball games and went to sleep. My mother thought someone had abducted me and called the police. I only woke up because it was too much noise even for me. Craziest thing was I got a whooping when I got home. Who gets a whooping for scaring a parent?! And this was the same person who left me in the store because she forgot I was with her. She got all the way home to realize she did not have her child with her. *sigh* I was an Amber Alert waiting to happen. I even use to sleep under the guests' coats. You know my room was the designated "coat room" whenever there was a party. Mainly to hide from the drunken party guests who wanted to wake me up and "Do That Dance" at like 3 am. Rubbing the crust out my eye trying to slide across the floor in my little piece Care Bears PJs with the footies even though the bottom part was dirty and cracked as hell.

Ahhh the bittersweet memories of my youth.

My mother said motherhood will shake that out of me but I'm not convinced. This is the same person who goes to sleep while babysitting. I am that lazy babysitters who popped in a video for the kids so I can go to sleep. This is the same person who was knocked out while my nephew howled beside me when he was an infant. This is the same person who naps right along with the baby. Hell, I'm out for the count before the baby! Once my godson's mother came to pick him up and discovered both of us knocked the f*ck out.

Hey it was 3:45. She knew the deal.

What can I say? I love sleeping.

It's officially 3 WEEKS until I hit the BIG 2-3!