I guess I am a very picky and particular person because I have a lot of pet peeves. What's the phrase? "I See The Glass As Half-Empty Instead Of Half-Full" or something like that? I guess. I see the proverbial glass as someone who has spilled Yak on my $300 suit and now I'm pissed because they was coming around those curves too quick...Another pet peeve *lol* I felt Pinky's pain in Friday After Next.
I think I have anger management problems. I found that out after backhanding some female at school and my RA recommended me for the class. Don't people know that those "self help" classes only give you better tips on being sneakier with the vice that you have that got you in that class in the first place? I learned how to smack a person in the face without leaving a bruise, how to curse someone out in another language, even what to say to the judge at your aggravated assault and battery hearing, and get this...How to cry on cue at said hearing and earn mercy from the court. I was in there scribbling notes, interviewing people, and basically just begging for advice. Yeah...You can tell I walked away learning a slew of material that I should not learn and nothing from what I should.
I realized I was beyond redemption when I was asked not to come back after gleefully recapping a story of how I was removed from the local Chinese Buffet for senting it up because I was given a limit at the "All You Can Eat" buffet. I guess screaming "I'll burn this shit to the ground if I don't get another plate" was a bad idea.
I don't think I'm an angry person. For the most part, I'm pretty easy going. I laugh and joke around most of the time but it's my pet peeves have my eye twitching and me screaming "NO...WIRE...HANGERS"!!! I also think alcohol fuels my anger. Nothing is worse than an angry, drunk, Black woman. Luckily this sides rarely come out but when it does, I go berserk! I will swear you're hollering at me, trying to send it up with me, when indeed you're trying to talk over the loud music. You could be the bartender that refuse to serve me another drink and I will try to flip the bar over even though it's your job to refuse to serve me another "Blue MoFo". But according to my friends, I rarely display "Angry Black Drunk Girl". For the most part, I am the "Funny Ass Who Befriends Everyone While Having Random Train Of Thought Conversations And Usually Pass Out After Completely Doing Something To Embarrass My Ass Because Oh Yes Indeed There Are Pictures Of My Drunken Antics And Due To The Advancements of Cell Phones Audio Clips And Wake Up Wondering Where The Hell Am I, What's This Random Bruise, Why Do I Only Have One Shoe, Where's My Voice, Why Is This Garbage Can In The Room Did I Really Get That Drunk No Loud Noises Please" Girl.
But please...Do Not Test My Gangsta.
Take the other morning. I didn't have to be at work until 11 am so I decided to stop by McDonald's to get some breakfast. Now until a week ago, I swore McDonald's served breakfast until 11 am but after being rudely told by the little Hispanic girl behind the counter (in Broken English at that. Ain't that 'bout a bitch?) that breakfast is served until 10:30 am, I left out the door a little bit earlier to make sure I got there on time.
Why did I have to go postal? Why did I have to show my Black, natural ass in McDonald's? Why was I late to work and so mad I couldn't enjoy my food the way I wanted? Why the hell do I keep asking Why?
*lol*
I get to counter. First of all, hood ass sista at the register. I love DC but I swear some people in DC pick a year, let's just say 1993 for this girl, and just stick with it. One, she had the Poetic Justice braids. I wasn't aware women still wore their hair braided in that style. I thought those went out of style when women started getting Micros, Kinky Twists, "Alicia Keys' braids...Maybe that's just me. Two, she was dark skinned and had hooker red lip stick...With Black lip liner around her mouth. Yeah, hot ass mess. Three, she had to "come hither" nails...Long as fuck and fire engine red. You know the ghetto nails on full display in every little "urban" movie? Yeah they were just like that. So looking at her, popping her gum and twirling her fingers around her braids, I knew there would be problems.
Never mind the fact that she walked off from her register to answer her cell phone, but she was the only one at the register...Yet 12 people were behind the counter. So already about 4 of my pet peeves were rearing their ugly head.
So I finally get to the register after what seems like years and ordered the Hot Cakes meal. This heffa looked at me, looked at the clock and told me, "Breakfast ain't being served. We on the lunch menu now".
The time: 10:31 am.
Breakfast stopped being served at 10:30 am.
Now I tried to hold back but I asked what the hell was a minute? I mean I see some damn hotcakes and sausage right there and why couldn't I have those?
She arched an eyebrow and rudely said, "Well since breakfast ain't being served, I ain't ringing up a breakfast order and besides they 'bout to throw those away anywayz". Cow even stepped back and folded her arms like, "What"?
Can you guess my reaction?
Yes I went the fuck off! The manager had to bring her ass out there because I raised hell! She was not going to keep me from the hot cakes that was resting less than three feet from the counter! After arguing with the manager and the cashier for a few minutes, I got my fucking hot cakes. I was pissed, the people behind me was pissed. You know I had to tell one of them to shut the fuck up because I heard someone say some slick ass shit.
Arguing with McDonald's, I walked in 10 minutes late to work. So you know that looked bad. Black...Always on CP Time...And you walk in with a food bag? And then the bitch forgot my butter and syrup pack.
Bitch
I was mad the whole day. Let this be a lesson:
1. Never wear outdated hair styles...Too many hair books out there to walk around looking like you're giving a personal tribute to 1990.
2. Red lipstick and Black lip liner don't mix. Hell lip liner don't mix period. Just say no.
3. Leave the ghetto looking nails alone. Especially if you work in food service.
4. Don't ever get between me and food. Ever.
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