Warm Weather Bring The Bears Outta Hibernation....

So it's been a little warm in DC for the past couple of days and the bears have really came out of hibernation. I swear some people was just waiting for the weather to warm up so they can bring their butts outside looking like a proud graduate of Clown University. Why, oh why, were my precious eyes exposed to such horrors? The spandex, the capris, *shudder* the halter top? Some people need to serious invest in a new mirror because that mirror, mirror on the wall is lying its ass off! Damn mirror need some Lasik surgery or something because the individuals I saw walking down the street made me ashamed for a sec to be black. You know what I mean. The person (or people) that look so jacked up, White Folks stare at you like it's your fault they came out looking like a fool.

1) Velour Suits are not for everyone. Although I love my Juicy C's, Rocawear and Baby Phat velour jumpers, velour has the potential to be not so flattering to the eye. They just expose every little bump, thump, and scrumpt. While eating lunch, why did not one, not two, but THREE women walked by...In matching hot pink outfits. Three of the biggest women I have ever seen with smedium ass suits on. Damn near made me lose my lunch. I don't have a problem at all with big women (hell my whole family is made up of full-figured women...Sadly they did not pass down the Breast gene...*sigh* Still a 34B...But I did get some of the Booty Gene) but please wear your size. Not only that, the jackets were small AND snug! Every little love handle just tortured by that little ass jacket...Just screaming for relief, begging to be placed out of its misery and they had they nerve to strut past me like I was the one looking a damn fool!

2) Shave your legs if you're going to rock a skirt. THAT IS MANDATORY! I know the winter is a little rough and sometimes us women like to make that backslide because we need all the hair we can get in the winter to keep us warm but DAMN something has got to give! This woman had on a rocking suit but her legs looked like she had one of the monkey stuff animals with the long arms that you can wrap around your neck around her legs! Just disgusting. And she was on the stroll like she was walking down a runway or something. Please, NADS, Nair, VEET, even the good old razor should have been taken to those bad boys. Watch the news the night before to get the weather for tomorrow so you can be prepared. Don't just be walking out like that...And she called herself a "businesswoman"!

3) Halter Tops. Now it wasn't that damn warm to bust out the "July" outfits but oh you couldn't tell this woman that. Not only that but she had on the spandex capris that stop right at the knee (I hate these type of capris! Maybe because I'm so short all of my capris are skimming the ankle looking like cropped pants). I just wanted to slap fire out her ass! Those capris screams "Beauty Supply Store" purchase and when you are extremely top-heavy--a bra is mandatory. Breasts just skimming them ashy ass knees (the lack of lotion was another violation on her list of offenses) like orangutan arms and shit. Just stop! If they droop...Please wear a bra. This is not the 60s. There are so many type of strapless bras, convertible bras, hell you can take a regular bra and just tuck the straps in on the side for all I care...But please invest in one. Victoria's Secret has a semi-annual sale coming up and Tar Ghey has bras on sale this week (Someone please point me in the direction of a super Wal-Mart though...I'm fiendin'!!!!)

4) Flip Flops. Now I am the flip flop queen. I have dozen of flip flops in every single color and style. I dropped to my knees and praised the Lawd when they started putting a little kitten heel on standard flips flops...But please invest in a pedicure! I get my toes done every two weeks so the feets stay looking fresh but I will be damn if I see another person walking around in flip flops with busted ass feet and/or chipped up polish! On the bus, this girl got on the bus looking like her feet were stunt doubles for the actors in "The Hill Have Eyes". I mean corns and bunions on top of corn and bunions. And they were all a purple-blackish color...And she was light skinned *shield eyes at written words while shuddering at memory* She has scratches and what look like cigarette burns on her feet and had the nerve to have a tattoo of a butterfly on her foot. I felt bad for all the butterflies out in the world for their beauty being soiled on that type of canvas (and I don't even like insects). I was just too through. I had to call my mama on that note and complain about her disrespect of the flip flop. Of course my mother ignored me. But this is what killed me...She had chipped up nail polish on her toes. Like there was no polish at all on like three of the toes but the rest were in various forms of chipping with just big ass chunks missing and shit. DAMN NAIL POLISH REMOVER PLEASE!! White girls at my school was notorious for this bullshit and I just wanted to slap some acetone on they asses when I saw them on the quad. Just nasty. Ladies, even if your feet is not the prettiest, please invest. It really makes a difference.

4) Tank Tops. I love the men. Lawd know I do...But a tank is not for every man. I guess some men decided to sex up their jogging outfits today by rocking a tank in addition to the little shorts that ride all up the ass and usually I am amused by the little display of random butt cheeks but today....DISGUSTED! Some were just falling off the frames, others needed to go up a size. A man should not be wearing a tank that looks as if it belongs in my closet...Exposing navels and shit. Just tight as hell. I don't think men should shave some parts of their bodies but ummm yeah Ima need some to shave under them arms or groom it or something. Looking like you got me in a headlock before "Relaxer Time" under them arms with the little deodorant specks trapped in the bushels of hair *shudder* Please stop. A fine ass Black man ran past me this morning...So fine my ass damn near began a trot beside him...But he was rocking the shorts. The short shorts. The "Three's Company's" shorts. And it was not flattering at all. If I stop looking at your fineness and start eyeballing your outfit wondering if it comes in my size...Umm yeah that's a problem. Shorts was all up in the crack, just all up in it. And he had on a tank I swear I saw in "Forever 21"...Made me mad because it looked better on him than my ass! That just turned me off...So I was actually on time for work *lol*

Oh trust there were more messes but I was in H.A.M overload that I had to shut down for the day. I depended on my little shuffle to keep me sane and focused today! Bears...Just like the Groundhog saw his shadow and there's six more weeks of winter...There's six more weeks of "Sit Your Ass Down"!! Stay in that cave until we call for you!!