So after I dragged my drunken ass home...I ended up babysitting my nephew...While trying to nurse that hangover. Have you ever tried to watch an active 5 year old while half drunk and half sleep? Kids today are a new breed...I remember when I was a kid, pop in a Disney tape and kids were quiet the entire time. I mean, did not say a peep. Not his ass...He was like an over-eager puppy. Would not sit down for shit!
He is so cute and so smart I could not be mad because even though I was popping Tylenols like it was candy, his little ass kept me rolling! That boy is a comedic genius! Now he ain't like the typical little Ghetto kid...Know every song on the radio but don't know his name. This littl guy know every single commercial, theme song, and videos on TV (But luckily he only knows the R&B joints...I would slap the taste out his mouth if I heard him repeating the crap that's on TV). But it's the questions he ask that get me.
Him: Auntie...Guess what I wanna be when I grow up
Me (half sleep): Hmmm...What baby?
Him: I wanna be a Law and Order Lawyer *starts humming "Law and Order" opening credits*
Me: Why do you want to be a lawyer?
Him: Cuz' they cool and they get to curse.
Him: Auntie what's that in your hair?
Me: They're braids.
Him: I like them. They're pretty
Me: Aww thank you.
Him: Yeah because the last time you came home, youse was looking a mess!
*dead* at this comment
So I got a little tired of his chattering because Lawd! A little kid will talk you to death about nothing if you let him so I put him on some clothes and took him out. Lo and behold....Ran into my best friend's baby mama who hates my guts.
She gets mad because we went out last night and I spent the night at his house. Granted they're not together anymore but I love messing with her. We were kinda cool until her craziness began to show. Guess it didn't help when I told her I had slept with her man before and knowing how her jealousy tends to get the best of her, she flipped out. I mean come on did she really think he was a virgin? But ever since then, she cuts her eye at me like I want him. So we're at the mall and I run into her.
Her: Who's this cute little boy? How old are you?
Me: My nephew. He's five.
Him: Is that weave? *tugs my arm* Do it suppose to look like that?
*dead* again...I couldn't even spank him because it was too funny!
She leaves in a huff after that...I guess a 5 year old roasting on your ass will do that to you!
I take him home and lo and behold...Some dude tried to pick me up! Now he was fine as hell but I did not appreciate him rolling up on me like that! In Chicago, men are notorious for driving up on you and trying to holla at you on a slow creep while they try to get your number or "offer" you a ride somewhere. They really don't care that they're holding up traffic or that their car will get smacked up in traffic. Almost ran my ass over too!
I saw his ass but I tried to speed up on his ass and get across the street. Oh no, this nigga bust a U-Turn, half turned into the alley and came back my way. I was just not getting away. I tried to tell him I didn't live in Chicago anymore but he insisted on getting my number. Because he was cute as hell, had nice even white teeth, and a nice ass car...I gave him the number. I hate cell phones because everyone has one! He pulled out his phone and called the number to make sure it was my real number. Don't you hate that? Damn where's the trust! Can't a sista give off a "sent off" number anymore like in the olden days?
He called me later on that night. We went out to the Olive Garden (What, you thought I was passing up the breadsticks and salad? There isn't an Olive Garden in DC) and I had a nice time. He didn't try to pull anything and we had great conversation. I told him I had a man and surprisingly he had a woman. Why we went out then I had no idea because he showed me no sexual interest at all and we spent a great deal bragging about our significant others. He was cool though so we promised to keep in touch. Maybe he just needed someone to eat with (Lawd knows I'm perfect for that job!) Came home and chilled with the family. Watched the mess that was "Diary of a Mad Black Woman" and "Stealth" *yawn* Both were bores but you know I found comedy in them anyway!
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