I hate exercising. I really do. I am not "athletic". I can't dribble, shoot, throw, catch, or do anything that remotely resemble any sport (well except ice skate, swim, and jogging). I was the pitiful one in gym class. You've seen folks like me. The one you don't want on your team. The one that you pray sits out if there are an odd number of folks in class. I was the one who always had an "reason" (aka EXCUSE) on why I couldn't participate in class that day. Paper cuts, bum knees, "cramps"...Any little thing I can find to sit out. After the "Serena Williams" disaster (exposing my granny panties to my high school crush after tripping over the net pretending like I was Serena), I excluded myself from all bits of physical activity. Now don't get me wrong. I do swim (Yes, Black people can swim). I do jog from time to time (The McDonald's on the corner count) and don't let me get into an ice-skating rink, my inner Michelle Kwan pops out...But for the most part, I suck at all sports and balk at any form of exercise.
Until today. Until a little girl rubbed my stomach and asked "Baby?" *waits for readers to stop laughing* When she did that, I realized that I have a "Buddha Belly". I, Tenacious, have a pudge (In Hollywood, it's known as a "Baby Bump"). Killing part--I'm not pregnant. Now my boyfriend "claims" it's nothing wrong with my belly (such a sweet-but bad-liar), he's like, "Well baby, you're skinny. When you eat your belly pokes out because you're so small". Bull shit nigga. Bull shit. Sure, I love to get down on food, sure I'm know for maxing an entire box of ice cream sandwiches in a day, ok and so what I shut an entire buffet down. Does that mean I'm losing my shape? I know belly pudge when I see it. *shudders* What if I'm walking around oblivious to the "love handle" blubber that hovers above the jean's waistband? What if I'm the subject of someone's blog right now? *hyperventilates* I could be a H.A.M in training *slaps some sense into self* Before it even get to that point, I decided to do something about it. Now I'm not going through any extreme dieting regimes...I am not some white girl. No starvation, no Atkins, no South Shore Beach Diets or anything like that. I've decided to change and eating habits and join a gym. I've even decided to actually utilize my apartment's fitness center. How's that for dedication?
But get this: I hate to sweat. I think sweat is the grossest bodily function we have. The less sweat the better. It's just gross and I think sweat=musty. I am not sweating my perm out! My kinky twists will not become just "kinks". I don't want to walk around smelling like outside. I will be mad if I sweat my Johnson & Johnson's Baby Lotion out. Plus when dark skinned people sweat and it dries, we look ashy as hell. I don't want to be at the gym looking like a chocolate popsicle...Just glistening. But I need to work out. It's almost summertime and I need to work my body back into it's six pack glory without sucking in my gut like Ciara at Bow Wow's B-Day party. I'm going to Orlando in May...I need to get in shape so I can look sexy in my bikinis. I was so mad at that damn little girl. A cute little girl but she did not need to put me on blast like that. She's lucky she's two...And you know her mother just gave me that "embarrassed" smile and then gonna try and be slick and ask me was I indeed pregnant? HELL NAW LADY!
Now the gym have some fine ass men in there. I think I can find myself at home at the Gold's Gym up the street. And most don't look all big and muscular like they're taking steroids either. Now I went in a t-shirt and some shorts and I felt over dressed. I guess single women got the memo that men are in the gym nowadays. Just walking around wearing next to nothing. Just naked as hell. Majority of the women had great shapes but you know a few bears were in there lurking around. When it looks like your breasts are hanging out the sports bra and in actually it's your love handles, please wear a t-shirt. I joined an aerobic class and I swear that lady was trying to kill me! She started off all nice and slow and then she went into Tae-Bo mode! Kicking and grunting, thrusting and punching, I felt like screaming "Damn Lady...Please take your frustrations out on him when you get home...It's not that damn serious!" I survived though, although I was sweating like a runaway slave on The Underground Railroad.
Then came the treadmill incident. Got on the treadmill, skipped to some "Sean Paul" on my shuffle, and began to run. Guess I must have pressed for an advance program because it kept speeding up and I damn near flew off the treadmill! Had to slow it down to a walk after that. The last thing my clumsy ass need to do is fall off the treadmill because I will sue. Overall, my day at the gym was pretty decent. Most men will just ogle but won't approach you while at the gym. Surprising but it was a good feeling meaning I did not have to fight off any advances or hear any lame pick up lines. I will have to keep the gym membership up for a year but we'll see how my newfound work out plan stick around. You know I headed straight to McDonald's after that. Eh, I'll start eating healthy tomorrow.
Oh yes...I'm now a new contributor to one of my "Daily Reads". I'm so excited. I can comment on celebs AND comment on my life!! Thanks Donovan for giving me a chance *blows enormous kiss* I promise...No plagiarism :-) I will actually cite my sources (unlike in Undergrad) and like Donovan, I will be try to keep it as up to date as possible so check it out if you haven't already...Donovan is a trip yall!!
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